


Blends

by rvltn909



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-08-11 00:59:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 176,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7869079
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rvltn909/pseuds/rvltn909
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Words got in the way sometimes, but Remus got the sense Sirius knew what he was trying to say.</p><p>-</p><p>Another coffee shop au.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> thanks nikko for the betas

Remus had figured out a plan for the morning ahead of him: check in at the uni book store to see if another one of his books off his materials list had arrived, a quick stop in at the coffee shop to drop off his banking information for Lily and discuss a tentative schedule, and get back to campus in time for his second class of the day. He hadn’t, however, been planning to leave after his second item on the list, with his head heavy and heart beating several registers faster than usual, but all in all, Remus never made plans for that as a general rule. 

One could call the long line at the bookstore, at first, the only hiccup in his plan. He’d been expecting a line, but not one quite this long. It seemed as though every student at school had been on break at this time. It was a little stuffy inside, too, but he read while waiting in line, and managed to get out of there before it got to be too much. He took the bus, gave himself ample time for travel, and walked across the parking lot to the shop with ten minutes to spare. 

He stood in the doorway briefly debating his next course of action. He wasn’t entirely sure if he should inform one of the baristas of his arrival, or if he was expected to head straight to the backroom. He decided the latter would be too presumptuous, and stood behind a couple in line. 

Remus tended to run quite cold and often overdressed to accommodate the fact, and so he had not been prepared for the temperature to peak as high as it had. He wished he had found a spot to put his things while he waited. He toyed with the idea of removing some of his layers, but his bag and laptop carrier were slung over his shoulders and he didn’t feel up to trying a balancing act.

The barista on till seemed to have little interest in moving the two ahead of him along. Remus recognized him as the one who was on shift during his interview, and he noted the bloke’s hair stood out at odd angles like it had on that day. The barista pulled his glasses off, used them to punctuate words Remus hadn’t been following, before he breathed on them and cleaned them off with his apron. He was quite energetic; that much was evident, but Remus reasoned that an establishment would want that kind of personality to be the first customers see when they enter.

Remus had finally resigned to pulling at least his scarf off when a flash of red caught his eye, and Lily’s voice brought him to. “Remus,” she called to him with a wave. Remus waved at her as she walked over to stand near the till. “Come on back once you’re done here,” she said. “Move it along, James.”

Remus watched her walk off the floor, then looked back at the till to find James’ eyes now trained on him. “You going to get something?” 

Well, he hadn’t been planning on it, but he went from a little to a lot nervous having stepped through the door, and managed, “Oh, er, tea’s fine.” 

“We’ve a lot of tea here, mate. You’ll have to be more specific.” 

Right. “Earl Grey is fine.” 

James blinked. “You want a particular size, or do you just want a surprise?” he said, his hand hovering over the four different options. Remus was a little surprised to be botching ordering a tea so badly, but in his defense he could never keep up with the names for sizes at this chain of coffee houses. 

“No, small would be great,” he said. Remus looked at the total, and slid two pounds across the counter.

James smirked at the coins, pointedly did not take them and instead turned around to start the drink. A minutes later, James plunked the cup down on the counter. “You’re hired, so,” he said, dragging out the vowel, “the drink is free.”

“Oh, thank you”, he said, uncertainly before he scooped up the drink and change, and set off through the door Lily had disappeared through. He blew on the contents to cool it down as he walked down a hallway into the backroom. 

Lily sat at a computer, and perked up when she heard his footsteps coming closer. “There’s hangers just there if you want to use them,” she said, pointing. Remus did just that before taking an empty chair that was slightly off to the side and dragging it a little closer. Lily swivelled in her chair so that she was now facing him and smiled. “Right, first things first, have you got your banking information?” 

“Yes, right here,” he said, standing again to pull the sheet of paper out of his bag. 

“Fantastic,” she said, taking it and sticking it in a folder. “Well, why don’t we get your schedule sorted out, and maybe we’ll show you around a little, let you get a feel for the place. Does that sound good to you?” 

Remus smiled, his first real one since he had arrived, his nerves easing a little. “Sounds great,” he said. 

The shop wouldn’t have been his primary choice; that one would have gone to the independant coffee shop he frequented much closer to his faculty building, but since that one hadn’t been looking for any new staff, Remus had to work his way out from there, and he wasn’t exactly in the position to be picky. However, he had felt quite good about how his interview with Lily had gone, and he’d received a callback the day after. On this side of things, he couldn’t say he minded how things had turned out. 

Lily stood and walked down the hall, and Remus waited a moment or two before she returned with two sheets of paper and set them down on the desk. “So, the schedules are posted on the bulletin board just down the hall, right before you walk onto the floor. I try to have them two weeks ahead, so if there’s ever time you need to take off, or a situation that comes up, that’s something to be mindful of,” she said cheerfully. “Now, I know we talked briefly about the hours you were looking for, and you said evenings work best for you?” Her eyes skimmed a copy of his resume and Remus noted she jotted down a fair number of points. “Tuesdays and Thursdays, right. Are there any days you absolutely can’t work?” 

“Well,” Remus began, “ideally, Sundays are reserved so I can keep on top of school work. Is that a fair request?” 

“Completely fair.” Lily said. “Truthfully, Sundays are quite booked up around here, so this works out quite well. I did want to ask you, though, there’s a hole in our schedule that needs filling. Our Saturday mid-shift can’t do it any more, though I understand that Saturdays might be precious considering your school schedule, but I thought I’d ask.”

“What would the hours be?” he asked. “I wouldn’t mind working it depending.” Truth be told, Remus had been so broke by the end of the previous semester that he wouldn’t mind a few more hours. 

“Eight to four,” she said. “Things are slow around here Saturday mornings, but I like to have a second person in early enough so things run as smoothly as they can.”

“I can do that,” Remus said, excited for the prospect of another eight hours of work per week.

“Perfect,” she said, smiling. “I’ll add you to it, then.” 

They made quick work of finalizing his starting times on Tuesdays and Thursdays. “We should get you in for your first training shift. Let’s see,” Lily said, consulting the schedule. “What’s this Saturday evening like for you? I know normally you’d be on for opening, but Mary’s asked for the night off, so she’s trying to find someone to switch with. We could kill two birds with one stone here,” Lily said. “It’d be three to eleven, what do you think?”

“That’s fine with me,” Remus said. 

“Oh, great,” Lily said. “She’ll be ecstatic. And this is good, Sirius can’t be in until four that day, so with you we’ll have the coverage we need.” She made note of the changes on the schedule as she went on. “I’ll have you added to the schedule this week, and if there are days you would like off in advance, there’s a whiteboard just near the schedules where you can book it off.”

Remus nodded, set to jotting down his shifts on the back of his timetable, not expecting the back door to open and shut and was caught off guard as a result. It also would have been fair to say that he had not been expecting a rightful Adonis haloed by a cloud of smoke to be the reason for the sudden noise either. 

Lily looked over to him and clicked her tongue. “Would you blow that outside?” she accosted. 

The Adonis didn’t respond, merely tossed his pack onto a table in the other corner of the room. Then he was coming closer, and Remus’ heart rate went and tripled; he quickly thought that there just wasn’t enough room for any more than the Adonis in here, and that really he and Lily should simply relocate.

“Actually, this is perfect,” Lily said. “Sirius is going to be training you.” 

The Adonis named Sirius gave him a dismissive smile as he pulled his jacket off. “I-- sorry, I figured you would be training me?” he asked Lily, avoiding Sirius’ eyes pointedly. 

“I’ll be helping where I can and I’ll be there for quite a while on Saturday, but Sirius is our closing shift lead,” Lily explained, gathering her papers together. “He’ll show you everything you need to know. Right, Sirius? Everything this time.”

Sirius moved passed the two of them. “Yes, dear,” he said flatly. 

James called down the hall the next moment. “Oi,” he said, staring directly at Sirius; highly dangerous business, how had he been able to do that? “Care to get back up here so I can take my break?” 

“Can either of you let a man smoke in peace?” Sirius said, pulling an apron off a hook. If his entire presence was already provocative, his voice was too much. Remus needed to leave. He had been doing his best to avoid looking directly at him, but moronically chose that moment to glance at his bag, as he planned the quickest exit once he and Lily were finished and caught Sirius' eye. He threw him a quick, less haughty smile as he tied his apron around his waist, and Remus felt weak. 

“Hold on,” Lily said as James stepped into the backroom. “You can’t take your break now, it’s almost noon.” 

Remus vaguely registered James speaking various words about labour laws and calling authorities before Lily set off down the hall, beckoning Remus along. “If you’re not back the moment there’s a line…” she called over her shoulder.

“Sure, sure,” James called, kicking back on the recently abandoned computer chair. 

Remus followed Lily down the hall and onto the floor. Sirius had beaten them there and was preoccupied with a short line of customers, and Remus hoped he would continue to be for the remainder of the time he was in the building. Lily quickly stepped over to help the line along, speaking warmly to customers, and making a few drinks. Remus watched as she and Sirius worked alongside each other at a rhythm he wasn’t sure he would be able to match. It was probably no more than a few minutes of nose-to-the-grind, but it felt like one of Remus’ longer eternities. 

The last of the line received their drinks, and things calmed down to an energy Remus would normally be quite comfortable with. Lily began to show him a tour of the store, and they found themselves once again behind the counter, as she showed him various stations and a description of what each barista was responsible for based off which station they were on. Remus hung on her every word, keeping his back turned to Sirius, but when Lily asked him what time he had to leave at, he saw his exit materializing in front of him. 

“At one,” he lied, but he had the perfect out. It would give him enough time to get to his two o’clock class and have some spare time to walk off this terrible turn of events. 

“Oh, you should have said something,” Lily said, rolling her eyes at herself. “Here I am going on and on and you’ve got to get going.” 

Sirius made an amused sound behind him. Remus glanced over to see him leaning forward on the counter at the till. “She’ll do that if you let her,” he warned, pointing at Lily with the marker in his hand. “You’ll learn not to encourage her.” Remus gave him a tight smile in response, confirmed with Lily once more for Saturday, and quickly made his exit. 

Remus set off toward the bus stop, giving himself a world of shit. The wounds were still too fresh and in his mind much too soon for getting weak-kneed and heady over someone. What the hell was wrong with him, comparing some long-haired posh kid to a Greek God? Remus had always gone for the studious types, introverted and mild mannered blokes; those were the ones who caught his interest. Men like Sirius were the ones he stayed far away from -- he had his hair pulled into a bun for God’s sake; his whole look was ridiculous. And, really, _Sirius_? Incredibly pretentious name. Nevermind that he had never come across anyone older, his age, or younger named Remus; not important at the moment. Sirius? What had his parents been thinking? After a little internal grumbling, Remus decided he was being hard on the bloke he’d literally just met. Truthfully, he had really nice hair, and his name, albeit strange, only added to his intrigue.

Remus tutted his way to class, trying to find positive reasons why the job was worth keeping. He needed the money, he enjoyed sustenance from time to time and liked a roof over his head. He liked Lily, the job itself seemed pleasant enough, if slightly daunting right off the bat, and it couldn’t hurt to have it on his resume. So what if an unarguably attractive person worked there as well and would work with him, that the mere thought of him brought forth feelings he pushed down and aside when leaving for uni and was not prepared for; that didn’t mean Remus had to lose his nerve. His pulse thrummed as he was suddenly aware he had never quite managed to feel his heartbeat quicken as fast as it did in that backroom. After the emotional few years he’d had, the fact was too much to think on and Remus pushed it down, vowed to pull himself together and keep focused on both work and school.

It wasn’t the time to think about quickening pulses and flushed cheeks; there was plenty of time for that after he had a degree in his hand. 

\--

James was the barista on till once again when Remus made it to the shop for his first actual shift, as well as a girl he found out was Mary. She was just finishing her shift when Remus stepped behind the counter and she thanked him twice for taking her closing shift for her on short notice. 

“You’re a lifesaver,” she insisted as she pulled her jacket on. “Beyoncé tickets fell into my hands last minute, and you can’t let an opportunity like that go to waste, can you?” 

“Absolutely not,” Remus said good-naturedly, glad to have started out his job already on someone’s good side. 

Lily had Remus shadow her while she worked on bar, explained the mechanics of what she was doing, and pulled out laminated charts that she suggested he use as cheat sheets until he was more comfortable. She explained various drinks, pointing to the charts which had the various ingredients corresponding to drinks sorted by size, content, and seasons. Remus had expected to have to memorize a plethora of drinks, and originally thought he would have this in the bag. What he hadn’t accounted for were the odd differences in recipes; random departures and odd flavours that, in Remus’ mind, didn’t necessarily belong in their respective drinks. He also foolishly hadn’t put enough thought into the wide array of smoothie-like drinks that he would need to memorize as well. He hoped greatly that he would become comfortable with drinks of the hot variety before moving onto cold ones. It was autumn, after all, how many cold drinks could people really want? 

On the whole, it was a lot of information to log away in the span of an hour, and a lot of watching Lily make the drinks and narrate what she was doing. He found himself wishing for a chance to get a little more hands-on, but unfortunately, any chance he was given to actually steam a milk pitcher, a line would form and Lily would take over bar once again. Remus understood the need to keep the drinks moving fast, however, and in all honesty he didn’t welcome the anxiety of crowds hanging around the bar, waiting on his beginner self. Perhaps when things died down, he would have a chance to practice at some form of ease.

There was a bit of a lull and Lily went for a quick chat with a few customers. Remus was tidying up after the rush, learning where things went when Sirius arrived. He gave him a vague nod, stepped right up beside Remus, and went ahead and made himself a drink. He spoke to James as he did, barely paying attention to the drink itself or giving Remus a second glance despite putting himself right in his space. Remus found a different spot to tidy so he wouldn’t have to be quite that close to the other man, and frankly, he was quite sure Sirius would hear the pound of his heartbeat if Remus didn’t put some distance between them. Once finished, Sirius went off to the back and Remus kept his hands as busy as possible, actively not thinking about the pace at which his blood was running in his veins.

Lily came back behind the counter and had Remus tidy up the condiment bar, and gather the garbages. Once he brought the full ones over behind the counter, she asked him to take them to the dumpster out back. Eager to show sportsmanship, Remus grabbed a fair load on the way out, and bumped the door open. Sirius stood on the other side of it, looked up from his phone, and Remus probably should have done a little more than freeze, but there it was; another person, a different one from Remus, might have gone and said hello, made conversation. Sirius looked over at him, glanced down at the four garbage bags Remus was attempting to carry, then popped his smoke in his mouth and held his hands outstretched. Mostly to get back quickly Remus handed them to Sirius with a quick thank you and went back inside, his pulse thrumming.

Sirius started his shift ten minutes later, appearing on the sales floor looking downright fit; it didn’t make a whole lot of sense because for all intents and purposes he was wearing a plain white work blouse with a plain green apron over it that everybody else wore. He walked over to the till, typed a set of numbers in, and began rolling the sleeves of his blouse. Remus really wished he hadn’t done that and pointedly looked away. He couldn’t help it, really; forearms were a weakness of his, one which he was aware was an odd part of the body to get jelly legs over, but nevertheless, and just to add insult to injury, Sirius possibly had the best set Remus had ever come across. 

Lily had a few things to take care of in the back which resulted in him standing around waiting for any instruction from anybody, as Sirius and James spoke amongst themselves.

“Well?” James asked. “Are you getting it?”

“Looks like there’ve been attempts to freeze it, but we’ll see,” Sirius said. “I suspect they’re furious it’s as much as it is.”

“There’s no way they can do that,” James said, shaking his head. “It’s yours--” 

A line formed, Sirius took over the till on the right side of the floor, while James took over bar. With no instructions on what he should have been doing, Remus watched the two of them spring into work mode and found their energy a little overbearing. While he had been quite impressed by Sirius and Lily’s team effort the last time he watched two of them at work, he was completely flabbergasted by the system the two blokes had going for them. 

Remus took in a breath. “Is there anything I can--” 

James looked at him as though he had forgotten he was even there. “You can wash these if you’re aching for something,” he said flippantly, nodding at the recently used milk pitchers. 

Remus did, noting all the while that Sirius was depositing cups without any descriptions on them, instead telling James what they were. Other times, he would merely call out a customer’s name and that was enough for James. Remus hadn’t even given a thought about regulars and how fast he would be expected to memorize their orders, felt his stomach twist up at the idea. 

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how Remus chose to look at it, James was only on the floor for about twenty minutes before he was just about done his shift. Lily looked to have finished her work around the same time as she came back up front with her jacket on. Remus could do no more than give her an incredulous look as Sirius plonked down one last drink for James to make with gusto. 

She smiled, her eyebrows disappearing behind her fringe. “They have their own system, as you can see.” 

“I’m a little frightened to jump in on it,” Remus said. 

“I think it’s best you forget everything you just saw,” Lily said, waving him off. “What you’re seeing is a byproduct of way too many years together. Keep doing what you’re doing, it’ll all come eventually. Right, I’m off -- I’ll see you Tuesday, and don’t be afraid to ask Sirius any questions you might have.”

He nodded, thanked her, and she went around to the other side of the counter. “James, you’re off. Let Remus handle that. And help him if he needs it,” she added, looking directly at Sirius.

James plopped the cup in front of Remus. “It’s an americano,” he said blandly, without offering any other information, and walked over to jabber some more with Sirius at the till.

Remus stared at the drink at hand. What was the difference in espresso shots between milk and water-based drinks again? He knew one existed, he remembered that mediums always took two because he thought it would be important to remember a size that was so common, but now he couldn’t remember for a large. He looked over to where the laminated charts had been stashed and caught Sirius’ eye for a moment. He smirked, held up three fingers before Remus dropped his eyes to the cup again and began figuring the rest out. 

He wasn’t sure how much room to leave at the top, as up until then he had seen it mentioned in the order and written on the cup, or if the customer even wanted it in the first place. Remus filled it to a halfway point between full and slightly not, hoping the lady who ordered it would take pity on him and leave it at that. The cafe was blessedly calm once the lady had left without a single comment, and Remus let out a quiet, thankful breath, as it could have been a lot worse, surely. 

Then Sirius was right there beside him. Remus’ eyes widened and he tried not to step back out of reflex; he wanted to look calm and unaffected but he was neither of those things. 

“An easier way to remember is through sizes. Any regular one gets one-one, two-two, and the americanos go up one, two, three, four.” Sirius said. “You’ll never have a problem if you think of it like that.” 

Sirius had zoned right in on Remus’ predicament. He didn’t love Sirius’ proximity or the fact that Sirius knew Remus needed the tip in the first place, but he couldn’t argue it was a good way to look at it though it didn’t do much for his pride. “Thank you," he said all the same. 

Sirius wasn't listening. He held a hand out to James. “Wait five minutes,” he requested. 

“Be quick about it, would you?” James requested.

Sirius nodded. “You sick of bar or do you want to stick with it for a while?” It took Remus a second to realize he was speaking to him. 

“Bar, if that’s alright with you,” he said. “I could do with some more practice.” 

Sirius shrugged and undid his apron, tossing it on the counter. He went off to the back without another word and Remus took a washcloth to the already clean counter for something to do with his hands, unable to decide if Sirius was naturally dismissive or just with him. He seemed helpful enough, but as if an irksome fly was the one who needed help. And Remus wasn't very good at needing help. While he thought about it some more, James went off and chatted with someone at a table nearby. Remus looked around, desperately hoping no one would step up to order while Sirius was gone. He hadn’t had a moment on till yet, and both he and any hypothetical customer would be subjected to a fair amount of fumbling that neither of them needed. 

It was fine for about a minute before someone popped up in line, but thankfully James made his way over to ring them through, and Remus relaxed. He made the next drink without any complications, and once that was finished he looked over the recipe cards again. He began to notice a pattern and noted with some amount of grudging that Sirius’ tip could be applied to syrup shots as well. Depending on the size of a respective drink, most had the same amount of syrup in them, save for a few deviations that Remus would have to keep in mind. For the most part, he felt he could get the hang of it given a little more practice. 

Once Sirius reappeared on the floor James began making a drink, and since no customer had come up, Remus could only assume it was for himself. Sirius walked over beside Remus, giving the recipe cards a once-over. “Lucky for you, autumn drinks started up again.” He tapped the orange coloured section on the chart. “Seven times out of ten you’re going to get one of those, so I’d just memorize those real quick if I were you.” Remus nodded. “Course, then comes Christmas, and you’ll have holiday ones to deal with,” Sirius continued, “but really, most of it can be made all year round. They just put a different name on it, charge an extra couple pounds. and voila: holiday drink.” 

Sirius stole a glob of whipped cream off the top of the drink James had been taking extra time creating and winced at the smack he received for it. Remus glanced over at the blenders along the opposite wall. “What about…?” he said, gesturing. “Well, I suppose you don’t get many at this time of year.”

“You would think so, but no, we do,” Sirius informed him. 

“Could be minus forty; doesn’t matter,” James added, popping a lid on his drink. Remus looked the chart over, noting the purple coloured section detailing quite a few options offered. “And those aren’t even all of them; people make up new ones all the time.” 

Remus glanced up at James, hoping he was only taking the mickey out of him. James said nothing else, disappeared into the back, and Remus looked in the general direction of Sirius. “Is he taking the mickey?” he asked. 

“I'm afraid not,” Sirius said. “And then you’ll be expected to know a drink some clown made up online, so look forward to that.” 

Remus gave one nod and a tight frown. James returned with his things and picked up his drink. “Pete says we can go by ‘round eleven,” he said, “I’ll meet you here, yeah?” 

Sirius nodded. “Order something at two minutes to close again, and I’ll--” 

“Yeah, yeah,” James said, heading for the door. 

Remus suddenly missed having James as a distraction from Sirius now that he was alone with him. “I'll just be a second,” he said and went to consult the schedule, but it was more of an act of steeling himself than anything else. 

He had been hoping Lily might have changed her mind or had a sudden urge to work a few nights for the next while, but no such luck. His name had been added to the bottom and he compared his own schedule with Sirius’, noting with a sigh that they were scheduled together for the next foreseeable future. Remus knew this would be the case; Lily had said Sirius was the shift lead most nights, but it was still difficult to digest.

Sirius whistled to grab his attention, slapped a cup down on the counter, and raised his eyebrows at him. Remus fought a small pang of irritation, stepped over, and quickly set to making the drink.


	2. Chapter 2

While the interior designer of the shop was probably quite proud of the work they’d done with the place, Remus couldn’t say he was a fan of the fact that stool seating was available right up by the bar. This made it supremely easy for customers to watch the baristas, and by extension a newbie like him, as they worked, and put on quite a bit more pressure that he wasn’t looking for on top of everything else. 

For the next while, Sirius would deposit drinks on the counter for him and offer quips now and again, providing various explanations all bordering on just enough information to get by. It was quite different from how Lily had done it, who offered a ton of information up front that Remus was still pulling apart and applying to each situation, but Remus appreciated detail much more than vague comments. Sirius looked to be showing him easier ways of getting to the same result, and while that was all well and good in theory, it rubbed Remus the wrong way for he wasn't sure if this was how he trained every new barista, or if he decided Remus couldn’t handle what was expected of him. He didn’t need his training to be an abridged version of what his manager wanted or what the rest of the employees had learned at their start. Surely James and Sirius had been trained properly at some point, nevermind the chaotic way the two of them handled things however many months on. Remus didn’t want Sirius assuming he had to be dumbing things down for him. 

The next hour of his first shift went by with more of the same, wherein Remus began to feel rote memory kicking in when making drinks. He was still quite tense as though walking around on eggshells whenever Sirius deposited a cup for him; that wasn’t receding, but altogether he was a far cry from how he felt earlier on in the shift. 

That was until Sirius finished with a customer and walked over, moving around Remus and grabbing a bottle of milk out of the fridge. Remus chalked it up to his proximity, but he had trouble voicing his confusion for a moment. He’d barely finished his previous drink and managed a bemused “Er?” before Sirius glanced at him. 

“I’m doing this one,” he supplied. Remus didn't reply, and stepped away because it was clear Sirius didn’t plan on moving over, and they’d be standing hip to hip if he didn’t. Remus didn’t know why Sirius felt the need to make the drink for him. If it was complicated he would only need a quick walkthrough; he had to learn complexities eventually, didn't he?

Sirius went back into conversation with the customer seamlessly, and Remus opted against standing there like an idiot as Sirius produced the drink in half the time it would have taken him, and he turned, busying himself with tidying up. When he finished loading the dishwasher and switched it on, he turned back to see Sirius leaning on the counter as he chatted with the customer, which Remus could only assume was a friend at this point. Sirius had his chin in his hand, listening to his friend’s soliloquy about her Psychology class. Remus tried not to stare; Sirius’ shirt had rode up a tad what with his bent posture, and his eyes trailed lower, and then he knew he needed to get out of there for a minute. He cleared his throat and Sirius turned his head a fraction to look at him. 

“Sorry,” Remus said of the interruption, “Would it be alright if I take my break?” 

Sirius let out a bark of laughter, lifting his chin from his hand. “You haven't been waiting for me to tell you to go, have you?” Remus shrugged, because yes, he had been until he very much needed one by his own volition. “You can take it whenever you want.” 

Remus willed himself not to show any signs of his discomfort at the combined stares of both Sirius and a person he didn’t even know. “So, I was expected to walk off?” he asked, bemused.

“Well, a heads-up might be nice, but waiting around until I grant you your break is a bit of a waste,” Sirius said, placing his chin in the palm of his hand, and turning back to his friend once more.

Remus walked off the floor without another comment, heading for his book-bag. A distraction in the form of his required reading was just what he needed. He craved a tea and debated whether a warm cup would be worth subjecting himself to Sirius for any longer than he’d already had to, and this was a break from him as much as it was a chance to rest his feet. The deficit of caffeine in his day eventually won his inner debate; he grabbed his book from his bag and headed out onto the floor. 

Sirius’ friend was nowhere to be found, and he was off on the other side of the floor dumping out one of the large vats of coffee. Remus went around to stand in front of till. His stomach gurgled, and he couldn’t help looking at the food case, but he was quickly reminded why he never bought food at pricey shops like this one; seven pounds for a miniature sandwich was a little steep for him. Sirius sensed a presence and looking over at him. He clunked the vat down on the counter and met him at the till. 

“What are you doing?” he asked frankly.

Remus stared at him. “I’d like a drink?” he said. What else would he be doing there?

“You don’t have to stand in line and wait,” he said as if this were the strangest thing Remus could have done. “You can make it yourself. Did nobody tell you that?” 

“I figured since I have to be rung through…” Remus started. “I was told to make sure I--”

“Well, we’re not even going to bother with that,” Sirius said plainly. “None of us do.” 

“I don’t--” Remus began, “Surely I have to pay.” 

“Food, technically, but drinks are free on shift,” Sirius said. “I can’t believe no one told you. Goes for when you’re off shift, too. Technically we’re supposed to charge but no one’s going to charge unless Lily is standing right there. Her hands are tied, not ours.” 

Remus frowned, unsure of what to say to that, and Sirius moved the awkwardness along. “You were eyeing the food case, what did you want?” 

“No no, it’s fine,” Remus said. “I was only looking, I wasn't planning on buying anything.”

Sirius clicked his tongue. “I wasn't planning on making you pay; keep up, now,” he said. “The whole bottom row stuff is going out tonight anyway, so you might as well take something before it’s tossed.” 

“I’d rather pay for it,” Remus insisted, unnecessarily of course, but he didn’t want this coming back to haunt him. He wasn’t appreciating the misinformation he kept receiving. Would everybody just tell him what is and isn’t allowed, and just leave it at that?

Sirius sighed. “I’m going to look over that way,” he started, nodding to his right, “and you’re going to come around here while I’m staring off and take whatever you want. If that’s even too difficult, just nod inconspicuously at what you want, I’ll smash it to bits, we claim it unsellable and you walk off with it, but I don’t really think that’s necessary.”

Remus’ mouth twitched at the side, caught Sirius’ own smile before he turned and went back to the vat of coffee he set aside. Remus stuck his wallet in the back pocket of his trousers and walked around behind the counter. 

“You won’t say anything, will you?” he checked. 

Sirius lolled his head to the side to look at Remus and gave him one slow blink, which was enough to suggest he shouldn’t have bothered asking. Remus kept to himself as he slipped the sandwich he found most appealing into the pocket of his apron, then went for a small cup, looking at the tea options available. When he chose, he attached the tea bag under the rim and began pouring hot water into the cup from a spout by the large coffee maker, which was a little too close to where Sirius was grinding a fresh batch of beans for Remus’ liking, but he had no other options. He winced as a drop hit his hand as the piping hot liquid got closer to the top of the cup. 

Sirius let go of the button on the grinder, holding the container of grinds under the spout as he watched him. “Yeah, that water’s boiled in hellfire; best to leave room,” he said, a little unnecessarily now. 

“Yes, I see that,” Remus said, holding the cup with his other hand, and rubbing the scorching spot on his hip. 

Sirius overturned the grinds into the large filter, stuck the metal basket back in its spot, and pressed start on the coffee machine. He stepped over to him and held his forearm out to him, pointing to a mighty burn. 

“This one’s from just last week,” he said, “so let me tell you, it never ends.” 

“Glad I have that to look forward to,” Remus said, dipping his tea bag in and out of the hot water in his cup and keeping his eyes on the slow steep of the tea instead of on Sirius. “If it’s alright with you, I might just take my half hour break early -- you said you’d rather a heads up.” He nodded to the book tucked between his arm and his side. “I’ve some reading to finish and I’d like to get it out of the way.” 

Sirius took the book out from under his arm within a second. Remus’ stomach reeled over the spot on his waist that Sirius brushed with his fingers, and he had to put all his concentration into not spilling scalding water over his hands. Remus quickly began blowing on the tea as he watched Sirius examine the book. 

"What are you taking?” he asked. 

“Education -- ‘Course, that one’s for English,” Remus said, not quite sure why he offered the last bit. 

“How far along are you?” Sirius asked. 

“I’ve only just begun,” Remus said, unsure why he was keen on getting to the back now that Sirius was asking about him and his studies with at least a slight amount of interest, but he very much was. “Did a year of English Lit, but I switched out.” 

A customer came up to the till and ended their exchange, and Remus was quite grateful, truth be told. Sirius handed his book back, went to take the order at top speed, while Remus turned toward the hallway to the backroom. He sensed Sirius walking right behind him, and glanced back to see him beginning to make the customer’s drink, and not at all attempting to unnerve him despite doing just that. 

Remus went and sat at the table in the back room, allowed himself a minute of simply resting his head on the table, steeling himself, before he straightened up again and began reading. 

-

Sirius was at the till when Remus came back onto the floor, and he beckoned him over the instant he saw him. Remus walked over to join him, leaving a fair amount of space between them. 

"I know we said you’d only be on bar, but if I don’t get a smoke in soon I’m going to start fighting people, and you nor I want that,” Sirius said, typing a code onto the touch screen of the till. “So, I’ll just show you the basics, and I wager you can handle the place for the five minutes I’m gone, how about you?” 

“Yeah, that's fine with me,” Remus said, sticking his hands in the pockets of his apron. He would take any opportunity to show Sirius he did not need babysitting with welcomed arms. 

Next were a few minutes of Sirius pointing out the various sections, options, and the final pay screen. Sirius gestured for Remus to have a go and he did, keeping the same distance at first. After thirty seconds of reaching over awkwardly to press anything on the left side of the screen, Sirius’ fingers closed around Remus’ arm and pulled him closer to the till. 

“You’re not going to be standing that far away normally, I should think.” 

“I think I’ve got it,” Remus said, taking his arm back, a little embarrassed by Sirius deciding to go and point out just how awkward he was being. 

Sirius hummed, glanced at him suspiciously, then asked various drinks as examples while Remus typed them in without much trouble. When Sirius seemed satisfied he untied his apron with a flourish. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, then tossed the apron on the counter near the till. “You good?” 

Remus nodded. “Go on, I’m fine.”

“Have you got a code yet?” 

“Not yet,” Remus said, only remembering that would have been a predicament had Sirius not mentioned it. 

Sirius snatched up a chalk marker out of a mug of pens on the counter by the till, and scrawled three numbers on top of the screen. 

“It’ll go into save mode in a minute if no one touches it. Technically we’re not supposed to know each others’ codes but I doubt you’ll start pocketing money on your first day. More of a second week thing, after you get a feel for the place, right?” 

Remus huffed a laugh despite himself and Sirius was off, leaving him to think about just how many things around the shop were technically not allowed but the staff didn’t pay attention to. 

Shortly after he left, Remus rang a sweet elderly woman through. She wanted tea but was unsure of what she wanted precisely, and Remus was glad to have the chance to use some knowledge he had gathered prior to starting work there. His second customer was a slightly perturbed fellow, who upon receiving and tasting his drink insisted that Remus had given him full caffeine instead of decaf. Remus should have been prepared for the inevitability of something going wrong while Sirius was nowhere to be found, but he wasn’t about to go find him and drag him in from his break. However, his attempts to ensure the man that he was quite sure he gave him the right order fell by the wayside. The man held the cup out for him, and insisted Remus taste it and see for himself. 

“I would rather not, sir,” Remus said, though he wasn’t sure in the moment after if he was in the right to refuse. This level of customer service was quite new to him. 

For the first time Remus was extremely relieved to see Sirius, who appeared on the floor and came over to stand next to him. “This isn’t what I ordered,” the man reiterated, now looking at Sirius. 

“Mm, what did you order?” Sirius asked. The customer repeated it, though he didn’t seem to want to have to do that. “Then that’s what you have there.” 

Remus thought it a bit surprising that Sirius had come to bat for him when he could easily have made a mistake. He thought back to when he poured the coffee, and was quite sure he had taken from the right one, as the decaf carafe was marked very carefully. 

The customer gave Sirius the same request he had asked of Remus, and Sirius simply looked down at the cup. “I’m not drinking that,” he said in an incredibly pleasant voice, and Remus was at the very least grateful he wasn’t the only one who thought it was a particularly odd request to ask of either of them. “I can get you a new one if you want it, but it’s going to come from the same pot and taste the exact same.” 

Sirius walked almost too slowly over to replace the drink while Remus found himself in a moment of self-doubt; it was possible he had mixed it up, surely. He moved over to the coffee pots and double checked to quell his nerves, and just as the man walked off with his newly replaced coffee Sirius rounded on him. 

Remus’ shoulders went up just before Sirius gave him an incredulous smile. “That’s a new one,” he said. “God, one for the books. You can’t make this stuff up.” 

Remus didn't hear any of that. “I just double checked and I swear I poured it from--” 

“I couldn’t care less if you did muck it up,” Sirius told him plainly. “So, when sods like that show up, it’s up to you on how far you want to let it go.” 

“I’m sorry?” Remus asked. 

“Well, that man wasn’t going to stop yabbering unless I folded and it costs us barely anything in the long run, so I gave it to him so I wouldn’t have to hear his voice any longer,” Sirius explained. “Some customers can be pricks, mind, so don’t let them walk all over you either, and if you don’t want to replace the thing, it’s your call as far as I'm concerned.” 

Now, careful, rational thought could have suggested that in that moment all Sirius had been trying to do was ease Remus’ nerves a little, but rationality had gone somewhat out the window somewhere around the moment Sirius entered the building. Instead, Remus went on the defensive. 

“I could have handled it,” he said. “Don’t feel as though you have to--” 

Sirius made a sceptical sound, leaning back against the counter. “He was about to start wailing on you,” he said, lifting his index and middle finger of his right hand and bringing them up to eye level. “It was in the eyes.” 

And? Remus wasn’t about to crumble to bits because of a little shouting. “I would have made the conclusion that replacing it was my best option,” he said, shrugging to give the impression Sirius was making a big deal out of nothing. No, frankly, he wouldn’t have made that conclusion. He had had no idea if he was allowed to make that kind of call and he could _hear_ himself mucking this up but he felt powerless to stop it. 

Sirius frowned and gave a shrug of his own. “Well, alright, I was just trying to help,” he said, then looked at Remus for a few long seconds, sizing him up. “You’re like a shy baby bird type, right? He was taking his anger out on you because you’re new and look like somebody who might just let him.” 

Remus looked away from Sirius. He was indeed soft-spoken and fairly anxious about a myriad of different parts of his life, but he didn’t appreciate the insinuation at all. Confrontation was rarely his first choice in dealing with a situation, and he would have told Sirius just that if he hadn’t stretched his arms out above his head and told him, mid-yawn, that he could take another break if he needed one. It was infuriating; no one should have been able to look good mid-yawn, least of all Sirius. He had more than enough going for him. 

"Did you want another break?" Sirius asked. 

Remus looked at the clock. “I haven’t been back all that long.” 

“Literally just an offer. You’ve got another two fifteens,” Sirius said flatly, sticking his hands in the pockets of his apron and looking out across the floor. Remus probably should have tried not to sound completely ungrateful for Sirius’ help, in the situation and their entire shift, but he didn’t know how to approach attempting to ease any tension when he was so full of tension himself. 

“What time are we?” he asked. 

Sirius glanced at the till. “We’ve another two hours,” he said. “We can start closing things down ahead of time, but I was giving you a chance to sneak out for a bit if you wanted it.” 

Remus nodded. He did have a bit of reading he had been saving for the bus ride in the morning, but if he got that out of the way, he could get a little more ahead. “Alright,” he said, and though it cost him some more of his pride, he added, “thank you for the help.” 

Sirius shrugged with immense nonchalance which didn't quite pair with how much he clearly wanted his gratitude, and Remus pulled his lips into a firm line to keep from telling Sirius off right then and there for it, and the baby bird comment included.

Remus set off for the back, sat down at the table once again, and had only flipped to his dog-eared page of his book when Sirius appeared in his peripheral. He looked up as Sirius stepped up onto the computer chair and began fiddling with what Remus then noticed was the stereo system.

“What--” 

“Sorry,” Sirius said, not sounding it, “but if I have to hear another singer-songwriter croon about his lost love I’ll shoot myself. I’d have done it earlier, honestly, but my phone was dying and the cord wouldn’t reach the charger.” 

Remus thought that was a little dramatic of a comment and debated for a second whether he should bother saying anything, but ultimately ended up doing so. “Are you allowed to be doing that?” he asked. “Only I’d have assumed that thing was up out of the general reach to be a message of sorts.”

Sirius stopped what he was doing to make a weighing gesture with his hands. “Allowed, not allowed,” he said in a vague tone. “Lines are blurry, mate.” 

“That’s a no, then.” 

Sirius snorted, his hands busy again with the wires in back of the stereo system. “Isn’t a _no_ , but what Lily doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” 

Remus made a sound of displeasure at that, turned the page of his book, and felt Sirius glance down at him as he scrolled his thumb over his phone screen. “Look, I love Lily, but she hasn’t worked a night shift in a million years, and therefore doesn’t really understand that it’s a completely different world here after, say, five.” Remus contemplated this but didn’t offer a rebuttal, and Sirius kept on anyway. “Most of the people here after that are students who’ve got their own earbuds in, or folks who are here all the time and couldn’t care less if I played Gregorian chants if I wanted to.” 

“Have you got any of those?” Remus quipped mildly, eyes still on the lines of his book. 

Sirius hopped down from the chair, his boots clunking on the floor. “No, but I’ll get some if you’d like,” he said. “You’ll see eventually, there’s what you do when Lily’s around, what you do when Lily’s boss is around, and don’t worry about the rest. Nobody who comes here at this time is going to go blab to Lily how awesome the place is after the suits and soccer moms disappear.” 

“What makes you so sure no one will?” Remus asked. “Make a complaint, I mean.”

“Please,” Sirius said, giving the mere insinuation a scoff. “They’ll never get rid of me; the regulars will not have it. I haven’t heard a complaint about my closes yet so I’m going to continue not worrying about it if that's alright with you.” 

Remus had nothing to say to that for he was busy thinking that if he could have even one ounce of the kind of self-assurance Sirius seemed to, he would probably spend a lot less time feeling as though he were treading water, just barely scraping the surface.

To avoid thinking about that any longer, Remus glanced down the hallway. “Don’t you think there might have been a customer by now?” he asked.

Sirius stared at him as though he weren’t quite sure Remus was a real person. “It’s adorable that you’re such a stickler, but there’s this little ringing sound that happens when the door opens?” Sirius shook his head, and walked back down the hall, calling back to him, “but I know you’re nervous ninny, so I’ll head back if it’ll make you feel better.” 

Unfortunately, Sirius was out of there rather quickly so there was nowhere for Remus to direct the daggers he would have sent him. He had a harder time focusing on his readings than he would have liked to admit; it took him another minute to talk himself down from Sirius calling him adorable while also calling him anal-retentive at the same time, and Remus couldn’t decide which he was more put off about. He wasn’t a huge fan of himself just then; pretty-boys had never been a weakness of his, and he could not for the life of him understand what had gotten into him. It was one thing to appreciate Sirius on a purely aesthetic level, but this was another entirely. He wanted none of this and didn’t know how to stop it, found it exhausting the number of times he began to think Sirius was an alright bloke only to find him arrogant and presumptuous an instant later. All that, and he was feeling guilty for sitting in the back when as far as he could tell Sirius had a total of ten minutes off his feet since starting his shift, and it was on account of him. He sighed, closed his book, and went back onto the floor. 

“Do you need a break?” he asked as he tied his apron around his waist. 

“Just had one,” he said, leaning back on the counter. 

“Let’s not do this,” Remus said, nodding his head toward the back room. “Go on.” 

Sirius’ mouth twitched at the side. “I’d sneak out, but who knows if your friend is going to show up again?” 

“Just go, Sirius,” Remus sighed out. “I’d rather you get a solid break in otherwise I’ll feel awful about it.” 

“Well, don’t go doing that,” Sirius said, pushing himself upright. He blew out air in thought. “I’m going to close some of the garbages now so we don’t have a ton to haul at the end of the night, and then I’ll go when I take them out.” Sirius opened a cupboard below the counter, and pulled out a roll of bags, and handed them to Remus. “You do out there, I’ll do behind here.” 

Remus nodded and got to it. He was just putting a new bag in the last of the bins out on the floor when Sirius was up beside him suddenly, placing a tray over top of the opening. “Er--” 

“So nobody uses it again for the night,” he explained simply. 

“Won’t someone need a garbage at some point?” 

Sirius nodded toward the condiment stand. “They’ll use that one.” 

Sensing that this was just another one of those things that were done around the shop without question, Remus let it be. Sirius went to place two more trays on top of the other garbages, indeed leaving one open at the condiment bar, and came back to help carry the bags Remus accumulated. He hauled them behind the counter, dropping them with the other three he collected. 

“Lily tell you about double-bagging?” Sirius asked, suddenly looking very stern. 

“Yeah, she did,” Remus said carefully. “Don’t worry, I remembered to.” 

“Good, you’re going to want to do that,” he said, back to his prior ease. “A bag broke on James once. He’s been a tyrant about it ever since, and if you forget and word gets back to him that it was you who mucked up, he’ll flog you.” 

Remus didn't much doubt that. “Message well received,” he said. 

“Everyone’s got their own thing that ticks them off, so knowing them now could possibly save your life,” Sirius went on. “Lily’s is the markers; do not leave them in your apron or take them home with you when you leave, or she’ll make you bring you own and you’ll be stuck using a pencil to mark cups like I was.” 

Remus smiled, though a little unable to picture Lily being all that threatening, and Sirius seemed to be able to tell. “No, see, you think that’s just a funny little quip, but a couple months back everyone managed to lose so many markers that there was only one left in the entire store, so Lily replaced them herself and hid them somewhere. I still don’t know where they are, and I’ve looked all over, believe me. Beginning to think she keeps them at hers and replaces them as they die.” He began undoing his apron, talking all the while, and Remus found the rhythm at which he spoke to be something daunting in itself. “Mary’s is the timers. If you don’t set them she _will_ come for you, so just suck it up and do it, even if you’re perfectly capable of telling time. It’ll save you the headache.” 

“What’s yours?” Remus asked as he fiddled with a loose thread on his jumper.

“My what?” 

“Thing that makes you tick?” he clarified. 

“Nothing,” Sirius said, balling his apron up and pitching it on the counter. “I’m extremely fair and balanced, Remus, never get angry.” 

“Mhmm,” Remus hummed, biting the inside of his cheek at the first chance of hearing his name on Sirius’ tongue. 

Sirius smiled and stooped to grab the garbages, taking an ambitious three bags in each hand. “I’ll show you once I’m back, it’s about time we get that started,” he said. “Two minutes, not even.” And he was off down the hall. 

While he was gone, Remus noted Sirius had brought the coffees down to just one blend, and noting the time, he wondered if it was for conservation. Remus looked for things to tidy, and rang through a couple who ordered drip coffees, and felt a little better about everything as it stood. 

True to his word, Sirius was back quickly and waved him over to the bar once Remus finished with the last customer he was serving. 

“Right, so we’re going to do the things that make closing go quick,” he explained. “Obviously, there’s only so much we can knock out of the way before ten, but there are a few things we can do so that we aren’t stuck here any longer than we have to be.” Remus nodded with a half-frown but kept his thoughts to himself. “We can’t close this down until we lock up because if someone comes in at five to close, we still have to make it. Bane of my existence,” Sirius said gravely. 

He took out a cloth from the cupboard they were kept in, lifted part of the tray and stuck the cloth down under it, and replaced the tray atop it. He then took a pitcher and stuck it under the spout for the shots, and gathered the shot glasses off the top of the machine, explaining as he went. “You can start cleaning it early. Stick a bunch of filters in the grounds drawer so you can toss it out later, see? And put the cloth here so it catches anything, same goes for the pitcher if the machine prompts you to press rinse, and you can get rid of these now,” he said, waving the shot glasses clutched in his hand. “And if anybody really wants shots on top of their drink after this, just stick the cup under it if you’ve got to.” 

Once done his rather lackluster demonstration, Sirius glanced over at him severely. “Now, if it’s an hour to close and you’re not in the middle of a seven drink order, just do this, would you? I’m not unreasonable but if I have to keep coming back and cleaning this off, I’ll start swinging.” 

“I can do that,” Remus said, looking at the finished product and trying to log the whole thing away so he would never make that mistake in the future. 

“Fantastic,” Sirius said brightly. 

He began to show Remus more ways in which he could quicken the closing process, such as running every dish not used after the last hour mark through the dishwasher and leaving one of everything available just in case. He showed him what was needed to be done in preparation for the morning shift, which included a fair amount of “but don’t worry about that,” and Remus was beginning to feel as though Sirius saw him as someone about to fall apart at the slightest bit of pressure, therefore requiring much reassurance, and he had to continuously bite his tongue to keep from speaking his ire. 

After that, Sirius spent ten minutes lounging by the hand out station with people Remus assumed were friends, and was therefore preoccupied when a customer approached the till. Remus went ahead and greeted him, typing Sirius’ code into the till as he did. 

He took the customer’s order, which just so happened to be something he would file under Very Complicated. He registered words such as _extra hot_ and _no foam_ , then an Italian word that he hadn’t heard the definition of yet. He had been just getting acquainted with milk aeration as an idea, understood what he had to do to get results for either modification, but both in the same drink? He needed to think about this. While he was working out the logistics of what he would need to do once he got to the steam wand, he missed one of the last additions the man had requested and asked for clarification to make sure he wouldn’t make a mistake on the order. The man repeated the entire order which was not entirely what Remus was asking for, but he waited until the man got to the part he hadn’t transcribed, and he would have had to be fairly oblivious not to note the exaggerated enunciation the man used when speaking.

Sirius swooped in beside Remus. “Simmer down, Stan,” he said with a smile. “He’s _new_. ” 

Remus noticed the loaded tone Sirius used and bristled. “Going to whip him into shape, then?” Stan said with a chuckle. 

“That’s the plan,” Sirius said. He leaned over Remus to press a bunch of buttons and the till opened. Remus glanced at Sirius when he took the cup from his hands. “I’ve got this,” he said, with a dismissive wave, and he was off making the drink. Stan stuck the money on the counter and went over to chat with Sirius while Remus gathered the coins. 

This, as it turned out, was Remus’ tipping point. Sirius didn’t need to take the whole thing over and snark about his newbie status while refusing to show him anything he didn’t deem worth the trouble. Remus especially needed to learn the complexities for a drink ordered by someone known by name. Once Stan had left, Sirius began counting the cash in his drawer early, while Remus busied himself with putting away the dishes that had finished running, pointedly not speaking another word to him. Of course, Remus hadn’t struck up much conversation throughout the day, so he shouldn’t have been all that surprised when Sirius didn’t notice the difference and was busy counting anyway. 

Remus was putting a few mugs away in one of the cupboards behind where Sirius stood, caught a little of the muttered counting, noting immediately that he was doing so in French, and Remus set one of the mugs down a lot harder than he intended to. Remus didn’t have many kinks. He had a thing for forearms, yes, but he had discovered a language kink somewhere around his last year of high school when he opted to take French instead of Spanish, and he was a ruined man because of it. Did Sirius really have to count in the sexiest language known to him? Bastard. 

Remus’ mood plummeted, and he went straight back to putting things away to distract himself. He had just set down the tray that went under the coffee grinder, and was just about to put the metal container for grinds on top of the tray where it belonged when Sirius turned his head midway through counting dimes and made a loud noise of displeasure. 

“No, don’t,” he said quickly.

“What?” Remus said exasperatedly. 

“Turn that over, we’re done with it tonight,” he said, tossing more dimes into the cash drawer. Oh, good, he was fantastic at multi-tasking, too. 

Remus did so without a response, thought Sirius could have done all that without insinuating he had made some unforgivable faux pas. Sirius scrawled the number he had reached on a scrap piece of receipt paper and began letting people know that they were closing up. Remus couldn't hold off from rolling his eyes as Sirius walked about the store, shooing people in the most charismatic way possible. Customers were chatting and beaming at him as if he wasn’t trying to get them out of there so he himself could leave, too. 

Once all had vacated, Sirius locked the door, came back around the counter, and typed the code to the safe. Remus found it odd to have a safe situated under the counter on the floor instead of in the back, but what did he know anymore? 

“Right, finish that load, then I’ll show you how to clean out the pots, and we’ll do the machine,” Sirius said, printing out the X reports. Remus fought the urge to point out that he had been doing just that and didn’t really need the direction as Sirius sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the safe. Not wanting to have to ask for any help, Remus put away the rest after a little bit of searching, refilled the creamers, then the whip cream canisters, and was just starting to look for something else to do when Sirius jotted down the last of his numbers in a large spiralled book, stuck the cash drawer away, and shut the safe. He got to his feet, brushed himself off, and stepped over to the bar. 

He pulled open the grounds drawer that held the filters he had lined it with and a fair number of coffee grinds inside. “And, since we did this earlier, we don’t have to bother with that much now,” Sirius said blandly. He dumped it out in the last garbage left on the floor, and stuck it back in the machine, and went into another cupboard for a white container, popped out two capsules into his hand, and shut the cupboard door with his hip. 

“Stick two of these in that,” he said, pointing to a little metal knob. “Stick it back in there. Top right corner, then turn it to the right. Press that. There we go, not so difficult, huh.” 

Remus bit the inside of his cheek as Sirius walked over to the coffee pots, and pulled off the metal bowl that carried the coffee filter and grinds. 

“Dump this,” Sirius requested, holding it out for him, and that was that. 

If Sirius hadn’t noticed Remus’ increasingly foul mood before, it was impossible to miss by the noise Remus made as he smacked the grounds drawer against the garbage. He felt Sirius’ eyes on him, immediately regretting taking his frustration out on a piece of equipment he should have been careful with. 

“Feel better now?” Sirius said in a voice patronizing enough for Remus to level him with a dark look. 

Sirius said nothing more about it, though he looked to be getting a kick Remus’ abrasive shift in mood, which only exacerbated the problem. Sirius told him how to clean out the pots, which in the end was also fairly simple: stuff the packets of cleaner into the pots and press rinse. Sirius swept while Remus found and filled the mop bucket and set to cleaning. Once the main lights were off and only the floodlights remained, they stood in the back room getting their things together. In his peripherals, he saw Sirius step onto the chair for a second time, retrieving his phone. Remus put his jacket on as Sirius fiddled with the wires of the stereo, no doubt making it look like the system hadn’t been tampered with. 

Sirius dropped down from the chair, stepped closer to stick his apron on a hook, and Remus stepped back because he didn’t want to feel attracted to him, he just wanted to get out of there. It was then that Sirius pulled his hair out of the bun he had it in and it cascaded down to reveal it reached just to his shoulders, and Remus wanted to put his head through a wall. 

Sirius slipped his jacket on his right arm. “Good job today,” he said. 

Remus, who busied himself with changing out of his work shoes and so that he wouldn’t a) throttle Sirius, or b) jump him, let out an admittedly smarmy sound, followed by an equally snarky “Thanks,” without any thought.

Sirius dropped his hands from where he was fitting himself into his jacket and levelled him with a look Remus could see was seriously miffed even with the little light left in the back room. 

“Alright, what’s buggering you so badly?” he asked.

“It’s nothing,” Remus said, footing on his right shoe and keeping his head down so Sirius wouldn’t see him turning crimson. 

“Doesn’t sound like nothing,” Sirius said. Remus made a noncommittal noise, then accidentally squished his index finger between his heel and the back of his shoe when footing it on wasn’t proving lucrative, clicking his tongue. “Right, well, if you want to be passive aggressive about it, I can’t force it out of you, but I’m assuming you’d like to keep the job you just got, and you’re going to be seeing a lot of me, so I’d just come out with it.” 

Remus straightened up, at least grateful he had a few inches on Sirius. “You evidently weren’t interested in training me in the slightest and you’ve been dumbing everything down for me all shift,” he snapped. “It’s clear you don’t think I’ve got it, so I didn’t think you needed to lie to me just then. You could have just left it alone.” 

“Well, how about I wasn’t doing that?” Sirius snipped back. “Mystery solved, Watson.” 

Remus’ blood boiled. “I don’t care if you think it makes me a bore, but I don’t like misinformation, and I like details so I know what the hell I’m doing here, and I don’t need you giving me the bare minimum or making me out to be a prat--

“You’re doing a fine job of that all your own--”

“-- because I’m new. You keep teaching me shortcuts; how is that training?” Remus kept on. “You stole those drinks out from under me before I could do anything with them, and I’ll never learn to make those ridiculous orders if I never get the practice, and you don’t have to come in and take over because you think I’ll ruin them. Teach me how to make things the right way -- and quit treating me like a kid you got stuck babysitting, and perhaps I’ll actually have a chance.” 

Remus breathed deeply, readjusted his scarf on his neck, overheated.

Sirius whistled long and low. “Right, we started off on completely different sides of the road, I think.” Remus stared at him, having nothing left to say for the moment. “I thought I made it clear what I was doing, one plus one equals two and all, but apparently not so I’ll say it again. You’re going to get a lot of convoluted information from your training if you listen to the shit the modules and management tell you, and I was cutting out the unnecessary,” Sirius said. “You seemed panicked earlier and I figured Lily was unloading a lot of information you didn’t need on your first day. Stuff like that comes up when it shows up, why stress you out now over it?”

“I’m not stressed out,” Remus insisted, sick of that assumption as a whole, but especially from Sirius, “so don’t do me any favours.”

“Fine, good luck,” Sirius shot at him, lifting his hands. 

“Well, clearly I’m going to need it with you around,” Remus snapped.

Sirius’ eyes widened and he breathed in slow, evidently attempting to speak composedly despite sounding quite condescending in the process. “You know, I only took over for you because Stan’s a regular who also happens to be a fucking git. He was a tool to me until I learned how to make his drink right and it’d have taken double the time to explain it, so sue me.”

Remus offered the same faux-pleasant tone back at him. “Well, that’s sort of your job as my trainer,” he said, surprising himself with his rather on-point impression of Sirius. The fire the he ignited in Remus was a new one, but he didn’t want to spend time thinking about any sort of reason for it. For a moment, it looked as though Remus were about to get a good sock in the jaw for that one, and he pressed on, trying to sound a little less patronizing. “That wasn’t the only one you decided I couldn’t handle.”

Sirius’ eyebrows knitted together. “When?” he snipped. “I was on till most of the shift.” 

“Blonde girl, medium pumpkin,” Remus said, shrugging. He tried not to think about how he didn’t have the right to attempt to exude nonchalance when he was the one who started all of this. 

“I’m not apologizing for making a friend’s drink,” Sirius refused. “I always do, and I'm not stopping now.” 

“I never said you had to apologize for it,” Remus said, working on sounding calmer. “Communication then and all around might have been a grand idea, though.”

Sirius exhaled and stuck his hands in the pockets of his trousers. “You like rules, and as much as it pains me to tell you, we’re not going to agree on much because I’m not a fan of them,” he said unapologetically. “It’s a giant waste of time but I’d be willing to tell you technicalities of every single thing if that’s what you really want, but you’re going to have to remember that I know what I’m doing and I’ve handled nights for a long time. Things haven’t burnt down yet and they likely won’t. Think you can do that?” 

Remus felt some of the tangles in his stomach loosen at Sirius’ clear attempt to make nice. Remus nodded. “Yeah, I can do that,” he said, his shoulders deflating a little. “I'm sorry I went at you like that.” 

Sirius gave him a stiff nod. “First job like this one, then?” he asked after a long inhale, leaning back against the wall, his hip jutting out. 

Remus averted his eyes and nodded. If Sirius was willing to attempt conversation after all of that, he would have to try and make nice, too. “I worked at the uni bookstore last semester, and before that an antique mall, and I can tell you now, it wasn't anything like this.” He didn’t bother mentioning the tutoring jobs; Sirius hadn’t asked for his life story. 

“Why the switch?” Sirius asked. “And that’s not a hint that you’re wildly off course before you go thinking it is.”

Remus hadn’t been, and moved past the snark. “Couldn't work at the antique store once I moved for school, and the bookstore was only seasonal,” he offered. “I suppose they both had the type of work I’m used to. Less angry customers, organization, quite a bit of solitary work -- nothing fast-paced like this.” 

“No angry customers at the bookstore?” Sirius repeated. “I don’t believe it.” 

A small laugh came out of Remus before he could stop it. “Well, there were some now and again, but they were only irritable because their very expensive course material hadn’t arrived, and I understood it was only inconvenience. It had nothing to do with me personally.” Remus paused, connecting the dots. “Right, swap expensive textbooks for expensive drinks, and we’re talking about the same thing here. I see that now.” 

Sirius raised his eyebrows, smiling at that, then considered him. “Mind, students have less say in the price of their books, whereas customers here elect to pay seven pounds for a coffee,” he said. “Think yours had more of a right.” 

“Well, exactly, and I could empathize far better because I’ve never bought a latte at one of these stores in my life as a rule, whereas I’ve paid out of pocket for similarly expensive books,” Remus said, and suddenly he was incredibly aware of how much he was talking, and quickly worked to close off his tangent. “In any case, I just need to adjust. This type of work is new to me, but it’s important to work at, if I’m ever going to be an effective teacher... I’m going to need to learn how to work with others who might not learn or do things the way I do.” 

Sirius regarded Remus long enough for him to find his phone in his pocket for an excuse not to look directly back at him. “It’s about time, now,” he said evasively.

Sirius shook his head clear, pushed himself off the wall, and started off down the hall. "Once I set the alarm, we've about thirty seconds to get out the door," he said, stopping at the end the hallway in front of the alarm grid. “So don’t forget anything in the back else you’ll be racing the alarm to get it.”

Remus stopped beside him. "Sort of inconvenient to have it over here and nowhere near the door," he observed. 

"Not how I'd have designed the interior of this place either,” Sirius conceded, “but we've found if you make it into a mission to get to the door, else the SWAT team out back will catch you, it's actually not that far of a leap." 

Remus snorted. "Noted." He wasn't sure how it was possible that he was beginning to feel less tense and yet that in itself made him feel the exact opposite. 

"Hold on," Sirius said. "Keys would help, wouldn't they?" 

Remus didn't respond, still inside his head, and leaned back against the wall in the hallway as he waited. While Sirius was in the back, he went over their conversation, wondering why he hadn't been able to give Sirius the benefit of the doubt. He then remembered one of the prime reasons for his frustrations earlier, one they hadn't gone over, and felt another prick to his spine.

Sirius turned up a moment later, pulling Remus out of his own head. "Right, SWAT team's out back, so we need to make haste-"

"One more thing," Remus said. "I’m sorry I got on your case about Decaf Man." 

Remus forced himself to make eye contact, but vowed to never make that mistake again if he could help it, because Sirius' eyes were altogether too much for him to handle. He set his eyes just past him, but not before he caught the look that suggested Sirius thought this was coming out of left field, and elaborated. "Maybe you sensed an escalation happening and thought I needed back up, but I know you don't think I can handle myself. You wouldn’t have done that for James, I don’t think--"

"Well, _that's_ not true," Sirius said plainly. Remus looked at him with plain disbelief. "One time a customer threatened James, and I destroyed him, but James can hold his own just fine. It’s the principle of it, mind." 

"What do you mean?" Remus said, his eyes widening. “You didn't fight them, did you?” 

Sirius shook his head, laughing. "I still work here, don't I?" Remus tilted his head in acknowledgement. "No, I mean, I tore his life apart without laying a finger on him. 'Course, I would have liked to have fought him, maybe he'd have gotten the message sooner."

"Well, that doesn't sound promising at all,” Remus observed.

"Believe it or not, he came back in here another time while I was on shift,” he noticed Remus’ eyebrows rise, “--right? Do you want to do this again? Once wasn't enough? Anyway, went off on him again, and he hasn't been back since, strangely enough." 

"Lily was alright with that?" Remus asked somewhat dumbfounded. 

"Wasn't around for either incident, but she'd have to be," Sirius said, shrugging. "Can't come for my brother without me coming for you; it doesn't work like that." Remus had been given the impression that the two got along well, but he hadn't realized quite to the degree Sirius was describing. "I wasn't trying to say you couldn't handle it--"

“Just that I'm a shy baby bird, so that's about a close second,” Remus pointed out.

Sirius sighed, dropping his shoulders. “He was making things unnecessarily hard for you because you're new and felt like testing how far he could take it, and I'm not about to watch that happen." Sirius shrugged again. "I take care of my own." 

Remus didn't really know what to do with already being grouped in with Sirius’ own having only done one shift, and for him to tell him that fresh off getting told off in the back, and dropped his gaze to the floor. "I suppose I sound ungrateful," he said regretfully. "I should have left it alone." 

He felt Sirius' eyes on him. "I'd say we're square to one now, wouldn't you?" he said before reaching an arm over Remus' head. Remus froze, only realizing a moment later that Sirius was fiddling with the alarm grid. Remus could smell whatever it was Sirius used in his hair, and whatever that was smelled amazing. He could feel the warmth radiating off Sirius' body; so appealing when Remus always felt the cold right to his bones the instant summer ended, and for a moment he wanted to know how it would feel to have Sirius' skin on his. He needed air to breathe because he had lost all of his, and absolutely needed to get out of there before he did something completely stupid and mucked everything up. 

Thankfully before Remus could botch the whole thing, a loud pounding sounded through the store and started the two of them. Sirius dropped his hand halfway through the alarm code. "There's the fucker now," he stated. Sure enough, James was standing at the window trying to peek inside the store. 

Remus collected himself while Sirius input the code once more and moved away from him. A beeping sound went off, and Remus looked after Sirius, his breath hitching, intent on leaving on a better note than they left off. "This SWAT team..." he said, "how many are out back exactly?"

Sirius froze. "About ten, but that's mainly guesswork," he said, shooting him a grin over his shoulder before taking off toward the door, Remus at his heels. 

They slammed through the door, causing a vaguely perturbed-looking James to jump back. "What the actual--" 

"SWAT, James, you understand," Sirius offered in lieu of explanation, turning back to lock up. He glanced at Remus as the lock thunked. "It was he who informed me of the scoundrels in the first place."

"Good thing he did," Remus quipped.

James didn't seem up for any of it. "I thought you bloody well left," he said. "You said you'd try to get out early." 

"Literally never said that, you nutter," Sirius said, turning back. 

"Well, fine, but it's assumed? Pete's waiting." 

Sirius didn't seem affected by that piece of information, patting his pockets a few times. "What time are we?" 

Remus already had his phone out to check the same. "Fifty-eight," he supplied automatically.

Sirius scoffed. "You great tit, we're just on time.”

Remus didn't register much of the next couple exchanges for he realized he had about four minutes to catch his bus, otherwise he'd be stuck waiting another hour for the next one. He stepped back. "I've got to catch my bus," he said, as if the two needed this information. They waved as they set off in the opposite direction. 

"Good job today," Sirius called back to him, and this time there was no venom in his voice when Remus called thanks back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you might have thought these customer stories need suspension of belief... but no. they're real.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus hoped for a little less discomfort and a lot less miscommunication for his next shift. He couldn’t help but worry a little about it on his way to the shop, but willed himself not to think about it too much. To see to that, he was intent on getting some reading done on the way, but upon reaching into his bag to retrieve his book he found it wasn't there. It took him a few moments to locate it in his memory, unable to remember leaving it anywhere, but realized it was easily sitting in the back of the store where he had been reading it last shift. Thankfully, there was no shortage of reading material for Remus, and he moved along to get started on his next set as he rode the bus to work. On Tuesdays he was scheduled for three, and if traffic permitted he would be at work with about twenty minutes to spare. 

As he approached the building, he was grateful for a little time to rest and decompress from the day before he began his shift. Of course, his later starting time also meant that Sirius was around there somewhere, but there wasn't much Remus could do in preparation for him.

This time it was Lily who greeted him at the till, smiling as he approached. "How are you feeling?" she asked. "In general, but also with all this." She gestured to the expanse of the cafe. 

"Fairly well on both accounts," he said, hoping she would have rated his performance about the same. 

"Well, Sirius said you did very well, so you should be feeling pretty good right about now." Remus both did and didn't with that piece of information. "Did you want anything before you start?" Remus would have declined, but it was then that James exited the bathroom looking incredibly distressed and swooped in beside him. He reached over the counter and set his hand on Lily's forearm. 

"Lily, I'm sorry, but I value my life and I'm not going to do this for you." He turned to Remus next. "Lupey! Great to see you, how would you like to do me a small favour?" 

"No, James, you're doing it," Lily told him with a warning in her tone. 

"Lily, I can't do it," James repeated gravely. 

"It's a bathroom, James, you've cleaned one before," Lily reminded him. She looked to Remus. "A toddler got very sick in there just before you got here." 

"Everywhere," James added. He reached out and put his right arm around Remus’ shoulders, and pulled at the front of his jumper with his left hand. "You know, this jumper is just the loveliest combination of autumn colours--" Remus ducked out of James' reach, lifting his hands and making a hasty escape to the back room. "I take it back!”

Remus was close enough to hear Lily's "No, he doesn't!" and was still smiling when he stepped into the backroom and stopped short. Sirius sat with his feet propped up on the computer desk with Remus' forgotten book in his hands and looked up that instant, gave him a nod, and leaned around Remus to glance down the hall toward the sales floor. 

"How badly do I need to be back up there?" he asked.

"Some kid got sick in the bathroom." Really. Master conversationalist.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Pity," he said, lazily rubbing at the back of his neck with his right hand. 

"You should avoid it for as long as you can, I'm saying,” Remus elaborated. “James just tried buttering me up to pass cleaning it up off on me, and he might just force the job on more unsuspecting people given the chance." 

Sirius moved his hand forward, pointing at him. "Anyone ever tell you you're an excellent judge of character?" Sirius asked. 

Remus felt the makings of a smile and turned away to hide it, sticking his book-bag on one of the hooks. He sighed after the weight had been lifted off his shoulders, kicked his boots off, and reached for his work shoes. Sirius stuck Remus' book on the table, stood, and stretched long and hard, letting out a groan of satisfaction, and Remus fumbled with his shoes and dropped one. 

"Should give it another smoke before I brave it, then?" 

Remus nodded, stooping to pick up the shoe. "Best to be sure," he mumbled in response, avoiding Sirius' eye line. 

He wouldn't have been too sure of Sirius' next few moves as he focused on tying his laces, but he heard the back door open and shut, and then once he was alone he let out the breath he was holding. He grabbed the book Sirius was reading and stuck it in his bag so he wouldn’t forget it a second time, and had the rest of his belongings settled when Lily entered, dropping down in the chair Sirius had vacated. "Okay, I need to go home," she sighed, looking at him and smiling languidly.

"Have you been here long?" Remus asked. 

“Since opening,” she supplied.

"You need to go home," he agreed. 

"Fine, I will," she said, tugging her hair out of it's ponytail and pulling her hands through it idly. "I work with you for quite a while on Saturday, so I was thinking we can revise, catch up on everything then if you have any questions or concerns -- it'll be the best day for it. Saturday mornings are blessedly simple around here, and things tend to only pick up after noon." Remus nodded, satisfied with the plan. "And Sirius'll be here if you've any problems tonight, so don't be shy and use him when you need to." 

Sirius came through the door at the tail end of that. "What about Sirius?" he asked, dropping his pack of cigarettes on the desk. 

"I was telling Remus he could use you any time he wants," Lily said, absentmindedly as she clicked a few things on the computer. Remus kept his eyes on a slightly discoloured area on the wall. 

"Just pass me around, why don't you?" Sirius said, pulling his jacket off and sticking it on a hook. 

"Sirius, I'm heading off," she said, apparently not hearing any of that. She turned away from the computer and stood up, pulling on her jacket. 

"What, so soon?" 

Lily flipped her hair out from under her jacket. "Good one," she complimented dryly. "Send me a text if Rosmerta shows, please. Let me know." 

"She's not going to show," Sirius said unaffected. "I've never seen her here past three." 

Lily didn't seem to register his words, wrapping her scarf around her neck. "Remus, our district manager is in the area today, best behaviour, yes?" she asked, giving him a smile. 

"Absolutely," he reassured as he tied up his apron. 

"Relax, she's not going to show," Sirius repeated looking at him this time. "Did James mop up the kid's mess?"

"You bet he did," Lily confirmed. Sirius grinned at this. She gave him a pointed look as she took her purse off the hook, though there was some warmth to her eyes. "I wondered about the suspiciously long break but I think I’ve found the reason." 

"I mean," Sirius said, placing a hand on his chest, "had I known before..."

"Sure, sure," she said, slinging her purse over her shoulder. "Right, I really do need to go, else I'll never leave." She headed down the hall, calling a farewell over her shoulder. 

Remus looked over and watched transfixed as Sirius slipped his apron back on, wrapping the string around his slender waist once before tying it around the front. He averted his gaze the instant Sirius looked up again and quickly searched for something to say that wouldn't give him away. "Has Lily been managing here for a while?" he asked. 

"Mm, assistant," Sirius offered, smoothing the apron down. "She's looking into transferring right now, actually." 

Remus' heart sank. "She's leaving?" 

"Hopes to, yes," Sirius said as he folded the sleeve of his work blouse. "Just about done her month as acting manager, and then the suits are deciding on her transfer next month. And we'll miss her dearly, but she'll be around. And James'll sing to high heavens when it happens." 

Remus nodded, with a slight frown on his face. "I think I just managed to get away before she caught him in hot water," he said. "Does he really want her gone that badly, though? I got the impression it was a give and take sort of thing?" 

Sirius' slight quirk of the mouth turned into a cheeky sort of grin. "There's definitely some of that," he quipped. 

Remus stared, bemused. "I'm missing something, aren't I?" he asked.

"Crucial detail."

"They're..." he started, gesturing with his hands, "together? I wouldn't have thought..."

"That's a good thing, seeing as they'd rather you not have made the connection. Well, anyone," Sirius amended. "They're quiet about it, ‘course. Lily wants to keep the boss and head office unaware, and James just wants Lily, so he’ll do just about anything she asks. Been seeing each other for two years now." 

Remus processed all of this, and for some reason landed on, "she took so much pride in his suffering." He couldn’t help but laugh a little as the words came out. 

"Well, we all do," Sirius added evenly. 

"So much more sense, come to think of it," Remus said, shaking his head. "Though, I'd have thought working with your significant other might be a little difficult."

"It's worked quite well actually," Sirius said, passing him and starting off down the hall. "That's the magic; James gets too big for his britches, Lily brings him back down to earth. It's a good thing they've got going." Remus followed behind him, and James was on them the second they stepped onto the floor, his hands on his hips. 

"I'm sensing a pattern with you two," he said, his eyes darting between them as he shook his head. "Talking like a gaggle of girls back there meanwhile leaving me up here waiting. Well, it stops here and now, you hear me?" 

Sirius' jaw dropped. "James, I've been called many a thing, but never anything as wonderful of that," he said. "I think you've outdone yourself here." Sirius ruffled James' hair, making it even more untidy than usual, before moving over to the handwashing station.

"It was pretty good," Remus conceded, washing his own when Sirius moved for him. "I should know, what with English Lit, and all."

"Right," Sirius agreed as he dried his hands. "You impressed the Professor, well done, mate." 

"I'm not kidding; quit leaving me up here to handle everything," James said, though Remus didn't think he looked all that plagued despite his insistence. 

"James, I'm going to need you to be your usual even minded self and relax. Remus has extensive, hands-on training to go through; can't be ignored," Sirius said. Remus busied himself with wiping down the counter rather than looking at either of them because none of what they were doing in the back had anything to do with his training. "I should think you can handle the floor alone for a couple of minutes. You're off now anyway." 

"You didn't see the group of girls who came in and ordered--" 

"Sorry, _gaggle_ , James," Remus cut in automatically. "You're the one who wanted to be formal around here." 

Sirius barked out a short but jarring laugh before James let out an exasperated noise and took off to the back. Remus stole a glance at Sirius over by the till, catching his smile morphing to a more formal one as a customer approached him. When James returned from the back with his things, he looked to have forgotten all about the last few minutes. He engaged Sirius in a boisterous conversation Remus had trouble following completely, made himself a drink, and left for the day. Sirius came over and stuck a drink on the bar for him to make a when done with another customer, and Remus kept his eyes trained on the task at hand, thankful for something to do with his hands while Sirius stood near. "You two are like separate, manageable tornadoes, but when you get together--" he began. 

"Grab onto something and hold on," Sirius finished for him with an air of pride. "At least half the reason we're never scheduled together for long." 

Remus started at the cup in front of him as the espresso finished pouring; Sirius had nice handwriting even for a couple letters scrawled on the side of a paper cup. "Did you two meet here?" 

"God no, I've known him, what, ten years now?" Sirius said heavily. He gave him a smirk and lifted his head high, putting on a haughty voice. "The good old-fashioned private school experience." 

"Explains a lot, then," Remus observed lightly as he began the next drink. He'd meant the posh background, but also James and Sirius. If he were honest, he was sort of impressed; he hadn't really kept in touch with many of his friends and acquaintances from high school once leaving for uni, but he wouldn't with many of them splitting off, and some still back in Wales. A friendship that long was a foreign concept to him. 

He handed off the newly made drink with a smile to the customer waiting, and turned back, rinsing off the pitcher he just used. "I'm not sure he's too happy about having to deal with a new person who doesn't really know what they're doing," he admitted, speaking of James’ distance toward him. 

"Oh, don't worry about him," Sirius said nonplussed. "James does this every time a new person shows up; he'll rib you for a little while, but he’ll come around eventually." Remus gave a stiff nod, hoping he would eventually grow on James. Sirius flicked the side of the next cup in Remus' line. "That one's got half of a pump, and I'm telling you now, she can tell. Careful with that one." 

Remus flicked his eyes over to the cup for a second. "Right, thank you," he said. He poured the milk, started up the steam wand, and applied half the amount of pressure to the syrup nozzle than usual, sticking the cup on the tray of the espresso machine. He pressed the button for a double shot, wording the thought in his head carefully before he spoke it aloud. "I've been meaning to mention... well, only that I understand the need to move the line along in theory, I do, but--" 

"But when there are seven cups coming up, and folks staring you down over here, it's a lot of pressure," Sirius finished knowingly. 

"Exactly," Remus admitted. "I do understand, though--" 

Sirius waved him off. "Look, the only reason for it is there's less of a chance a customer's going to walk out once they've paid their seven pounds, whereas if they aren't rung through yet, they could easily turn around and find another shop to spend their pounds at. Only reason for it, and yeah, it's a lot at first, but it'll come to you soon." 

Remus nodded. "Right," he said, at least grateful Sirius understood what he was saying. "Thanks. Difficult to remember, but it's good to." He added a dollop of foam to the top of the drink as per request, and handed it off. Sirius went over to till to ring another woman through, and brought the cups over, but held onto them. 

"If you want," he started, "until perhaps, err, week three, I could take a little more time walking the cups over here." 

"Oh, don't feel as though you have to--"

"Really, I'll just turn on the charm, keep them entertained, and they won't even noticed I've secretly been waiting until you're through a line of drinks to give theirs over," Sirius insisted. "Believe me, I'm very good at distraction." 

Remus definitely believed him. He was still feeling slightly catered to, but he didn't want to treat Sirius' help like it wasn't something he appreciated, especially after their altercation on Saturday. He was trying at least to make things more comfortable for him, and Remus knew he needed to try as well. "Alright, thank you," he said. He took one of the cups from Sirius and took a look at it, grabbing milk for it. "But," he added, "when week three rolls around, you've every permission to dump seven cups on the counter in front of me free of guilt." 

Sirius grinned. "Deal." He hesitated for a moment before he pointed to the milk Remus was pouring into the pitcher in front of him. "Can I make one suggestion?" 

Remus paused. "Yeah, of course," he said, feeling a little guilty for bringing Sirius' hesitation on in the first place. 

"Well, you've got two smalls next, and together they're about the same amount of ounces as one large, right? So when I first started what I noticed was if I just steamed enough milk for a large, it sped up the process. And see," he poked the second cup, "since they're both lattes, you can stick the two of them under the spout, or use the shot glasses, either or, but you can knock them both out of the way in one go since they both only get one shot. Just food for thought." 

Remus glanced down at the cups, seeing Sirius' point quite clearly. "That's... really quite helpful, thank you," he said, appreciating the advice more than Sirius realized, surely. He poured milk to the tallest line, adopting his philosophy, and fired up the steam wand. "I'm going to admit I wish I'd thought of that; there I was panicked." 

"What it is, is I'm supremely lazy," Sirius said with nonchalance. "I found a thousand ways to cut corners early on. Legend has it I stepped out the womb early because I thought it was taking too long." 

Remus bit his bottom lip, glancing up at Sirius amusedly before noticing a customer approaching till, and nodded so Sirius would see her, too. He went back to the till to take her order, leaving Remus for the blessed chance to collect his thoughts. It seemed as he grew less terrified at the idea of actually enjoying Sirius' company his whole being would pull the opposite direction, and he was left questioning whether he had it in him. He could do this, he told himself a moment later; he could get along with him, talk to him, he only had to let it be natural.

Sirius returned with the woman's cup, plunking it down on the cup. "Shit, I don't know if she wanted room." Sirius looked down at the cup, and then out onto the floor. "And," he declared, drawing the word out, "I don't know where she went. Grand." 

Remus looked at the Americano, then flicked his eyes over at Sirius for a quick moment as he queued up the shots. "If she throws it at me instead of you, I'll be a little upset," he said mildly. 

"I'll be upset on your behalf if that helps any." 

"Marginally, but I'll still probably hold the whole fiasco against you." 

Sirius sighed. "If you must, but at least reserve some blame for the man,” he implored. “It would be a bit his fault after all." 

A moment later he noticed a familiar set of chords struck up inside the shop; Bon Iver began singing about skinny love and Remus thought of the universe and it's questionable timing. Sirius returned with a cup, and Remus glanced up at him again as he finished up the two smalls. 

"Can you skip that?" he requested asked, nodding toward the speaker just off the hand off station and pointing the tune straight at them. 

Sirius was gone within a second, apparently needing no further explanation. A minute later, Remus heard the tell-tale opening riff of Come Together start up. He felt his muscles relax as the song continued into the first verse, beginning to have its usual positive effect on him.

A little more nose to the grind and Remus perked as Come Together faded into Something. "Tell me you're playing it in full? he asked, excited for he hadn't done a full run-through in some time. 

Sirius hummed in question but caught on quickly. "Is there any other way?" he asked commonly. Remus knew Sirius was grinning at him without even having to look at him. 

Sirius went back to the till to ring someone else through, they only ordered a few drip coffee, thus leaving Remus' role slightly obsolete for the time being. He went to make himself a tea to keep off to the side and sip at, stepped just off to the side of the sales floor under the archway of the hall, and then Sirius was back in front of him. 

"I knew someone," Remus started, nodding to the speaker above them, but staring as the colour swirled in his cup, "who would stop it just before Her Majesty. Said it ‘ruined the experience’. Imagine that?" 

Sirius scoffed. "I don't even know how someone could make an observation like that; it's obviously the perfect send-off." Sirius shook his head, looking upset at the state of the world suddenly. "I assume knew means you no longer associate with this soulless heathen?" 

"He was a bit of a git," Remus said agreeably, "for other reasons as well, but I'll thank you for seeing what's really important here.” 

"Nothing goes over my head," Sirius said. "And I meant to say, you'll understand if I ask you not to mention the auxiliary function on the system to James? He's never figured it out, and if he gets word that it's possible he'll have it rigged to exclusively play something I hate just to fuck with me." 

"I'm not telling anyone you do that," Remus told him outright, staring out across the shop. "If you get caught I want to be able to say I had no part in your shenanigans with full honesty."

"Pshh, where’s the solidarity, Remus?" Sirius tutted, shaking his head. He turned his head as a group walked into the store and he started off toward the till, but not before pointing mightily at him. "I'm working on you, Remus." 

\--

A lot could have been said about the next three weeks of his life, but no one person could say with much validity that Remus Lupin didn’t try his damned best. 

In the relatively short amount of time he absorbed so much new information in multiple aspects of his life, adjusting and adapting and trying to keep his head from expanding so far it exploded as a result. He knew it had all soaked in over the weeks, but he didn't really get a chance to reflect or process any of it, which was a bit of an issue for him because reflection was very important to him. As a result, anything that wasn't immediately involving school was pushed on the back-burner, and anything that wasn't work-related was pushed even further into the background to be dealt with at a better time. Sirius, on the other hand, remained a constant who popped in and out of his brain without notice or welcome, and Remus had to work extra hard to keep him off his mind. 

It was on a Monday at twelve forty-nine in the morning, lying in bed after too many readings, too much caffeine, and sleep nowhere near, that he allowed himself the chance to pull apart everything and analyze them thoroughly. What else did he have to do? He was, at the very least, quite proud of himself for all he had learned over the three weeks. 

He learned many new tricks of the trade, as they say, at work. He learned how to steam enough milk for double a number of drinks in less than twice the amount of time it took him in his first week. Remus had always been fairly languid in his movements and worried when he first got hired about the speed at which he could churn out drink after drink, but he found he was surprising himself with how quickly he was adapting to it. He was beginning to have a knack for drinks ordered without foam, as he was a bit meticulous in various areas of his life so it wasn't surprising that it began to bleed into his drink routine as well. One day, halfway through his second week at the shop, Sirius had been saddled with bar upon Lily's request, leaving Remus to handle till for a full two hours. In that time, a customer ordered an extra hot, soy green tea latte with no foam, which Remus thought was just about the most redundant thing he'd heard so far, and wondered how one would feasibly produce those results in one drink. When he handed the cup over, Sirius looked at the modifications on the side of the cup, looked up at him, and said unapologetically, "I see Satan's just placed an order, and I'm not making it." Remus offered to handle it, feeling a little ambitious, and spent the rest of the shift in a slight daze after the customer gushed to him that he made her drink exactly the way she liked it. 

He learned how to make latte art after his wrist sort of gave out on him as he was pouring milk and accidentally made a strange umbrella shape within the foam atop the drink. The customer had been excited by it and Remus pretended he had been planning to do that all along. During his next Saturday shift with Lily, he asked her to show him how to accomplish the trick each time, rather than by a fluke, and then if there was downtime with no other work to be done, and Sirius was out for a smoke, Remus would practice. Lily taught him how to make a leaf and a heart, and he had been practicing the latter one shift when Sirius came back onto the floor after a break and leaned over his shoulder to get a good look at it. He gave Remus' back a thwack and said, "Remus, y'old softie," and after that Remus decided to try and learn how to create less embarrassing latte art. 

He learned very quickly that Lily was one of the sweetest people he had ever had the chance to meet. She was receptive to Remus' school work, happy and interested in listening to his small thoughts on new concepts, and engaged him with his larger ones. He found himself looking forward to his Saturday shifts, as it gave him eight hours of peace within his week where he got to work alongside her. He dreaded her inevitable departure from the store, as he would lose someone whom he was growing increasingly more comfortable with. He found himself, albeit selfishly, hoping it would take longer than expected to find the right store for her. 

Remus learned Sirius' summing up of James was quite founded in truth. At the start of his third shift, James still seemed to be putting Remus through the wringer, until the Remus made a terrible coffee pun within earshot of him. For an instant, Remus thought he was destined for the hazing of his lifetime before James pointed at him from across the sales floor with a look of sudden respect, and it seemed Remus had won him over after that. 

He learned quite a lot about Sirius inevitably, and it was probably a little shameful how many observations he had managed to make of his co-worker. He learned there was no rhyme or reason to Sirius' music taste. It was less defined by genre, and could better be described as a jumbled mess. Sirius did lean heavily on the rock and alternative persuasion, as Remus had promptly guessed by the Doc Martens and leather jacket he wore, but right when he thought he figured that part of him out, Sirius threw him curve balls. While Remus appreciated eclecticism in of itself, he found it a little jarring that Sirius could go from power ballads of the eighties to acid house of the nineties and onto the pop classics of the two-thousands without blinking an eye. Remus, who rarely pressed shuffle because he enjoyed ambience and atmosphere too much to hop around from song to song, was learning to deal with such abrupt changes and found himself marvelling at Sirius' ability to move fluidly along with any sudden switch. 

Remus noticed qualities in Sirius he didn’t want to pay attention to, but all the more his active mind continued to point them out. He learned fairly quickly that Sirius had a gorgeous set of hands, and Remus found himself staring at them often; he'd never been one to pay attention to the state of anyone's hands before, but it seemed that now he was. He stole glances as Sirius wrote on the paper cups, watching his hands move and trying to figure out how he managed such pleasing handwriting for someone who didn't seem the type to practice something like that. Sirius didn't seem the type to practice anything. Remus learned Sirius had a habit of drumming his gorgeous hands on the counter with his when he was bored or particularly liked a song that was playing over the speakers. Remus would have found it supremely annoying if it were anyone but Sirius doing it, and that fact alone made the habit more irksome, so Remus would end up irritated whenever Sirius started doing it anyway. 

He learned Sirius had three different laughs. Now, three weeks was hardly enough time to put a cap on the list, and Remus was prepared for the chance he would hear new ones but figured time would tell on that. The first, the most jarring, was a short but loud bark that was more common. The second, a slow starter that suddenly burst into the first laugh, often heard when something or someone humorous caught him off guard. The third, and one Remus shamelessly loved to bring about, was a silent laugh where Sirius didn't seem to have it in him to do more than shake with mirth. 

He learned that Sirius always seemed to have, to quote James' eloquence, a gaggle of girls who visited him on the daily. Naturally, Remus knew this couldn't realistically be the case, otherwise they would never get anything done around there, but all the same, Sirius never turned down an extended conversation with any of the female population unless there was a rush. It seemed every time Remus turned around there was another set of girls, some more obviously friends of Sirius, some not so much. By his third week, Remus had struck up familiar rapports with a few of the regulars, but nowhere near the magnitude of Sirius. Remus didn't offer much more than the basic minimum of customer service, though he always was polite, but Sirius highly contrasted with him and had the ability to charm just about anyone. Their tips were indeed never better than when Sirius was on till. It made sense; put a gorgeous man on till and the tips would roll in. James claimed there was a significant drop on Sirius' days off, and though Remus hadn't seen proof of that just yet, he unfortunately wouldn't have been surprised if James hadn't been exaggerating the claim. 

Remus learned, though it would more accurately be described as came to the abrupt realization, that Sirius was observant, bold, and not an idiot. As it turned out, he learned all three in the same instance, at the end of their last shift. 

It had been a particularly tough one for Remus, as Sirius decided he wasn't going to let the weather outside tell him what to do and proceeded to wear a short-sleeved Henley shirt to work. The shirt, Remus hated it. It accentuated much of what he wanted to pretend he didn't love about Sirius' body, and if he thought he had trouble focusing before Sirius wore the blasted thing on shift, he was very much mistaken and highly naive. It was a stark contrast to Remus' wooly jumper that had at least three holes in the sleeves and one more about to form. The timing of this was, as usual, just awful as Remus managed to have an unreasonably filthy fantasy-dream about Sirius the night before, and it didn't help one bit that many parts were replaying behind his eyes now and again as the shift drew on at snail speed. Each time, Remus would feel the visceral need to remind himself it would bring nothing but trouble to be attracted to him in this way and would have to work extra hard to banish the images from his mind, and so if he had to chalk the evening up to one word, it would have been torture, capital T. 

Remus chose to combat this with absolutely no conversation, only giving Sirius a heads up when he needed to take his break, and generally pretended to be somewhere else. This might have been more easily accomplished if he and Sirius hadn't reached some form of understanding over his first few weeks, and if they hadn't begun a decent rapport for themselves, as Sirius shot various comments and quips at him throughout the shift as he did any other time, completely oblivious to the fact that Remus' rationale was out of commission. It wasn’t easy, Remus kept getting pulled into conversations he wanted no part in. 

One particular instance, he noticed Sirius and Lily leaning against the counter during a lull, when a couple walked in the door. Sirius looked sideways at Lily, a slow grin spread across his face.

“Down, boy,” Lily warned. 

“I’m not doing anything,” Sirius said evasively. 

“Literally anyone else, alright?” 

Sirius looked straight at Remus, sending him into an internal tailspin. "You heard the lady,” Sirius said, nodding his head to the side at her. “I want it on record she said it, and I’ll need you to remind her when need be.” 

Ashamed of his head for going and making up assumptions, Remus found a cloth and began wiping down tables profusely. 

As the shift drew on he focused on different aspects of his school work, going over readings and concepts in his head, trying as best he could to keep Sirius at arm's length. He had to resort to vague sounds and avoiding eye contact to get through it, but he considered himself a veteran of the latter. He was aware that he was an entirely boring co-worker to be stuck with that day, but it couldn’t have been helped. 

Sensing something had been off the whole shift, Sirius locked the door and turned to Remus before he could make a hasty exit. He asked about how classes were going, and Remus gave a clipped response that didn't yield much further conversation, ready to head off for the bus and put an end to an awful night. Sirius eyed the tense grip Remus kept on the sling of his bookbag because he zoned in on a declaration quickly. 

"You're terrified of me, aren't you?" 

Remus stared past him at the oak door of the cafe. “That's a really strange thing to say," he said evasively. 

"Strange thing to be," Sirius corrected. "You are. Can't really miss it." 

"What even got you there?" Remus asked dismissively, digging his hands into his pockets to find his phone so that Sirius could get the signal that it was time for him to leave. 

Sirius either didn't see it or ignored it completely. "You won't look at me," he said. "Well, no, you do, but..." Sirius moved a flattened palm past the side of his head, right in Remus' line of sight, " _right_ past me. Or right here," he added, pointing to it when Remus moved his gaze to his collarbone. Sirius dropped his hand and the sound it made against his hip acted as some form of conclusion on the matter. 

Remus shrugged in feigned confusion. "I'm not good with eye contact," he told him. 

"Never noticed a problem with anyone else," Sirius pointed out.

"Well, you're not very observant, then; that's all it is," Remus shot back irritably, talking complete bullocks because they wouldn't have been in that situation if Sirius wasn't. "I'm awful at it, always have been." 

"Remus, I saw you literally shaking before," Sirius said plainly. 

"I'm cold," Remus said, shrugging defensively. "I'm always bloody cold." He didn't have to look at Sirius to feel the disbelief radiating off of him, and he bit his lip. "I think you're imagining things that aren't there--"

"I'm really not," Sirius said flatly. 

Remus' eyes widened as Sirius leaned in closer, trying to catch his eye, and he knew he was being tested. "This really isn't--"

"Just look at me," Sirius demanded. 

Remus tried, he did, but Sirius' eyes were daring and captivating, and he lasted only a moment or two before he turned and stepped away. "I've got to go," he insisted. He didn't, he had already missed it while this exchange had been going on, but now he just wanted to get away. 

"What's your problem with me?" Sirius demanded much more forcefully now. "I admit things started off rocky, but I thought we figured it out. Things were better." He sounded indignant, and it must have been bothering him because Sirius had the attention span of a six year old on a good day, so the mere fact that he was even still on about this suggested he wasn't planning on moving on from the horrific topic anytime soon. 

Because saying something to the effect of, 'I can't look at you because I want you so bad it physically hurts, and if I do it'll be a thousand times worse, and this is how I plan on getting through my time working here' would probably get him a solid punch to the jaw, and was therefore not an option for him, Remus shook his head and stepped away from Sirius. 

"I've got to go," he informed him, and got the hell out of there before he could be interrogated any longer. 

Laying there on his bed then, having caught up with his weeks and gone over his last shift in his head finally, Remus balled his fists and rubbed them over his eyes at the memory, as if the act would erase it from his mind. When that didn’t work, he tried picturing alternative ways he could have behaved, but in the end that was just as ineffective at quelling his agitation; there was no going back and changing how tense Remus had made the situation. 

He blinked into the darkness of his bedroom, wondering what else was he supposed to have done. He highly doubted Sirius would have handled the real answer well, no matter how insistent he was at finding it out. Or, he could be fine with it, but clarify that he was exclusively into girls but that it was all very flattering, a huge set of points to his ego, and then Remus would have to continue working with alongside Sirius if he liked the idea of paying rent this term. Why did Sirius have to go and mention it in the first place? It only made matters worse and stuck it out there in the open, and he didn't have to go and test Remus, make him feel like a cat in a cage. He was clearly uncomfortable, and Sirius was clever enough to sense that, and he still prodded him. Remus pulled his blanket up around his shoulders, dreading tomorrow's shift. Clearly, Sirius was the type to demand some further explanation, and Remus didn't have that. 

Remus spent an amount of time he wouldn't have been able to clock on gearing himself up to at least try and act normal around Sirius at work next evening. He was evidently seeing Remus' behaviour as something to confront him about; he needed to show Sirius that he did not have an effect on him, nevermind the fact that it was completely untrue. If there was ever a time for tenth-grade drama to come in handy, this was it. 

Remus pulled his pillow out from under his head, rolled over onto his front, and shoved it down again on top of his head, begging everything in his brain to shut it for a few measly hours so he could get some rest. He blindly felt around on his bed for his phone, lifted the pillow just enough to see the screen and double check his alarm. He calculated that he could potentially have four hours and thirty-eight minutes of sleep if he fell asleep at that moment. He cursed his brain, Sirius once more for good measure, and lay there to wait for exhaustion to take him over.


	4. Chapter 4

Despite having such a short space of time for rest, Remus fell awake three minutes before his alarm was set to go off, the rushing rapids in his head oddly calm. The previous night's sleep seemed to work as more of a cat nap, allowing him to feel rejuvenated and prepared for the day ahead of him. He cancelled the alarm early, not fancying it blaring at him, and began his day. He reached the bus stop early enough that he had time to stop in for a tea at the shop just on his corner, treated himself to a medium instead of a small and didn't even think of the consequences. He sat on the bus as he let his steeping tea warm up his hands, glad for the surprisingly content mood he was in, and the bright, early autumn morning he was able to appreciate, soaking in the sun peeking in through the window.

He had an in-class assignment to focus on in his first class of the day, and due to the fact that he had thought about and prepared so much prior to the class itself, he finished and handed it in a little earlier than he had been expecting to, and had a little more time to kill before he had to meet his group for his next assignment on the list. He found the spot on the fourth floor of the library that was previously agreed upon, and got some reading done while he waited. Remus felt good. He wasn't sure what had happened precisely, but it was as though the new day brought a set of challenges he felt he was ready to tackle as they came; ready for the midterms fast approaching even now, for work later on that day, even for Sirius. Of course, it was all well and good to plan to walk into work a completely different man than the last time he was there, it was a whole other story to actually achieve it, and after his little moment of zen, Remus’ perfectly planned day began to subsequently fall apart at the seams. 

His group-mates had been fairly uninspired with the topic they had been assigned and Remus began to feel like he might end up carrying the group's load a little too far. It wouldn't be earth-shattering information to anyone who knew him decently well, but Remus didn't exactly love group projects. Too often there were just far too many ways it could go awry, and in past experience, he often ended up taking care of more than his share of the work. He went into the process prepared for at least some of that each time, but this specific time was shaping up to be a huge headache for him in the future, and Remus didn't need any more headaches. He had his experience with layabout and uninterested group-mates before, but he left the meeting wanting to wring each one of their necks, and with an actual headache creeping up on him. 

The WiFi in his part of the building was acting spotty, so he walked around a little, aiming to catch a hotspot where he could steal at least two bars, just enough so he could check his university email and any newly posted grades. After searching for ten minutes to no avail, he decided _fuck it_ and risked his already spiking data. He shoved aside the nagging reminder that his bill was going to be shit at the end of the month aside, opened his online page to find he had received a B- on a Philosophy paper he absolutely knew deserved an A at the very least. He was aware he was being picky and the grade was perfectly acceptable -- if anyone he knew told him they received a B- on a paper, he'd have said well done, he knew that, but he had spent a lot of time on the paper, expected better results, and it didn't help that he had the same professor for his next class. 

He couldn't quite hold back from narrowing his eyes as his professor passed around paper copies of the student's papers. The man had asked for both online and paper submissions, which Remus thought was a ridiculous waste of paper, and insisted he would only go over the essays for a short time as they needed to stick to the syllabus. Already irked, Remus quite easily found himself unimpressed with this, and thought it might have been better planning to hand the papers back once class had finished, as all he wanted to do was find out the reasons for the mark he had been given, and time to assess out what he could have done differently. Of course, what he really wanted was a device that turned time back, that would give him a do-over if the world worked like that. He wasn't appreciative of the red marks along his paper, but couldn't very well use class time to stew over it, so he worked to push his feelings aside and focus on the material at hand. 

Once the blasted ninety minute class ended -- too long for Philosophy, but that was Remus’ own fault for picking the class as one of his electives -- he left his faculty building in the direction of work, ignoring the irritation growing as the bus he was planning to catch happened to not show up at all. Fine, the next one would still get him there with some time to spare, and it would be all well and good. As if reading his mind and saying no, the next bus he could take showed up late and with a huge crowd of people in it, seemingly making up for the last bus' disappearance. Remus was so frustrated with the situation that he was now giving large inanimate vehicles sentient thoughts that included childishness and spite; it might have been amusing in retrospect, but it wasn't funny at all to him with an elbow sticking at his back and his own book-bag knocking against the person he stood behind him every time the bus made a stop. His dull migraine had blossomed into a fierce one, and he fished around in his book-bag for his pain relievers, which ended up being at the bottom surrounded by a fair amount of things he grabbed onto instead and didn't need in the moment, clicking his tongue at the ridiculousness of it. He accidentally knocked the man beside him with his arm as he procured the pills, and it was a testament to his quickly deteriorating patience that Remus only managed a muttered apology for it when in any other case he'd have done so profusely. 

A bus ride that normally took about forty-five minutes on a good day took much longer due to all the stops the bus made, with an added bonus of an abnormal amount of traffic for the time of day it was. Remus arrived at work with only ten minutes to spare; far less time than he liked to have before a shift. By the time he wrenched the door open and got stuck holding it for six people as they left through it, Remus was feeling downright manic. 

Acting purely out of irritation and impulse, he stomped into the store intent on not speaking to a single soul until the moment he clocked in, and went behind the counter instead of passing the absurd amount of customers bustling about at three o'clock in the afternoon, a time that shouldn’t have been so damned busy. James' cheery "How's ol' Lupey doing?" rang in his ears as Remus past him at the till. 

"Don't,” he warned him. "Not today." 

James frowned and shrunk at his tone. "What's with you?" 

" _Where's Sirius?_ " Remus demanded. James' eyes widened, and he jerked his closed fist over his shoulder, pointing toward the back room with his thumb. Remus stalked past Mary without a word, he would feel guilty about that later, and went straight for the back door, dropping his bag on the desk on the way by. He slammed the door open, startling Sirius, who had been lounging against the wall but jumped and whirled around at the sudden noise. 

Remus stared directly at him. "Give me one," he demanded. 

Sirius stood frozen for a moment, then quickly reached into his back pocket. Intent on unnerving him for once, and on making a very strong point, Remus maintained eye contact as Sirius pulled out a cigarette and handed it over. Sirius had the lighter ready in a millisecond, reached up, and lit the cigarette for him. Remus let his gaze drop finally and closed his eyes, inhaling deeply before stepping back blindly until his back hit the brick wall, and he slid down it to the ground, sighing. 

There was a few moments peace before Remus looked back up at Sirius, who was still rooted to the spot. His mouth was set in a firm line, and he seemed unsure whether he should move, let alone sit or stay standing. Remus exhaled slowly. 

"At ease, soldier.” Sirius let out a sound that was somewhere between a bemused laugh and an inquiry. Remus had just begun a fierce staring contest with a tree across the parking lot but snapped his eyes up to Sirius at the sound. "What?" he asked, taking another mighty haul off the cigarette. 

"This is the weirdest moment I've had all week... and I've had a strange week," Sirius said, his body language still uncharacteristically stiff.

"Yeah?" Remus asked. "I'm having a strange month, then." 

Sirius stood still for another moment, seemed to think better of doing absolutely nothing, and joined Remus on the ground against the wall. "Wouldn't have pegged you for a smoker," he said.

"I'm not." 

Beside him, Sirius put his lighter in his pocket, jostling Remus' arm a little in the process. Remus pulled his knees up and in, hooking his arms around them, and Sirius matched his position, though he looked far less rigid than Remus did. "So, go, then," Sirius said. 

"I'm not going anywhere; _you_ go.”

"Fucking--" Sirius stopped himself. "Would you just work with me here? What’s going on?" 

Remus frowned, striking up another staring contest with the tree seeing as it’d won the last round. "It's nothing," he said. Sirius made a vague noise of disbelief beside him. “Really, just a shit day, nothing to be done about it.”

"Doesn't sound like nothing," Sirius surmised. He waited a beat. "I think you want to let it out." 

Remus sighed out another lung-full, flicking the cigarette absently. He bit his lip hard before he couldn't continue deflecting anymore, running his free hand through his hair. "I got a shit grade on a paper I worked tirelessly on, I'm in a group project with a bunch of sodding wankers who have somehow missed the memo stating uni requires work. _Work?_ " Remus said in an incredulous voice, " _Whatever could you mean, Lupin? What is work?_ \-- foreign idea, I know. Watch out, we've a idealist over here--" he paused at Sirius' snort, flinging the cigarette butt away, "--everything that could have gone wrong did, and it's only three so who knows what's next, I'll probably drop a vat of steaming coffee on myself in a little while, so stay far away from me tonight if you don't want to be a casualty -- I’ve a migraine the size of London and can’t put off my schooling even though reading sounds like a shit deal right now, and I’ll only feel guilty about it later if I do, and fuck it all, I've seventy pages of readings to get through tonight, and there isn't enough time, there's never enough time--"

The back door slammed open and James hollered out of it. "Oi-"

"Go back inside," Sirius snapped. His voice had a finality that Remus hadn't heard before, who sat still, listening to the blood pounding in his ears, hoping his medicine would kick in any time now. Although he couldn't see the look on his face, James seemed to recognize there was nothing negotiable about it if only for the quick slam of the door and silence that followed. "Keep going," Sirius said with his regular ease.

Remus sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "No, I've said quite enough,” he sighed out. "It does nothing to go ranting off about it. Bad form." 

Sirius gave him a look but didn't say anything more as he pulled out his pack again. He placed a cigarette on the top of Remus' left boot in a silent offer and lit another of his own. Remus fought the tight smile forming at the tiny gesture, but picked up the cigarette and fiddled with it instead of smoking it. 

"Starting from the top," Sirius said, pausing to exhale. "What kind of bad mark are we talking here?"

Remus frowned, lifting his hands to rub his eyes. "A sodding B minus," he said, moving two of his fingers aside to meet Sirius' eye, “and before you say anything--" But Sirius had already let out a sound of mock horror. 

"Well, you'd better just drop out now, then," Sirius told emphatically. “How can you stand the humiliation? I suggest you pack up and skip town, honestly; there’s no coming back from this.”

"Stop it!" Remus pleaded, elbowing Sirius, though it did nothing to stop him shaking from laughter. "I _know_ I wrote an A paper, so you can just shove it." He glared at Sirius, who still looked far more amused than sympathetic. “I'll have you know, it's not even the grade itself, but the fact that I know I can do better.” 

Sirius nodded, looked to be restoring calm, and considered him for a moment. "Right." He took another haul, blew that out. "How about we imagine the roles were reversed; I come storming the store, eyes wrought with blood lust, and complain to you about getting a B minus on a paper, what are you going to tell me?" 

Remus groaned. "Don't, Sirius," he said, wrapping his arms around his knees once again. "You don't have to tell me I'm being petty and ungrateful, I already know."

"I think if it were me,” Sirius went on louder, “and perhaps I'm only assuming here, but you'd most likely tell me it was perfectly fine, there wasn't much to be done about it as is, and that I'd just do better next time around.”

Remus deflated, resigned to agree. "Yeah, I would tell you that," he admitted. “I’d tell anyone that.”

Sirius leaned his head back on the wall, lolling it to the side to look at him. "Can't help you with the shit group, I'm afraid, aside from a good kick or two to their shins. That I can do. We can go right now if you’d like."

Remus snorted. "Plan B.” 

Sirius sighed, lifting his hands. "If you insist on being a pacifist, there's nothing I can do about it," he said airily. "Sorry about the migraine. There’s tylenol somewhere back here if you want some. And why don't we get you set up in the back and you can get those readings out of the way? Yes? Yes." He patted Remus' arm and made to get up off the ground. 

"But I'm supposed to be up there," Remus paused, thinking about James out on the floor, probably grumbling, "right now."

"Nevermind that," Sirius said, staying sitting. "James owes me a favour anyway." 

"Not me," Remus pointed out. "I wasn’t exactly cheerful when I came in. He’s not going to be very happy with me." 

"James can handle a little snark now and again, have you met him before? And he'd still be doing me a favour in the end," Sirius said, as if this weren't a tough concept to grasp. "Remus, it's fine. I can handle the place until you're done." 

Remus met Sirius' eyes, not seeing red anymore, and he was glad he did, because they really were one of the nicest colours he had seen, and his breath caught. It was there, sitting in an exhausted heap outside on the ground with Sirius, that he decided that he really had been a great git about the whole thing; it did him no good to be running and avoiding this. It was there he decided to try to accept his ever-growing attraction to Sirius, to see it as less of a form of punishment from some cosmic force and more as a splash of colour in his day, his week.

He still hadn't said anything, couldn't find the right words though he was poised to say something, but Sirius didn't seem eager to push him. He looked beside him at Sirius' arm resting on his own knee, and leaned over enough to touch his forehead to it, breathing out finally and it felt like the first real time he’d done so all afternoon. He mumbled a small thank you; it wasn't very loud, because he was being far too kind to him, and Remus didn't think he deserved it. His eyes were blurry, and they began to sting; he blinked back the wet behind his eyes, his eyelashes brushing against the soft material before he breathed in quick and lifted his head, straightening back up as he shook his head clear. "Sorry," he said, embarrassed by his behaviour all around. "I'm being ridiculous."

Sirius averted his eyes immediately, perhaps letting Remus off without a comment on his moment of weakness, and cleared his throat. He took one last haul of his smoke and crushed it under his boot, pushed himself to his feet. “Come on,” he said, though his throat sounded like it needed another clearing or two, nodding at the door. “Get you settled.”

Remus nodded, pulled himself to his feet, and walked through the door Sirius held open. Inside, he sat down at the table in the back room, took his readings out, and flipped to the page he had marked, while Sirius went up front to hopefully explain a hopefully much more abridged version of the reason for his behaviour and for not being up on the floor when he should have been. Sirius returned a few minutes later, looking around the room, and when Remus glanced up curiously Sirius paused for a moment. "James needs his things, but he's a little wary of you right now," he said, then laughed at the widening of Remus' eyes. "Not a bad lot in life if you're a right scary sight when angry, you know." 

Remus frowned again, thought again of his state when he entered the store, and he wasn't surprised James wanted to keep his distance for now. "Tell him sorry for me," he said regretfully, shrugging helplessly. 

"Stop it, it's fine," Sirius said, waving him off, moving back down the haul. He paused just before out of sight and pointed at him sternly. "Now, I don't want you back up there unless you've finished.” 

Remus nodded, a little embarrassed over all of it, but thankful all the same. "Sirius?" he said hesitantly. "I’m sorry about last time… I don't know what's gotten into me."

Sirius nodded. "Yeah, it's fine," he said after a moment. He left Remus alone for a blessed chance to tackle his work, and only showed up in the back once to switch the music over to his liking, but it was quite clear he was trying hard not to make too much of a stir as he did. 

When Remus had finished he checked the time and was glad to see he hadn't taken too long back there. He put his things away for now, walked out onto the floor, registering the moment he stepped onto it that Sirius had stuck on the White Album; he had no reason to believe it was for him, but he smiled anyway. He had a bit of a complicated relationship with the album, adoring most of side A and actively avoiding B, but he felt a chill at the idea that Sirius had unknowingly picked something that would work wonders on his mood. 

Sirius sat cross-legged on the floor below the till fiddling with the router, the shop's cordless phone on the floor beside him. Remus approached and stood over him, taking in the scene. "What's going on here?" he asked mildly. 

Sirius jerked and looked up. "WiFi's out," he said in a voice that suggested he was really quite stoked about it. “Been trying to fix it for an hour now, just having a ball down here.”

Remus frowned. “You should have told me, I’d have come cover the floor until you fixed it,” he told him, dreading the idea of Sirius trying to balance both tasks at once. 

“Relax, I’ve barely had any customers,” Sirius said flippantly, his eyes back on the router in his hands. “Although six separate people decided to inform me while I was down here." He beamed, wide and exaggerated, the faux graciousness radiating off him. 

"Sort of redundant when you were most likely on your phone when it went down and noticed immediately," Remus quipped, sticking his hands inside the pockets of his apron. 

"I'm the perfect worker, Remus, never on the internet," he said as he continued to fiddle with the machine. "But no; as if I haven't been down here this whole time trying to fix it. Drink your soy matcha latte, get stuffed, and let me do something about it."

Remus bit his lip to keep from laughing outright, as that probably wouldn't be appreciated just then. “I’ll keep to myself then, let you concentrate,” he said mildly, moving to wash his hands. 

“No, it’s fine,” Sirius said from behind him. “This was the last ditch effort, but it’s looking bleak.” 

Remus turned around as he dried his hands on a paper towel, unable to offer much advice about locating lost WiFi signals. "Perhaps you should call somebody?" he suggested, pushing the cordless phone on the floor closer to him with his shoe. "Lily, perhaps?" 

"Nah, she’d tell me to call I.T," Sirius groaned, rubbing his palms over his eyes, "but I’m going to have to try them because apparently this thing’s only interested in telling me to fuck right off, so I suppose I'll do that now that you're back." 

“Call I.T. or fuck right off?” Remus asked as he tossed the paper towel away.

Sirius’ eyes snapped up to him and he let out a surprised laugh. “Both, it’s both at this point,” he said, his eyes bright as they studied him. "You sound better. Are you?" 

"Better," Remus affirmed, nodding. "Thank you again." 

Sirius nodded, too, oblivious perhaps as to how his mere presence was doing wonders, then blinked down at the router in his hands, and unceremoniously shoved it back into its cubby under the till in the next instant. "Good, then I'm probably going to call them while I have a smoke -- they tend to keep you on hold for a while." He felt around on the floor beside him for the phone, stuck it in the pocket of his apron, and reached his hands up and out in front of him. Remus caught on quickly, grabbed his hands, and hoisted Sirius up off the floor. He let himself hold Sirius' hands for a second longer than necessary for the operation before letting go and didn’t even feel that ashamed over it. 

"Oh, and the till won't open," Sirius informed him, the wide, psyched grin back in place. 

Sirius in crisis mode was shaping up to one of the most entertaining things Remus had ever witnessed. "I'm sorry, what?" he clarified.

"Wifi went out first, taking out credit and debit with along with it shortly after, and now the whole thing just won't open," Sirius explained. 

"You didn't smack it around, did you?" Remus checked with a small frown, thinking of the treatment Sirius had given the espresso bar the week prior. 

"One or two good ones, but it was after the fact," Sirius said, moving past Remus. "Give people free coffees until we figure it out." 

"Are you--" 

"We're supposed to do this," Sirius clarified, turning back. "The company has it in its head that if we turn people away it leaves a bad taste in their mouth, and loses the company pounds in the short term. 'Course, this does, too, but then that one girl who got a free drink'll tell her friends how incredibly _giving_ the company is, and the pounds will double in the long run. Sneaky, isn't it?" 

Remus didn't say anything for or against Sirius' claim. "Alright," he said, gesturing that Sirius was off the hook. “Well, I’ve got it here, you go ahead.” In the end, he gave away three drinks before Sirius was back again, speaking with an I.T. representative over the phone. 

Remus busied himself with changing over the house blend, pleasantly amused by Sirius' professional air as he spoke over the phone; the words he chose were loaded with a stern message that he wasn't enjoying dealing with this at all, but his tone was exceptionally polite. 

"Mm, yes, I did try that," he said, crouching on the floor in front of the router. Remus stepped up beside him to take care of another customer, explaining there was no charge for the moment. "Right, I understand that... yes, but unfortunately, our till won't actually open, so--" 

There were a few beats of silence; Remus glanced down at Sirius, who glanced up at him flatly, brought his other hand up to his head to mimic a gun, and pulled the trigger. Remus gave him a small frown for the trouble he was going to, though a smile got poked through as well, and Sirius looked mildly amused if only for a moment, moving from his crouching position to kneel as he waited. Remus took care of two more customers, rather appreciative that none had ordered anything to be made on bar for he was rather enjoying being able to be a fly on the wall for this. 

Next were a few clipped responses as Sirius followed a series of steps per instruction, his professionally cheery voice abandoned as he concentrated. He leaned the phone between his neck and shoulder, pulled his phone out of his pocket, Remus assumed to check the status of the Wifi signal. "Yeah, it's back up. I’ll try it. Hold on." 

He moved to crouch again, reached up and pressed a few buttons on the screen of the till just after Remus had finished handing another drink off to a customer over the counter. The instructions must have done the trick because the till drawer snapped open instantly, socking Remus right in the hip. Sirius grimaced, grabbed for the drawer quickly, and pushed it back a little, placing his other hand where it had attacked Remus for a moment or two in apology. 

"Yes, it's open now. Yes. Thank you," he said as Remus' entire body thrummed. 

Sirius knocked the cash drawer closed with his hip and dropped the phone on the counter. He turned to Remus, whose head was still reeling over the three seconds Sirius' hand was on him, and raised his eyebrows, setting his hands on his hips. "I was just about to take the thing outside and pitch it,” he told him, grinning pleasantly again.

The words sunk in a moment later and apparently seeing the faux ecstatic grin a third time was the tipping point; Remus laughed as he tried to speak. "And did you have to restrain yourself? -- I'd have liked to see that."

"I get the feeling you enjoyed all of that," Sirius said, looking unimpressed. "That's just the general impression I'm getting here, correct me anytime." 

"You're a one-man show, I swear to you. I just... did you always have such a flair for performance? Have you looked into the art of theatre?" Remus had trouble getting the words out as he clutched the side of the counter. "You've got to hone in on your talent, Sirius; you're only cheating yourself if you don't." 

Sirius' eyes narrowed, but his mouth twitched upward. "You know what, you had a rough day so I'm letting all of that slide." His hands hung low on his hips where he had set them, and in any other case Sirius in this position might have sent Remus into a frenzy, but he had no chance to lose the feeling in his legs because I'm So Tired had started up over the sound system. 

Remus glanced up at the speakers, smiling because he loved this one. It was darkly appropriate for his mood this past week, but he had always gravitated toward it, and the play-through of the album was helping immensely as he expected it would. The Beatles reminded Remus of his childhood, of his father who loved and played them while he was little, and of his home in Wales. Remus had spent so much of his childhood and adolescence with their music playing in the background, and he didn't know why he ever really forgot that they were an instant form of medicine for him even so many years on. 

Sirius' smile was a different one when Remus looked back, and he knew he had put them on for him. It meant more than Sirius probably realized, and he gave him a smile of his own. "Thanks," he said. 

"It's fine," Sirius said, as though it were all in a day's work. 

By the time Remus was sweeping the floor and Sirius was adding the evening's totals, they had made their way through a full run of Sgt. Pepper, and were just getting into Magical Mystery Tour. It took hearing Sirius singing along to the flute solo in Fool on the Hill from his spot on the floor under the counter for Remus to admit that there were worse people to have fallen for. For the first time since starting at the shop, Remus left the store wishing his shift could have gone on a little longer. 

\--

When Remus approached the till before his next shift, James was decidedly apprehensive with him. "Alright?" he greeted. 

"I'm fine, and you?" Remus said, putting effort into a cheerier voice than usual. Their last encounter, however tense he had made it, was a special case and a side of himself that James wouldn't likely see very often, and he hoped he wouldn't hold it against him. He was glad to see James gave up on clipped responses fairly quickly and their first hour on the floor together ended up being perfectly pleasant, and he found James’ positive outlook and energy were rather infectious. Sirius arrived for his shift an hour into Remus', and it was a mere coincidence that he happened to have the iced coffee jug out on the counter, so it only made sense to make him his usual. Sirius' regular was a frankly shocking mix of way too much caffeine and a load of modifications, perfected after many months of working at the shop and Remus figured it was much of the reason for Sirius' boisterous energy on shift. Remus would never in a million years make it for himself, fearing dying at a young age due to cardiac arrest, but he shamefully memorized the drink as Sirius never made himself anything else.

Sirius brought his things to the back, came back up front, and stopped at the hand-off station to talk to a regular. He looked rather surprised when Remus plonked it down in front of him, but there was no look of horror or disgust to be seen on Sirius' face when he tried the concoction, so Remus took some pride in making it right.

Sirius was caught off guard momentarily as two hands snaked around his waist, and a woman hugged him from behind. 

"Ahh, I missed you!" she said, her words muffled as she was quite a bit shorter than Sirius and was a little busy squeezing the life out of him, her face tucked between his shoulder blades. Sirius' hands were at her arms around him a moment later, squeezing back. She reappeared right beside him, not an inch of space between them, and Sirius brought his arm up around her shoulders. The two began the catching up they clearly had been needing to do, and Remus pointedly turned away; not his best move because James had turned up right beside him. He had a reason to be there, the plonk of a cup on the counter was a fair indication, but Remus still managed to feel like he had been caught staring. He busied himself with what he assumed to be her drink, glad to have somewhere else to look. 

A few minutes after the woman had left, and Sirius had retreated to the back, while Remus tidied up the condiment bar, then went back to grab more stir sticks. Sirius came back inside from his smoke as Remus located and opened a new box. "Remus, I figure you're the man to talk to about this," he said, pulling his jacket off. "Any chance you're a resident expert on Beatles releases? Vinyl specifically." 

Remus blinked as sifted through the box. "I wouldn't call it that," he said, pulling out a few packs of stir sticks. He stood, clutching the packs at his side. "My dad’s been collecting theirs for decades, though, so I know a little, I suppose." 

Sirius launched straight into a tale. "Right, so I'm at that shop on Berwick," Remus knew the place as it was not far from his flat, so he nodded, though a little distracted by Sirius pulling his fingers through and tying up his hair, "and I pick up one I'd never seen before. ‘Course they've had about a million releases, but usually I can recognize them by cover, you know? And the bloke at the shop goes on and on about how rare it is, and I'm thinking he could be having me on, why would it still be there if it were such a big deal? I went ahead and bought it, figured you'd be able to tell me if I've been swindled."

"What's it look like?" Remus asked, readjusting the package of stir sticks at his hip. 

"It's got the four of them, they're in suits, they've got those horrid bowl cuts." Sirius held his hand out in front of him, splaying his hands on each syllable, "Introducing -- The -- Beatles." He paused with his hand still in the air as Remus' eyes widened.

"You found that in a shop?" he asked. “ _That_ shop?”

Sirius nodded, dropping his hand. "That's odd, then?"

"To stumble across, yes. That one is worth something like two hundred pounds at least, and you just found it?” Remus said. “That's mad -- for how much?"

"I don’t remember," Sirius said, shrugging. “Nothing outlandish.” This news was a little jarring to Remus, for the fact that he had a list of Somewhat (Maybe in the Future) Affordable Vinyls he'd have liked to buy for his dad if luck and his wallet were permitting, and that specific one happened to be one of the few Beatles records he didn't have in his collection. "So some nutter cleaned out his record collection a while back and should be kicking themselves for it? Is that what you're getting at?"

Remus nodded, still quite dumbfounded. "Yeah, you could take it like that if you want to,” he said.

"Well, great, I will," Sirius said, bobbing on the spot cheerfully. "Wasn't swindled, then." 

Remus couldn't quite help himself. "You collect their records?" It wasn't that it was far-fetched, but he couldn’t help feeling a little envious of Sirius moseying on into a shop willy-nilly, and happening upon something he figured he would have to do a lot more extensive digging for or parting with a fair amount of cash to find. Sirius would be that lucky. It was arbitrary, he knew, but he would feel better about it if Sirius at least owned a number of them. 

"I have a fair few," Sirius offered breezily as he stuck his apron on. Remus nodded, pondered the good karma he thought he had been putting out into the world over his twenty-two years in it, and wondered why things like this didn't happen to him. Sirius looked at him, trying to read his expression before a look of understanding seemed to dawn his features, the makings of a smile forming. "Do you want to hear it, then?" 

Well. Of course he did. "Of course I do," Remus said. “Are you mad?” 

Sirius tilted his head as if giving Remus at least that, then started off for the floor. "Right, well, when things calm down a little for you, you know with school and all that; I've got one of those newer systems -- I know, I know,” he said, then put on a drawl, “‘purity of sound, takes away from the experience’, sure, but do you know what? I like being able to switch to auxiliary, then to CD and cassette without having seven separate clunky machines, thank you very much, and I don’t feel guilty about it."

"I don't work Sundays," Remus offered faster than he meant to. He quickly tried to cover up his excitement about being invited anywhere with Sirius, let alone this, and spoke more reserved. "And I finish quite early on Saturdays." 

"This Saturday?" Sirius asked moderately. 

Remus somehow managed to glance at the ceiling in thought, attempting to have it look like he had to move a few things around on his schedule. “Yeah, I could do that,” he said calmly, though he was holding onto the stir sticks with a vice grip.

"Well, I'm closing obviously, but you can come ‘round to mine after,” Sirius offered. “Works for me." 

James called down the hall. "Sirius, if you don't get up here right now, I'm putting hair removal into your shampoo bottle, and I won't even feel the least bit sorry about your tears--"

"Yeah, yeah, coming," Sirius called to him, already on his way. It took Remus a few dazed moments to register that he was standing alone in the backroom holding sticks before he pulled himself together, and made his way up to the front as well.


	5. Chapter 5

The tail end of the week passed by unsurprisingly slow as Remus found himself growing more and more anxious about Saturday evening. He worked longer on Friday get his paper due the following week out of the way, and had another start planning as much as he could between the time his shift was over and when he was expected back at the shop for when Sirius locked up. 

Once he had ended his shift, he stopped in at the library. His materials list had been expensive, as it always was, but he started this semester with less than ideal account balances. Some he managed to purchase second-hand, but other books were more difficult to find at a discounted price, and he opted for renting some of the more expensive ones rather than buying them upfront. It meant, however, that he needed to be quick about getting his name on the list, as those were the books that tended to fly off the shelves faster than others. In the end, it was a good day to get the task done, as not a single person had signed the book he needed out. He couldn't take the book off the premises, so he found his spot at the far end of the fourth floor, and made as extensive notes as he could with weekend library hours being what they were. By six, the library had emptied out and was closing up, and Remus shelved the book, deciding his best option was to head back to the shop. He had time to kill, but work to fill it with, and why not take advantage of his employee discount while he was at it? 

Sirius was, of course, on till when Remus stepped inside the shop. Mary closed Saturdays with him but seemed to be on her break as she was nowhere in sight. Remus walked over to stand in front of it, and Sirius looked up from his phone and blinked at Remus, giving him a crooked grin. "Library weekend hours are awful," Remus offered by way of explanation, he was a few hours early, after all. 

"Shame, really, because they're such hotspots otherwise," Sirius said, sticking his phone in his back pocket. 

Remus smiled and gave a half-shrug. "The library also doesn't offer thirty percent off unlimited amounts of tea, which I'm partial to," he added.

"And here I thought you were here to see me, when it was the tea calling you," Sirius tutted, hovering his left hand over the cups. "Which one?" 

"Wouldn't you rather I just get it myself?" Remus checked. He'd learned over the last few weeks that Sirius was uninterested in making an employee's drink even if they were off-shift for he felt they could easily step onto the floor for three minutes and make it themselves. "You did look incredibly busy when I got here." 

"For that one I should make you get it yourself," Sirius retorted. 

"The service here really is just awful," Remus mused, pulling the weighing strap of his bag off his shoulder. "I'll set my stuff down and come 'round." 

"Nah, sit, I'll bring it over," Sirius said, turning his hand in a circle around the cups in question once more. 

"White tea, then, thank you," Remus said, pulling out his wallet and then his employee card. "Small is fine." 

"Put your money away," Sirius told him. “We’ve gone over this.”

"Sirius, it'll be two pounds, I can do that--" But Sirius was already off, so Remus shoved the twinge of embarrassment down and replaced it with appreciation, then briefly contemplated which spot was his best option. Since Remus' laptop was really more of a glorified note-taking device and ran only one browser if it worked with him on a given day, it didn't offer much in terms of battery life and his options were limited. There were a few spots near outlets, he spotted the one in the corner, but he didn't want to take up a table for four with just him and his things. Unfortunately, the rest of the spots were taken up, and his only other choice was the stool seating lining the bar. He set his work around him neatly, plugged his laptop in, and set his jacket and scarf on the stool to his left. He glanced over at Sirius, who seemed to have forgotten about Remus' tea, now chatting up two girls at the till. Remus frowned, irritated though it had less to do with his tea, and took his eyes off the display. He wasn't about to ask for it again; he hadn't even paid for the thing. He opened his book, doing his best to ignore the timer that went off in the background, quite a difficult task after answering the noise's every whim for the past four weeks. 

Sirius appeared a moment later, sliding the largest size offered across the bar. “Don’t worry," he said airily. "I know you like it steeped, so that's covered." 

Remus thanked him, zoned in on Sirius even noticing something so small, and smiled for two reasons. Sirius slid an envelope with his name on it over to him and pulled him out of his strange stupor. "Right," he said. "I keep forgetting to ask for those." Really, it was more that Remus didn't like asking outright for his tips, and often hoped others would ask around him so he wouldn't have to, or would simply hand them to him, and so far that had worked for him. He peeked inside the envelope and saw a few bills; it had been a good week for tips from the looks of it. Sirius leaned forward, resting his elbows on the counter, and feeling a little brave, Remus shook the envelope. "I feel like I should be giving you a cut of this," he teased. "If you didn't flirt so much, we wouldn't get nearly as much as we do." 

He immediately regretted saying it, feeling as though he had shown his cards and Sirius was going to figure him out, and that he really shouldn't attempt teasing ever, but Sirius only gave a put-upon sigh. "I can't help it, Remus," he said. "The fans, they come, and I can't ignore them, can I?" 

"Right," Remus said, stuffing the envelope away. "You're a martyr that way." Sirius gave him a coy smile and shoved himself back from the counter as a man approached the till. Remus thought then that he was naive in thinking this spot was a viable option, what with the walking distraction only a few feet away. He was determined however; if he could study on a crowded bus just fine, he could do this, too. Mary came back onto the floor a little ways into his session, and when Remus looked up again, she replaced Sirius, cutting him free for his own break. Remus made easy, if slightly distracted, conversation with her for a few moments before attempting to return to his work. He was on a bit of a roll, at just about the middle mark of structuring his outline and typing out a quote from the open textbook on his lap when Sirius plopped himself down on the empty stool beside him. He did his best to ignore the incessant thrum that ran through his body when Sirius was close and focused on getting the source for his paper down, though in his peripheral he saw Sirius drape himself on the counter, arms splayed out over it. 

"Mary," he called to her, dragging her name out, "come to me." 

Mary let go of the plate she was washing and walked over. "What is it this time?" she asked. "Poor baby's a little tired?"

"Exhausted," Sirius clarified. "Make me my drink? I won't make it until the end of the night without." 

She sighed, breathy and exaggerated. "Fine, but you'll have to help me along," she said. "I don't know what you put in it, but I know it’s extensive." 

Remus looked up then. He didn't fancy shining awareness on the fact that he had memorized it in the first place, but that didn't really pan out as she picked up a large hot cup and "It's iced," came out of his mouth involuntarily. To save face he added, “I shudder at the idea of drinking something cold in October.” 

"More for me, then." Sirius pulled his arms in and lay his head down, facing Remus with his eyes closed. "Tell her the rest for me?" 

"I'm a little preoccupied here," Remus said, turning his attention back to the textbook in his lap. 

"Take a break now and again," Sirius said, giving into a yawn by the end of his sentence. "Wish you were on, you make it better than anyone." 

Mary clicked her tongue. "I didn't have to make this, you ungrateful--" 

"I'm eternally grateful," Sirius insisted. "Still had to be said." 

Sirius told Mary the various array of half pumps of syrup he took, and she scoffed. "You don't go ordering this from other stores, do you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"What do you take me for?" Sirius asked. "Iced coffee to the third line. Four shots."

"You're going to die young." 

"I told him the same thing," Remus spoke up, his eyes still scanning the print of his textbook. 

"Your concerns for my health are appreciated, but entirely misplaced; I'm going to live forever,” Sirius declared. 

"For someone who's so exhausted, you sure haven't lost any speaking ability,” Remus observed, turning the page.

"Rarely do," Sirius quipped. Mary opened the ice machine with a clunk. "Light ice!" 

"Right, wouldn't want to dilute liquid death or anything," she said. 

She slid it across the counter, and it was only then that Sirius lifted his head. "Lovely girl, you are. Thank you." She smiled and went to handle a few customers who had just walked in while Sirius drained about a quarter of the drink in one go. 

"What's this one, then?" he asked around his straw, poking the cover of Remus' book. 

"Psychologies of Education," Remus told him mildly. 

"How is it?"

"Stimulating," Remus said, dog-earing the top of the page he was on to mark a few sentences he needed. "Almost as if it's something I'd like to continue reading." Remus caught Sirius half-grin out of his peripheral. "It’s probably my favourite class, so I don't know if I could legitimately call this work."

Sirius blinked. "Your dedication is a little frightening." 

"Here," Remus said, holding the book out to Sirius. "If you absolutely have to keep talking, and I know you do, read this part out so I can get it down." Sirius took the book, began from the spot Remus pointed at with unnecessary inflection, ramping up his voice to make the excerpt sound like the most exciting information out there. Remus typed along as Sirius rattled off the sentences, pausing at the end of each to see that Remus had caught up before continuing on until Remus told him he got down what he needed. 

Sirius blew out a bit of air. "Riveting,” he observed.

"Don't apply for a degree in education, then," Remus advised, clicking the spacebar in punctuation. 

"I'd never. I'd be a terrible professor," Sirius said as he handed the book over. 

"You're actually not half bad when you're not being incredibly vague," Remus said airily as he flipped to the next page, scanning for points pertaining to his next argument. 

Sirius clicked his tongue before downing more of his concoction, but Remus could see out of the corner of his eye that he seemed to enjoy the dig. "You over the B, then?" he asked.

"B minus, and I was until you reminded me," Remus said. He glanced up when Sirius didn't reply, but instead looked sheepish for bringing it up. "I'm kidding. Some plonker told me I was being a little ridiculous about it, and I believed him."

Sirius took another sip. "Sounds clever for a plonker," he said, smiling around his straw. 

"He has his moments," Remus said mildly, giving him half the smile in return. 

"Shit, hold on," Sirius said, fishing in his pocket for his phone. "I'm going to need you to say that again -- little clearer for the microphone, so I can play it back to remind you those were your own words." Remus scoffed lightly, glancing down at his book, then back up again. Sirius drained the last of his drink before he raised his eyebrows and slid off his stool. 

"Get back to work, Remus," he chided airily before heading for the back room. 

Remus smiled down at the book in his hands, unable to register any of the words as his heartbeat set back to a regular pace. With some effort, he managed to get back to work. By closing time, he churned out enough sources from his textbook, and with the ones he'd gathered from the one he rented earlier, he had the outline for his next paper set to complete the following day and he deemed the session a productive one all around. He did feel a pang of guilt, unsure if perhaps he should offer to get together a different night if Sirius was as tired as he claimed. Perhaps he very much wanted to see it pan out, for it only took one reminder to himself that Sirius was in no way restrained and would have asked to reschedule if he wanted to quell his nerves just then.

He shut his laptop and put it and the rest of his things away as Sirius locked the door. He offered to help with the sweeping and mopping because he was there and felt he should, rather than sit and watch the other two close up. Once Mary had tidied everything she needed to, she asked Sirius if he wouldn't mind if she cut out ten minutes early, and he waved her off from the floor in front of the safe. "Are you sure?" she checked. 

"Go on. Have anywhere pressing to be, Remus?" Sirius asked smoothly without looking up from his cash drawer.

Remus stared intently at the dust pile he collected. "Really, Mary, go on," he insisted. "I'm here anyway, might as well." 

"Thank you," she said earnestly. "Only I've got to be there in half an hour, and last time I missed it I had to wait around, and it's chilly..." 

"Go or you'll miss it," Sirius ordered. She gathered her things, smiled, and called out her thanks once more before she went through the door. Remus mopped as Sirius finished up with the evening’s totals, tapping his foot along to the Billy Idol playing overhead; tonight's general theme had been an ode to eighties. 

As they turned out the lights and Sirius punched out, Remus listened to him retell a story about a date he witnessed go horribly awry earlier in the day. By the time they were out of the store and Sirius was locking up, Remus had cringed enough for a small lifetime, both relieved and regretful that he hadn't been present to witness the train-wreck in real time. "Bloke had no idea where he went wrong, either," Sirius stressed, turning away from the door. "It was life-changing seeing it." 

"I've seen one like that, though not quite as terrible," Remus said, wrapping his billowy scarf around his neck another time in an attempt to achieve maximum warmth. "I wanted to interrupt and tell her to flee as fast as she could, but she put an end to it rather quickly in the end." 

Sirius noticed Remus' shiver and tugged on his scarf. "How could you possibly be cold right now? You've got two jumpers on, and this," he said. 

"I’ve the build of a sparrow," Remus said. He ducked the lower half of his face into his scarf nest and spoke louder to compensate for the material blocking his mouth. "Does absolutely nothing for insulation. How far is your place?" 

"Not very," Sirius said, looking irritatingly unaffected by the temperature when he had on a lighter jacket than Remus did. "Can you last ten minutes?" 

"Mm -- distract me," Remus requested, stuffing his mittened hands into the pockets of his jacket. 

Sirius hummed vaguely. "Did you finish the paper?" he asked.

”Not quite, no,” Remus said. “That’ll be done tomorrow. The outline is finished, though, so the rest will write itself.” As they walked Sirius told him more tales of his day, and by the time he brushed Remus' arm and turned into a building on their left he had been able to sufficiently ignore the cold. He followed Sirius up a flight of stairs, stopping behind waiting as he unlocked his door. They stepped through to an already illuminated hallway and Remus could tell the place was fairly up already. 

"Your electricity bill must be murder," he observed. 

"Call me strange, but I don't fancy tripping and breaking something the moment I step through the door," Sirius said, shucking his boots off. 

"Well, I was calling you wasteful, but thank you, you've given me another word for it," he said, toeing his own boots off on the mat. 

Sirius snorted and went off down the hall, while Remus assumed he was to follow him and did. The place was larger than he expected, noting the impressive size of the living room as they went through it. Sirius led him into the kitchen which was also fairly spacious, and Remus pondered what he would even do with the amount of space Sirius had to work with. He didn't think he had enough possessions to occupy much of it, and the place would probably look even bigger if he had a flat this size. Compared to Remus' tiny one bedroom flat where his kitchen, living, and dining room were really all the same room, Sirius' flat was a palace. 

A certain detail caught Remus’ eye; he walked over to the back door and pulled it open. "This isn't real," he insisted, stepping out onto a shared patio in the middle of the building, looking up to see balconies lining each of the three floors and the night sky above them. "This is yours?" 

"Well, it's shared," Sirius said, leaning in the doorway, giving a shrug as if everyone opened their backyard to a spacious shared patio. "Everyone's got their own area, but parties are fun out here when everyone joins in." 

Remus shook his head, unable to hold back his astonishment. "If I ever had this outside my flat, I don't think I'd spend any time away from it," he said dazedly. "I've the most pitiful little perch out the side of my living room, nothing like this." He pictured himself studying out there, growing increasingly envious of Sirius' lot in life, and was unable to stop himself. "I’m sorry, and don’t take this the wrong way, but there's no way one person could afford this, is there? Actually, if the answer is anything like 'oh, it's extremely reasonable,' then I don't know that I want to hear it." 

"Then I've got some good and bad news for you," Sirius said airily, heading back into the kitchen. 

"Bad news first, then," Remus requested, following and shutting the door behind him. 

"If you insist," Sirius said. "It’s reasonable, but no, I wouldn't be able to have the place all on my own." And that was when Remus realized he hadn't even considered the possibility of Sirius having a girlfriend, and his mind flashed to the array of girls that had stopped by the shop to see Sirius, wondering which one of them might come walking through the door at any point, reminding himself that he had no reason to put more stock into a friendly get-together. 

"Mind, it helps when you know the landlords," Sirius added, scooping coffee grinds into a french press on the counter. "The Potter's own the building." 

"Does James live here, too?" Remus asked.

"Has the one off the living room," Sirius said. He set the coffee container down, and looked about, dragging one of the chairs at the table over to the stove. He stepped up onto it, opening up one of the cupboards above. "Still upset about that to this day, but there's nothing he can do about that. Fair's fair." 

Remus assumed he ended up with the smaller room, though even then, it was a bit of a reach. He really wasn't sure, but moved on from that. "Is he here?" 

"You’d have heard him by now if he was," Sirius said, his head still in the cupboard. "He’s at Lily's, I should think. Don't suppose he'll be back tonight." He reemerged with a few boxes and dropped down from the chair, depositing a few boxes onto the counter with a sigh. "Now, our tea selection likely isn’t up to your taste, but we do have some." 

"You live and work together?" Remus asked perplexed as he checked out his choices. "How have you two not killed each other yet?" 

Sirius laughed as he rummaged through one of the plenty of cupboards below the counter. "Our schedules are a little off, so we don't see as much of each other as you might think," he said, emerging with a round, bright green kettle. He filled it with water, moved back over to the stove, and stuck it on top of one of the burners. "We're quite used to each other after ten years, mind." 

"I suppose that would do it," Remus said, leaning back against the counter by the stove. 

Sirius dragged the chair back to the table and plopped himself down on it by the window. He turned to grab an ashtray off of the windowsill, set it on the table, and leaned back against the wall. He lit a smoke and stuck his elbow on the ledge, looking so picturesque that Remus had to look around to find something else to admire. 

Fortunately for him the kitchen had a lot about it to take in. He rather liked the shade of red that had been chosen for the walls and the black and white checkered tiles, the combination of the two made the room look even more spacious than it was. The appliances had a vintage look to them, save for the French press set to the side of the stove, and refrigerator which was stainless steel and stuck out like a sore thumb from the rest. Remus opened a cupboard to find mugs to lend a hand and noticed none of them matched, deciding on one with a large cartoon pig on it, and another that was essentially a rubix cube with a handle on it, setting them down next to the kettle. Upon further inspection, he noted that not a single item in their kitchen went with anything else. Remus picked up an ice cream spoon shaped like a penguin off of the drying rack and held it up. 

"Quite a collection you have here," he observed. 

Sirius let out a puff of smoke. "There's a shark knife in the drawer, too," he said, nodding in the direction of it. 

“Best to keep the two apart,” Remus said before he knew why he'd done it and paused. “I've no idea why I just said that. Let's pretend I never did.” 

Sirius seemed fine with humouring him for some unfathomable reason. “That’s what we thought, too?” he laughed. “Give the thing a fair chance.” 

Remus gave him a small smile for pretending his bad joke was even a little bit funny and moved past it quickly. "It's as if you raided a garage sale for your kitchen supplies,” he said, sticking the penguin back in the dish rack. 

"You wouldn't be that far off," Sirius told him. "We kept bringing home things as we needed them, and I don't know if you've caught on yet, but we're a little impulsive. If we see something the other's going to love, it has to be brought back." Remus' eyes fell on a brightly coloured sugar bowl shaped like a cupcake, then on a sign hung above the stove that read 'Mama's Kitchen'. He smiled at it incredulously, glancing back at Sirius for some explaining, and he smirked around his cigarette. "Came home to that lovely addition the other day." 

"This is the strangest place I've been in," Remus said genuinely, "but it's a good strange. It suits you both." 

The kettle whistled, Sirius stuck his cigarette in his mouth, lifted himself from his chair, and set to pouring the hot water over the grinds he had ready. “Now, I made enough for a pot for you, because I have this strange feeling you find tea on a string sacrilegious, but you've no option at work,” Sirius said. “Correct me if I'm wrong, mind.” 

Remus let out an amused breath through his nose. “Am I that obvious?” he asked as Sirius sifted through another cupboard, procuring a round teapot. 

“Not outright,” Sirius said, giving it a rinse. “Only I've caught your slight grimaces when you’ve just finished a cup.” 

He brought it over and Remus smiled meekly as he tossed two tea bags into it. “It's worse just off the weekend,” he said conversationally as he poured the hot water. “I finish early on Saturdays and don't work again for about three days, so I've had time to--” 

“Block out the experience,” Sirius finished for him, nodding evenly. 

Remus laughed. “I more meant rediscover my infatuation, but yes, that too,” he said agreeably. He crossed his arms and leaned sideways against the counter as he waited for it to steep just a little more. 

“You know,” Sirius started nonchalantly, holding his mug in front of his mouth, “you could just keep a teapot in the back to use for when you're on shift, and I wouldn’t even call you pretentious for it.” 

Remus’ mouth quirked. “That's one incredible lie,” he observed. 

Sirius swallowed a sip of coffee. “Yeah, it was,” he affirmed, smiling now. 

“You’d never let me hear the end of it.” 

“No, I really wouldn't.” 

“Nice try, then,” Remus complimented. 

He only saw half of Sirius smile, the other blocked by his mug. "Should we get to the main event?" he proposed, his eyebrows raised. 

Remus nodded, deciding he could handle a weak cup in exchange for what they had planned and poured himself one as Sirius stubbed his cigarette out, and followed him back through the flat. He noticed more trinkets and knick-knacks along the way that peppered the place with personality; the lived in feel of the flat, the no doubt second-hand furniture, the creaky floorboards, the overall design of the building that suggested the place was ancient. Remus looked back at the piano pushed to one wall, but he kept his mouth shut because he really didn't want to find out if Sirius played, that would be too much; he couldn’t have it all. He told himself James was simply a master pianist and kept walking. 

Sirius led the way back toward the front door into a room across from it. Before entering, a room at the far end of the hall caught Remus' eye that looked to have various paintings and odd decorations that perhaps hadn't found homes just yet in it, and he marvelled at how the place just kept getting larger. Remus stepped into Sirius' room to find it was the same shade of red as the kitchen, giving Remus the same feeling he had in the other room; a decidedly more complicated one, as Remus should not have felt so at home in Sirius' bedroom. 

His bedroom was really more like two rooms in one. The two of them stood in what was evidently his bedroom, and the far side looked to be more of an office or study, with a desk, a smaller couch, and some more dressers littered about. "I'm honestly shocked," Remus said, staring around the room. "I feel as though I could yell and my voice would echo back." 

Sirius grinned. "Snagged the master bedroom," he said, somewhat unnecessarily now. 

“How did you manage that?” Remus asked. 

Sirius sprawled down on his bed. “Won a bet,” he said, his voice strained as he stretched his arms above his head. Remus averted his eyes as Sirius' shirt rode up, noticing a closet in the corner, a modest but attractive turntable complete with two stacked speakers on the ground along the wall, and a number of crates of records were strewn about the room. 

Remus thought it would look odd to keep standing while Sirius lounged and opted for the floor, leaning back against the side of the bed. He put his mug down on the ground, pulled his jumper off, and stuck it on the bed behind him, jerking slightly when Sirius rolled over and pulled himself to the edge of the bed. He propped himself up on his elbows, his right arm pressed against Remus’ shoulder. "Pass that first one," he requested, pointing to one of the crates of records on the other side of the speakers. Remus moved to pull it over just under Sirius and sat back against the bed again, while Sirius leaned over and flipped through it. He held back a comment on how rarities like the one Sirius was looking for deserved a spot that was more easily accessible, if not a special section all it's own, because who was he to knock his system? 

Sirius stopped flipping and pulled out what he was looking for, waggling it in his hands. Remus would never deem himself an audiophile, or even much of a vinyl enthusiast (that would be his father), but the record had been on his dad's wish list for years, and he thought it would be much harder to even look at it aside from pictures online, and now he was in a room with it. "Can I...?" he started, realizing how strange and desperate he came across. 

Luckily, Sirius seemed fine with humouring Remus as a whole tonight. He nodded, his eyes bright. "You can even be the one to put it on," he added mystically. 

Remus smiled sheepishly, took it from him, and inspected the cover. It was frayed, definitely an old copy, and that caused an even harder gut punch. Sirius had really just happened upon this? The universe, he decided for the umpteenth time, was severely unbalanced in its cosmic justice. He reminded himself to give Sirius some credit as he did seem to have quite a collection of records coming along. 

He moved to kneel in front of the setup, carefully took out the record, placed it on the turntable, and gently set the needle. The record spun, a familiar crackle popped, and music filled the room. Remus sat back against the bed once more, picked up his still piping hot cup, and nestled in. With the music, familiar and yet not at all, Sirius beside him, sitting in a room he already loved, in a flat he was sure he had dreamt of; he forgot all about anything plaguing him outside for the moment. 

Sirius' voice brought him back. "Worth the wait?" He stayed propped up on his elbows, picked up his own mug and held it off the bed. 

"Yeah, it is," Remus said, shaking his head clear. "My dad's talked of this one quite a bit, and it's a little strange to finally hear it. Not out of a laptop, I suppose." 

"Big fan, too?" Sirius asked before taking another swig of coffee. 

Remus nodded emphatically. "Played them quite a bit when I was a younger,” he detailed. “Has quite the collection going, but this one and a few others have been difficult for him to find. It's why I was so shocked you stumbled upon it.” 

"Explains that look on you’ve got on whenever they're playing, too," Sirius said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his left ear. 

"Well, I go through phases," Remus explained, "but it's one of those that comes back full steam, or I suppose never really leaves, do you know what I mean?" 

"Yeah, I know what you mean," he said with a quirk at his mouth. 

"I suppose it's also that I'm missing home a lot more lately, so they're something from there that I'm clinging to at the moment." Remus probably should have felt more embarrassed letting that out, but the chamomile was really working wonders; he felt rather at ease, didn’t mind having Sirius so close to him, so he kept on. "Home reminds me of them, they remind me of it. Sort of a never ending circle. It was you, actually, that started it up again." 

Sirius had just downed the last of his coffee and set his mug on the floor, but looked up at Remus as though he couldn't quite figure out his role so Remus offered more. "When you played Abbey a few weeks back. See I didn't get to visit home over the summer, and I would have liked to, so hearing it again was like a piece of it, without actually being there... anyway, sort of brought it back. Thank you’s are in order." 

Sirius made no expression that suggested he thought of Remus as a ponce after blurting all that out, and smiled instead. "Where's home, then?" he asked. 

"Wales," he said, "Rhonnda specifically. It's not a terrible trip to make or anything, but I had some classes over the summer that I had to take so I’m able to graduate on time, so the timing just didn't work out." 

Sirius pulled a face. “Oh, not you, too,” he said disapprovingly. 

“I’m sorry?” Remus asked. 

“I expected you to be above the 'on time' myth,” Sirius elaborated. "I’ll never understand why people go along with it." 

Remus knitted his eyebrows together. "Myth is a bit of a strong of a word considering-- ” 

"Who’s telling you to get it done on time?" Sirius cut over him plainly. "What counts as too long to get a degree? Where's the clock?" He recited the questions in a way though he had done so many times before and hadn't received good enough answers for any of them, and Remus immediately felt as though he were being looked at through a magnifying glass. 

"I switched my major a year in; I have four more years of this, I didn't want to take any more time that I already will have to," he said, feeling the skin on the back of his neck prickle. "It made sense to knock some out of the way, rather than do another year or more extra." 

"Fine, but who's going to hold it against you if you did take extra time?" Sirius asked. 

"Nobody, that's not the point." 

Sirius gave another disapproving expression. "So, some invisible force is tapping its foot and pointing to its wrist, telling you to work double-time on something that literally has no time constraint?" he asked disbelievingly and caught Remus' recoil. "All I’m saying is if you’ve no one making you do this then you’re the one who set this arbitrary time limit for yourself. The diploma is going to be there whether it takes you four years or eight." 

Remus sighed, wishing he could articulate himself better. "There is a time constraint if money isn't fountaining all over," he replied, using his hand for emphasis. Not exactly articulate, but it was a point Sirius should consider. "You’re not taking into account that it’s difficult when you’re paying your own way, and for some to do it even longer would be--"

Sirius ran straight with his point, but headed in the opposite direction with it. "Even more reason not to kill yourself working non-stop at it. The end result is just going to suffer anyway--" 

Remus knew deep down that the whole derailment wasn't about him necessarily, but he couldn’t help feeling defensive. "I manage fine, thank you,” he snipped, “and it really isn't your place to say if you haven't even bothered going.” 

"I did, thanks," Sirius snipped back much more effectively, as Remus was struck with the very real fact that he couldn't actually list ten facts about him with all that much validity. Silly quirks were nothing when he really didn't know much about him or where he was coming from. On the other hand, Sirius didn't know Remus well either for if he had he would have known this was a sensitive subject for him. 

"I shouldn't have assumed, I'm sorry," Remus said, looking down at his mug with a shake of his head. "It's a sore subject for me." 

"Me too," Sirius said, stretching the words out. He looked away from Remus, reached over to the top of his bedside table for a pack he must have had lying around. He grabbed also for the ashtray beside it and stuck it on the ground below him. 

Remus took another sip of his tea carefully as Sirius lit up. "I think I'm just more irritable than usual lately," he said, as much to himself as to Sirius. “I shouldn’t be taking it out on you.” 

Sirius rolled onto his back and rubbed his free hand over his eyes. "Yeah, well, I'm irritable most of the time, so it's not all on you," he said, dropping his hand. He took another pull off his cigarette, glancing over at Remus. "You visiting them soon? Hols, I suppose." 

Remus frowned, thinking his luck was utter shit right about then. Sirius clearly only wanted to steer the conversation into less strenuous areas, but he happened to land on a different topic Remus wasn't keen on thinking about, but he knew it'd come off rude if he were to brush it off. "No, I don't think so," he said. He moved to sit cross-legged, picking at the large cartoon pig on the side his mug with his thumbnail. "What I make right now is enough to cover what I need, but it won't leave me much travel money. Not with three days a week, anyway, but that's about all I can feasibly work right now. It's alright besides; the break really isn't long enough to justify the trip back, I'll have to turn around the moment I get there, and at that point it would be almost worse than not going at all." 

“You’ve thought a lot about this,” Sirius observed after letting out a haul. "What's a ticket like these days? Can't be terrible." 

Remus noticed he chipped the paint on the mug with his thumbnail just a little and stopped doing that immediately. Side A of the record came to a close and he moved to turn the record over. Remus knew the exact amount, but he said instead, "it doesn't matter, I really couldn't justify it this year. And I've got to work as much as I can over the break, besides; it's not something I can really get around."

"I can get you a ticket." 

Remus felt revulsion at the thought and turned his head quickly. "No, Sirius," he said. "Thank you, but I can't." 

"I think I'll be able to swing a train ticket without plummeting into debt," Sirius said, scratching absently at his collarbone. "Don't worry about it." 

"It's not worth the favour, Sirius," he said reasonably. "Really, I've already accepted it, I don't know why I brought it up." 

"You didn't," Sirius pointed out. "That was me, remember?" Remus sighed, looking back at the turntable. He flipped through a few records in one of the nearby crates, eager for something to focus on that wasn't the coil in his stomach. "Fine, but you're taking the record, then.” Remus snapped his head toward him and caught him putting his hands behind his head, as if settling in even more decided the matter. Sirius tilted his head back a little so their eyes met and blinked at Remus, reading his trepidation. "Seems right to give him the next one on the list, no?" 

"Sirius, I--" he faltered. 

"Doesn't make sense for me to have it," Sirius said, shrugging. "Over him, anyway." 

Remus worried at his lip, unprepared for this turn of events. "I'll pay you for it," he insisted. 

"Mm, that's not happening." 

Remus shook his head. “You said it was reasonable, and as long as you and I at least sort of consider reasonable to be in the same ballpark then there's nothing to worry about.”

Sirius gave him a stern look. "Remus, I will put the money back in your wallet before you leave and if you try slipping it back in I'll just do it again and again--" Remus tried to cut in but Sirius was on a roll, speaking louder,"--and again, it'll be this never ending back and forth, and we'll both end up frustrated and unsure of why anymore, and I'd really rather avoid all that." 

Remus sat, basking in some mixture of delight and discomfort, though the latter was winning by a margin. "I really don't know what to say," he said tightly.

"I'm fairly certain that in times like these, a simple 'you're a righteous king, Sirius' always suffices," he said loftily. 

Remus couldn't hold back a snort. "Right," he said, before finishing off the dregs of his tea. "Well, if I don't say that, are you going to take back the offer?" 

Sirius barked out a laugh. "Nah, not after all that." 

Remus smiled. “Thank you,” he said. "I'll find something to replace it.”

"Stop that now."

Remus shook his head. "No, can't; Find Sirius a Suitable Replacement is now on my list," he said, looking away from Sirius' narrowed eyes and back at the records. "Really, though, thank you. I didn't expect this at all. I'll admit I was extremely jealous that you just happened across it, but I would never have asked for it." 

"Well, no, I think that's pretty clear," Sirius said. "You had a hard time ordering tea because I'd have to make it. It must be hard going through life never wanting to be a nuisance, how do you do it?"

Remus began flipping through the records once more. "Oh, stop." 

"Do you have trouble ordering in pubs, too?" Sirius asked, but Remus could tell he wasn't finished yet, saw the amused expression on his face without even having to look at him. "When you're at the library and they don't have the book you're looking for, do _you_ apologize to _them_ ?"

Remus flipped little louder. "Hilarious," he said dryly. 

"When someone runs right into you, paying absolutely no attention to where they're going, knock your things to the ground, and look at you like you're the problem, are you the one who apologizes?" Remus didn't respond because frankly that was exactly what he would do. Sirius honed in on this instantly, collapsing with laughter. His overall fatigue paired with his recent caffeine intake seemed to be pairing up and creating into a languidly giddy hybrid of Sirius. "Good god. I've got my work cut out for me, haven't I?" 

"And what do you mean by that?" Remus asked, pulling out a record and setting it aside to play next. 

"Well, this can only go two ways, can it?" Sirius said. "Either I rub off on you or you rub off on me." 

"Could you not rub anything off on me?" 

"I can't make those kinds of promises." 

Remus was very glad for something to do with his hands, inspecting the cover of the album intently as he tried to save face. "If you're going to insist, have it be some of your luck, then," he said. "It's entirely unfair that you can walk through life with the stuff oozing out of you, and never share any of it with the rest of us." 

When Sirius didn't respond, Remus turned his head, confused by the sudden silence. He'd meant it as a tease, but it was clear it hadn't been taken that way. How on earth did Sirius manage to look intimidating upside down? Surely it should have eased the effect of his stare at least a little bit, but with his head tilted back like it was he managed to make Remus feel incredibly uncomfortable. Moreover, how was he able to avoid a dizzy spell on top of it? He was clearly of another life form entirely. 

"Listen, I think I'm up for another cup, did you want me to get you one?" Remus asked quickly, needing to get out of there and regroup. Sirius' eyebrows merely raised by a smidge and Remus got the message quickly. "Right, well..." he made a grab for his mug and left the room, heading for the kitchen. He cringed along the way at the sound of the floorboards creaking, as if they were some awful reminder that he was there and perhaps shouldn't be anymore.

As he waited for the water to boil, he ran over the last few moments in his head. He wasn't even surprised that he managed to muck up harmless banter, but that didn't mean he wasn't angry with himself over it. He’d been invited over to Sirius’ and he repaid the gesture by insulting him? How did he keep managing to do this? Then again, he couldn't help but feel this was a little unbalanced. There was some sincerity behind the words, but Remus was quite sure he hadn't sounded bitter when he said it; he'd used the same tone as Sirius had been. If Sirius was allowed to tease him, why was he not allowed to do the same? Remus was still a little put off by their argument, still didn’t appreciate Sirius’ overall sentiment, and was quick to decide Sirius was just being defensive yet again. Remus poured himself his tea when the water was boiled, his stomach squirming as he reminded himself that Sirius hadn't gone on the defensive. He hadn't said anything. The expression had been enough for Remus to understand he’d pissed him off, but he hadn't snapped or tore him to shreds over it, and in a way that was worse. Then again, Sirius might have done; he hadn't given him much time rattling off about tea and fleeing the scene like he did. Remus cringed again, though the floorboards had nothing to do with it this time. 

Remus knew he would have to nip it in the bud eventually, walked back through the flat, and re-entered the room. With some effort Remus couldn't miss, Sirius looked over at him, his face very much a blank canvas. Remus stood still, unsure of whether to take his old spot or not. "Look, Sirius, I was only kidding," he said carefully. 

Sirius regarded him silently for a moment or two before he spoke. "I think you’ve this idea of me that's--"

"No, really, don't read anything into it," Remus cut in. "I really shouldn't have said anything. And you're not like how I thought you would be when I first met you, so what the hell do I know?” 

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Right. And what did you think of me, again?" 

Remus bit his lip. Was Sirius really going to make him say it? "You were there. I think you could probably guess,” he said uncomfortably. He decided sitting on the bed probably wouldn't kill him, and stepped over to it, sat down cross-legged, holding his mug in his lap to avoid spilling on the bed. 

Sirius hummed thoughtfully, eyes trained on the ceiling. Remus searched his face for signs of resentment or anger, but Sirius was giving him nothing. "I didn't know what to think of you," he said conversationally, which seemed a little off to Remus. "Snippy, huge bollucks to even come at me the way you did... ridiculously sensitive at the worst of it, and when I called you a shy baby bird, I seem to remember you didn't love that so much." 

Remus straightened up, trying to rise above Sirius kneading his point so hard. "Sirius, I’m not proud of how I acted," he said. "I made a judgement of you outright and I shouldn't have, but I don't think that anymore."

"Oh, no, I’m definitely layabout and have a hard time sticking to rules, so you had that right," Sirius said, tilting his head in consideration, "but you also think I'm some privileged royal blooded nancy who's never had to work a day in his life, and that's my problem." 

"No," Remus said firmly, shaking his head. "No, I don't think that." 

"Mmm, you do." 

"Sirius," Remus said. "I literally met you at work." 

Sirius laughed loudly, and it was strange watching him speak so breezily, while also giving Remus shit in the process. "Right. Well, I think you know what I'm getting at here."

"Yeah, I do," Remus said. "I didn’t mean to insinuate that, it wasn't fair." 

He briefly toyed with the idea of telling him he vowed to never try to attempt harmless teasing again for the good of everybody, but he left it alone. He drank more of his tea for want of something to do then he stuck it off to the side of the bed and lay down, deciding it was a small form of torture watching Sirius look so comfortable lounging there while he still felt rigid. He stretched out his legs, the many parts of his day now catching up to him. 

"So," Sirius said, his eyes set on the ceiling. Remus glanced sidelong at him as his face broke into a crooked grin. "After you came out the womb a judgemental little shit, were things hard for you later on?" 

Remus whipped his head toward Sirius, his eyes wide. "Sirius--"

"Remus, I was only kidding," Sirius said pointedly.

"Wow," Remus sighed out. "When you make a point you've really got to ride it home, don't you?" 

Sirius collapsed with laughter. "I'm sorry, I had to," he said, rolling onto his side and grabbing for Remus' arm. "I couldn't help myself." Sirius lolled his head to the side, shaking with laughter still. Remus fiddled with the hem of his jumper, not sure how to proceed, whether to change the subject or let Sirius keep ribbing him, all the while feeling his body respond to Sirius’ touch, however platonic it was. 

"I suppose I deserved that," Remus said, biting on his lower lip. “I really am sorry, Sirius.” 

Sirius had quit shaking over how funny he evidently thought himself, now looking over at Remus with hooded eyes he had on before they got to the flat and he got some caffeine in him. “Yeah, I know you are,” he said languidly. "You're off the hook now." 

Remus studied him for a moment, noticing the dark shadows under his eyes. Despite his giddiness from earlier, it looked as though the vat of coffee he drank over the day was losing effect, and Remus marvelled at how Sirius could look so good while looking so very tired at the same, and then marvelled at his own ability to ignore how tired he looked the entire time they spent together. He wondered then if it were the time he should head off. He hadn't known him long enough to catch any possible warning signs; Sirius could have been hinting at him getting a move on, without actually wanting to say it, and he wouldn’t even know, would he? Remus had to remind himself yet again that Sirius was nothing if not forward, as he had just vividly demonstrated, and he would most likely have told him if he wanted him to make himself scarce. In case he wasn't, Remus decided that blinking back waves of fatigue were about as good a hint as he might get. 

He took out his phone and checked the time, wondered if he should head back to the shop and take his usual bus from there. He didn't love the idea of leaving the warmth of Sirius' flat, the temperature was said to drop at some point over the night, and wondered if he might borrow something warm of Sirius' for the walk. 

By then, Sirius had given a yawn and let his eyes shut. Remus watched him for a moment, prepared to look away at the very chance Sirius opened his eyes, then spoke after a good ten seconds of Sirius’ light breathing. Finally, he spoke quietly, "Sirius?" 

He jerked slightly, blinking his eyes open. "Hmm?" He glanced around, looked over at Remus, and patted his arm. "Sorry, I'm awake." 

Remus smiled. "I should probably be on my way," he said. "Let you sleep." 

Sirius let his eyes fall shut once again. "Time?" he asked. 

"Late enough and you're exhausted," Remus said. "It was nice of you to have me over despite that but I should get a move on. If you wouldn't mind lending me something for the walk, I'd appreciate it--"

"Just stay here," Sirius offered. 

Remus waited a beat, would have normally fought a little harder, but the wind rattled the window that instant and he didn't much want to brave it. "Thank you. Would have been a bit of a trek otherwise." Sirius gave a short, quiet laugh a few moments later and Remus logged his fourth laugh away. "What's funny?” 

"Picturing you in two jumpers and a jacket," he said, his face pulling into a smile. "You'd look like a marshmallow." 

"Hard to feel embarrassed when you're toasty," Remus said. "And I haven't been sick yet this semester which is a small miracle, so I shouldn't take any chances." 

"Why's it a miracle?" Sirius asked quietly. 

"I always get sick," Remus said. "Doesn't matter the season, my body's prone to it." He moved onto his side so he could use his arm as a pillow, though regretted it the moment Sirius moved his hand away to accommodate his shift. "If I haven't been sick yet, I'm luckier than usual." 

Sirius hummed vaguely, his eyes still shut. "Should have soup. We've loads of soup. That way." He waved vaguely in the direction of the kitchen, Remus couldn't help laughing. Sirius had reached the point of nonsensical speech patterns and it was time to cut the poor bastard loose. 

"Sirius, sleep, it's fine," he said, wondering if he should head off to the couch, but Sirius didn't seem bothered by him lying there and if he wasn't going to suggest he move, Remus wouldn't. Sirius murmured something Remus didn't catch, and he allowed himself another few moments of quiet appreciation. He looked extremely peaceful laying there, but Remus still felt his presence taking up most of the room. Even when he was relaxed or quieter than usual, even when he was half-asleep; Sirius was still so loud. 

Remus looked away and up at the ceiling. The night had been on his mind all week. He looked forward to it, thought about it, worried about it. He had looked forward to melding something so inherently important to his character and meshing it with Sirius. He had thought about the chance to see Sirius outside of work, in a different setting, and wondered how it might differ. He worried that there might be awkward pauses in conversation, no doubt caused by him not thinking fast enough to catch up to Sirius. It was becoming easier to spend time with Sirius, to let his guard down a little more, but on the other hand, Remus didn't know if they had ever been more tense or at odds at certain moments either. Somehow, Sirius ended up with the insinuation that he was a spoiled brat, Remus petty and judgemental, and yet he hadn’t been booted from the flat, or stormed out by his own volition. 

For a few moments, Remus wondered how the two of them kept finding themselves at odds. It was easier to spend time with Sirius, when Remus stopped questioning everything he did or said, but then just when he thought they had a good thing going things would plummet quickly. It was clear that he and Sirius disagreed on where a person should be putting their hard work and energy, or that was the short of it at least. They were both operating from completely different places and to some degree he knew it shouldn’t have been surprising that the two wouldn’t see eye to eye, or Remus might fumble and drop the ball on a relatively effortless back-and-forth, but found himself wondering if this would be more of a problem in the future. He wondered for a moment if they were too different, but instead all the evening did was make him incredibly curious. He wanted to know more about Sirius because he was learning that there was more to him than came at face value, and he had a feeling he would end up sticking his foot in his mouth again if he didn't try and figure out where Sirius was coming from. 

Remus still felt terribly awake for the hour it was and despite the cups of chamomile, and briefly considered going and grabbing one of his books to read until he nodded off, but thought better of it. He debated shutting off the light, but that would draw attention to the fact that he would be crawling back to lie down next to him again. If he was already there, that was one thing, but to go back to it was different, so he resigned himself to waiting for his body to stop his mind to cease its incessant whirring.


	6. Chapter 6

Remus was aware of three things when he awoke: it was late morning if the brightness and sun's position in the sky were anything to go by, he slept better than he had in longer than he could remember, and he was pressed against Sirius. With the aid of the first two, the third caused Remus to snap to the reality of the situation and make more conclusions. Sirius seemed to be unconscious still, most likely unaware that Remus had apparently moved over at some point during the night and attached himself to him, otherwise they wouldn't be in that position if he weren't. Remus lay still the space between Sirius' arm and the rest of his body, wondering then how Sirius could have not noticed, decided Sirius was most likely quite used to waking up next to someone, while Remus had no excuse for his actions other than his ridiculous attraction taking over his subconscious. 

He actively forced himself not to move away from Sirius too quickly for fear of jostling and waking him, therefore making him plainly aware of their position. He felt the rise and fall of Sirius' chest and for a brief moment was unable to help himself thinking if things were different this might be something he would be waking up to every morning, before he chided himself for the thought. He didn't know when he'd entered some rom-com featuring unrequited feelings and that ultimately ended badly for one of the protagonists, but he wanted out of it. He slowly lifted his head, avoiding looking at Sirius' face and pulled himself away, and was careful not to jostle his arm in the process, though the moment he settled down on the other side of it he felt Sirius stir beside him.

Remus was suddenly so sure he shouldn't be there, that he should have gone and slept on the couch and Sirius would tell him just that. Sirius stretched his arms above his head and waved at him sleepily, shifting on the bed a little. Remus gave him a tight smile, but was unsure of what to say or even if Sirius was a morning person; he might not enjoy talking at all straight after waking up. Sirius gave a substantial yawn, then rolled onto his side and propping his head up on his hand. He looked far more awake than he had a few seconds before, his grey eyes otherworldly and focused on him. Remus felt bare under his sober stare though he was quite covered, tried to swallow but the tightness in his throat wouldn't recede, and when he spoke it came out as a blurt, cutting through the silence. 

"Should I -- do you want me to--" he tried. "Should I go? Only you were half asleep when you said I could stay, but I didn't even ask if you had plans."

Sirius blinked at him. "Vague ones, later," he said slowly. "I don't make any before noon as a rule."

"Oh," Remus said, not sure what to do with that.

"That roughly translates to you can stay as long as you want," Sirius said, lifting his left shoulder in a shrug, and Remus didn't know what to do with that either. "James and Lily will be by later. Pete, too. Have you met Pete?"

"Sort of," Remus answered. "He came in to visit James on Tuesday, but I was in the middle of four smoothies so our introduction was mostly a wave."

"That weasel," Sirius said through another yawn. "Didn't even look for me."

Remus smirked. "You were having your pre-work cigarette, and if even I've learned it's best not to bother you during that--"

"Alright, fine, he's less of a weasel," Sirius said, waving him off. "What was I saying? Mm, they're coming by later so you should stick around for it."

Remus hadn't really expected this after a heated argument and then accidentally insulting Sirius not long after, was sure the negatives of the evening would outweigh the positives for Sirius. For a moment he was sure his excitement over it not being true might bubble out and he would embarrass himself, but then he remembered his lack of free time since early September and the reason for it. "I've work I need to get done today," he told him through a frown, and for the first time since the start of term, he wasn't looking forward to anything to do with Psychologies of Education.

Sirius tapped on the bed with the hand that lay between them. "I've this really interesting surface known as a table, incredible for work," he said mystically, then reached to pat Remus' arm, "and I'm really glad you're lying down for this 'cause it' a mind bender; I've even got this sorcery called the internet in case you need it."

Remus let out a small laugh through his nose, feeling his cheeks pull up into a smile. "I'll do my best to finish at a reasonable time, then."

"I believe your exact words last night were 'the rest will write itself,' so that should hold true, I'm sure," Sirius said nonplussed. "They won't be by until later in any case. Lily's got her zumba classes on Sundays, and Pete works until five."

Another smile poked at Remus' lips. "Lily takes zumba classes?" he asked.

"It's her one true love," Sirius told him. "James knows he's fighting a losing battle, of course, but it can't be helped. Her heart was claimed years ago now, and he'll just have to live knowing he's number two."

Remus laughed lightly, pulling the left sleeve of his jumper up over his hand out of habit. "It'll be nice to see her outside of work," he said lightly. "I haven't had the chance."

"To answer your indirect question, she mostly leaves work related issues where they should be," Sirius said. "She won't suddenly turn to you and begin questioning you about the specific reason you happened to forget to refill the creamers."

"I'd like it to go on record that I wasn't actually worried about that," Remus clarified. "Only I have Saturday mornings with her, and perhaps an hour a shift during the week, so that'll be nice is all."

Sirius nodded and stuck a strand of hair that fell lose over night behind his ear. "When I first started there I worked Saturday mornings with her, and you didn't hear it from me and I'll deny it if you spread this, but I miss it now and again," he said with a small quirk on the right side of his lips. "I value my sleep far too much, and I much rather working evenings, but there's something to the lazy Saturday morning around there."

Remus nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. He moved onto his side to be more comfortable, stuck his right arm under his head on his pillow, and only then realized that doing so put he and Sirius rather close to each other, but Sirius didn't bat an eye, so he chalked it up to over-sensitivity, and tried to let it be. "Did you meet Lily there?" he asked.

"No no, we go back a long way," Sirius said, with a quick shake of his head. "She was at school with James, Pete, and I. Weren't bosom buddies, mind -- she was a bit of a swot back then. Know-it-all, prefect, you know the type." Remus didn't respond, though he knew the type quite personally and felt it was probably best to keep the fact that he was a prefect back in school to himself just then. "It wasn't as though it wasn't mutual, though; she'll be the first to tell you she thought our heads couldn't get any larger. I suppose we owe it to those Saturdays? It's where I realized she was actually far more fun than she let on back then, and where she realized I wasn't actually an arrogant toe-rag."

Remus hummed. "Shame only you were mistaken, isn't it?" he said, thumbing at the loose thread at his sleeve.

Sirius brought his hand up and trumpeted an emphatic _oooh_ at him, and Remus thought it was the best reaction he could have hoped for. "Alright, I need a cigarette and a coffee," Sirius announced. He dropped his head from his left hand and gave another long stretch.

"Would you mind if I took a quick shower?" Remus asked.

Sirius stared. "Strange thing to mind, don't you think?"

"I didn't want to assume any," Remus explained, shrugging his left shoulder.

Sirius blinked, breathed in once, then clicked his tongue. "Right, new rule," he began, "no manners for you when you're here."

"What?" Remus asked, staring down at him bemusedly.

"If you want something, you're to take it, and not just because you need to exit a room because it's awkward in there," Sirius said pointedly. "It's an open door, open refrigerator policy around here, and you are not above that rule, are we clear?" Remus opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius kept on, leaning his head a little closer. "Are we clear?" 

"This is a very strange request," Remus got out. 

"A strange request for a strange place," Sirius deemed it. "You knew that the moment you stepped through the door."

Remus exhaled through a sigh. "That's going to be difficult to get used to," he warned him. 

"Well, it's why I said here and not in every situation in your life," Sirius elaborated. "I'm quite aware you'd shrivel up and die if you weren't allowed to say your please and thank you's anywhere else, but here I don't want to hear either word. And I want slouching." 

"Oh, now, this is just unreasonable--" 

"Lots - of - slouching," Sirius called out with three solid claps for emphasis. 

Remus brought his hand up to cover the amused smile on his face with the sleeve of his jumper. "Next you're going to request I eat only with my hands," he said against the sleeve of his jumper.

"Yes, great idea," Sirius said, pointing at him. "The moment I catch a fork in your hand, I'll be tossing it on the floor." 

"I'm sorry, I draw the line here," Remus informed him. "Mostly because I'm terrified of any amendments you'll inevitably think of."

"Fine, but my original request still stands," Sirius said, then paused. "Only don't use Lily's shampoo, or she'll murder you." 

Remus snorted. "Noted," he said, pushing himself off the bed. 

Sirius didn't move straight away, but continued lounging on the bed as Remus walked to the doorway. "Towel's are in the closet." 

"Right, thanks," Remus said over his shoulder. 

"What did I just say?" Sirius called to him. 

"Sorry," Remus called back. 

Remus set his clothes down on a small stool in the corner of the bathroom, and was just about to turn on the tap when Sirius drummed along the wall as he walked down the hall. "Heating the kettle, are you having tea?" he called out. Remus hesitated for a moment, as he'd just been told he was to get things of the sort himself, but thought the longer he didn't respond the more rude it would be. 

"--Yes," he called back. Sirius drummed again as a response, and then Remus didn't hear anything else. He turned the water on and tested in before stepping in, wondering how long was too long to be using it. He wasn't sure of their hot water situation, but if it was anything like his own then he shouldn't take his time, and ended up performing an abridged version of his regular routine, shutting off the water somewhere between the realms of After Necessities and Pushing It. He dried off, fit himself back into his clothes, and towelled his hair a little before emerging. He continued toweling as he walked back to Sirius' room, preparing himself for something he wasn't even sure was coming, and walked into an empty room. He made his way back through the flat, deposited his damp towel in a hamper in the bathroom, and walked down the hall to the kitchen. Sirius sat his the same spot by the window as he had the night before pushing down on his French press. 

"Oh, I better get the mug," Remus said, talking of the one he'd left in Sirius' room. 

"Nah, leave it," Sirius said, stretching in his seat. "I'll get it later." 

Remus grabbed a mug with a cartoon beer can wearing sunglasses on it and made himself a cup, sitting down across from Sirius. He blew on the tea, studying Sirius over his mug. He'd been quite chatty before his shower, and as Sirius lit a cigarette Remus figured the best time to ask would be while he had a coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. "So, last night you mentioned you were at uni," he started mildly, clutching his mug. “When did you graduate?”

Sirius glanced up at him and blew out smoke slowly. "I didn't say that," he said simply. 

Remus ran his thumb over the illustration on the side of his mug. "Well, I assumed--" 

"Ahh, get's you into trouble, doesn't it?" Sirius said, lifting his own mug to his mouth. 

Remus frowned. "You said you were at uni, or at least you gave that impression," he reiterated. 

"Right." 

Remus sighed inaudibly. "Well, what program were you in?" he asked, genuinely quite curious about what Sirius would have chosen to study. 

Sirius ran a hand over his face slowly, and his response was slow, too. "Are your parents going to come and visit you, then?" 

"When?" Remus asked, wondering what that had to do with it.

"Hols?" Sirius suggested. "I don't know, that's what normal families do, isn't it? Get together for Christmas?" 

"No, they're not coming up," Remus said, and hoped the finality in his tone would translate well enough. 

It didn't. "Why not?" Sirius asked after another haul off his cigarette. 

"They can't," Remus said, then tried again. "Sirius, you know everything the least bit interesting about my schooling, and I know barely anything about yours."

"What's with students thinking all everybody ever wants to talk about school; I don't understand it," Sirius demanded, rolling his eyes toward the window and back. “There’s a thousand more interesting things we could be talking about.”

Remus frowned, feeling snubbed, and shrunk for a moment. The next moment, however, irritation flooded in and took over. “Only we’ve not much else in common, and I was simply trying to relate to you on some level, but if you’ve something much more interesting to talk about then by all means you go ahead," he bit out. 

It might have dawned on Sirius that he'd been rather insulting, a flicker of what looked like regret shone through before it was gone again. He brought his knee up to his chest and leaned his arm on it, lifting his cigarette to his mouth. "Business," he said finally. "I would have had to run these horribly boring meetings with infuriatingly awful people, and dress in some posh suit while I did it. Can you imagine?" Sirius shook his head as if it were ridiculous and took another haul, but Remus could very well imagine him in a posh suit, helming a polished conference table full of well-to-dos. What struck Remus as odd was Sirius' broad paint stroke over an entire career and those who worked in it. 

Remus hesitated before trying to put words to his thoughts. "I suppose there are some shifty characters now and again, but overall I think most people are just trying to do their best,” he said amicably.

Sirius let out a breath of smoke. "That’s a fine way to look at it if you want everyone to hold hands and sing folk songs,” he said flatly. 

"Yes, that's what I said," Remus retorted. 

Sirius huffed. “It doesn't even matter," he said dismissively, "none of it means I'm to be someone's apprentice and walk around in his filthy footsteps.” 

Remus considered Sirius tentatively for a moment. "I think you've a very specific idea of what business is... and it's quite far off from mine," he said carefully.

"That's the business I grew up with talking, then," Sirius said with a tilt of his head. "My mistake." 

Remus had absolutely no idea what to say to that, but it spawned even more curiosity to bubble up through him. Even so, he couldn't imagine Sirius providing anything more than loaded comments without context, he was being quite patronizing in the process, and to be perfectly honest, Remus didn't want to end up having another argument. "OK. You weren't inspired there, I'm gathering," he said, intent on changing direction, "but you didn't want to continue, try something else?" 

“Right, just like that,” Sirius said, lifting his right hand to snap his fingers. "It's not that easy." 

"I know it isn't," Remus said agreeably. "I switched majors, didn’t I? I couldn't choose what I wanted to study, only English Lit just wasn’t the right fit, and it became fairly obvious what would be after a bit of research. There are resources available to help you decide if you're having trouble deciding, Sirius. Plenty of people need them to help in picking the right program."

Sirius sighed. "I'm twenty-two; I've don't have to have it all figured out yet," he combated. "I only just got out of there." 

Remus shook his head. "I don’t understand you,” he said, lifting a hand. “You took a rather haughty position last night telling me no one's standing around forcing me to do anything except myself. Does the same not apply to you, or was that tidbit mine and mine alone?" Sirius didn't respond, only levelled him with narrowed eyes, and Remus tried to explain himself more. "Only you're making it sound like someone twisted your arm, and it doesn’t--"

Sirius gave an unfamiliar laugh; one that sounded harrowing and completely out of place, that made the hairs at the back of Remus' neck stand up. "Well, that's a way to put it," he said flatly. 

"What does that--"

"Remus, I'm happy where I am and that's more than I can say for back then," Sirius said forcefully. 

Remus recoiled immediately, but the sounds front door opening and shutting jolted the both of them. There was silence for an instant, followed by a few thunks and James' voice echoing through the flat. "Sirius -- you won't believe -- was at Lily's waiting for her, sitting at the table minding my own business like I always do, and that lantern lamp of hers in the corner starts shaking. I think it's the wind, nothing concerning, then a fucking squirrel drops out of it, and I just sit there for a moment, thinking I just really want to see how this pans out, you know? Where's this going to go? Chased the fucking thing all 'round the flat for a godforsaken hour, that's where it went."

Sirius' sudden barking laugh sounded echoed in the kitchen, both startling and bemusing Remus. "For fuck's sake," he shouted back, his expression showing no signs of their altercation. "Is she harbouring squirrels now? Is that what it's come to?"

"Oh, no, it was definitely on me,” James said, his voice far closer. “Left the back door open for at least a half hour, and I think that's how it infiltrated." 

“This is why things like this always happen to you, Jimmy-boy,” Sirius chimed. 

“She doesn't have to find out about this, you hear me?" James said from the entrance to the room. "I cleaned the place up, looks right as rain -- strange to see you without an apron, Lupey."

It took Remus a moment to digest the words before he ran a hand over his face exhaustively. "James, anything else," he said. "Call me anything else." 

"You're playing with fire giving him that much power," Sirius told him. Remus moved his hand to glance at Sirius, searching again for signs of resentment or discomfort, but there were none anywhere on him, instead he looked about as cheerful as he so often did when James was in a room with him. 

"You're the one who had to go get named Remus," James said. 

"Yes, I definitely had a hand in that,” Remus said resignedly, going for another sip of tea. 

James hopped up to sit on the counter. "What do you think of the place?" he asked. 

"Says it's the strangest place he's been in," Sirius answered for him, gesturing at him with his mug. 

"Good, glad to hear it, that's what we're striving for here," James rattled off, looking around the counters for something before adopting a very serious look and glancing up. "You've noticed that one managed to snag the larger bedroom, did you? Absolutely awful turn of events considering the flat is rightfully mine." Sirius yawned and stretched his arms high above his head, flipping James the bird as he did. 

"I did notice that," Remus said with a nod. He looked across the table at Sirius and hesitated before speaking directly to him. "Only you never did say what the bet was." 

Sirius dropped his arms back down, rested his left hand on hand on his knee once more, and took in a breath. "Out for drinks, celebrating our moving in," he began. "Our reunion, essentially." 

"They can try to separate us, but never for long." 

"It’s scientific; synergy, really.”

“Metaphysical, even. You can’t cheat destiny.” 

"Rooms hadn't been decided yet.”

“I bet him he couldn't bag the bartender he'd been making eyes at the whole night.”

“Poor move on his part.”

“The fucker turned on the charm just to spite me, I'm sure of it. Far too used to luxury, I reckon." 

Sirius pitched his lighter at James, who ducked to the side to avoid it. "You shouldn't have picked such an easy steal for me." 

"Hindsight's lovely, of course," James said, looking back to Remus, "but I'll maintain I was absolutely sure he had no chance." 

"That double room over there says I did," Sirius said, snatching another lighter off of the window ledge and starting up another cigarette, and it had Remus suspecting Sirius had a stash of both in every room of the flat. 

"Well, I know that now. He practically melted when you went over there -- and to think it was all for a better room. Shameful." 

"I saw him three times after that, you berk," Sirius defended. He turned to Remus. "Incredibly boring, turns out. Couldn't have gone any other way, but look what came out of it." His explanation didn't quite sink in as Remus reigned in every ounce of control in his body to keep his face even. He had to have heard wrong. James sent the conversation in a different direction with the mention of Lily, but Remus only caught bits and pieces. "How is dear Lilith?" Sirius asked, and Remus would have been happy to hear about that, too, if he hadn't been playing the last few sentences over in his head. Surely it had been wishful thinking on Remus' part; his subconscious taking over again. He cast a quick glance at Sirius, and marvelled at how he sat comfortably, one leg pulled up as an armrest, while he dragged his other foot along the floor idly. He looked remarkably calm, and for someone who had never sat in a room and witnessed someone's sexuality being talked about so flippantly, it was a bit of a trip for Remus.

"--She told me to call her once she was done, hold on." Remus vaguely registered James leaving the room, but became much more aware of it when Sirius turned his head lazily toward him.

"Did James just… was that a--" he fumbled, tried again. "Are you--" His efforts fell by the wayside, and he thought perhaps he should leave it alone if he couldn't even form a coherent sentence. 

It took Sirius a moment but he did catch on, shaking his head with bemusement. "Did you just work that out now?" he said, sounding appalled. 

Remus hadn't been expecting a response like that. "I--" he tried, then instinctively shrugged. “Yes.”

Sirius continued to look baffled, a look that was quite uncommon for him. "I thought you already knew," he insisted. 

"What?" Remus asked. "No, how would I have?" Well, at least now they were both equally as bemused.

"I thought that's why you were being weird that time, with the--" he brought his right hand up, moved his index and middle fingers back and forth between their line of vision, "--that whole thing." 

"No," Remus denied emphatically, bringing his right hand up to his forehead. "Shit, no, that wasn't it at all. You thought that?" 

Sirius' eyes widened and he lifted his hands. "Woah, alright, relax," he said warily. "It's--"

"It wasn't, really. I have no problem with --" he stopped, dropping his hand in frustration. It was almost laughable, if Remus wasn't busy chiding himself. "Now I'm coming off as overly defensive, and that's not what I want to do." 

Sirius shook his head. "It's fine," he said. He lifted his cigarette to his mouth, took a pull off it, and exhaled. "Well, why lie? I was pretty well finished with you after that and figured you'd end up quitting if you couldn't handle it, but you were fine with me the next time. I figured you, I don't know," he shrugged, looking down at his coffee and back up again, "realized you couldn't catch it, quit being a git, and calmed down." 

Remus frowned, even more embarrassed with how he'd behaved that night. "I didn't think that," he said intently. "I _don't_ think that." He pulled a face at the mere insinuation, shaking his head. He needed a minute alone, perhaps a thousand, to properly assess this.

Sirius' eyes searched his for a moment. "Well, good, then," he said mildly. "Carrying on like we were is probably the best way to go about it, wouldn't you say? Doesn't need to be an issue if we don't make it one." Remus nodded, words failing him, and there was a substantial pause before Sirius spoke again. "What was all that about, then?"

"Sorry, what?" Remus asked, his mind elsewhere. 

"That night," Sirius reiterated. "You wouldn't even look at me." Remus felt his stomach drop. He quite honestly thought he had gotten away without any questions, and he had no better excuse than he did a few days prior, and his throat tightened once again. James strolled back into the kitchen and effectively ended their conversation once again, and Remus had never been happier to see the bloke. 

"Lily says she's not up to cooking, and neither am I,” he announced. “Gallagher's?"

"You mean I'll have to force down deep fried tonight?" Sirius said flatly. "I'll try to enjoy myself." 

"Figured you’d make the supreme sacrifice,” James said. He nodded at Remus. "You'll come along?" 

Sirius turned to him too, raising his eyebrows in question, and Remus felt put on the spot. "I'm not really sure what we're talking about," he said, glancing between the two of them.

"Dinner at Gallagher's with Lily," James repeated simply. 

"No Peter?" Sirius cut in. 

James slid his phone out of his pocket. "You can meet Peter," he said as he typed into his phone. 

Remus hesitated. He was quite sure Sirius' offer was off the table after their argument, and truth be told he was primarily a lone wolf, and this Peter fellow was anything like James and Sirius, he was in for an energetic evening and wasn't sure he had it in him, not to mention the freight train of information that had just run him over. Despite those reasons, Remus couldn't say no to them; a charismatic twosome had just invited him out, and not out of obligation he noticed, but because they had thought to include him, and from the look of Sirius it was as if their spat never happened.

"I have a paper to finish," he said, conditioning himself as much as the other two. "If I can get that finished before you head out..."

"Get to it, then," James said breezily, already heading out of the room. 

Sirius and Remus looked at each other. "Table's yours," Sirius said moderately before grabbing his mug and leaving the room as well. 

The kitchen was close enough to the living room that he could hear Sirius and James start up something on the television, but he was prepared to block it out. He pulled his work out of his bag, and his laptop out of it's case. He could not stop the swarm in his head despite the direct outline he put together, stood up to boil some more water, telling himself he had until the kettle whistled to properly digest and that was it. Remus returned to his seat, and sat for a few seconds with the simplified truth. It was fortunate that Remus was not in the process of becoming a maths professor because it was clear his understanding of probability was severely lacking; he did not see this coming. A feeling of excitement, then another of possibility rose through him before he quashed it with another truth. 

It didn't mean Sirius would go for him. It was a naive thought, and a presumptuous one to boot. He didn't know what type of men Sirius gravitated toward, but he had a resigned feeling he was excluded from the bunch. Sirius thought of him at best a rigid bloke who needed to lighten up badly, and at worst he saw him as proud, presumptuous, and unfailingly unsure of himself. He had let him in on that last one when he ranted his ear off outside the shop the week prior, and a large part of him wished he hadn't done that thinking back on it now. Sirius would have every right to think all of those things. 

Remus had only wanted to help, to try and steer Sirius in a direction he could thrive in, but evidently he hadn't appreciated it, and now Remus wasn't sure what he had been thinking. It wasn't his place to say either way, whether his intentions were good or not. It was becoming increasingly clear to Remus that he had the even mind to doll out perfectly sound and practical advice to others, but could not for the life of him apply any to himself. It had taken him until the previous fall to finally discover a path that was right for him and even still, a semester and a little more into his degree, and he still wasn't sure he had made the right decision every now and again. 

He breathed out, certain that somebody wrought with anxiety, who had to think things through so carefully until he couldn't do it anymore would be absolutely awful for someone like Sirius. He threw himself into whatever he felt like and didn’t seem to stop to question himself; it was useless to even entertain the idea of the two of them being anything more, and he shouldn't have been intrigued by the idea in the first place. And to top it all off, Sirius had thought of him as a bigot only a few days ago, all due to something Sirius had absolutely nothing to do with. The kettle went off and he stood to pour the water, grimacing along the way at the memory. He knew he would have to put even more effort into not tensing up any time Sirius so much as brushed past him as much as he knew he shouldn't read anything into friendly touches. The last thing he wanted was Sirius thinking he lied about being fine with his sexuality. Remus was more than fine with it, and that was precisely the problem.

Remus forced any thoughts having nothing to do with his paper out of his head and busied himself with filling the blanks of his outline, and found it to be a suitable solution to his agitation. He worked for two hours, proofing and editing, before Sirius came to the window for a smoke about an hour and a half in and asked him he was faring. Remus hesitated, then broke down the contents of his essay some more. Sirius may have been having him on, inwardly disinterested and not in any way inspired by his explanation, but by the looks of him he was at least attempting to look interested, perhaps rectifying his earlier snub, and Remus appreciated the effort if only for a soundboard to bounce his ideas off of. When he felt his paper was just about finished, he re-read his final draft before he triple checked it was saved and put his things away. He rubbed at his eyes, stood up, and headed into the living room to see what James and Sirius had been yelling at for the last few hours, finding the two of them slumped on the couch with their feet propped up on the coffee table. 

"The conqueror has returned," James declared as Sirius slid over to make room for Remus to sit. 

"Can that replace Lupey?" he asked as he settled in crossed-legged, but James let out a sound that suggested Remus wasn't rid of the name just yet. 

On the television, a bearded fellow stabbed another man, and Sirius and James snapped their attention back to the program, cheering profusely. Remus pieced together what he could what with tuning in quite close to the end of an episode, but he gathered that the show was primarily about reanimated corpses coming back to life and promptly eating other people. By the next episode, Remus didn't have much more clarity than that, only that a number of survivors were holed up at a farm for refuge, as it was difficult to follow along fully with James and Sirius' commentary right in his ear. He couldn't decide if the two even enjoyed the show by the amount of time they spent telling off everybody who appeared on screen, and disagreeing heavily and loudly with their choices. 

"Is this some sort of catharsis for you two?" he asked carefully, after Sirius hurdled a few colourful insults at a boy on screen who couldn't have been more than nine years old. 

"I do feel quite a bit better after a particularly awful episode," Sirius said thoughtfully. 

"If it's so awful, why watch it?" Remus asked. 

"Oh, we love the show," James clarified. "Everyone on it is just incredibly thick so much of the time, it's impossible not to yell." 

"We can't help ourselves at this point," Sirius added. "We're already in too deep, we couldn’t possibly turn back now." Remus nodded and said no more, though he thought the whole thing seemed like a lot of aggression for nothing. 

James received a text from Lily during the next episode. "She'll be there in twenty," he announced. Sirius nodded but said nothing, his eyes still focused on the telly. 

"Where is this place?" Remus asked. 

“Georgia,” Sirius answered. 

“No, the pub,” Remus clarified.

“Oh, just up the block." 

"Convenient." 

"Makes stumbling home much easier," James conceded. 

"This the same place you were talking about earlier?" Sirius nodded beside him, and because Remus had apparently become something of a masochist over the past few weeks, he asked, "Does that bartender still work there?" 

"Sure does," James answered, and Remus could hear the grin on his face from the other side of Sirius. 

"Does that get awkward at all?" 

James let out a "Hah," as Sirius shifted a tad. "Awkward for us bystanders, more like," he said. "He’s still holding out for him." 

Sirius made it look as though he were stretching his arms out over the back of the couch, and smacked James on the back of the head a moment later; Remus considered himself lucky not to have received the same treatment as he was the one to resurrect the topic. James' rebuttal sent Sirius lot closer to Remus on the couch as he brought his arm up to bat at James' hands, leaning further away and onto him as a result. It took a little more boisterous slapping back and forth before they gave up, all the while Remus was torn between moving away and leaving it be. 

Sirius lifted his hand and placed it along the back of the couch and carded his other through his hair. "Since James is so willing to paint me as an awful person, I should make the point that I was incredibly kind when letting him down," he clarified. 

"That's the problem, though, isn't it?" James said. "If you tell him something ridiculous like it's just not the right time, then of course he's going to hold out until it is. Don't know why you're even surprised." 

"I've no problem with a little pining,” Sirius said nonplussed. “Good for the skin. You’re the ones who find it plaguing, and that's not my concern.”

"Should have just told him you found him to be one giant yawn, and you probably wouldn't be in this predicament," James said as he stretched his arms above his head. 

"Well, that's all well and good for you to say from all the way up there," Sirius said loftily, pushing himself up off the couch, "but if you pity him so much, then by all means have a go at him." 

"As if I want your seconds." 

Remus was trying to keep up, but the two were talking so bloody fast he didn't have much of a chance, and then a load of gunfire went off on the telly and all three of them turned to watch. Sirius let out a huff, leaned down, and paused it. "I hope Lily understands the sacrifices we make for her," he said, starting off toward the hall. 

"She doesn't, and you'd do well not to go mentioning it, thank you very much," James said, following his lead. 

Remus uncurled himself from the couch and made his way down the hall, bending down to pull his shoes on as James stuck his own on, and Sirius stepped into a pair of ratty combats without bothering to tie them, and flung the door open. Remus followed the two as they bounded down the stairs and out the lobby door.


	7. Chapter 7

It turned out the two hadn't been exaggerating the distance between the flat and the pub. Sirius ducked into a building at the end of the block, holding the door open for them with his boot. Remus had barely had a chance to take the place in, or marvel at the fair number of people inside on a Sunday, before red hair caught his eye; Lily and who he assumed was Peter were sitting in the far corner of the pub. James took the spot next to Lily, settling in comfortably. Remus sat on a chair on the other side of the table, inwardly celebrating the nearness of the empty seat Sirius claimed a moment later. 

Remus was properly introduced to Peter, but their exchange was cut off by James. "Think it's a shift change, perhaps just drinks for now?" he suggested, glancing around before he nodded toward the bar, then at Sirius. "You get this one, then? Might get a few freebies out of your man." 

Sirius flipped him the V in response but set off toward the bar anyway. Remus pretended he was taking in the pub, glancing briefly at the man behind the behind the bar, whose face split into a grin when he noticed Sirius. He was curious to see a past fling of Sirius' but quickly realized he shouldn't have been for the bloke behind the counter was definitely not someone Remus would have called boring by any stretch. He was one of those people that would garner second or third glances, and if Sirius found him to be a yawn, Remus didn't want to know what he’d call him. 

Sirius beckoned James over, who was up and out of his seat in a second, and each of them took two pints and brought them back to the table. Sirius slid one of his across the table to Peter and placed the other in front of Remus. James spoke over the gracious refusal Remus was trying to get out. "Wait, you're not having one?" he asked, looking up at Sirius.

"Something's being made special for me apparently," Sirius said loftily, went back to the bar, returned with a drink of his own a few moments later. 

"You're going to get what's coming to you if you keep being a tease," Lily said after a sip of her pint. 

"I didn't ask for this," Sirius said, lifting his hands in surrender. "I asked for five pints, but he insisted." 

"Careful," Peter cautioned. "For all you know it’s been poisoned." 

"Well, I was talking about karma, and he's had more than enough time to poison him," Lily pointed out. "He'd have done it by now, I should think." 

"Possibly," James conceded. "Though this could have been his plan all along. Let him get his guard down and sneak it in there when he least expects it." 

"Listen, Remus," Sirius said, tilting his head toward him. "You have it on record that these four sat around casually discussing my death and I'll need you to speak to the police about their suspicious behaviour when I'm gone. Don't let them get away scot-free." 

"I'm sorry, I missed all that," Remus said, shaking his head. "I'm still marveling at how you've managed to squeeze free drinks out of a bloke you dumped years ago. Have you got a villa in France I don't know about, is that the draw?" 

Sirius let out a sound of faux offense as James howled across from them. "Dumped is a bit of a stretch," Sirius said, settling into his seat some more. "Calling it off after three dates can't possibly count as dumping, Remus. Give me some credit here.”

Remus opened his mouth to speak, but James surged on ahead of him. "Bringing him upstairs and shagging him three times doesn't count as dating either, dear." 

"Doesn't sound nearly as boring as you put it,” Remus observed, but immediately regretted speaking because Sirius regarded him with a raised eyebrow and a coy smile.

"Hardly gave him much of a chance," Lily added, scratching at her wrist absently. 

"I gave him plenty," Sirius defended. "If I'm expected to celebrate mediocrity then I don't like where we are heading as a society." 

"How does your brain come up with--" Lily started. 

"He only had one go-to position, wasn’t that it?" James cut in. 

Sirius gestured at James as if someone was finally seeing his point. "It was the strangest thing," he said, sounding incredibly put upon. "And I had to take the initiative every time." 

"Oh, as if that was a problem for you," Peter chimed in disbelieving.

"Every time, Pete?" Sirius countered. "Even you would get sick of it." 

"You're awful," Lily said, shaking her head. "All of you, but mainly--"

"You weren't even around then; your input is unnecessary," Sirius said. Remus dropped his mouth a little lower behind his hand, finding the open conversation foreign as it was not one that would have taken place amongst his own friends, but part of him found it oddly refreshing at the same time. Sirius' eyes flashed over to Remus, his mouth twitching at the side. "Goes for you, too."

"Or perhaps Remus and I can see a lost cause when we see one," Lily offered.

"Hardly. Is gross exaggeration the theme of the night, because if it is, I'm better at it than all of you so I'd quit while you're ahead."

"Well, no one's going to argue with you there," Remus said, having found his voice again. 

Peter set his pint down on the table. "You've pinned him well," he said to Remus. 

Remus lifted his pint in gesture, quite glad his integration seemed to be going over smoothly, even if Sirius was suffering a little bit at the hands of it. Then again, he was beginning to recognize the signs of Sirius' irritability after a few weeks of working with him, but he couldn't find any from the looks of him; despite the group hazing Sirius seemed none too affected by it as he lounged in his seat. 

"You know what, I don't need this from you lot," he said loftily. "I'm willing to bet I could go sit over there and receive far less of a guilt trip than I'm getting from you sods." 

"At the very least another free drink," Remus quipped, resting his chin in his hand.

“Try mentioning you just really need five free ones this time,” Peter added. 

James laughed. "Right, go on if you insist.” He gestured to Sirius with his pint. "If I catch you on the couch again--" 

"One time," Sirius shouted over the music. "You caught us once and you will never let me hear the end of it." 

"Just the one I had the misfortune to walk in on," James corrected, matching Sirius' decibel. "I don't want to think of how many other times there have been." 

"It's farther to get to the couch than it is to get to your room," Peter pointed out. 

"That's what I've been saying," James said. "Why the extra effort to give a blowie on the spot where I take my siestas?"

“We had a sparse amount of furniture,” Sirius offered unapologetically.

Lily sat up straighter in her seat and cleared her throat. "Well, this has been darling," she said lightly. "I’m really glad we discussed this wholesome topic, but could we please talk about something else? Calculus, long lines at the bank, anything."

“Thank you, Lilith,” Sirius graciously. “I’ve still got one limb without a spear thrown through it and I’d like to keep it that way.” 

Remus looked to Lily. "Do you know which shop you're going to be moving to yet?" he asked.

"I do, but I'm not allowed to say just yet,” she said, beaming. “I only got word of it this week, so it's still a very recent decision." 

Remus, along with Sirius and Peter, looked to James at that. "She won’t tell me either," he insisted, lifting his hands.

"You seem satisfied with the decision, though," Remus said. 

"I really am,” Lily said. “I couldn't have asked for a better location."

“Do you know the date you’re leaving?” Remus asked. 

“In November,” she answered. “You’ll get your new manager the same day, too--” 

“Yes, I do love shop talk,” Sirius cut in flatly. "Please continue." 

"You two must be excited for that as well?" Remus figured, then paused, wanting to disappear through the floor as James and Lily exchanged a quick, severe glance. Remus caught Sirius' eye, who drank more of his concoction quickly, looking around innocently at the patrons of the pub. By sheer luck a waitress came by the table at that moment and the conversation paused as the four others briefly discussed what they were in the mood for and Peter offered the next round.

Once the waitress had left, Remus brought his pint down. “I’m sorry if I--”

"Are we that obvious?" Lily asked, looking sheepish. 

"You're not, really, I just--"

"Oh, relax, you two," Sirius cut in. "Lupin's one of the good guys, he won't tell anyone." 

Remus shook his head. "Definitely not," he insisted. “I was only curious is all.”

"Besides, another few weeks and it won't matter who knows anyway, right?" Peter said.

"Suppose you have a point," Lily said. 

Sirius' eyes fell on Remus, seemed to read his discomfort concerning his flub, and banged his glass on the table in three loud clunks. "Tell -- the -- story," he requested, moving the moment along to Remus' great relief. 

Lily smirked while James grimaced. "Let's skip to the part where she falls hopelessly in love with me," he requested. “That’s my favourite part, the rest is just details really.” 

"I think Remus wants the whole thing," Peter said before looking over at him. "You want the whole thing." 

“To get a greater picture, it's important to remember that when James and Lily first met, she wasn't such a fan of him," Sirius began. 

"Couldn't stand him, I think is the best way to put it?" 

"Yes, thank you, Pete," Sirius said, raising his glass to him. "Abhorred him, even." 

“Yes, you mentioned so,” Remus said with a nod. 

"You have to understand, Remus," Lily spoke up. “I met him and Sirius on our way to school first day, and they were the loudest, most insufferable boys I’d ever met.”

"I absolutely understand," Remus assured. 

“It didn’t go well to say the least,” Sirius conceded, “but that didn’t stop our boy.”

“Certainly not,” Lily confirmed. “For years after I had him showing off in front of me, popping into mine and Sirius’ classes and bugging me there, I'd be walking in the corridor and I'd hear: ‘hey, hey Evans,’ ‘alright, Evans?’” Sirius and Peter were sent straight into guffaws, which was about as much confirmation Remus needed to be given the impression Lily wasn’t exaggerating her claims, while James drank more of his pint with his eyes pointedly trained on the ceiling. "Then I got the job at the shop straight out of school, then Sirius wound up finding himself there a term later, and James coerced him into getting him in as well." 

"He was absolutely floored that I ended up working with the bird he'd been making eyes at for eons,” Sirius continued. “Practically begged me to put in a good word for him." 

"In comes James, and I'm sure you've noticed that Sirius brings out certain qualities in James no one else does?" Lily asked.

"Why, yes I have," Remus said mildly, sharing a quick look with Sirius. 

“Separate, they’re manageable, but together is another story, and the shop went from a particularly quaint, ease-filled workplace to a whirlwind in a snap,” Lily said. “If I thought they were energetic back in school, it was nothing when the two of them got free caffeine in them daily.”

"Really, by law you two shouldn’t be allowed to consume any,” Remus said agreeably. 

“The authorities haven’t caught us yet,” James said. 

“Sleeping on the job, I imagine,” Sirius added.

“Well, alright, things started off rocky, but what happened to get you here?" Remus asked, gesturing between them. 

"James was smitten and working alongside her only made it worse, but the fool needed all the help he could get wooing her," Sirius detailed.

Lily lifted her hand. "Might I just add, by very strange methods." 

"Strange indeed,” Peter agreed. “James caught wind of Lily's zumba class and signed him and Sirius up for it as well.”

"And there you have it," she said, waving a hand in conclusion.

Remus looked to James, then to Sirius, who let out a laugh at his unimpressed expression. 

"In my defense," James spoke up, "it was impossible to get Lily to focus on anything other than work once she was on shift, and time was of the essence. I had to think outside the box." 

"Nowhere near the box," Remus corrected. 

"There I am, in my happy place, and the prat and his sidekick bound in," Lily said with an air of exasperation, but a rather large smile on her face. "And then to have it turn out that the two of them have a," she blew out air, thinking, "particular flair for it? Infuriating." 

"You're just sour because the instructor loved us," Sirius said haughtily. 

"Well, look, that definitely didn't help any," Lily allowed. 

"Now, when one thought about it, it wasn't so much a shock that James would go to the lengths of joining a Zumba class just to spend time near her,” Peter continued. “And neither the same would go for him practicing outside of class so that he could impress her with his moves." 

Lily turned to James, regarding him curiously. "You practiced?” she asked. 

James sighed and took another gulp of his pint. "I would have liked to have kept the illusion, thanks Pete." 

"I had to sit through all your practices," Peter said. "I still find those songs stuck my head, even now. You may call us even."

"That's sweet," Lily said to James. "No less ridiculous, but sweet." 

The waitress returned with their order, and once she left the table, Remus looked to Sirius. "How did you feel about being dragged along?" he asked, not even bothering to hide his amusement. The image of the two of them jovially flouncing around a dance studio was a little too funny to bother with the effort to keep a straight face. 

"I'm an extremely self-sacrificing person, Remus, you know that," Sirius said evasively.

"Oh, your sainthood, if you could come and join us down here for a moment," James said loftily. "I barely had to talk you into it and you came every other time by your own volition." 

"I can vouch for it,” Peter added. “James definitely wasn't practicing alone." 

Remus blinked expectantly at Sirius, who bit his lip as before grinning. "I really wanted that instructor." Remus nodded moderately with Sirius looking right at him, and he thought he deserved an award for acting, or a nomination at the very least. 

"See, some good came out of it for the both of us," James said. "Don't rush to thank me or anything, I'll wait." 

"Hold on, as beautiful a picture you’ve painted, it doesn’t explain how he jumped from insufferable to boyfriend,” Remus said. He glanced at Lily across the table. “Was it really the dancing? Is he that talented with it?”

Lily had just went for another sip of her pint and laughed into it, which was an answer in itself, but James straightened up indignantly. “What I lack I make up for in enthusiasm, Lupey.”

Lily set her glass down on the table once more. “Sirius suspiciously made himself scarce after the classes ended, leaving the two of us alone, and eventually--” She gave a light shrug, a faint flush beginning to form.

"Much like stubborn fungi, James tends to grow on people,” Sirius paraphrased.

“That’s French for ‘she eventually saw my endearing charm, and couldn’t hold back any longer’,” James clarified. Lily rested her chin on her hand and the two shared knowing smiles. “Good thing, too, because I was just about to go mad.” 

“Right, if following her to zumba didn't work, what would?” Remus said, lifting his glass to drink from it. 

“Now you're thinking like me, Lupey, well done,” James said, reaching across the table and knocking his glass against Remus', startling him a tad.

As the evening went on, Remus found out how Peter entered into the equation, having met James and Sirius back at the start of school as well, and was treated to a quite a few highlights of James, Peter, and Sirius’ reign as a triple threat of the highest order. Lily lended her own experiences with the three, noting that James and Sirius had been the ones to set up their pranks and the plans for them, while Peter had a hand in the finer details and feeding the other two’s combined genius, and maintained that the three were a completely unstoppable force. Remus did notice Peter had a different sort of energy to the other two, but he the more he thought about the group as a whole, the more the felt the four of them balanced each other out quite well, and the mere fact that he was getting along well with them began to feel even more otherworldly.

Peter and Remus established that their respective faculty buildings were quite close in distance, and Peter took his number in his phone once it was established that the two had coinciding breaks on Mondays. Remus couldn’t help but feel a little surprised at this, and of his ease with the four of them. Only a few weeks prior he hadn’t known any of them, and in the span of three hours he somehow managed to make enough of an impression to feel as though he might be invited out in the future, and was glad he'd take James and Sirius up on their offer. 

When it was nearing seven, Lily checked the time. "As much as I hate to leave you all, I best be off," she said resigned. “I've got to head in early tomorrow to take care of some things.”

"But will we ever see you again?" Sirius asked. 

"Not soon enough, but I'll think of you fondly until then," Lily said, leaning over for a side-hug. She then gave both Remus and Peter one as well, while James pulled his jacket on. 

"Remus, glad you could make it," James said with a nod to him. He stood, grabbed for his jacket, and looked to Sirius as he pulled his on. "We'll continue the marathon when I get back." Sirius held up his pint in agreement. 

Peter joined the other two standing. "Suppose I best be off as well, early start." He glanced toward Remus. “Good meeting you. Give me a shout tomorrow if you've some time around four.” 

“Sure thing,” Remus said, nodding to him. 

Once the other three had left, Sirius slid into James and Lily's vacated booth. He settled in, leaning back comfortably before he paused and looked at Remus for a signal. "You probably have to get going soon, don't you?" he asked.

Remus felt a nagging pull, a voice of reason telling him staying longer wasn't a bright idea. He needed to try and be rested for class in the morning, and a slight throb had begun in his temple not long after the last round had been ordered. He reasoned that was only seven, and Sirius didn't seem to want to leave yet which was a miracle in itself. "I'm fine for a while," he said, focusing on Sirius instead of the dull pain.

"Did you want another?" Sirius asked with a nod to his glass. 

Remus pulled his wallet out to get his tips, figuring it was only fair to take care of it in return for the one Sirius got him. The two of them did this strange dance where neither wanted the other to spend their money, but eventually Sirius slid out of the booth and went off toward the bar without another word. Remus slid a few pounds over the table, leaving them next to Sirius’ empty glass. He was back a few moments later, set Remus' pint and another mystery drink on the table and sat down, sliding the pounds back across the table swiftly without a comment on them. Remus breathed out through his nose, forced himself to leave it, and in avoidance of Sirius’ pointed look he tried to think of a way to sum up the evening. 

"Well, I’m sorry we ganged up on you for a while there."

Sirius waved him off as he took his first sip. “We hazed James pretty hard last time; about time I got it. You're quite brutal, though, I’m impressed," he said, with a half-grin. "When it's your turn, do be a good sport about it?" 

"I don't want that day to come," Remus said truthfully, and Sirius laughed at the expression on his face. "I'm serious, if you thought my commentary was tough, I don't know what you would call James." 

"Ruthless," Sirius said, nodding. "Got to love him for it." 

Remus thought carefully about how to put his next question, and his stomach twisted into a knot; he wanted desperately for Sirius not to read anything into it, and he wanted to hear about someone else working it out to get some comparison. He worked on keeping his face moderate and his tone casual. "You're very uninhibited about all of it, but your sexuality especially. It's something I haven't seen much of before," he said, running his thumb along the condensation on his pint glass. "Small town, you know. From what I saw it was mostly swept under the rug." Sirius nodded as though he understood, though as far as Remus was aware he’d lived in London his entire life. “When did you figure it out?”

Sirius twisted his glass around on the table. "Year eleven," he said, then tilted his head, considering himself. "Well, that was when I couldn't ignore it anymore, I suppose you could say."

"Was it difficult for you to accept?" Remus asked. He eyed Sirius turning the glass around on the table, torn between reaching over and putting an end to the distraction and leaving him to it if it’s what kept him sitting and talking. "I've heard it can be." 

Sirius' eyes crinkled at the sides, a noncommittal sound escaping his throat. "No, I wouldn't say so. Once it dawned on me, I didn’t see a point in dwelling on it.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Made sense, honestly." 

"How so?" Remus asked before a sip of his pint. 

Sirius glanced at the ceiling in thought before he spoke easily that it threw Remus for a loop. "At first it seemed that sex just wasn’t lining up right. Or, I suppose I couldn't figure out why it wasn't lining up with how everyone else was raving about it. Always felt it took far too much effort and I’d end up feeling off-kilter; like a square peg, round hole sort of thing? But I kept doing it because I figured it'd have to sort itself out eventually. But then, if every other bloke in the room was on about the girls they'd shag given half a chance and when it gets to you and you're there thinking you'd much rather have a go at any of those blokes in the room…” 

Sirius paused, waving at someone across the pub with a smile, then kept right on. “It's hard to keep pretending you haven't figured out what it is when flashing signs point to it,” he said, looking back at Remus with raised eyebrows and a slight smile pulling at his lips. “Or, when the bird you're seeing has a brother you'd much rather bend over a desk, it’s definitely not easy to ignore after that." 

Remus was indeed curious about how Sirius could have ended up the free and confident man sitting in front of him, but suddenly wished they could have been having this conversation with a partition between them so he could react freely and not have to constantly work to keep his expression slightly detached. "Well, you can't stop there," he probed. “There's a story here clearly.” 

Sirius eyes flashed. He set his arms on the table and leaned forward on them, as though this part was his favourite. "Well, I wasn't sure if it was one of those want what you can't have situations -- always had a thing for that -- so I felt it out a little. After a bit I could tell he wanted me, I certainly wanted him, the sexual tension was beautiful. I'd go by his locker just to put myself in his space and drive him nuts, and he'd come by mine to do the same, it was a whole thing," he said, waving his hand flippantly. "So eventually he asks me over one day, and I'm _sure_ I know what's happening, so I go, and I get the feeling he wants me to be the one to jump start it. Everyone puts stock into the end result while I've always found the chase is half the fun, but even I was growing impatient." 

Remus stared at him incredulously. “How could you have been so assured at fifteen?” he asked. It had taken Remus’ friend leaning in and planting a kiss straight on his lips for the message to sink in, that his interest was reciprocated, and there Sirius was talking not about being extremely self-aware at such a young age, but of another's actions as well. It was yet another completely foreign concept to him to add to the many others. “I mean of both yours and someone else’s intentions.” 

Sirius gave him an amused look. "Well, let's take you there, shall we? I find him in his room, he turns in his seat at his desk, does the whole--" He sat back in his booth, planted his left boot to the side of the table, brought his knee back and forth teasingly, and Remus bit the inside of his cheek at the motion combined with his eyes on him and the knowing, cheeky smile he had on. "Goes on about how tense he is, his A Levels have been just murder, and I tell him I'm sure I could do something to relieve the tension, and I'm fairly certain you can guess where it went from there." 

Remus could definitely guess where it went from there and wasn't sure what else to do but give a nod. "Bold," he observed, again working to sound detached. “Though a little cliché, don't you think?” 

Sirius choked mid-sip. "I was smooth as hell, you arse," he said, laughing. He thumped his right fist against his chest before coughing again. "That line got me laid consistently until the end of term, so you know what, don't knock the clichés because sometimes they work." 

"Well, apparently," Remus conceded. “How did things fare afterward?” 

"Term ended, he went off to uni," Sirius said before taking the gulp he didn't quite swallow a moment earlier. 

Remus drank some of his own. "Were you upset that it ended when it did?" he asked.

Sirius smirked, waving a dismissive hand as he swallowed. "I had my eyes set on someone else by then," he said a moment later. "Fit as hell -- immensely harder to pin down, but I got him eventually." 

Curiosity got the better of Remus for he found this window into Sirius to be a tough one to turn away from. "How did you manage that one?" 

"He had a part in the school play that year, and between you and me, there may have been another reason I joined the set department that had less to do with the art of theatre." 

"I would say this explains your theatrics," Remus started, then he raised his eyebrows, "though I doubt you paid much attention to the production." 

"Don't remember half the show, Remus, I'll be honest." Remus smirked into his drink, noting the mischievous glint to Sirius' eyes. "Neither would he, mind you, he kept missing his cues because we'd be off in some storage closet or empty classroom." Of the many instances, these words had Remus working the hardest at remaining composed for he identified with them on a little too well. It was highly reminiscent of his own experience; behind closed doors, experimenting, grasping at each other when he was supposed to be helping his friend to better grasp his literary terms, and Remus shook his head clear, focusing on Sirius. 

"Probably a useless question, considering how content you seem about all of it now, but it made sense, then?” Remus asked. “You got what you felt was missing?"

Sirius regarded him a moment and nodded. "Yeah. Like a missing piece had been stuck into place. So, it really wasn't all that difficult to digest -- and that's not everybody's experience, I know that," he added with a pointed look, as though he expected Remus to call him out on it, "but it's still my experience, so it’s got to count for something."

"No, it does," Remus assured, and then for he very much wanted a comparison, “Were your parents alright about--”

Remus stopped speaking as Sirius let out a loud laugh. "Really, you don't need to finish that sentence," he said with a dismissive move of his hand. Remus regarded Sirius bemusedly, taken aback by the frank and sudden laughter at the subject. "No, it's just," Sirius went on, tossing a glance at the ceiling then back down again. "Honestly they were so full of shit half of me expected they'd be glad about it. Can't besmirch the family name if you don't procreate, can you, but why give them the satisfaction?" Remus didn't know what to say, his entire body lit up with discomfort. "I had no plans to tell them, but then Reg, charming brother he is, let my parents in on something he heard ‘round the school, and that was that." 

Remus frowned, but looked expectant, wordlessly asking Sirius to elaborate, which he did emphatically. "Dishonour on my father, dishonour on our name, dishonour on our cow," Sirius went on, flailing his arms. He was all red cheeks and fluid hand motions; it was quite a show in itself and Remus could very much tell Sirius' former fling made a stiff drink. "They threatened to send me to an all-male boarding school to sort me out -- let that sink in for just a moment," Sirius titled his head at him, his eyes widening, and Remus gave into a reluctant smile. "At that point they assumed I was only doing it just to get at them, as if there weren’t a thousand other ways I could have done that, but after the initial blowout and I didn't stop sticking it where I felt like, they were at their wits end and regardless of whatever filthy phase I was in, I was still expected to marry some princess, produce fine offspring, and continue the bloodline so our name wouldn't be tarnished any more than I'd already done." 

Remus gave a pained expression. "I'm sorry, that's..." he didn't have a word for it. Awful, terrible, nothing fit; all he knew was he felt extremely chilled. Then he felt guilty, for he didn't know for certain how his own mother and father would react to his inclinations but he couldn't see them pulling something like that. Quiet disappointment, he could see. Wishing he weren’t this way so that he wouldn't have to deal with prejudice, he could see. Nevermind the discomfort at the inability to sort out where he even fell into the whole equation; even if the conversation went as well as he could hope, surely he would end up receiving a dozen questions that he himself didn't have the answers to, but at least he knew on a visceral level his parents would never have said such words to him.

Sirius didn't react more than a small tilt of his head in agreement and kept on. “The people that mattered were fine about it. James was great, our other mates were fine, and that was that. It’s not as though I paraded it about, but I wasn't actively hiding it either. I'd made my mark by then, it wasn't as though it all turned on me the moment I stopped shagging girls, and the family’s reaction was a full-time job, so school happened to be where I didn’t have to hear any of it.” 

“That’s good at least,” Remus said relieved. “That you had acceptance elsewhere.”

The waitress came by the table once more and picked up their empty glasses, chatting with Sirius for a minute until she moved on to another table. "What were we saying?" Sirius asked, blinking over at him. "Right, yes, I never really dealt with anyone else's issues with it until after I left school."

Remus worried at his lip, his heart sinking. "Sirius, I--" he started, and Sirius' expression went from exceptionally breezy to a look of careful consideration in an instant. "I’m really am sorry. I hate that I made you think I had a problem with it." 

"Remus, it's fine," Sirius said, bemused. 

"No, it's not fine," Remus denied, and Sirius set his mouth in a line and kept silent. "You were so kind to me... the next time I saw you, and I don't understand how you would have been if you thought I was someone who couldn't even _work_ with you because of it..." He scratched at his wrist. "You didn't have to be, and you were." 

Sirius shrugged so lightly that Remus might have missed it if his eyes hadn't been directly on him. "You were upset," he said, and because he didn't seem to know how to remain serious for more than thirty seconds that evening, he added, "also, I think you might have kicked the shit out of me if I didn't give you that cigarette."

Remus let out a quiet laugh. "I think I might have, too," he said, thinking of the red he saw that day. 

Sirius drained the last of his pint and stared up at the ceiling for a few seconds. "You ever going to tell me what was going on with you?" he asked. 

"Oh, hell, Sirius, I had so many little things go wrong in such a small amount of time, I was just unprepared for it," Remus said heavily. “It's no excuse, and I feel awful for burdening you with all of it.”

Sirius shook his head quickly. “Don’t apologize for that,” he said, looking and sounding quite sober suddenly. Remus bit his lip, unsure of what to say or do, but Sirius saved him the trouble of having to do either. “I wasn't talking about that. I worked it out that it wasn't that you weren't in hetero panic mode, but I haven't figured out what the problem was." 

"I already told you -- I was a bit of a wreck Tuesday, but it had been piling on for days," Remus explained. 

"You literally flinched when I came near you." 

Remus felt another stab of guilt at what Sirius had first thought it was. "Well, I don't do that anymore, do I?"

"No," Sirius said genuinely. "So, what was it?" 

"I told you, I had a difficult time with you at first," Remus said uneasily. “Sirius, I’d really rather not go over this again, I rather like it when we’re getting along--”

"So do I, but thinking somebody's a spoiled brat is one thing--" 

"I just had trouble adjusting," Remus defended, lifting one shoulder. "You know all this. You know where I'm from, what my last few jobs were, and then I'm thrown in with you, and James, and Lily, and I'm not extroverted like you lot. That shift was just too much, alright?" He breathed in silently; he hadn’t outright lied as the points were quite true, but he hoped Sirius would drop it. 

Sirius nodded after a moment. "Right," he said quietly. "I'm a lot to handle." 

Trust Sirius to sum it up in a way that made Remus' insides clench with guilt. "Not just you." 

" _We're_ a lot," he amended. "I should have figured that was it. We are."

“I’m getting used to it, Sirius,” Remus told him. “I had quite a nice time tonight, and these past few shifts have been better, haven’t they?” 

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed. “Yeah, they’ve been great.” 

"So, could we just move past that night?" Remus asked, giving his left temple a rub as it throbbed more noticeably. "It won't happen again, and I only brought it up because I'm sorry that I made you feel alienated." 

"Yeah," Sirius said gently after a moment’s silence. "Yeah, we can." 

Remus dropped his hand, bit his lip, and nodded. “I should head out, but I don't want to leave this on a bad note,” he said. 

Sirius sat still a moment before reaching for his jacket. “Right, no, we’re good." 

Remus tried to read him for any signs of hard feelings but he couldn't see any. His head gave a particularly sharp throb as he made to stand. He lifted his hand to his temple, applying pressure there once again, but knew it was only a matter of time. He pictured his bottle of pills sitting in his bag in Sirius' kitchen, thinking he really should have gone up and gotten them before hanging out any longer. 

Sirius tossed a glance back at his booth seat to see if he had forgotten anything. "How did the paper end up, by the way?" he asked. 

"Finished," Remus said, buttoning up his jacket. "It's not due until Thursday, but I like to be ahead." 

A small laugh burst from Sirius and he shook his head as he led the way out of the pub, calling back, "that's the sweetest, most terrifying thing I've ever heard." 

"I'm hardly the only person who likes their work done ahead of time,” Remus said as they stepped through the door. “But thank you, I think." He paused as Sirius turned right instead of left. "Where are we going?"

"You'll want to catch a bus, no?" Sirius said. He nodded ahead. "There's one up there, it'll take you as far as--"

"Hold on, my things are at your place," Remus said. Sirius swiftly turned around and they walked the short distance back to the flat. 

Once he made it into Sirius' room, Remus located his warmer jumper on the bed and then simply perched on the edge of it. "I'm just going to sit for a minute," he said, his head feeling heavy. 

Sirius let out a laugh from where he took his boots off in the entrance way and disappeared down the hall, singing, “Too many pints, too ma-ny pints.” 

Remus vaguely registered another voice echoing Sirius’ sing-song from outside the room and figured James must have returned before them. Sirius reappeared two minutes later with a glass of water in one hand and a slice of bread tucked between two fingers while munching on a slice of his own. He held them out for him, and Remus made a face, not particularly fancying swallowing down bread at the moment. 

Sirius saw the look and pushed both the glass and the bread closer. “If you don’t have some, tomorrow you’re going to say, ‘Sirius, why didn’t you ply me with water?’ so just have it." 

Remus took the glass and slice from Sirius. "I'm not sure why it had to be bread," he said after swallowing a bite. 

"Soaks up the alcohol,” Sirius said as if it were obvious, and then he simply stared at Remus expectantly for a few moments. 

Remus returned his stare. "Are you going to stare at me until I drink this?" he asked.

Sirius did keep staring, but the right side of his mouth quirked upward. "It was that or try and force it down your throat, and I'd like my bed dry tonight," he said evenly. 

Once he began drinking he quickly downed the whole thing, he hadn't realized how thirsty he really was, then set the empty glass below the bed for the moment. He only needed to sit for a little longer, and he'd be on his way. Sirius glanced toward the clock. "Well, look, you're here anyway,” he said easily. “Might as well stay." 

Remus shook his head. "I have class at ten..." he started, turning to look at the clock. 

"Give me your phone," Sirius requested, holding out his hand. Remus fished it from his pocket, unlocked it, and handed it over. "What time do you want to be up?" 

"Eight.” 

"There you go," Sirius said after a few seconds, handing the phone back. "You're set."

Realizing what Sirius was offering, Remus shook his head. “No no, I can’t stay. I’ve a cat, and I hadn’t been planning on staying even last night," he explained. "I always give leave her far more than necessary, but she definitely will need to be fed-” 

Sirius clicked his tongue in thought. “You live in a unit?” Remus nodded. “Is there anybody, anywhere in the building you know at all?”

Remus thought of Minerva across the hall, who had asked him to look in on her cat while she was on her travels in the summer. She did offer to return the favour if need be, but he still felt unsure of it. “My neighbour, but it’s late,” he said, “and very short notice.” 

“It’s only eight, you clod,” Sirius said, holding out his hand. “Give it.” 

Remus lay back as he got his phone out of his back pocket again, and Sirius flopped down next to him, taking the phone and scrolling through his contacts. “They’re in here?” he asked. 

Remus rubbed at his eyes with his right forefinger and thumb as he told him her name. He dropped his hand, holding out as Sirius pressed dial, thinking he was trying to help him by not forcing him to navigate a phone at the present moment, but Sirius waved him off altogether. 

“I’ve got it,” he said, holding the phone to his ear. “You’re quite pissed.” 

It might have been laughable as Sirius was at least two stiff drinks ahead of him, but Sirius didn't let him have the phone on his second try either. " _Hullo_ , yes. This is Remus Lupin,” he said into the phone, putting on a low, sultry voice. Remus tried to cover Sirius’ mouth with one hand and grab the phone with the other, but Sirius only batted his hand away from his mouth, smiling devilishly as he set to explaining the situation, dodging Remus’ hands all the while. “Smashing. Thanks, mmmbye,” he added in a breathy, valley girl voice. “Done. You are welcome.”

Remus knocked Sirius in the side halfheartedly, who instantly rolled toward him and jabbed him in the stomach in return. “If you were going to put on a voice, could you not have picked one and committed to it?” Remus implored. “She’s going to think I’ve went ‘round the twist, you tosser.” Sirius laughed loudly before James called to him from somewhere off in the flat. Sirius breathed out his nose, looked away, and heaved himself up. 

“Shouldn’t keep the Mrs waiting,” he said, standing now. "Tomorrow, you've two choices: you can either head back to the store and take whatever bus you usually take, or if you take the three, you’ll end up down where you’re going. At least it should, Pete takes it from here. The stop’s a block up from the pub, this side of the road." 

Remus nodded, his throat dry from the bread. "Thank--" 

Sirius glanced over his shoulder with a pointed look, flipped the light switch, and left the door open a crack. Remus lay on the bed for five minutes or so, rubbing at his right temple; he really should have grabbed his medication before lying down on Sirius' outrageously soft bed, and cursed the blasted bottle for being across the flat. He sighed, entirely unimpressed with his lack of forethought tonight, but there was nothing much that could be done now aside from taking a double dose and playing yet another waiting game. Remus got to his feet, grabbing the empty glass of water on the floor where he set it, experiencing vertigo as he bent down to grab it. He shuffled out of the room and down the hall toward the living room, hearing mumbling as he approached but was mostly background noise while he was fighting a dizzy spell. 

He stepped into the room to see the two of them on opposite ends of the couch. James stopped himself short when he saw Remus, who got the distinct impression he walked in on something he shouldn't have. "I’m sorry," he said, gesturing toward the kitchen. "I'll just be in and out, don’t mind me, really." 

"All's well, mate," James said easily. "You're just in time; we were just continuing from where we left off." He hit play and Sirius shifted to face the telly, his expression quite blank compared to how bright it had been in his room. 

Remus hesitated a moment, but figured he might as well watch with them while he waited for the meds to kick in. He went to his things, sighing loudly when he found his pills weren't even in his bag. He searched his brain for an image of where he might have left them, and he saw them sitting there on the tiny island counter in his flat, not near enough and of no use to him there. He refilled his glass, downed that, refilled it again, and went back into the living room. Sirius and James were back in their exact positions as earlier in the day, as if the evening hadn't happened and they had been lounging there for hours. Remus sat down next to Sirius, trying to put his mind on something other than the ache, and focused his lidded eyes on the television. The group of survivors were hiding out from reanimated corpses inside a prison yard, and that was about as much detail Remus was understanding at the present moment. 

"Some backstory would be lovely," he hinted. James launched into an abridged plot description, and when a character came into view would throw out a few details about them as the episode continued. 

They were another one when Remus felt his eyes grow heavy, and then suddenly he jerked awake, blinking around bleary-eyed. James had left his spot on the couch, and Sirius stood over him. "Here," he said, dropping a pillow onto Remus's lap. Remus blinked again, trying to adjust his eyes. "It's not the worst place to fall asleep, I've done it a thousand times, but you'll hurt tomorrow without one." 

"I don't remember falling asleep," he said drowsily, stretching out on the couch. "Did the old man die? I hope not. I liked him." 

Sirius laughed quietly. "We got through another two after that. We'll catch you up later." 

"OK. Do that," Remus said, letting his eyes fall shut once more. 

He felt a blanket placed over him and heard Sirius’ voice above him still. "Your phone's on the table.” Remus nodded, murmuring his thanks. 

He half-registered another voice, James, surely. "Well, if that's not the sweetest thing I've ever seen. Ow, _fuck_.” There were some mumbles back and forth, but Remus didn't have it in him to make clarity out of the words and didn't think of much else before sleep swallowed him up once more.


	8. Chapter 8

Remus woke up to his alarm blaring and a throb the force of a sledgehammer at his left temple. He fumbled for his phone blindly, and when he couldn't reach it, he opened his eyes and immediately wished he hadn't; the light in the room seared his retina's and he shut his eyes tight, fighting back a wave of nausea. He got a hold of his phone, swiped it off his alarm, and felt another wave but didn't fight it off again by how quickly bile was rising up in his throat. He stumbled out of the confines of the blanket around his legs and started for the bathroom, hoping desperately that he could make it in time. Thankfully, it was situated in a convenient spot in the flat between the living room and the hall to the kitchen so he didn't have to go far; he grabbed onto the door to stabilize himself, then pushed past it. He made a meek attempt to pull the door closed behind him, but his knees reached the ground before his hand could catch the edge of it, and he heaved out water and an awful mix of beer and crisps he consumed the night before. 

The door swung open before Remus caught his barrings and the room lit up. "No light!" he pleaded. "No light, please." The room returned to darkness immediately, and Remus was thankful the bathroom was located centrally in the flat so there was no outside light peeking into the room. 

"Shit, bad luck, mate," he heard James say from the doorway. Remus didn't have time to feel embarrassed or to even respond as another wave of sick poured out of him. "Poor bloke. Don't -- don't turn on the light," James insisted. 

Remus spat into the bowl, brought a shaky hand to his mouth, wiped it of any mess, and flushed the toilet. "Sleep it off, Lupey," James said, clapping him on the back. The act sent him forward, exacerbating the problem, and Remus swore at James though it was a feeble volume at best. He heard footsteps getting farther and farther, and then the door to the flat opening and shutting. He closed the lid to the toilet, breathed in and out slowly, and gave opening his eyes another try. He turned his head toward the door and was met with Sirius standing over him, his mouth set in a firm line. 

"I shouldn't have fed you that last pint," he surmised with a frown. 

Remus shook his head, causing another throb. "Not hungover," he said. 

Sirius made an unconvinced noise. "We've all been there before," he said mightily. "There's no need to be like that." 

"Migraine," he said louder than he intended. 

"In other words, a hangover." 

"I had three fucking pints," Remus snapped. "And what have I got to lose admitting to a hangover? That’s not what this--" He broke off as he felt another onset of sick coming, opened the lid, and waited on high alert for the dam to break. He saw Sirius lean back against the doorframe out of the corner of his eye, slide down it until he was crouched, setting his arms on his knees. 

“Nail-biting stuff right here,” he offered, leaning his chin on his arms. "Will he or won't he; council is taking bets." 

“Shut up--” Remus tried to say before he heaved into the toilet.

“And he sticks the landing, judges gave an average of nine out of ten, but they say that Sirius is biased and paid the others off,” Sirius rattled off. "Story at six." Another wave of sick drowned out the curse Remus tried to throw at him, and to his surprise Sirius rubbed at his back. “You sure you’re not trying to preserve your dignity? If you could have seen James the day after his birthday then you’d know we’ve none of that to be found around here.” 

“I'm not,” Remus insisted when he was sure he wasn't about to throw up again, incredibly bemused why Sirius would even want to stay in a room with someone spewing chunks into a toilet. “It's a migraine.”

He shifted on his knees and reached out, aiming past Sirius for the wall to try and pull himself to his feet. When he only managed to set a shaky hand on Sirius’ knee, Sirius' hands closed around his arm and back, and he helped him to his feet. He steered him down the hall and got Remus to his room and sat him down on the bed. He could have done it himself if he’d given himself more time to recover from the shakes, but he didn't have it in him to argue for independence at the moment. 

"Migraine," Sirius repeated, standing over Remus as he sat perched on the edge of the bed. Remus nodded, rubbing his balled fists over his eyes. "They just come out of nowhere, then?" 

Remus sighed. "Sometimes, not this time," he said, still rubbing. "I could tell it was coming, but I kept ignoring the signs."

"Well, why did you do that?" Sirius chided.

Remus dropped his hands. "Because I was having a nice time and didn't want to leave, that alright with you?" he asked irritably. Sirius kept silent, while Remus put his head in his hands and groaned. "It doesn't matter. Point is, I did and I'm paying for it now. This is awful, I really can't miss this class--"

"You can barely stand," Sirius pointed out, not that Remus really needed the reminder. "I don't think you should bother."

"No, I know. Usually I hold up for a while until they disappear, it's just fucking inconvenient," Remus bit out. He had a doctors note for times like this, just in case, but he left that part out. They rarely ever got to this level of pain so the note was merely a precaution, but he knew he would have to rely on it today for he couldn't feasibly go in. 

"You should lie down," Sirius suggested, his voice now directly in front of him. Remus made the strenuous effort to open his eyes, and he was met with Sirius having knelt in front of him. Remus nodded, shifting back until he his back hit the headboard. "Do you want something? Tylenol? I don't know if we even have any, but I can dig around." Remus shook his head, and Sirius went on before he could get any more words out. "Tell me what to do, then."

Remus could hear Sirius was frustrated, and he had to remind himself not to be frustrated in return. The situation was less than ideal, and Sirius probably didn't know the first thing about how to help. "Sorry. Tylenol isn't going to help," Remus tried again. "I have pills for this, but they're at my flat."

Sirius clicked his tongue. "If they're a common thing, why don't you have them on you? You have vitamin C tablets on you at all times, I mean really."

"I told you my immune system’s shit, I actually benefit from those," Remus retorted. "And I usually do have them on me, but I had to get a refill last week, and I just left them on the counter like a prat." 

"OK, I'll get them," Sirius said quickly. "Tell me where to go." 

The pain in his head was so severe that he didn't bother telling Sirius he didn't have to, instead he rattled off his address and unit number in one breath. He heard Sirius leave the room, but nothing else until there was a loud plunk to his left. "Bucket's here if you need it." A clunk on the bedside table. “Water’s over here.” 

"Thank you," Remus said. "For going." 

"Stop, ‘course I’m going," Sirius said, his voice far enough away that he may have already been at the door. "I’m not standing around being useless." He heard Sirius leave the flat, the silence that followed, and felt grateful for Sirius before it was quickly drowned out by another throb.

Ten minutes after Sirius left, Remus zoned in on another predicament. He needed the textbooks for the two classes he had today to keep on top of things; he planned on stopping by his flat during his two-hour break before his second class, but that wasn't going to be an option now. He felt around for his phone and felt a surge of pain as it lit up; one barely opened eye and autocorrect got him through shooting Sirius a text with the titles of them. He sent another thank you straight after, tossed his phone aside, and hauled the covers up over his head to block out any and all light around him. 

Remus' understanding of time was always off in times like these but even so, Sirius returned sooner than he had been expecting. Remus heard his boot clomps coming closer and felt the bed dip just by his hip. "I bring beautiful drugs,” he announced, rattling the pill bottle. 

Remus groaned in appreciation, pulled the blanket off his head, and sat up. He opened the bottle, dry swallowed two pills, and sighed. "Thank you,” he said again, keeping his eyes shut against the light coming in from the window on the opposite side of the room. “Did you get my text in time?”

"Yeah, they’re by the door though I’m not letting you look at them until you’re actually up to it," Sirius informed him. 

Remus reached out blindly to his left. "Do you mind--"

Sirius pushed the water glass into his hand. "Found something else, too," he added. 

"Mm?" Remus said as he drank some more water.

"The fattest, most fantastic cat I've ever seen in my life." 

Remus laughed lightly, but felt it right in his left temple and rubbed at it. “I'm not sure Mestophales would appreciate that comment.” 

"I said fantastic, didn't I?" Sirius said. "Scared him under the bed bounding in there, and with the meter still running, I didn't have time to get acquainted, so I demand second chance eventually." 

"She’ll do that,” he said good-naturedly. He felt for the bedside table and carefully set the half empty glass on it. “She’s skittish around new people.”

“Mestophales is a she?” Sirius asked amused.

“I was ten when I named her, alright?” Remus said, rotating his fingers. “She looked like a Mestophales to me.”

"Shit, she moves fast for twelve years." 

"Did you see the state of her bowl?" Remus asked. "I should have asked you to feed her." 

"Two steps ahead," Sirius said. "Your neighbour made well on her word, but that doesn't mean I didn't refill it. I might have overdone it a little, mind. Bowl's overflowing just a tad." 

Remus smiled. "She'll appreciate that," he said, then he zoned in on a particular detail he passed over before. "Hold on, meter? You took a taxi?" 

"Yeah," Sirius said slowly, and Remus didn't have to see his face to understand the look he was being given. 

"You shouldn't have spent your money, I'd have waited--" 

"I wasn't about to get all tetchy standing and waiting for a bus while you're head was about to blow," Sirius told him. Remus opened his eyes and looked at Sirius weakly, upset about the trouble he’d gone to, but froze as Sirius’ eyes widened. 

"What?"

"Your eye, it's--" Sirius started, moving to stand. "We've got to get that checked out." 

"What, no, wait," Remus said, grabbing hold of his wrist to keep him sitting. "What's the matter with it?" 

"It's fucking red." Sirius reached out, his gentle pull on Remus' eyelid contrasted vastly with his rushed tone. "Bleeding from the eyes red." 

Remus held his hands out. "Help me up, I need to see it." 

Sirius pulled Remus to his feet and kept a hand on him as they got him over to the mirror so he could inspect the damage. Surprisingly, Sirius hadn't been exaggerating much. It wasn’t pretty; his right eye was indeed blood red as the vessels inside looked to have burst. "That's new," Remus said quietly, trying to remain calm. It wasn't a comfortable sight, but he didn't want Sirius getting it in his head that they needed to go get it checked immediately. It would clear up in time just as the migraine would fade. 

Sirius pulled his phone out. "No, really, don't,” Remus insisted, putting his hand on the phone and pushing it down.

Sirius sighed. "This really isn't the time to be fussy; you look like a demon." 

"Thank you, I can see that, Sirius." 

"Good, then you can see something needs to be done about your possession--" 

"I can't stand for long, remember--" 

"How bad is the head?" Sirius demanded. "One to ten, how bad is it?"

"Seven," Remus said. It was more like a nine, but he really did not want to go to the hospital over it. Standing up was difficult, he had to clutch the burrow to keep upright at all and that meant walking was out of the question, a drive in the cab would make his nausea come back full swing, and what could be done for him at this point? 

“That’s the biggest lie I’ve ever heard -- your eye just exploded,” Sirius shot at him.

“Sirius, I’ve already taken the meds, and there’s nothing more I can do. I just have to wait until they kicked in, and then I can rest and hide until it’s over,” Remus said, trying to speak calm and concise. “I don’t feel up to waiting six hours in an emergency room with fluorescent hospital lights beaming down on me just to meet with a doctor who will likely tell me what I already know. I need rest and pain relief, and I've both those here.” 

"That's a load of shit--" 

"Sirius," Remus said, meeting his eyes. "If it gets any worse, I'll go, OK? Please just let me rest for a little while." 

Sirius gave him a warning look, but miraculously didn't argue. Instead he trudged Remus back over to the bed, stomped around to the opposite side, and sat down against the headboard on the other side of the bed. He crossed his arms and stretched out his legs in front of him, looking incredibly unimpressed, and it worried Remus for a moment. "Need anything just say so," he said in a monotone.

Remus breathed out carefully, murmured another thanks, and burrowed under the covers once again. 

-

Remus awoke sometime later gasping. He pulled the blanket from his head and brought his hand back up to his left temple, briefly wondering if hitting a different part of his body and generating pain elsewhere might distract from the white-hot dagger threatening to split his head in two. 

"Remus?" he heard Sirius speak from next to him. "What should I do?" Remus breathed, trying to focus on something as troublesome as speech. He shook slightly, but tried to control it as to not draw attention to it, but it didn't matter; Sirius was alert and watching him. "Fuck, just let me call--" 

" _Rub here_ ," he demanded, gesturing at his temple. Anything would be better than lying there in pain or going to the hospital. The bed dipped an instant later at the weight of Sirius leaning over him, and then his fingertips were at his temple. 

“Remus, you're scaring the shit out of me.”

“I'm sorry.” 

Sirius clicked his tongue. "Don't apologize, just -- too much?" he asked, rubbing experimentally.

Remus shook his head once. "More," he requested, stopping himself short of telling him he could give his head a good smack if he really wanted to. Sirius added pressure gradually, while Remus became much more aware of the weight of Sirius' arm reaching across his chest, disappointed that the pain was making him unable to even let himself enjoy him so close. 

"This doing anything?" Sirius asked, sounding unsure.

Remus nodded once. "Helps the blood flow." He focused on the rotating motion Sirius was doing instead of the pain, but then his eyes shot open. "I work tonight.”

"Relax, it's Monday," Sirius said, nonplussed. 

"I know, I took Mary's shift for her." He padded around for his phone again, moving to sit up. “She really needed it covered, and I wanted to help--”

"Tough,” Sirius decided, shifting over him so he couldn’t sit up fully. “You can't go into work like this." 

"Sirius, I have to,” Remus insisted, trying again. “I already agreed to it." As if it settled things, Sirius placed all his weight on Remus and stuck his chin down on his chest. Remus gave up fidgeting but sighed deeply. "I have to call Lily." 

"No, you don't," Sirius said. "I guarantee you Lily doesn't even know Mary switched in the first place. She tells everybody to work it out themselves if they can, and come to her if it looks bleak, you know that. She not going to care as long as _someone_ shows up." 

"It's my responsibility," Remus told him. 

"I'll call around," Sirius said. "You just lie here, that's it. That's all you've got to do today." 

Remus groaned, bringing his hands up over Sirius’ arm to cover his face. "She'll find out I didn't come in, and she'll think I had too much to drink and didn't bother showing up." 

"Lily’s no saint," Sirius said knowingly. “Besides, this is you we’re talking about.”

"You thought I had," Remus countered stubbornly, dropping his hands. "And James." 

"That was before," Sirius said simply. "I can attest to it, you're definitely not hungover, and my word does count for something." When it was clear to him that Remus wasn't all that convinced, he added, "I'll take a picture of your eye if she wants proof. Really, don't go in; you'll scare all the customers what with the exorcism we'll have to perform out there on the floor." 

Remus laughed reluctantly, but it didn't help much. He thought about it all over again, hesitant to let this happen. "This is awful," he mused. 

"Looks like it," Sirius said genuinely, and Remus didn't know how to handle Sirius like that, speaking gently like he was. 

"The timing, I mean," he clarified, though he wasn’t sure why he felt he should pretend the pain wasn’t an issue when Sirius was seeing it happen live. Sirius didn't speak, instead shifted off him, but resumed putting pressure at Remus' left temple, and Remus missed Sirius' body on his more than he ought to have. Remus focused on keeping his breathing even, and the pressure. "I shouldn't put this off," he said. 

"I'll handle it," Sirius said quietly. And with that, Remus didn't have it in him to continue arguing. He let out a large breath, and despite the gnawing feeling in his body telling him he shouldn't leave it up to Sirius, he left it.

He woke up a third time to an empty bed, the curtains across the room shut tight and blocking out any light trying to get inside. Seeking Sirius out was out of the question; he could see a strip of light under the door and didn't want to irritate his eyes any more. He turned to the left and found that his glass of water had been refilled, he sat up and drank it, and as if summoned, Sirius appeared in the doorway. 

Remus kept his head down, and Sirius reached back out into the hallway to switch the light off, making it much easier to look at him without light seeping into the room from behind him. He came closer. "Feeling any better?" 

“A little.” 

Remus pulled his knees in and Sirius sat down where his legs just were, leaning back on the heels of his hands. "I don't... at their worst they can be terrible, but I'd never been in that much pain before." He rubbed his eyes lightly with his forefinger and thumb and held back a groan at the pressure; it would ease the tension, but the ache would return the moment he took his hands away. "I was about ten seconds away from giving in and going." He moved his hand away, glanced over to see Sirius levelling him with a stern look. "It's not as bad now," he insisted, not wanting the look trained on him any longer. "It's back at seven." 

Sirius nodded slowly. "Well, I wanted you to go to the hospital at seven and you lied about being at that anyway, so I’m not sure I believe you."

"I’m telling you I’m feeling better,” he said weakly. “It’s at a seven, why are you fighting me about this?” 

“Why am I fighting you about this?” Sirius repeated incredulously. 

“Sirius, there's nothing that could have been done. I’d have been told to wait it out. I had to wait for the medicine to kick in, and now that they’ve started to it'll go down. I just need to rest some more."

Sirius looked away, glancing over at the clock. "I've got to get going," he said, and Remus pushed down the disappointment that ran through him. It had no right to be there; he hadn't even thought about whether Sirius had somewhere else to be. 

Remus nodded. "Right," he said, moving his hands to his lap. "Do you want me to--" 

"Leave?” Sirius finished. “No, stay here." 

Sirius seemed so sure about it that it was difficult to feel bad about it just then. "Well, thank you," Remus said, running a finger over his right thumbnail. 

"Stop saying that, it doesn't bother me," Sirius said, standing up and walking over to the dresser. “Now, if you’d rather go for the grunge look, then, by all means, keep doing what you're doing, but if you need something comfortable I've got it.” 

Remus waited a beat, but he rather liked the idea of getting out of the clothes he had been wearing for longer than he'd have liked. “Yeah?” he checked. Sirius said nothing, but left his hand hovering over the opened drawer as he would the cup sizes at work. “Anything’s fine, really.” Sirius sifted through it, then again with a higher one, and lobbed what he accumulated over to Remus, who caught them and thanked him. "Did the shift get sorted?" he further asked.

"That's where I'm headed," Sirius said already in the doorway. 

"It's your day off!" 

Sirius turned around and leaned on the door frame. "Could we not do this?" he implored. "Just add it to the list of things that don't bother me if that helps." 

"I didn't mean for you to have to cover it," Remus protested.

"Well, that's inconvenient because I was looking forward to blaming you," Sirius said sardonically.

Remus frowned. "I'm sorry, is all," he said with a heave of his shoulders. 

"I knew you would be. I really do have to go, though. Need anything?" Remus shook his head. "You should probably eat something eventually." 

Remus shook his head. "I'm nauseated just thinking about it." 

"Well, if you change your mind, help yourself," he offered. "James'll be around later and he'll check up on you then." 

Remus felt himself flush, embarrassed at the idea of Sirius enlisting the help of James, but merely said thank you instead of arguing the need for it. 

_

Over the course of the late afternoon and early evening, Remus squeezed in another nap, a few hours of light reading, sent messages to his professors, and got a play by play of the classes he missed from a classmate from each. When Sirius returned later on in the evening, James had already taken residence on the foot of the bed for a good hour, and all in all, Remus filed it away as a productive day even with how dismal it began. 

Sirius was just shucking off his boots when James called back to him. "I see how it is; when I ask you to be out of there early you somehow can't manage it, but all of a sudden you're extremely time efficient?" He grinned wide, not bothering to turn to look at Sirius. “Adorable, really.” 

Remus watched Sirius roll his eyes to the ceiling, cross the room, and grab James from behind in a headlock. He planted a loud kiss atop his head. "Missed you, too," he said, dodging James' attempt at a rebuttal in the form of a fist. Sirius let go of James, his eyes falling on Remus. "Better?" 

Remus nodded. "Better," he assured with a smile. 

“What’s it clocking in at now?”

"Five. Really," he added at the pointed look on Sirius’ face. "They can last up to twelve hours so I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can manage at this point." 

Sirius looked him over. "That eye, though," he said. 

"Coolest thing ever, right?" James cut in. "Was just thinking it myself." 

"Yes, well, I'm hoping that goes down overnight," Remus said, waving the two of them off.

Sirius climbed onto the bed, lying down spread eagle on it, and sighed. Remus frowned down at him, regretful he'd let Sirius cover his shift on his day off. A moment or two later Sirius exhaled deeply again, rolled onto his side facing them, and propped his head on his hand, glancing up at Remus. "Ever heard of a cluster headache?" he asked.

"I have, yes," Remus said mildly, though knew where Sirius was going with the question. 

"Think maybe this was one of those?"

Winner takes all. "No, I don't think so," Remus said, shaking his head.

"As someone who isn't plagued with migraines, or didn't suspiciously browse Wikipedia this afternoon,” James chimed in. “Care to fill a bloke in?" 

"They're a severe form of a migraine, much more severe," Remus answered, then looked down at Sirius again. "I don't think this is what it is. People who have those have to hold away in sheds or small dark spaces to keep them at bay, and their warning signs are extremely obvious. They build their lives around them, and are prepared for them--"

"Well, you've just described today to a T," Sirius supplied. 

"Really, Sirius," Remus insisted. "It's different. This was a rare incident, and they're usually never as bad as today.” He lifted his hand and pointed to his eye. “This has never happened before, I don't think it'll be a routine, and those with clusters know how to work around them because the aches are so punctual, and mine--" 

"You said earlier--" Sirius started impatiently, but Remus cut him off. 

"James, tell him for me?" 

Before James could say anything, Sirius steamrolled onto the next thing. "You've a doctor in the city?" 

"Yes," Remus answered patiently. "Busy man, though. Booking an appointment with him is a whole other kind of headache." 

"Headache puns," James said with a grin. "Now we're getting somewhere." 

Sirius didn’t seem as amused. "Well, if they're getting worse, better to try and book one now, isn't it?" he said. 

It meant long bouts of being put on hold, and trying to fit a fixed schedule like his to sync up with the doctor's availabilities, and Remus had limited time outside of class and work to utilize. Despite that, Sirius had a point, whether Remus liked it or not. "I know it is," he said, resigned. When it became evident Sirius was waiting for something, he added, "I will, Sirius." 

Sirius looked satisfied as he glanced over at James, then promptly narrowed his eyes, kicked out, and almost sent James backward off the bed. 

"Wanker," James said, his reflexes kicking in time to narrowly avoid taking a tumble. 

"Sorry James, you just have a very kickable face; couldn't hold off," Sirius said through a stretch. 

Remus glanced between the two of them. "The tough love around here," he observed of what he'd come to know of James and Sirius' boisterous slapping around, and of Sirius' scolding him throughout the day. 

"Yeah, there's a whole barrel of love here," James said as he finished his phone out of his pocket and looked it over. "Speaking of, the lady awaits. Just as well, Casanova’s here to take over," he said.

“Do me a favour and get lost on your way back?” Sirius requested as James pushed himself off the bed.

James snorted before glancing over at Remus. "Feel better, yeah?" 

Remus thanked James as he left the room, then looked down at Sirius, who seemed to be taking in Remus' books and laptop surrounding him where he sat. "Someone was only supposed to rest today," he said flatly. 

"I can't fall behind, Sirius," Remus told him. "I missed two classes today." 

"Willing to bet that was the first class you've missed in ages," Sirius said plainly.

"I have a note in case things go south, but I don't like to use it unless it's completely unavoidable," Remus explained. 

"Don't know how you can even read in that state," Sirius said. "I wouldn't bother." 

Remus reached over to his laptop and ran his index finger over the touchpad in response; the computer barely lit up. "Helps that the light in here is very dim, too." 

"Haven't bothered to change them, but if anyone tells me my supreme laziness is a fault I'll just toss this story at them, then," Sirius said, grinning. 

"At the very least, there's that that's come out of this," Remus said with a smile as he began to collect his things into a pile. He moved them to the corner of the bed, and shifted to lie down on his side, using his arm as a pillow. 

"If I was even the least bit sick back in school it was always, 'no, I'm too weak, go on without me,'" he said, bringing a hand up over his forehead daintily. 

"Well, I'm not even the least bit surprised about that," Remus said, "but see, that was probably at secondary, whereas that stuff doesn't go over too well in uni. I'd never catch up if I didn't go in because of a little pain." 

"No, uni too,” Sirius said, smiling at Remus' frown. "'Course I wanted to be anywhere else, so any excuse was a good excuse. Hand me that?" He pointed behind Remus to the side table on the right of the bed, and Remus shifted to grab the ashtray on it. 

Remus hesitated as he set it down between them, but Sirius had been the one to bring it up. "What was it that you hated so much?" 

Sirius lit his cigarette, clearly seeing Remus' angle. “Subtle,” he said dryly. Remus set his eyes on the far wall, disappointed at being found out so easily. Perhaps reading his discomfort at being found out, Sirius supplied a smidge more. "I told you already." 

"Not exactly," Remus said, and just when he decided that this topic would only ever cause Sirius to be evasive and irate, and that it would be better for both of them if he quit trying to understand where Sirius operated from, Sirius gave him something. 

“I don't see what good it does to talk about it," he said, shifting onto his back. "Besides, it'll just be proving you right." 

"What am I supposed to say to that?" Remus asked. "You keep giving me vague comments that I've no idea how to decipher, and then you direct something like that at me.”

"You want me to say I had everything handed to me--" 

"Sirius, we went through this already--"

"And you're right, I did,” Sirius went on, his eyes trained on the ceiling. "The Black's are loaded, been around for centuries -- old money types that you'd absolutely hate, don't have to work yet they buy out other companies and play king of the castle. And it's true, I wouldn't have had to work for anything until I graduated. I was set, would have had an immensely well-paying job lined up for me the second I graduated, so there you have it. It's what you want to hear, so what's left?" 

"Sirius," Remus said, a little hurt. "That’s not what I wanted to hear. I don’t dislike people with money on principle because I haven’t got any, please don’t assume that--" 

"And the thing is, it would have been so fucking easy," Sirius surged on, not hearing him. "I was top of the class all through secondary, top of the class there, too. I did the bare fucking minimum and still would have finished that term with honours, and I know you fucking hate hearing that, too.” He dropped his gaze from the ceiling to fix Remus with a stare, his eyes accusatory and hard. There was a lump in Remus' throat that wouldn't go down no matter how much he tried to swallow it and his vocal chords failed him no matter how much he wanted to deny the claim. "I could have kept at it, but it was sucking the fucking life out of me -- and I could have stayed living large at that house but I couldn't fucking do it anymore. Bunch of racists, bigots, walking around acting like I'm the one that came out all wrong?" Sirius pulled his face into a scowl, and Remus could feel the emanating from behind his eyes though they were off him and back on the ceiling. "I couldn’t take it anymore, and I should have gone sooner, but -- I'd have gone mad listening to the toxic shit they spew out on a daily basis, so I left, haven't seen them since, and I don't owe them anything." 

Remus found his voice again in the form of a question. "You don't see them at all?" he asked, the idea so utterly foreign to him. If he didn't update his own parents on the goings on in his life they got tetchy and nervous. Their situations were vastly different, evidently, but it was still a tough concept to grasp.

Sirius laughed humorlessly at the question. "Not in four years, and believe me, they don't want me around either."

"That can't be true," Remus said genuinely. “Who wouldn’t want _you_ for a son? I know they were incredibly closed-minded, but I can’t believe that; you’re an anomaly.” 

"Oh no, it is true," Sirius said plainly, breezing right past Remus’ slip of the tongue to his immense relief. "Put it this way, my father died last year and I didn't get an invite to the funeral. Didn't even find out through them, had to read it in the bloody paper, and it’s just as well, I wouldn't have gone even if they'd asked me to, but what more proof do you need?" He read that Remus was taken aback by that quite quickly. "Remus, they rather enjoy pretending I don't exist. I can't even say I was surprised they didn't bother telling me. I was ceased being their son the moment I walked out." 

"Sirius, you can't know that," Remus said because the idea of it made him shiver.

Sirius lit a smoke and shook his head. "I do know it, said so in the last letter they sent me. Told me they took me out of the will, snatched my trust fund, said I'd never see a cent of my inheritance, as if I want their fucking money anyway." He cast a dark look at the end of his cigarette, then his face broke into a dark sort of smile. "Said I was no son of theirs. Finally, after all those years we agreed on something."

Remus felt his skin prickle. “Where did you go?" 

"To James," Sirius answered. "The Potters were always a better family to me than they were. I'd have spent a lot more time locked up in mine if it hadn't been for them letting me hide out at theirs there when things got worse." Sirius flicked his cigarette against the ashtray. "’Course, hiding out at theirs at sixteen is different than it is at eighteen, but the Potter's had just bought this building and James was about to move in, so it worked out. I didn't have much with me, and I had to start from scratch, but James and his parents never held it against me, which was," he stopped and shook his head, perhaps he didn't have the word for it, then went on with a different numbing blow, "--said they only wanted me to be safe. Happy. I know you don't think that's quite good enough, but it is for right now. It has to be." 

His tone was far less accusatory than it had been earlier, but that didn't mean it sliced into Remus any less. "Sirius--"

"I know how I get when all of it comes up again, but I can't help it," Sirius said looking at him again, his eyes had softened substantially. "Still feels like it's right here," he held a flattened palm just above his neck, "even though it's been some time. It still feels like it's just bubbling over no matter how far I get from it.” 

“No, that’s OK,” Remus said gently, shifting closer slightly. "I'm sorry, I only wanted -- Sirius, you've got to know I want that for you, too. I'm glad you had someone to go to, that you're happier than you were. You deserve that." 

Remus watched Sirius carefully as he flicked the ash off his cigarette much less viciously, regarded him in a way he hadn't before, and nodded. Remus turned, his head feeling heavy for two reasons now. He reached for his bottle of pills, knocked back another dose, and Sirius’ eyes were on him as he shifted back. “They’re wearing off,” he said in explanation. "It's fine, don't worry--"

Sirius clicked his tongue, stubbed his cigarette out, and set the ashtray on the table on the left side of the bed. He scooted over, resuming the slow rubbing at Remus’ temple. “Can’t ask for anything outright, can you?” 

Remus hadn’t been hinting at that in the slightest but appreciated the gesture immensely. “I’m sorry, it should be gone by tomorrow,” he told him, shutting his eyes so he wouldn’t answer the temptation to lean in and close the small distance between them. “Hopefully sooner.”

“Get some sleep,” he heard Sirius say, quieter now. “You look exhausted.” 

Remus hummed in agreement but wasn’t sure about it. “I shouldn’t stay another night,” he said, matching his volume. “Put you out enough as is.” 

“Well, you’re not going anywhere now,” Sirius said plainly. “I don’t mind, really.”

“Are you sure?” Remus said a moment or two later. "I’ll have to be up early. Don't want to wake you."

“I’ll sleep right through it,” Sirius assured him. 

Remus was expecting the gentle pressure to disappear at some point for Sirius couldn’t possibly want to keep doing it. When it didn’t after another minute, he shamelessly hoped he would keep at it until he fell asleep; he wasn’t that far off now with the dull pain pressed aside for the moment. “Thank you for everything,” he said drowsily.

“It’s fine,” Sirius said, as if it were all in a day's work.


	9. Chapter 9

Remus woke up to a scene far more reminiscent of Sunday morning and fortunately nothing like the previous one, and although it could have been considered problematic that he kept finding himself waking up in precarious positions with Sirius, he had to admit it was better to wake up to than a searing migraine. The hand Sirius had been using to soothe his temple had fallen over his neck overnight, and his stomach stirred at the idea of him continuing after he fell asleep. From this close, Remus could see the freckle just below Sirius’ bottom lip, and he had the chance to really appreciate his features up close without fear of being caught looking for Sirius seemed out cold. 

His next thought was completely involuntary; he could get used to this. The one straight after was much more loud and came in the form of doubt. Sirius said himself he took care of his own, and while Remus was still marvelling at being added to that list in just over a month of knowing him, it would do him no good to make this into something it wasn’t. Sirius seemed a man of action, not one who enjoyed sitting on the sidelines and waiting things out while someone needed help. He’d hopped into action mode, but what else was he expected to do? Remus was suddenly quite sure Sirius would have done the same for James, for Lily, Pete. as he’d done for him. Remus dropped his eyes, a slow sinking feeling dropped through him as he realized he wouldn’t see this properly, but only by circumstance or accident, if the two happened to fall asleep inches apart again, and that wasn’t likely. 

He slowly pulled his phone out of his pocket, saw it was about twenty minutes before his alarm was set for, and decided that was a sign he should get a move on the day earlier than planned. He inched out from under Sirius’ arm, missing the warmth of it instantly, but forced himself up and off the bed. First he crept toward Sirius’ set of drawers and opened one quietly, thinking Sirius wouldn’t likely hold it against him if he borrowed something, and purposely picked a frayed shirt instead of a newer looking one. He caught a whiff of the shirt as he lifted it out of the drawer, and it was so undeniably Sirius that he was glad he decided to snag something of his if it meant he would smell the scent for the rest of the day. 

He thought then it was time to stop being a creep, was quiet about leaving the room, and experimented on the floorboards to find the least creaky spots to walk on as he made his way to the bathroom. He made good time for he showered, dressed, and returned to Sirius’ room right about the time his alarm would have gone off if he hadn’t shut it off. He moved around the bed quietly, tried not to shift too suddenly and wake Sirius as a result; the poor bloke didn’t get a day off like someone else in the room did. His plans were foiled, of course, when he reached for one of his heavier textbooks and didn’t grip it well enough; it slid out of his hand and landed on the floor with a thud. Remus cringed, frozen in mid-reach as Sirius stirred. He glanced over to see Sirius blink and lift his head, making sense of the room around him. 

“I’m sorry,” Remus said quietly. “Go back to sleep, I was just leaving.”

Sirius stretched long and languid, then shifted on his back and looked Remus over through lidded eyes. “Stealing my shirt, punk?” he asked, his voice hoarse with sleep and altogether too sexy for seven in the morning. 

“Is that alright?” Remus asked, now suddenly embarrassed for his assumption. 

“More than alright if only for the opportunity to see you in a Def Leppard shirt,” Sirius said. “I never knew I needed to see this until just now.”

“It looked older than a lot of them,” Remus explained as he stuck his fallen textbook into his book-bag. 

“I’ve a drawer full of warm things, and there’s probably a jumper or two in there I know you’re just itching to get a look at,” Sirius said pointedly, rubbing his eyes with balled fists. 

“Good one, really funny, but which drawer?” Remus asked. “It’s supposed to be chilly today.” Sirius pointed to the middle of the set of drawers, Remus tried it, and Sirius shook his head, pointing down. “Right, don’t use your words now.” 

“This is much more fun,” Sirius informed him. 

“You’re easily entertained,” Remus observed, pulling out a cardigan that caught his eye quicker than the rest. 

Sirius snorted. “And he picks the only knitted thing I own.” 

“I remember telling you to go back to sleep,” Remus said pointedly as he pulled his right arm through it, then his left. He was suddenly quite grateful he got his appreciation for Sirius’ scent out of the way before his eyes were trained directly on him. He pulled his jacket on over the cardigan. “Thank you.” 

“All’s well,” Sirius said, giving another mighty stretch. “Don’t remember where it came from.” Remus’ brain conjured up visions of an ex of Sirius’ wearing it and he wasn’t such a fan of the thing anymore. Sirius moved over to the side of the bed Remus had come to know as home for about twenty-four hours, and got himself under the covers. He sat up against the headboard, shimmied himself out of his trousers, and deposited them on the floor by the bed. “Head?” 

Remus dropped the pair of earphones he was attempting to untangle. “Sorry?” 

“How’s the head?” Sirius asked, settling back in. 

“Better,” Remus supplied quickly, stooping to pick up his fallen earbuds, and chiding himself for leaping to conclusions. “Yes, thank you, much better.” 

Remus straightened up and met Sirius’ eye just as he lifted his hand to beckon him closer. It took a moment for his brain and limbs to form a connection before he stepped over to the side of the bed. Sirius leaned forward and regarded him openly, and Remus was momentarily awestruck at how he could look that gorgeous at seven in the damn morning. “The eye’s looking better,” Sirius said. “Good thing we performed that exorcism when we did, isn’t it?” 

Remus made the words connect with the movement of Sirius’ mouth and forced a chuckle. “Yeah, good thing.” He stepped away toward his bag once more and took another crack at his infuriatingly tangled earphones. “Well, thank you for letting me hide out and take up space.” 

“That’s not quite how it went,” Sirius said, moving to lie down. 

Remus glanced up from the wires. “Well, all your help then,” he reiterated. “I doubt that’s how you initially wanted to spend your day off.” 

“Do me a favour?” Sirius asked from where he lay. 

“‘Course,” Remus said curiously as he pulled the last tangle free.

“Call your doctor.” 

Remus slung his book-bag over his shoulder. “You’re not going to let up about this, are you?” he asked, looking over at him. 

Sirius rolled onto his stomach and pulled the covers up around him. “Clever bloke like you can probably figure out the answer to that,” he said. 

“Right, point taken,” Remus said as he stuck his phone in his pocket. 

-

Remus walked into work nine hours later fairly certain Sirius wouldn’t love the development, but there wasn’t much he could do about it. The appointment was booked, it just happened to be scheduled for January, and there wasn’t much arguing that could have been done. 

He waved to James as he passed, heading for the backroom, and walked down the hall to find Lily and Sirius surrounded by a rightful metropolis of boxes. Lily glanced up from the one she was currently gutting. “Remus -- shit, it’s that time already. OK, I’ve got to take the deposit in. Oh, fuck this day.” She made her way out of the maze, grabbed her jacket off the back of the computer chair, and headed down the hall. “Nice to see you, Remus. Sirius, I’ll be right back.” 

“And that was day she skipped town and never returned,” Sirius announced in the middle of the absurd amount of boxes. 

“Seems quite a bit larger than usual,” Remus said as he slung his bag on a hook. 

Sirius jovially stuck his chin in his hand. “Does it?” he asked cheerfully. 

Remus decided he deserved the cheek and smiled as he pulled his jacket off. “What is all of it?” he asked. 

“Some of it’s Christmas stuff, some isn’t, and it all came on the same day.” 

“It’s October,” Remus stated, perplexed. “Are we not jumping the gun a little here?” 

Sirius raised an eyebrow. “I know working in retail is new to you, but surely you’ve stepped foot in a shop around hols? The second November hits it all switches over,” he said as he shut a box and scrawled a few words on the side of it with a marker. “Prepare yourself, it’s about to get incredibly red in here.” 

“Can’t wait,” Remus sighed out. “No, you know what, I can. I don’t want to think of hols; too much to be done before then.” 

Sirius stood to his full height and pulled at one of the boxes at the top of a stack, which promptly slid off the top and slammed to the ground with a loud thud. “Well, this might be a little more shortsighted if that’s what gets you going,” he said, giving no visible reaction to the noise and dropping to his knees in front of the box. “Halloween,” he added, brandishing an exacto knife from his apron and slashing the box open, “have any plans for it yet?” 

“I haven’t, no,” Remus answered, keeping a close eye on the exacto. “Little early for that, too, I’d say.” 

“Three weeks? This is the time to be thinking of it.” Sirius turned the knife on himself and cleaned out a nail with the point of it. “James and I have thrown something annually since we’ve been at the flat and we must answer the call of tradition. You should come along.” 

“If I’ve kept on top with everything,” Remus said distractedly, a little put off by the worrying way Sirius wielded a knife. 

“Oh, please,” Sirius said, waving the blasted thing around, “as if you won’t have everything done a week in advance like you always do.” He opened the flaps of the box and clicked his tongue. “Oh, oh good, more Christmas mugs to go with the other thousand we no doubt have yet to open.” Sirius shut the flaps, scrawled 'fucking mugs' in jagged, capital letters on the side of it, and hip-checked it aside. 

“Are they all in pieces now?” Remus asked as he tried to find a path to get to to his work shoes. “It took quite a tumble.” 

“Unfortunately no, they were well packed.” Sirius lined the exacto and slashed it a little too fast and close to his hand for comfort; Remus leaned over and and stopped it instinctively, and Sirius pulled the knife back in a snap. “Oi, you looking to lose a finger?” he chided. 

“Are you?” Remus retorted. “Put that thing away before you stab yourself, it’s making me nervous.” 

“Oh, alright, I’ll just try using a flower with the next one,” Sirius fired back, but he stuck the knife back into his apron and Remus went back to manouvering around the boxes. “What time are we?”

Remus checked his phone as he slipped his feet into his work shoes. “We’ve ten minutes.” 

Sirius nodded, stood up, and vaulted over two stacked boxes. “If I took off and left all this here, would you cover for me?” he asked lightly. 

“No, sorry, I can’t lie to Lily,” Remus denied. 

“The solidarity around here is a joke,” Sirius said as he pulled his jacket on and stepped out the back. Remus had only had the chance to make his way out of the maze the way he came when the door swung open and Sirius stuck his head back inside. 

“Did you book the appointment?” 

Remus let out a quiet sigh and moved to stand by the door. “Yes I did, but it’s not until January, and before you say anything, it’s out of my control,” he explained. “I told you he’s a busy man and this is the best I can get. I’m lucky I have him at all with all the patients he has.”

Sirius blew out smoke in a fast gust, clearly unimpressed, and Remus shrugged evasively. “You need a new one, then,” he decided. 

Remus stepped out he door and shut it behind him, leaning against it. “You say that like I could just walk the streets and find one,” he said bemusedly. “I might as well wait until January; it’ll take just as long to find a new one who also happens to have openings in his schedule.” 

Sirius seemed to register his point. “There any way you can get some stronger meds?” he asked. 

“I’d need a prescription if I want anything stronger than the ones I’ve got--” 

“Those don’t work,” Sirius cut in frankly. 

“They work,” Remus protested, wishing he’d brought his jacket if Sirius was going to press this more, and crossed his arms. 

“Barely,” Sirius corrected. “And not well enough yesterday, and especially if they’re getting worse.”

“But that’s just it,” Remus started, “they’d never been at that level before, and it’s entirely possible that it was a one time thing.”

Sirius scoffed. “If they last up to twelve hours at a six regularly then you should have been given stronger stuff in the first place,” he snipped. “Fucking ridiculous. Why wouldn’t you just let me take you yesterday? We could have pointed right to your eye as you shook and they’d have seen how awful they are. They’d have put you on fucking morphine at the rate you were at.” 

“I didn’t want to go,” Remus retorted. 

Sirius stared at him plainly. “I didn’t make you book that appointment,” he pointed out. “You could have put it off, brushed me off completely, but you didn’t. So which is it?” 

Remus tore his eyes away from Sirius’ and felt himself deflate, staring across the parking lot. “It’s just that there’s always something. My immune system’s shit, I spent far too much time in waiting rooms, too much time with tubes poking out of me, with enough people worried about me, and I’d rather avoid it if I can manage it. I managed yesterday.” He expected another snarky 'barely' to come out of Sirius, but when that didn't happen, he made himself meet his eyes again. "If it isn't migraines then it's something else, and I'm not sure I want to know what it is." 

The rigid set of Sirius' shoulders dropped and for the first time in Remus' memory he broke eye contact, looked down at the end of his cigarette before he dropped it to the ground and stepped on it. "Suddenly those vitamin C tablets don't seem like overkill," he said with an evident effort to speak easily. 

"Plenty of people carry those for the record," Remus pointed out, though he was grateful for any shift in topic and hoped it meant Sirius wouldn't press him any harder. 

"Never known a single other person who does, but OK," Sirius said with a wry smile. 

Remus sighed. "Yes, well," he started, reaching back for the door handle, "if you're done, I'm sure James is about to go postal on us." 

Sirius nodded and followed in behind Remus, where Lily stood amongst the many boxes looking quite distressed. "Sirius, what am I going to do with all of these?" she asked. Remus moved quickly and quietly toward the hall, having never seen Lily looking so peeved before and therefore thought it best to stay out of the way. "We don't have the space, we can't be tripping over all of this, and we've a reservation at six and we're never going to make it on time."

"You're going to get there on time," Sirius said easily, stepping forward. "Let me get a drink, I'll come back, and we'll deal with the regular, boring old order and stick the rest off to the side and pretend it isn't there. Say fuck the Christmas stuff."

Lily nodded, shaking out her hands. "Fuck the Christmas stuff," she repeated grudgingly. 

"With feeling," Sirius prompted. 

"Fuck the Christmas stuff," she said louder, a smile breaking through. 

"That's the stuff," Sirius allowed, turning to usher Remus down the hall. 

"Poor Lily," Remus said over his shoulder in an undertone. 

Sirius pressed a hand to the small of Remus' back and rushed him down the hall. "Get out while you can," he said urgently. "Faster." Mildly frightened, Remus glanced back at Sirius, who's expression was quite even. "I'm fucking with you. She'll be fine soon." 

Remus clicked his tongue and shoved Sirius just before they reached the floor for freaking him out for nothing. Sirius set about making his drink and disappeared into the back for the first hour of their shift, but came up now and again with boxes of product for James and him to unpack when there weren't customers to tend to. Lily appeared up front looking much less overwhelmed, and Sirius shooed her out of the shop around the time James was set to finish his shift. 

Remus looked over at Sirius after they had gone. "Big dinner?" he said under the whirring of the steam wand. 

"Two years," Sirius said in a tone a proud father might use.

Remus smiled. "Everything got sorted, then?" he asked. 

"For the most part, there's still some but I had to cut her off eventually," Sirius explained. "I might go back later on and take another whack at it, but I'm ignoring them for now." 

"Fair enough," Remus conceded before he moved to hand off the drink he finished making. 

The two of them were on the floor for a good hour before Remus remembered he gave Sirius a solid maybe to something he hadn't really been listening to. "So, what calibre of party is this going to be?" he asked, thinking the chances were low that an event thrown by James and Sirius would be understated. "I can't imagine it'll be just a handful of guests and a bowl of punch." 

"Deductive reasoning as usual," Sirius said as he handed over a cup. "Friends from school, friends from James' program, some from here, all over. And the neighbours always get an invite, but half of the reason is so we can use the patio free of guilt. And then there's whoever anyone wants to bring along, sort of an open door policy so long as people follow the rules." 

Remus filled the cup with some hot water, stuck it on top of the tray, and pressed a series of buttons on the espresso machine. "To tell you the truth, I wasn't expecting there to be any," he said. 

"We're not animals, Remus. Rule number one: everyone is responsible for their own sick," Sirius recited. 

"Right," Remus nodded. "That's something you want understood early on." 

"Non-negotiable," Sirius conceded. 

Remus handed off the drink with a smile and turned back. "In the event that someone is too inebriated to manage the clean up, what happens then?" he asked. 

"Asking the important questions, good," Sirius said. "In that situation the responsibility falls on whoever brought them along."

"Completely reasonable," Remus complimented. Sirius rang through a group of customers and came over to set four cups on the bar. 

"Rule number two," Sirius went on, "costumes are mandatory."

Remus had been expecting this. "Hypothetically," he began as he poured milk for the first cup in line," what is the punishment if someone were to show up without one? I assume there is one."

"Hypothetically, of course," Sirius said, eyeing Remus pointedly. "There is a punishment, and I can't disclose it. Rule number three. Or two-point-four, if you will." 

"No, of course you can't," Remus said resigned, as he set up the espresso shots to pour. 

Sirius began pouring milk into pitchers for the other three drinks on the bar as he went on reasonably. "Well, think of it: if we let everyone in on the punishment, some may decide the risk is worth it and take their chances," he explained. "Where's the fun in that?" 

Remus handed the first of the four off, turned back, and began steaming the milk for the second. "I never have any ideas so I just don't bother," he said with a shrug. 

"Well, that can be taken care of," Sirius said, leaning forward on the counter. "Give James and I five minutes to put our heads together and we'll come up with something."

"No, see, I'd rather not leave it up to you two," Remus told him frankly. "I'd take whatever punishment you two have stored over getting stuck in some animal onesie, thank you." 

Sirius scoffed. "Come now, give us a little more credit than that," he said, looking vaguely insulted. He switched his expression to a professionally cheery one as a customer stepped up to till, and he went over to take her order while Remus finished off the third drink. 

"What's yours?" Remus asked after Sirius handed the lady her tea. 

Sirius face broke into a pained smile. "Would it surprise you if I told you I can't decide?" 

"You, indecisive?" Remus asked, starting on the last drink in front of him. 

"Mmhm," Sirius hummed, refilling the stacks of cups by the till. "Too many choices, and yet nothing quite good enough to make the decision for me." Remus set the milk to steam to the hottest temperature available as per the cup's request and glanced over at Sirius as he stared out the window of the shop just holding onto a packet of cups. He turned to Remus just as he was pouring the milk. "'Course, I could always find a hideous and fantastic woolly jumper, pick up a beanie somewhere, and go as a particularly bookish barista I know." 

"Good one," Remus said dryly before moving to hand off the last drink of the bunch. He turned to see Sirius smiling plainly at him. "You're not kidding, are you?"

Sirius shook his head, the smile on his face widening. Remus had to wait until Sirius was finished with another customer before he could address the idea any further, and decided to try a different angle as vehement disagreement could very well backfire and convince Sirius to do it. "That's a good idea," he said mildly when Sirius turned up beside him with another cup. "Only, I wouldn't say it's the winner here. What were your other ideas?" 

"Too late, I'm already attached to the idea -- very good try, though," Sirius said, plainly ignoring Remus' grimace. "I can be comfy-cozy the whole night, and I'll get to spout off as many literature facts as I see fit." 

"I don't spout off literature facts," Remus retorted, reaching for a packet of tea to start himself one. "I told you an enlightening point once, and now all of a sudden it's my cross to bear--"

"I'll need one of your jumpers, you understand," Sirius breezed on. "The most ridiculous one you've got." 

"You have one..." Remus said, displaying his hand at his side, showcasing the dark knitted cardigan he borrowed. 

"No way," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "I'm striving for authentic Remus Lupin here, no cheap knock-offs will do."

"Sirius, they're all cheap knock-offs," Remus stated, but Sirius hummed a vague tune, turning back to start a new pot of coffee, pointedly refusing to see reason. Remus sensed a losing battle and drank some of his tea before feigning thought. "I suppose I could find a wig and locate a fair amount of leather somewhere..." 

Sirius' mouth quirked at the side, his eyes bright, and Remus should have known he would be more than fine with someone dressing up as him. "Well, you may have trouble finding one that matches this quality," he said, gesturing his hand around the stylishly, better yet infuriatingly, loose bun atop his head, "but don't let that discourage you any. We'll find you something good." 

"Incredibly thoughtful, thank you," Remus said before another drink of tea. "Authenticity, as you said." 

Sirius pressed start on the coffee maker. "Up or down?" he asked. 

"That's a good question," Remus said, glancing at his hair. "I suppose I'll think on it, perhaps it'll answer itself once it's all put together." 

"Fair enough," Sirius conceded. "Some days I can't choose -- can't expect you to have an answer straight away." 

Remus smiled and nudged one of Sirius' Doc's with his shoe. "I'll be needing these." 

Sirius glanced down and back up in an instant. "Absolutely," he agreed. "The look wouldn't be complete without them." 

Another customer approached the till and had ten different questions about their smoothie-like beverages. Remus watched highly entertained as Sirius answered each in incredible detail only to have the customer order a latte in the end. Sirius' flat expression as he handed the cup over was possibly the highlight of his day. 

"Right, I can't do this," Sirius said, passing behind him. "I'll be in the back. Call me if it gets busy." 

\---

October came to an end at a staggering speed, though going through it, Remus couldn't say he felt it speeding by. Study sessions, mid-term exams, and a hefty cold throughout all made it seem as though the month was slugging by, but despite this, the thirty-first was upon him. He told the nagging part of his brain to give it a rest, he'd done work on his breaks and worked longer the night before to justify the night off, and told himself he deserved one. That, and Sirius would never let him skip out on it and told him so specifically, stating their costumes came in two and would make absolutely no sense if he didn't come, and Remus had to agree with that.

Sirius had told him he could come by anytime after four, so at around four-thirty, sent a text asking if any help was needed and received one not long later insisting his keen attention to detail was vital, but Remus was quite certain he was having him on. He made himself tea for his travel mug, gathered his things together, and set off for the flat. The bus was incredibly crowded, as expected on a Halloween night that landed on a Saturday, and Remus decided to get off a few stops early and walk the rest of the way. A block or two off the bus, Remus was shaken out of his thoughts by Lily's voice, and looked around to she had just stepped out of a shop behind him holding two large shopping bags. 

"I've just picked up my costume," she said, holding up the bags in triumph. "You would not believe how many hoops I had to jump through to get it, but it'll be worth it." 

Remus fell into step with her and asked what sort of hoops, but she wouldn't spill on what her costume was when he asked and told him he would have to wait and see. Not far from the flat she pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen. "We've got some time," she said, sliding it back into the pocket of her jeans. "Do you mind if we duck in somewhere for a quick bite? I've kept putting it off all day." 

Remus shook his head. "No, not at all." 

"Great, there's this really great spot up the street," she said, starting off in the opposite direction. Three blocks back they entered the place in question and found a table, resting their bags on the chairs beside them. "I'll just get something to bring back, I think." 

Remus took a seat across from Lily as she scanned the menu, then nodded as though she made her decision, and handed it to him. Remus shook his head, but wasn't looking forward to explaining his lack of funds for spontaneous dinners out at the moment. "Oh, no, I'm fine," he said. 

"You don't want anything?" she asked. 

"No no," he insisted. 

"Are you sure? I'll never hear the end of it if I don't bring something back for James, he's in love with this place, and granted I've got Sirius' thieving to consider -- Pete's too, while we're at it. What's a little more?" Lily gave a pointed smile when Remus hesitated. "I'm going to order a ton of stuff and you've permission to eat it, does that help?" 

Admitting defeat, he thanked her before his phone rang in his pocket. He pulled it out, immediately felt his heart-rate pick once seeing Sirius' name on display, and glanced up at Lily. "Sorry, just a moment?" Lily waved him off and pulled out her own phone. "Hello?" 

"Are you sitting down?" 

Remus blinked. "Yes." 

"Good, you'll want to be: this morning I found you the most Sirius-esque wig out there; it's spot on. Beautiful, even," he detailed. "I know you've been incredibly worried about finding one." 

"Do you mean I can finally sleep again?" Remus asked. "I've lost so much to this." 

"I know, I know," Sirius said understandingly, "but you can rest easy now." 

"I'm so glad to hear it." 

"Did you remember a jumper?" Sirius asked. "You'll have to turn right back 'round and get it if you didn't." 

"Of course I did," Remus assured him. "The beanie, too, since you've been so insistent on it." 

"Never one to disappoint," Sirius said wistfully. "Are you getting here soon?"

"Mm, not too long now," Remus said, though it reminded him he probably should cut the call short. 

"Good," Sirius said. "James already got himself tangled in the lights, it's mayhem around here, we need you." 

"Alright, you're to sit him in a corner and keep him from touching anything else," Remus told him, before glancing up and seeing Lily stick her phone away. "I've got to go, though." 

"Oh, fine," Sirius said through a stretch. "See you soon." 

Remus hung up, stuck his phone back into his pocket, and looked up at Lily. "I'm sorry, what were we saying?" he said, shaking his head clear.

Lily leaned her elbows on the table and tilted her head, giving him a pointed smile. "Look at you smiling over there," she said, bobbing her shoulders. "Who was that?" 

"Oh, Sirius," he said lightly. "Only were going as each other, right, which is a bit strange. I'm not sure I was really thinking when this whole thing came about, but it does beat having to think of another costume, doesn't it?" 

Their waiter came by their table at that instant holding two glasses of water. He greeted Lily warmly and the two caught up briefly while Remus put quite a bit of thought into whether he wore a dopey smile on when talking to Sirius without realizing it. He tuned in a few moments later as Lily finished ordering enough samosas to feed a small army, let alone five.

"I take it you come here often?" Remus asked as the waiter went off with her order. 

"Too often over the years," Lily said, placing her chin in her hand. "Mind, I don't know the rest of the staff as well as him, but Sirius dated him for about a minute and I really like him, so I fancy stopping in now and again to see how he's been." 

Remus kept his face blank. "Mm?" 

Lily nodded, drinking some of her complimentary water. "One of his better picks, such a sweetheart," she said absently as she seemed to get distracted by something on her left hand. She clicked her tongue and held it out to him, hovering her thumb over a welt on her ring finger. "I swear I don't even remember getting this one," she said. "I'm not sure I have feeling in the tips anymore to tell you the truth. Has it started for you, too, or are you still one of the ones who can really feel?"

Remus forced out a laugh, nodding stiffly. "Still have feeling," he said, going for a drink of his own water. 

"Well, cherish it while you can," Lily said. 

Remus set his glass down on the table. "Why didn't it work out?" he heard himself ask. 

Lily looked at him curiously. "Hm?" 

"With, err," Remus nodded minutely toward the waiter who was now chatting with another table of people. 

Lily glanced over her shoulder a tad less conspicuous than Remus would have rathered, and turned back. "Why doesn't it ever?" she said listlessly. 

Remus turned the question over in his head. "You know, I'm not sure?" he said, attempting to remain as absently curious as he could. 

"Only I meant it's classic Sirius," Lily said, giving a shrug. 

"What is classic Sirius?" Remus repeated in a voice that sounded a little less patient than he was meaning it to. Lily seemed to have noticed it, too, for she looked taken aback, and Remus felt the need to backtrack quickly. "Actually, it's really none of my business, please forget I asked." He looked down at the table, then outside the window, wishing he couldn't feel Lily's doe eyes trained directly on him. Particularly fond of the idea of disappearing through the floor, he bit his lip hard; the standstill couldn't have lasted longer than a handful of seconds but it could have been a century for all Remus felt. He looked back at her finally, let his shoulders fall, and let out a heavy breath. "Lily, something's the matter with me." 

"What do you mean?" she asked, leaning forward. "Are you OK?" 

"I know better than this, Lily -- it's too soon for this, and I don't -- my last relationship ended like a line going dead, if you could even call it that, and after I put it behind me and I focused on school, and it was working for the most part." He breathed in, not quite believing he was even speaking of it at all, then caught himself turning the water glass around on the table; it wasn't a mannerism of his a month ago, and he knew why, and it sent his stomach into a pitfall, but gave him the traction he needed to keep going. He lowered his voice as the waiter was still avidly chatting with restaurant goers. 

"And then Sirius had to go and walk into the room and my compartmentalized little life and now I'm--" he paused, bringing is hand up to rub at the back of his neck and leaving it there. "It's ridiculous. I shouldn't want him, I know I shouldn't. And I tried, Lily, I tried not to, but it's not working. It's pathetic. I find myself wanting my classes over sooner so I can get to work and see him for a measly few hours, I put off work more than I should because I'd rather spend a bit more time with him, and it doesn't make a bit of sense because I _love_ what I'm doing. I spent seventy-two hours with him a few weeks ago and I didn't even want to leave when I had to, not really, and that doesn't make sense either because I never want to be around anybody that long, believe me -- something's _wrong_ with me." 

He looked up, petrified now for unloading onto Lily, and immediately wanted to apologize. She wore a pained expression, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Oh, Remus, there's nothing wrong with you," she said forlornly. 

Remus dropped his shoulders. "It's not that--" he said through a weak sigh. "That's a whole other -- it's not that he's a bloke, it's that he's Sirius." 

Lily let out a breath through her nose. "There's nothing wrong with you for that either," she said, her face still pulled into a display of concern. Their waiter turned up at their table with two take out bags and a large smile, Remus turned his head and fixed his eyes out the window as Lily gave her thanks. She made to stand, and Remus looked around at their accumulated things, reached for both his and Lily's bags so she wouldn't be lugging both her shopping and the food, and the two of them made their way out of the restaurant. 

A block later Lily spoke up. "You're not pathetic," she stated as she readjusted the take out bags in her arms. Remus glanced side-long at her disbelievingly. "No, really."

"You saw me before. I looked like a lovesick prat and all he did was tell me he found a wig that resembles his hair." 

Lily snorted and stuck her face behind one of the paper bags. When she came out from behind it once again, she saw Remus' appalled look and shook her head. "I'm sorry," she said. "You're funny, I'm sorry. And I wouldn't have used the word prat necessarily." She sighed, shaking a few strands of hair out of her face. "Right, in a perfect world we would all be able to pick who we fall for, but it isn't one, is it? You can't help these things." 

Remus made a disgruntled noise. "No, no I can't," he agreed numbly. 

"Why don't we sit?" Lily suggested after a few moments silence, nodding her head at a park in the village square across the road. 

Remus nodded; the night wasn't on the worst side of chilly, and he had to admit the longer he stayed away from Sirius just then, the better. They stopped at a bench, Remus stuck the shopping bags to his left as Lily took a seat on his right, perching the takeout bags behind her and turning back to face him, sitting sideways on the bench. Remus sat staring straight ahead, barely registering the stone statue in the center of the square, but could very much feel Lily's eyes on him. 

She crossed her left leg over her right and ran a hand through her hair. "Remus, we've all had a thing for a Sirius before, and I really don't think you need to beat yourself up over this," she said evenly. "It's nothing to be ashamed of." 

"A Sirius?" Remus repeated, glancing over at her. 

Lily tilted her head, regarding Remus as though he knew what she was hinting at. "And boys like Sirius always seem like a great idea, they do," she paused, seemed to be choosing her words. "I don't think it would be fair to cheer you on, or urge you to see this through without you knowing what you might be in for." 

"OK," Remus said, and he didn't mean for it to come out thickly but it definitely did. 

"I know the draw, of course," she went on quickly. "He's more than just a bloke who's easy on the eyes, there's a lot there, but compromising isn't his strong suit, and that's a bit of an issue when usually two people have got to do a little bit of it when they try dating, but that's not something that comes to him very easily." 

"Right, he's stubborn," Remus said. 

"Mm," Lily said, seemingly working on putting words to her thoughts. "It's difficult to say, really. It's as if the moment he's got something good he jumps out of it. Sometimes there's more to it, other times it can be a difference in opinion. Said he broke it off with one bloke once because he was vegan -- that's not something that can't be worked around, do you know what I mean?"

Remus fought the smile poking at his lips. "Well, Lily, that never would have worked," he said quietly. "He'd have to part with that jacket, and I think he loves that thing more than air." 

Lily let out a sudden laugh, and it helped his mood a little just to hear it. "Right, I went with a terrible example," she conceded. "I'm not saying Sirius doesn't have the right to decide, or hasn't had his bigger reasons, or that they've all been upstanding gentlemen that he's tossed out because they haven't been, but he's got quite a bit of work to do when it comes to this kind of thing." 

"And you're telling me this because you think he'll do the same to me given the chance," Remus presumed, keeping his eyes on the statue in front of them. 

"It sounds a hell of a lot more bleak when you put it like that," Lily said uncomfortably. "I suppose, yes, that's the short of it, but it's more that I don't want to see that happen and I worry it might." 

Remus took in a deep breath. "I'm not disregarding what you're saying, let me clarify," he said, looking over at her finally, "but from what I've seen he isn't against finding a middle ground. Our first shift went terribly, Lily, we butted heads like you wouldn't believe, and I was awful to him, but he was willing to meet me halfway despite that, and for the most part we do well together. It's like that even outside of work. We don't always agree, quite often we don't, but I suppose we find a way to see where each other is coming from and we go from there. It's working, I think."

Lily regarded him carefully. "Remus, I'm sure he is trying with you," she said. "He and James have taken quite a liking to you, and Sirius' friends are very important to him." 

Remus pulled his mouth into a firm line, and Lily read him like a book. "I know how that sounds, but his sense of loyalty is one I haven't seen very often. James adores him, and for good reason because Sirius would do anything for him, and vice versa, the two are linked. And I love Sirius; I knew him back in school, we had a lot of common classes, and he was just one of those people you knew, but it wasn't as though we were close back then, and he was unbelievably welcoming when James and I started, and he didn't have to be." A small smile tugged at her lips. "It was as though as far as he was concerned I was one of them, and it was incredibly kind, and I've never had an older brother but he might as well be it. This isn't me ragging on him, but in the same way you might love your sibling to no end, it can also be easy to see what others might not, or see when they're mucking up something grand. I think if he could transfer some of that unfailing loyalty to another area of his life he would probably be wonderful, but that hasn't happened."

Remus let out a quiet sigh. Through the clear warning the positives in Sirius outweighed the negatives for him. "I've already seen that side of him and it hasn't turned me away. Perhaps it should have, and I did wonder if we're too different but in the end it just--" He lifted his hands, placed them in front of him as he tried to put words to what he had come to know over two months of knowing Sirius. "He's this giant, leather rubix cube -- sounds ridiculous, but there it is. I'll want to figure him out and slide another puzzle piece into place, and sometimes I'll end up frustrated when it isn't working, but every now and again another box fits into place or -- a puzzle piece slots in, and I'll feel accomplished, but it keeps me curious. He's fascinating to me." He let out a loud sigh, dropping his hands to his lap. "If you didn't think I was a right sad git before, you certainly must after I spouted all that." 

"No, I don't," Lily said, and she sounded genuine at least. "I think you're sweet. And smitten." She put her head down, resting it on the her arm on the back of the bench. "If you ask me, Sirius is a bit of a pill because he probably hasn't seen what's right in front of him, and if he'd just open his eyes and really work at it--" 

"He still could, couldn't he?" Remus asked her, the air around him, himself. 

"Remus," she said in a pained voice. "The last thing I meant you to take from this is some kind of inferiority message, that's not what I'm saying. Of course he could, nothing's a yes or a no, is it? You're a catch whether it's dawned on him or not, but I've learned that he's continuously uninterested in anything serious, and forgive me for saying so, but I think you're hoping for the opposite." 

Remus avoided her gaze as his stomach did an impressive somersault. "He's twenty-two," he countered. "We all are. Not everybody is looking to settle down just yet, and if he doesn't--" 

"You're right, he doesn't have to," she affirmed, lifting her free hand. "He's his own man, he can do what he likes. If you're up for something casual then by all means, Remus, go for it, but if you're looking more more than that he might not be able to give that to you, and I only wanted you aware of the situation before anything else." 

Remus dropped his eyes to the bricks along the pavement, wondering if he could do it all over again. Two months prior he'd have said there was absolutely no way, he wouldn't have thought he _could_ , but with Sirius... He lifted his eyes and breathed out. Had six years taught him nothing? He couldn't quite believe what a fortnight and a posh bloke from London had done to shake his reservations up. True to form, Remus reminded himself that it didn't matter whether he thought he would be up for it or not when his chances with Sirius were next to obsolete. "I appreciate it, Lily, I do, but you don't have to worry about my jumping into anything," he said, sinking lower on the bench. "He'll never see me that way and I can't expect him to. I'm nothing like him." 

"Remus," Lily tutted. 

"I'm speaking the truth," Remus said with a heave of his shoulders. "I'm never going to grow the bollucks to try anything, and even if I did I wouldn't stand a chance." He saw the look Lily gave him, and threw one of his own at her. "Lily, have you seen him?" 

"Oh, once or twice," she said vaguely. "Fit as hell, we won't deny that." 

"No point in doing that," Remus sighed out. 

Lily looked out across the park, sighed through her nose, and gave a half-frown. "It's always the bad boys, isn't it?" she said wistfully a moment later. 

"Unusual turn of events for me, I'll tell you that," Remus said. It took him a moment, and then he looked over at her sceptically, his face forming a slight smile. "You know a thing or two about them, do you? James has a thing for leather I don't know about?"

"God, no," Lily said through a laugh. "No, but I've been caught up in that before. You find yourself making excuses for them because they treat you differently than they do anyone else, and of course that makes you feel as though you can change them." She looked back at Remus with far more focused eyes, and his almost-smile disappeared completely. "Sometimes you can't. At a certain point you can't keep making excuses for them when they're not willing to do the work. I don't want you to get to that point, Remus. I'd caution anyone from it." 

The words hit so close to home that Remus couldn't move a muscle for a few moments. He sincerely wondered why he couldn't have had Lily or anyone else for that matter around to say those words to him when he was eighteen years old and grabbing out at thin air for reasons to keep doing what he was doing. It seemed all too familiar when he realized how many he leaped at tonight, wondered if it was a pattern he would never truly break, if he was destined for half of what someone could offer, and just when he was moments away from losing focus on the bench they were on, the park they were sitting in, and Lily herself, her warm hand wrapped around his and squeezed.

"I'm sorry about all this, I know it's difficult to hear," she said through a heavy sigh, seemingly unaware of Remus' state, "but if it makes you feel any better, I really do think he needs someone like you whether he knows it or not." 

He glanced over at Lily, glad for her mere presence beside him and the words, that someone could think he would be good for anyone. "Thank you," he said, giving her the best smile he could muster after taking a trip back to a time he worked so hard to avoid thinking about. He cast a glance around them, grounding himself in where he was, the leaves on the ground, the white lights strung up in the tree in the park, wondering when it got dark around them. He let out a breath through his nose, feeling a little bit better, and a little bit worse. "I did need to hear that. All of it." 

Lily nodded beside him but kept silent, running a hand through her hair again. When she spoke again, it was a little more tentative. "Remus, was that the first time you spoke about it?" 

"About Sirius? Or..." 

"Or." 

Remus nodded. "More or less," he said looking over at her once more. 

Lily gave one more nod, giving a slight smile. "If you ever do want to talk about it, you know I'm here, surely?" she offered. 

"Right," he said, nodding too. "Thank you. One crisis at a time, I think." 

Lily reached her arm out and slung it around Remus, leaning her forehead on his shoulder, and gave him a squeeze. "You're very cold," she observed a few moments later. 

"Mm, always am," Remus confirmed. "Those'll be some cold samosas, too." 

Lily lifted her head and waved him off. "Those boys know how to turn on an oven," she said unconcerned, "but we should probably head back. Do you want to switch? I know I've bought quite a bit of stuff, not entirely fair to make you carry it." 

Upon the mention of those boys, Remus had a disconcerting thought. "Lily," he started as he moved to grab the takeout bags, "please don't mention anything to Sirius." 

"Of course not," she said gravely, falling into step with him. "This stays between you and me." 

"Thank you," he said. He waited a beat, listened to the scuff of their shoes and the crunch of leaves on the pavement. "I suppose it goes without saying that James--" 

"Oh, dear God, no," she said, another laugh escaping. "No, that's a fiasco we don't need." Remus nodded, and the two of them spent the three blocks back to the flat in their separate thoughts until they reached the door of the building and Lily halted him. "You know, Remus, if you feel as though you need a break--" Peter called to them from a few buildings down, and Lily and Remus exchanged a quick look before turning to greet him. 

"Are those what I think they are?" Peter asked. 

"They sure are," Lily confirmed, holding the door to the building open so Remus could carry them in. They walked up the flight of stairs, into the flat and there was about two-point-four seconds before the smell of samosas wafted through, and the three of them were just about bowled over. 

"Gods among mortals," James complimented. 

"We'll build statues in your name," Sirius interjected. 

"Let the Gods take their stuff off, would you?" Lily said. They did as they were told, letting Remus pass so he could bring the food into the kitchen. Lily made a detour into James' room, suggested warming them up in the oven, but James declared there was no time, and the bag was ripped open within seconds of being set on the table. Lily came into the room, adopting a pointed look that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Oh, no, please dig in." 

Peter and James had the mind to look slightly sheepish, but Sirius tutted. "We're building you a statue, Lily," he reminded her haughtily. 

Lily waved him off, and stole a few samosas, and disappeared into James' room once again. James and Peter began to argue football plays, and since Remus had no real interest in it and his mind was still reeling over his conversation with Lily, he found it easy to slip into his own head for a bit. 

He wasn't sure how he should have been feeling, but in that moment it felt akin to acid reflux, and as usual he was of two minds. Some good had come out of it, for instance he was no longer harbouring a secret and had the chance to speak about his frustrations to someone who didn't think of him as a love-drunk idiot, but overall he received a red flag that the infatuation he immediately decided was a problem day one was exactly that. 

He didn't know why it was so difficult to swallow when he was so adamant of it himself two months ago, he didn't want it to be that he'd softened to the idea and was now hoping to find reasons to justify it, but the overall sentiment wasn't easy to digest: there's nothing inherently wrong with your feelings, but here's a list of reasons why it won't work out.

The moment he thought it he chided himself. Lily was talking from experience and it would be wise to keep her advice close to him. He considered himself for a moment. If what Lily warned of came from truth, and he shouldn't dismiss it just to make himself feel better, and Sirius saw conflict and inherent differences as something to make him run for the hills, the two of them definitely had their share of those. For all he knew Sirius could have been interested initially but caught a glimpse of what could be in store for him and thought _Phew, dodged a bullet there_.

His stomach sank, then it went even further when he thought perhaps that would be for the best. On one end of it, Sirius sent Remus' anxious tendencies through the roof. Yes, on the other he had an abnormal ability to soothe much of his worrying with a simple phrase or touch, but that couldn't be enough if his only option was a fling, it wouldn't be clever to enter another, and he needed to stick to his guns on it. 

And perhaps it was possible that one could sense they were being thought of, for Sirius nudged Remus' knee under the table with his own. Remus glanced up from the table to Sirius, who tapped his temple in question. Remus blinked and shook his head, only then aware that he hadn't thought to touch any of the food. Sirius stared at him sceptically, Remus shook his head a tad more forcefully and worked to give him a smile, though it felt tight even to him. 

A knock sounded from the front door and Lily called that she had it, Peter and James were just about finished their own respective plates, while Remus tried to catch up to where the conversation had gone. Sirius stuck a fork into one of the samosas and deposited onto Remus' plate, repeating the act once more before glancing up. 

"You've got to claim them now otherwise they'll be gone before you get out of your head," he said, just flat enough that it went unnoticed to the two others. Sirius' eyebrows rose and fell in a quick second, then he stood, slipped out the back door, and Remus couldn't decide where he stood on the matter anymore.


	10. Chapter 10

Four of Lily’s friends had been the source of the knock at the door and all five disappeared instantly into James’ room to get their costumes in order. Remus still wasn’t made aware of Lily’s costume, but he figured it had to be complex if the four others had to be there for it. A fair amount of people arrived before the set time, but neither owners of the flat seemed to mind that at all, and then the number went from respectable to a little overwhelming in a short time in Remus’ opinion. He made himself a drink in the kitchen and then searched the place for one or more of the four he actually knew at the party, finding the decorations and lights strewn about the place and the music playing from the corner a little disorienting off the bat. As if summoned, James appeared in front of him, having donned a makeshift cloak, a red and gold tie, and a lightning bolt scrawled across his forehead. 

“Nobody has a clue who I am,” he declared, disappointed. 

“I enjoy the reference, if that makes you feel any better,” Remus offered. 

“Sirius, why don’t people get it?” James asked, displaying his hand along one side of his body with a flourish and a slight pout. 

Remus started as Sirius turned up right beside him. “Bad luck, mate; shouldn’t have gone with such an obscure costume.” James scoffed and went off in the direction of the kitchen, and Sirius’ hand wrapped around Remus’ wrist. “Come on,” he said just by his ear. Remus held in a shiver as Sirius began weaving him through the quickly filling living room and down the hall to his room. 

Remus kept an arm’s length between them as Sirius pulled open his top dresser. “Now, the choice is yours, but if you’re going for quintessential Sirius Black then you’re going to want to look through these first and foremost,” he said, stepping back from the drawer. “Have at it.”

Remus busied himself with picking a worthy candidate, but caught Sirius out of the corner of his eye looking as though he had just finished a job well done. “I think you’re forgetting some things,” he said airily. 

A smile tugged at Sirius’ lips. He went past Remus to grab it off the hooks behind his door, brought his jacket over, and gave him a look of warning. “You hurt this, you hurt me,” he said gravely. 

“I’d never,” Remus said as he sifted through the shirts allotted to him. 

Sirius hung the jacket on the corner of the open drawer. “And where’s your stuff?” he asked. Remus cast a glance around before remembering Lily stuck the bag he brought along on the chair near the entrance way, and went to grab it. He nodded at a few new arrivals entering the flat, picked up the bag just as a few of the already present guests bounded down the hall to greet them, and retreated to Sirius’ room quickly. 

“Close that,” Sirius said, nodding at the door. "Mayhem out there." Remus hesitated before pressing the door closed behind him. He busied himself with pulling out first the hat, then the jumper, but stopped short when Sirius gasped outright. “I’m -- that’s the most Remus Lupin jumper I’ve ever seen.” He stepped closer, grabbed the jumper and pulled it on, then tugged on it to get another look at it from above. “You delivered, I’m impressed.”

“You’re far too excited about a costume no one is going to understand,” Remus pointed out, though he couldn’t fight a smile. 

“It’s so soft,” Sirius went on, rubbing his hands over the arms of it. “And the people that matter do; I’m going as a legend, plain folk just don’t know it yet.” 

“Hardly,” Remus said, holding the hat out for him to take. 

Sirius did, pulling his hair into a bun within seconds, and hid it under the beanie. He moved forward, reaching around Remus to open the door, and ducked out into the hall. Remus took the opportunity to pull his shirt off and replace it with his best guess as a suitable shirt, then pulled on the jacket before Sirius returned, pausing for a moment before dropping his Doc’s in front of Remus with a great plunk. “Le pièce de la résistance,” he declared before kicking the door shut behind him. 

Remus fought back another shiver at the way Sirius’ tongue curled around a French phrase and stared pointedly at his feet as he stepped into the shoes. “I’m voting for the wig as the most important part personally,” he said, grateful for somewhere else to look, “otherwise I’m just a bloke in a jacket.” That seemed to jog Sirius’ memory and he went over to the other side of his room to grab the packaging off his desk, pulling the wig out of it as he came back over. Remus held his hands out for it, but Sirius flipped it around, so he ducked down so it could be fitted it on his head, straightened up, and tried not to flush when Sirius pushed his fringe up under it, his fingertips grazing his forehead gently. 

“Have you made your decision yet?” 

“Sorry?” Remus asked dazedly.

“I think it should be up.” Sirius pulled an elastic off his wrist and held it out to him, and Remus caught on quickly, but realized he was in unfamiliar territory. 

“I’ve no idea how you get it the way you do,” he said genuinely with a tiny shrug. “I’ve never had long hair before.” 

“Shame,” Sirius said as he stepped in behind Remus. 

“No, believe me,” he insisted as Sirius ran his hands through the wig and pulled it into a bun far quicker than Remus ever could have done. “If I let it grow much longer it starts to curl more, and nobody wants that.” 

“I’d pay good money to see that,” Sirius offered. 

Remus felt his warm breath on the back of his neck. “Good news is you’ll be saving your money, then,” he said, focusing on something as troublesome as words instead of the warmth of him. “Been meaning to get it trimmed but I keep putting it off.”

“Don’t, I like the curls.” Sirius set his hands on Remus’ waist and turned him bodily toward his bureau. “Bit strange doing it backwards, but I think I’ve done well here despite.” 

Sirius leaned in close so that they were both visible in the mirror, his hand resting on the small of Remus’ back, and though his body was lit up by the touch, Remus took in the sight of the two of them playing each other and burst out laughing, Sirius following suit. “What’s the matter with us?” Remus asked.

“Oh, just enough.” 

The door creaked open. Mary and Lily peaked their heads in, and Remus managed to feel like a kid caught with his hand in a cookie jar. 

Mary let out a relieved sigh. “Oh god, it’s just you two,” she said gravely. “Was afraid people were shagging in here.” 

“Little early for that, I imagine,” Remus blurted out, suddenly wishing Sirius' hand wasn't still casually pressed against his back. 

“You’d be surprised,” Sirius said vaguely. “Last year I found people in here earlier on than this.” 

Remus had nothing to say to that, but Lily saved him the trouble. “Sirius, the bathroom mirror is pitiful, we need yours,” Lily said, coming straight for it. 

Sirius slid his hand off Remus back. “You might be the best Ginger Spice I’ve ever seen,” he complimented. “Tell me Posh is around here somewhere?” 

“She is, don’t you worry,” Lily assured him. Sirius put a hand over his heart and Lily squeezed in between Remus and Sirius to get at the mirror, sticking her makeup case down on the bureau. She pulled out a tube of mascara and began applying it to her eyelashes.

Sirius put his arm around Mary when came around to his other side. “Sporty, lovely to see you,” he said. 

“Remus, likewise,” Mary said to Sirius, her arm coming up around him. Remus glanced at the easy contact and though he knew better, he found himself wishing he could be as casual with him as she looked to be. “I didn’t think you two were actually going to go through with it, I love it.” 

Remus smiled, averted his eyes, and became distracted by Lily working with her frankly terrifying eyelash curler with incredible precision. “Sirius, the lighting in here really is awful,” she pointed out distractedly. 

Sirius leaned closer to her so that his chin was resting just over her shoulder, narrowing his eyes at her in the mirror. “You come into my space, insult my--”

A laugh escaped her. “If you can’t be bothered to change a bulb, at least let me do it,” she offered.

“Absolutely not,” Sirius denied. “It’s staying the way it is, and I don’t want to come home to a lit up room, do you hear? Now focus, or you’ll snap those off.” 

“Don’t say such a thing,” Mary chided. 

“I’m sorry but I’ve got to ask,” Remus chimed in. “Who’s manning the shop at this point?” 

“Nobody,” Lily answered bluntly, before meeting Remus’ eye in the mirror and smiling. “No, Sirius had the night booked off months ago, and Mary switched with Ben's Monday shift.” 

Mary glanced over at Remus in the mirror. “Have you been practicing his strut?” she asked, nodding to Sirius. 

“Religiously,” Remus affirmed, walking a few steps in illustration. “And I think I’ve just about got it.” 

“Oh, that's definitely it,” Mary confirmed. Sirius gave a haughty huff, moved to grab his drink off the dresser, and walked toward the door. “Oh good, we can have some comparison,” Mary called to him. Sirius flipped her off over his shoulder as he went down the hall to presumably rejoin the party.

Lily stuck the curler back in her pouch and pulled out a tube of glitter. “Everything good, Remus?” she asked vaguely, but her eyes were another story. 

“Good, yes,” Remus insisted, giving her a tight smile before moving for the door. “Best join in, I suppose?” 

-

Remus found himself a while later two rum and cokes down and in the middle of a discussion about the merits of practical teaching versus theory with another party goer who’d donned a horse mask. Remus was enjoying the conversation, had taken part in far more lackluster debates with people with human faces, and as long as he avoided the horse’s estranged eyes, he was fine with carrying on like it were normal. 

The horse was scooped up not long later by his unicorn masked girlfriend, and he and Remus decided to recommence at another time. Sirius and James had long since disappeared to play hosts, and Remus went in search for them or a drink, whichever came first. He made his way into the kitchen, where he found both James and Sirius taking up residence at the table, and a crowd of people assembled in the room, some standing, some perching on the countertops. A few looked around as he entered the room. 

“Glad you could join us, Sirius,” James called out. 

A girl perched on the counter straight to Remus' left pulled the top of her oversized blond bob and let out a laugh. “Oh, this is priceless; do your best Sirius, then,” she requested.

There was initial discomfort at every eye in the room turning on him, but Remus had the rum and cokes in his system to thank for the ability to push it down well enough. He shook himself a little as if preparing for a role, channelling his innermost Sirius, and gave the best smoulder he could. The room erupted with laughter to Remus’ immense surprise, and he looked over to Sirius in case it was received badly, but he’d draped himself over the table with his arms covering his head, his shoulders shaking, and Remus smiled a little.

“Uncanny,” Peter offered. “Alright, next, do his ‘I have to be nice to you because that’s what they pay me to do’ look.”

“I’ve seen that look,” someone from the corner piped up, others concurred after in various volumes. Remus knew the look all too well by now, blew out a breath of air at the idea of actually having to attempt to try it, then pulled his face into his best impression of that polite yet passive aggressive grin, causing another fit of laughs, and Sirius didn't hide away but tilted his head in allowance this time. 

“OK,” James started, setting his glass down on the table with a clunk. “That stern look he does, go.” 

“Stern? Sirius?” the girl in the blonde wig piped up. 

“You know the look, Lupey, do it,” James insisted. Remus did indeed know that look, gave him it with no trouble having seen in trained on him quite a bit, and James lost it. “That’s it, perfect.” 

“I don’t think I’ve seen Sirius stern once." 

“Yeah, James, you’re more stern than he is.”

“Well, that’s just not true,” James decided. Sirius set his chin in his hand and tilted his head, silently asking for James to explain himself, but instead he looked back at Remus. “You know, he really only reserves that one for you, come to think of it.” 

Remus shifted on the spot, was quite glad for the wig as he was quite sure even the tips of his ears had gone red, while Sirius dropped his hand and leaned in. “Sorry, who are you supposed to be again?” he asked bemusedly.

“Fuck you, I'm a national fucking treasure!" James hollered at him. Two newcomers entered the kitchen, garnering various (loud) greetings, and Remus took the distraction as a chance to get the drink he came in for and make a quick exit. He unscrewed the cap of the bottle Sirius offered him earlier and told himself not to put too much stock into something a clearly inebriated James said, and thinking anything more of it would only exacerbate his predicament. 

“What is this?” one of the newcomers asked. “Sirius, you're like the fourth hipster I've seen tonight.”

James guffawed from the table, while Remus figured he deserved it after the public drag he submitted Sirius to, and began making the drink he came into the room for. “I can see where you might get that, but not quite,” Sirius said. 

Remus kept his head down as he poured and set the bottle down, picking up his cup; feeling overheated with the wig and amount of people in the kitchen, he risked the chill and stepped out onto the patio. Outdoor lights had been strewn above, various pockets of people peppered the area, and the long table in the middle had been taken up by a large number of people as well. Two closest to the door caught his eye; one with a white sheet thrown over them that was covered in holes that had to have been a Charlie Brown send off, and the other such a convincing Marilyn Monroe that Remus did a double take. 

Marilyn held out her cigarette pack to Remus. “Looking for one?” 

He hadn’t been, but shrugged and took one from the pack anyway. “Thanks,” he said, nodding to her. 

“Don’t tell me,” he heard from under the sheet as Marilyn reached over and lit his cigarette for him. “Jared Leto.” 

Remus let out his first haul through a laugh, suddenly wishing with all his might that James and Sirius had been there to hear the question. “Not quite, no,” he said, glancing down at his attire. 

The door opened and Sirius stepped out of it lighting a cigarette, and Remus began to think he had a psychic ability of a sort. Sirius patted the bloke in the sheet on the back, and leaned in to give Marilyn a hug. “You look great,” he told her, then looked back at the sheet. “You too, don't worry.” 

Sirius straightened up so the four of them were facing each other, and Remus pointed at the sheet ghost with his thumb. “Can you believe this one thought I came as Jared Leto?” he asked. “I see where he might get that, mind.”

Sirius’ eyes widened and he clutched his hand to his chest as if dealt a harsh blow. "For the love of God," he said through a whisper.

The ghost lifted a sheet covered hand and pointed it at Sirius. “Hipster,” he guessed. 

Sirius dropped his hand. “We should have seen this coming,” he said evenly, looking at Remus. 

“At least you remind people of somebody,” Remus said mildly. “All I get is, what, hipster number four?”

Sirius blew out smoke in fast gusts as he laughed. “Might have something to do with these,” he said, clutching a fist full of jumper at his stomach. 

Remus allowed it, giving a nod as he took another haul. “Suppose it’s a small price for comfort,” he said. 

“That's the spirit,” Sirius said. He glanced over at the sheet ghost again. “Tell me you’ve brought a pillowcase filled with rocks?” 

Confirmed Charlie Brown nodded emphatically, pointing at the door. “It’s inside.” 

“Well, that’s good and safe,” Remus observed, sensing a big old problem headed their way involving inebriated people and a pillowcase full of rocks lying about. 

Sirius’ eyes flickered over Remus with amusement then landed on the other bloke again. “Brilliant,” he said. “Second favourite of the night.” 

“Unacceptable. Who am I up against?” 

Sirius gestured toward Remus with his cigarette. “I’m him, you see,” Remus supplied a moment later. 

Marilyn laughed around her cigarette. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it what with the man-bun and everything,” she said, gesturing to her head. “‘Course he’s your favourite.” 

“Looks just like him now that you say it,” Charlie Brown said. “He’s not allowed in the contest, then. Can’t have bias ruining my chances.” 

“He’d never enter,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand. 

"Alright, I'm frozen," Marilyn declared, sticking the end of her cigarette in the ashtray nearby. "See you inside." 

The two made their way inside, leaving the two of them standing in front of each other. “There’s a contest?” Remus asked. 

“Is any Halloween party complete without one?” Sirius countered. 

Remus tilted his head in understanding. “What’s the prize?” 

“Alcohol, of course.” 

Remus smirked, stubbed his cigarette out, and nodded. “The gift that keeps on giving.” 

Sirius went to take a sip of his drink and laughed before he could, then lowered it and seemed to give up entirely for the moment. “New rule, no speaking when I’ve a drink in my hand,” he told him. 

“More rules?” Remus tutted. “I can’t say I expected this much structure from you.” 

Sirius pointed his cigarette at him. “You’ve given me no choice,” he accused. “If I don’t, my tombstone’s going to read: choked to death because Remus Lupin opened his mouth and said a funny.”

Remus’ blood pumped a little faster at the compliment or the nicotine, either could have been the culprit, and he averted his eyes to his boots. The door opened, letting three people out along with the music playing inside. Remus glanced up as Sirius froze and looked over at him with wide eyes. “It’s the Spice Girls, I have to--” Remus gestured for him to go in and took the cigarette Sirius shoved at him “I’ll find you later.” 

-

Some time later, it was difficult to keep track after a while, Remus found himself in the crowded living room just as three girls were leaving the couch, and he quickly sat down before the spot could be snatched up. The rum and the coke mixed oddly in his stomach, set his head to spin, and he closed his eyes and told himself if he just sat there a little longer without interruption he could will himself back from the brink. He felt the couch dip and shape as somebody flopped down onto it, and he didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was Sirius. 

“No. Don’t. Focused,” he got out, keeping his eyes shut. 

“Need water or something?” His voice was lighter than usual, but Remus recognized it as the tone he adopted after a few powerful drinks. The couch shifted again, but Remus shot his hand out blindly, intent on keeping him from any further jostling and not for it to land on his thigh like it did. 

“No,” Remus refused. “No water. No moving either -- I just need to sit for a minute, and I will be fine.” 

“Migraine back?” 

“No,” he said, unsure of why Sirius felt the need to keep checking. “They don’t happen every single day, Sirius.” 

“Well, I didn’t say that, did I?” 

“I’m dizzy is all,” Remus said gentler.

“And you don’t think water would help with that?” 

“Truthfully, it’s about the least appealing thing I could do just now.” 

He felt the couch move a little more, then something digging into his back. “Suit yourself, then,” Sirius said unaffected. Remus chanced one eye open, and saw that Sirius had stretched out the length of the couch and tucked his feet behind him. The room blessedly wasn’t spinning like a carousel anymore, and Remus, not a huge fan of appendages poking him in the back, shifted so he was matching Sirius on the opposite end of the couch. A safe distance, he thought, stretching his own legs out and crossing one boot over the other. 

Sirius blinked at him across the couch. “That got resolved quickly,” he noted. 

“Well, there’s no stopping you once you get going.” 

“Had a little too much fun, did we?” Sirius asked breezily. 

“I’ve had four drinks since seven,” Remus pointed out. Strong ones, but James made the other two, it couldn’t have been helped. “How many have _you_?” 

“Lost track,” Sirius replied before glancing up at a bloke who appeared beside the couch. 

He leaned down and clapped Sirius on the shoulder. “Best be off,” he said, trying to speak over the music playing in the corner. “Was good seeing you, sir.” 

Sirius nodded his head to him. “Same to you.” 

“Are you having something for your birthday?” 

“Consider it the time you had tonight,” Sirius said. 

“Well, if I don’t see you, have a good one,” the bloke said. He gave Remus a quick nod in farewell, who returned it distractedly before he was off. 

Sirius looked back over at him casually, and Remus blinked and nudged his leg. “It’s your birthday?” 

“No, that would be Tuesday.” 

“Why am I only hearing of this now?” Remus asked, lifting his free hand. Sirius only gave a shrug in response. “Your birthday is next week and you’re not even throwing anything?” 

“Why would I have a huge thing when we’re having one right now?” Sirius asked. “I’m not cleaning up after two in the same week, thank you.” 

“ _You_ don’t want to reap the benefits of an event thrown in your honour?” Remus reiterated. “I don’t believe it.” 

Sirius sighed, smiling. “You’re strangely fixated on this.” 

“What am I even going to get you?” Remus fretted. “No leather, you’ve enough of that.” 

Sirius lifted a hand. “OK, well, one: there’s no such thing as enough leather and fuck you for suggesting it, and two: don’t get me anything,” he said before he paused, glancing up in thought. “Well, by all means, if you must I certainly won’t stop you, but if I don’t get a present from you I won’t storm banging pots and yelling.”

“Oh, now this is just madness; you don’t want presents?” 

“I just told you if you feel terribly inclined…” Sirius reminded him. “And if you want me to bang some pots around, I can do that for you. Say the word.” 

Remus stared at Sirius disbelievingly. “James must have something planned for you,” he presumed. 

“Well, there you go ruining the surprise, nicely done,” Sirius said with a grin. He took a sip from his plastic cup, his eyes on Remus overtop it. “Oh, alright, if it matters so much to you, you can come by on Monday. Nothing’s set yet, and I’ve a feeling it’ll just be us mucking about, so don’t expect this,” he gestured to the bodies around them, “I had no idea you were such a party animal, Remus.” 

Remus ignored the last bit. “OK, I’m going to say this once more because clearly you aren’t hearing what you’re saying, and I mean you no offense,” he prefaced, “but a day. Devoted to your birth. And you don’t want a fuss? Who are you?” 

“Oh, no offense,” Sirius piped up. 

“Be serious.” 

“I am,” Sirius said, throwing his free hand up. 

“Don’t do that,” Remus groaned. 

Sirius made a pained noise of his own. “You know, that’s just as much a trap for me as it is for you. There’s no other response I can reasonably go with if I’m indeed being serious and there’s no escaping the joke if I tried,” he said, waving his hands about. “I see our future, and it’s exactly this over and over until one of us dies.” 

“I just not what I would expect from you,” Remus concluded. 

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Sirius said. “Birthdays were always this grand celebration growing up, and I want nothing to do with that place if I can help it.” 

Remus hadn’t been expecting that to be the root of it. “What do you mean?” 

Sirius finished off his drink. “Stuffy, fancy dinners with relatives I hated, nothing to do with the day itself save for an excuse to get together and pat each other on the back.” He swirled the plastic cup around and put on a lofty voice. “ _Orion, congratulations on the latest deal, you never do slow down, do you?_ ” Sirius let out a stuffy sort of chuckle, and switched his voice to a higher one, “ _Walburga, dear, is that an original Matisse? Where did you buy it? It would look just divine in the parlour_.” Remus bit his lip, his eyes dancing over the little show Sirius put on, and covered his mouth with his hand. Sirius stared back at him amused before he launched into another monologue. “ _Now, Sirius, I do hope you’ve settled down since our last visit, you nearly sent your mother into hysterics, if I recall.” -- “Ohohoho, Bellatrix, don't jest, we best not get our hopes up with this one_.”

“Well, that’s -- one nauseating image you’ve just painted,” Remus said, frowning. 

Sirius set his hand down on his leg with a smack. “Thank you,” he said, again as if his point was finally being received. “And there’s little old me sitting in a stifling suit, going absolutely mad with boredom, waiting for the goddamn cake at least because at least that’s something to fucking _do_. One year, I really just wanted an ice cream cake, alright, I had some at a friend’s birthday that year and I think my little heart grew five sizes, but I might as well have been asking for the earth and all its trimmings by the reaction it got, and to send a message I got no cake. They forgot what age I’d even turned, much too concerned with how much their last deal garnered them.” 

Remus frown deepened while Sirius pulled a face, then beamed when James turned up beside him, refilling his outstretched cup. “Saw you calling.” 

“Thanks, dear, you always do me well,” Sirius said, leaning his head back on the arm of the couch to look up at him. 

“Too right I do,” James said. He reached over and refilled Remus’ glass without prompt, and disappeared again. 

Sirius looked back at Remus with raised eyebrows. “In conclusion,” he said, pausing to take a sip of his drink, which reminded Remus he had more to drink as well. “If you’re ever in the market for a quick and easy regurgitation of your latest meal, stop on by the House of Black and it’ll be taken care of for you by the conversation alone.” Sirius spared Remus having to come up with a worthy response, as he was still very much focused on the hard time his family had given him and in front of relatives on top of it, and kept on. “So instead, I’m going to spend time with my actual family, get good and pissed, eat some goddamn ice-cream cake even though I’m far too old for it now, nobody is going to have to sit up straight or ask to be seated or to stand or to fucking move, and there’ll be conversation that actually fucking matters.” 

Remus found the difference in their upbringing startling; he breathed in, bit his lip, and nodded as that all seemed a fair reaction. He looked down at his cup and back at Sirius again, trying to think of something he might appreciate, and raised his eyebrows, and went with, “what kind of deranged sci-fi novel did your family spring out of?” 

Sirius choked on the sip he had just taken, alternating between coughing and laughing. “Are you trying to off me?!” he asked as he beat his chest. 

"Although,” Remus went on, grateful for his laughter, his stomach stirring at the mere ability to ruin Sirius in a matter of a few words. “It does explain 'Sirius'.” 

“Mm,” Sirius hummed before letting out another cough, “because I knew six Remus’ in my school year, you’re right.” Remus flushed slightly, but smiled nonetheless. “And your parents?” 

“Not nearly as outlandish,” he said moderately. “Hope and Lyall.” 

Sirius took another drink. “I imagine they’re the punny sort.” 

“My dad did think he was just so clever when he thought of it,” Remus conceded. 

“Listen, we can’t all be such stellar opportunists, we’ve got to celebrate them when they come along,” Sirius said fairly. 

Remus took a sip of his own drink, winced at the strength of it and cursed James. “I still say I should get you something,” he said, steering the conversation back, “but I’ve no clue what.” 

Sirius took a drink, hummed in thought, and drummed the index and middle finger of his right hand on his thigh. “The whole of Britain,” he decided. 

Remus blew out air fast. “Good of you to keep your sights low.” Sirius leaned his head against the back of the couch, a wry smile etched on his face, and Remus was reminded of how Sirius seemed to enjoy Remus’ hazing. “Oh, I think I have it,” he added thoughtfully, giving Sirius’ leg a pat. “A real Matisse should liven this place nicely, don’t you think?” 

“How dare you,” Sirius said, sending a glare across the couch, but his smile gave him away. 

“Hmm, someone doesn’t seem to have an appreciation of fine art,” Remus tutted, bringing his cup up to his mouth. “Just as well, I suppose. This flat doesn’t even have a parlour, wherever would we put it? Sirius, the home is built from the parlour out, I’m sure you know that.” 

Sirius gave an incredulous laugh, his open smile and the shine in his eyes striking, and Remus got lost in both for a moment. Sirius took in a quick breath, sat up straighter, and gave Remus’ leg a tug, nodding toward the front of the flat. “Come with me?” he asked. Remus couldn’t think of anything on the end of the flat Sirius would be referring to but his room and his heart leapt into his throat. 

Lily appeared above them. “Budge up, you two,” she requested, giving both their legs a pat. Remus moved instantly, setting his feet on the ground while Sirius dragged his legs off the couch and shifted, apparently not bothered to make that much room. Perhaps, like with James, personal space wasn’t an issue between Sirius and Lily. She plopped down between the two of them, a plastic cup of her own in her left hand. Remus chanced a glance at Sirius lounging in the corner of the sofa, and he was sure he’d imagined the moment for Sirius could not have looked more relaxed if he tried. 

Lily drank some of her drink, lowered the cup from her mouth, and gave a tentative smile. “Right, so, I’ve been given the OK to talk about it, so my new shop is going to be on Tottenham, quite close to your faculty building, actually.” 

“Really?” Remus asked, giving into a grin. 

“Shit, Lily, that’s great,” Sirius said. “What a location.” 

She turned her head to Sirius and smiled. “I know,” she said, bobbing her shoulders excitedly. “I still have no clue how I managed to get it, but I’m not going to argue.” 

“You’ll have an influx of under-caffeinated students, but you can handle that,” Remus said, waving a hand. “Hold on, when’s your last day?” 

“The tenth,” Lily supplied. She turned again to Sirius, patting his knee. “You’re getting your new manager on the same day, and you’re going to love him.” Sirius raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement over his cup, then looked off about the room, watching the party goers. 

“So soon,” Remus said with a slight frown. “I’m happy for you, of course, but I'm--" 

“Well, funny, because I had a thought I wanted to run by you,” Lily said, patting his knee. 

“Sure,” Remus said, going for a sip of his drink and regretting it the moment he tasted it again. 

"Well, I know it’s a bit of a pain travelling to and from the shop, and since mine would be a five minute walk from your building and close to home, I’d be willing to work out a transfer for you,” she offered. “And to be honest, I could use someone as meticulous as you around, I think.” 

Remus coughed, lowered his cup, and looked at Lily pointedly, but she didn't seem to read it. “I -- didn’t know that was an option,” he hinted. “I would have assumed it was only for managers."

“Oh, no, it’s a very big company, transfers happen all the time,” she said easily. “When people move cities or relocate within the same one, there’s all sorts of cases for it. There’s a process, but nothing difficult, and we would just have to have a chat with your manager, but I know him so I don’t see it as being a problem. Though I’ll have to avoid talking you up too much, otherwise he might not want to give you up.” 

“That’s a nice thing to say,” Remus said, playing with a nail bed on his right hand. “It is a little sudden, though.” 

Lily nodded. “Well, you don’t have to answer straight away, I just thought it might be convenient. We can work with the schedule you currently have, and with the shop being so close you could work a little more on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and that would give you enough hours to qualify for a shift lead, and I think you’d be really good at that. Plus, higher pay, more responsibility, all that fun stuff," she elaborated with a smile. 

Remus let out a quiet, resigned sigh through his nose. “Those are all very good points,” he conceded. "Very logical." Lily glanced over at one of her friends for a moment, and Remus shot a split second glance at Sirius, but he was still looking off about the room. Lily looked back at him and Remus met her eye. “Thank you for the offer. I'll have a think and get back to you?” 

“Of course,” Lily affirmed, “but it's out there should you decide you want to take it.” 

"Yes. Thank you," Remus said, nodding once at her.

“Yes, this is good,” Sirius cut in brightly, still staring off. “Please steal the best closer I’ve had in months.” Remus brought his cup up to cover his mouth and watched unblinking as the two of them went back and forth. 

“Sirius,” Lily warned. 

“Lily,” Sirius said, adopting her exact tone and looking sidelong at her now. 

“There’s plenty of time to find a replacement if he decides to take the offer,” she said reasonably. “And besides, you trained Remus and look how well he’s doing now? That’s a testament to your training abilities and I’m fairly certain you could do it again with a new hire.” 

“Thanks, Lily,” Sirius said brightly. 

“Let’s try and act like adults about this,” Lily suggested calmly. “You’re far too old to be playing ‘that’s mine.’” Remus thought many would have crumbled under the dark look Sirius levelled her with, but Lily barely batted a glittery eyelash. “It’s only an offer, and if he does choose it, it’ll only be good for him. That should be good enough for you, surely?” 

Remus gaped behind his cup, made to speak but Sirius got there first. “It’s incredible how far you just reached,” he said sweetly. 

“You’re overreacting and trying to make this about yourself, so why waste time?” Lily asked just as sweetly. 

“OK,” Remus cut in, “I've still got to think on it, so let’s just--” 

"I had no objections to that,” Lily defended, holding up her free hand. Sirius scoffed a laugh, sat still for a moment, then stood and went down the hall toward the kitchen as Lily called after him. “Honestly, Sirius?” 

“That went well,” Remus observed plainly. 

“Yes, well, that’s him for you,” Lily said, crossing her arms. “Probably upset that he’ll actually have to carry his load around there without you there to do it for him -- I know you’re the reason the store’s been spotless come morning; it wasn’t like _that_ in August, believe me.” 

Remus couldn’t really deny her claim; he did do much of the clean up and sorting because Sirius couldn’t be bothered and otherwise it just wouldn’t get done, but it wasn’t as though he really minded, and he didn't love the insinuation either. "This is what you were going to say earlier, then, was it?” he presumed, scratching where his forehead met his wig. 

Lily exhaled through her nose and nodded, dropping her shoulders. “Well, why lie, the moment I found out where I was being transferred there I wanted you wherever I ended up; I’m really impressed by your work ethic, so yes I’d like to steal you for mine and I’m not going to feel bad about it. And I know you’ve got a lot on your plate with school and work at the same time and this could help a lot with that, and the more I thought about it the more I thought this would be the best solution to a whole load of problems. You spend so much time with Sirius as is--” 

“Lily, please,” he implored, looking round the room for Sirius, James, anybody who might have overheard. He knew he was overreacting, the music was loud enough to drown out any small conversations, but the worry was present all the same. 

“Alright,” she said, glancing around the crowded room herself. “You spend so much time with Snuffles as is, I thought you could use a break.” 

“Snuffles?” Remus asked, amused despite himself. 

“I don’t know, I panicked,” Lily hissed, giving into amusement as well. “Remus, you work with him quite a bit, and you’ve been coming out with us a lot more lately, and I’m sure it can’t be easy seeing him a lot, reminding you of it constantly.”

It would have been easier to feel irritated about it if Remus didn’t see Lily’s point clear as day. All evening no matter how much he tried to distance himself he still wound up in precarious positions with Sirius, only he found himself minding less and less and that was a red flag in itself. “It sure has been, but I do think there could have been a better way to go about it,” he reasoned. “Say, not when he was right there?” 

Lily took in a breath. “Remus, I’ve been trying to get you alone to ask you for hours, but it’s been a little difficult," she said, gesturing at the party still going strong on around them. "Evidently I should have waited, but every time I see you he’s there, and again I looked over and he was draped all over you. He's an affectionate person, and he probably doesn't even know he's doing it--” Remus tried his best to hold back a wince, but it wasn’t all that effective for Lily lifted her hand at it. “See, it’s already affecting you.” 

“Well, of course it is, Lily,” Remus said, lifting his own hand. “I know it’s a bad idea, but I can’t help it--” 

“I understand that, Remus,” she said calmly once more. “Which is one of the reasons I’m giving you the offer. I only wanted you to know that if you feel you’re in over your head you have other options.” 

Remus deflated a little at her words, disappointed in himself for becoming frustrated. It wasn’t something he was used to, having another peer looking out for him in this way; it wasn’t second nature, and half of him didn’t know how to handle it at all while the other knew he should be grateful. No matter what he did, he had two minds when it came to almost everything, and he was beginning to think he didn’t have enough room inside of him for all of them. “I know,” he said, gentler now. “I do appreciate it, and I’ll think on it.” A quite convincing Scary Spice called to Lily from across the room. Lily held up her index finger, glancing back at Remus. “Go ahead, I need water anyway.” 

“I just want to make sure you’re not upset--” 

Remus shook his head as he moved to stand. “I’m not, Lily,” he said, setting a hand on her shoulder before making his way down the hall. He did find water, drank a glass and a half of it before setting it down on the counter and glancing around the kitchen, and then because he’d gone and lost any lick of sense somewhere back in September, he headed straight out the backdoor without another thought. His best guess proved fruitful as Sirius was to the right of the door, surrounded by his typical halo of smoke. Remus stood in front of him and stuck his hands in his back pockets, unsure of how to proceed, and when he did speak it was done carefully. “I’m sure that Lily just--” 

Sirius let go of a haul in one breath. “You’re going to take it?” His tone wasn’t faux pleasant like it had been inside, which Remus was oddly grateful for; he wasn’t sure he would have wanted it trained on him and he could deal with a frustrated Sirius. 

“I can’t decide that in one go,” he responded, speaking with as much calm as he could, hoping perhaps it might rub off on Sirius. 

Sirius took another haul. “Just--” he started, letting out the smoke, “just fuck Lily sometimes.” He shook his head, his eyes staring hard across the patio before he seemed to realize the bite to his words. He let out a sigh and dropped his head back against the wall behind him. “I don’t mean it.” 

“I know you don’t,” Remus said calmly once more. 

“Didn’t mean to make it about me either,” Sirius said, avoiding his eye, and Remus thought he might be looking at Sirius’ attempt at an apology, as uncomfortable and strained as it was. 

“That’s -- that’s alright,” Remus said, unsure of how to navigate a stubborn yet regretful Sirius. “For what it’s worth, I think we work well together and -- starting up again somewhere new would be difficult.” Remus let out a quiet sigh then, for it probably would go much smoother than it had last time as long as he didn’t wind up wanting to pin his next co-worker to a bed. 

“Not nearly as fun either,” Sirius added frankly, taking another haul. 

“No, but I figured that spoke for itself,” Remus said evenly, giving Sirius a smile, and took it as a small victory when Sirius returned it. 

Sirius leaned over and stubbed out the end of his cigarette. “What’s tomorrow like for you?” he asked, moving back against the wall. 

Remus was rather grateful for a change in topic, though the answer wasn't all that bright. “Reading a horrid book for Analysis,” Remus told him through a frown. “I’ve enjoyed most of the assigned readings so far but this one is just so awful and outdated, and I admit I’m dragging my feet a little bit.” 

“Delightful,” Sirius observed. “What about before that?” 

“Aside from gearing myself up for it, nothing solid,” Remus said with a shrug. 

“Right, well, I’ve been planning on getting something for a while now, would sort of be my birthday present to me,” he said with a quirk of his mouth. “So, come with, and that’ll be your present since you’re just aching to give me one.” 

Remus had to admit he liked the idea of him embracing anything to do with the day itself. “What were you thinking of getting Sirius for his birthday?” he asked lightly. 

Sirius smiled wryly over at him. “I know he really wants a motorcycle,” he said, his eyebrows disappearing under the beanie. 

“Good one.” 

“Not a joke,” Sirius said simply. “Going on three years I’ve been thinking about it, but I’m finally going to do it, and I’ll need help deciding on the one.” 

“I imagine James would be more suitable for this?” Remus checked. He knew nothing about them, had never spoken with Sirius about them before now. 

“He’d be essential normally, but as Lily will be around tomorrow and will no doubt tell me in great detail what a terrible idea it is…” Sirius said, tilting his head in insinuation. 

“I see your point,” Remus said, holding back mentioning that he, too, wasn’t all that convinced this would be the best mode of transportation for him. 

“Clear enough to come with?” 

Remus nodded, balling his hands into fists in his pockets. “Yeah, I’ll come along,” he agreed, but made a condition for himself as much as Sirius. “I know it won’t be bright and early, but earlier than later would work best…” 

“I can do early,” Sirius offered, nonplussed. 

“Are you sure about that?” Remus asked, pulling a hand out of his pocket and gesturing to the still bustling patio. “This doesn’t look to be dying down anytime soon.” 

“I’ve been waiting three years, Remus,” Sirius stressed. “I’m not sure I can do it much longer.”

“Fair enough,” Remus replied. 

Sirius looked Remus over, reached out, and pulled on his elbow. "Come on, I can tell you're frozen," he said, leading him back inside. Remus went with it, was indeed a little chilly even with the jacket and wig, and spent the next while in the kitchen with Sirius, James, Peter, and a whole wack of people he didn't know very well; with everyone there and too much to focus on, he managed to put his inner debate aside for the time being.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you can spot the 70s show reference, 10 points to your hogwarts house of choice

Remus fell awake on the couch rather early as per routine, but he didn’t bother opening his eyes or moving. He did bother with making a rather detailed pro/con list for each option he had facing him, and tried to avoid how transparent he felt still weighing the decision when one option had far more positives than the other.

He heard James’ door open and what had to be Lily’s footsteps as James and Sirius bounded about the place even at the early hours of the morning, and the footsteps were much softer. He heard her go though through the living room and down the hall toward the kitchen, and he joined her not long later, and they puttered about the kitchen making their morning cups before they took up spots at the table. The two talked of his last midterm he’d done Friday, a bit about the reading Remus was dreading having to get back to later on, and he ended up retrieving the book and reading out a few of the most infuriating lines he’d come across so far and founs it rather therapeutic to see Lily receiving it as negatively as he had been. 

As Remus finished off one of the more infuriating lines, James’ voice called from down the hallway. “Lupey, what the fuck are you reading?” 

“Why, it’s the bane of my existence, James,” Remus called back. He looked up as footsteps drew near, expected James to be the one to come down the hall, but it was Sirius who appeared in the doorway looking amused before he took one look at Lily and him. He went past Remus and Lily to get to the stove without another glance, while Lily dropped her chin in her hand, and Remus held his book a little tighter and trained his eyes on the print. 

James did come down the hall a few seconds later, and Remus really did appreciate the colour he brought into a room. He pointed at Remus the moment he stood in the kitchen. “I need your dulcet tones for either historical fiction or erotica, and none of this drivel, do you hear?” 

“Historical fiction it is, then,” Remus opted, sticking the book aside. “I won’t be reading you erotica.” 

James went around Sirius at the counter to grab a mug out of one of the cupboards. “Wouldn’t hurt to live a little,” he pointed out. He flicked Sirius’ arm. “Eh? He should read it from a megaphone atop a mountain; he’s the voice for it, no?” 

Sirius turned from the counter and brought a mug over to the table, taking his usual spot by the window, while Remus pointedly avoided his eye. Lily pulled out her phone and stuck her chin in her hand, and Remus wished he’d brought his own with him so he could use to make himself look at least a little busy. 

Sirius slid the window open and grabbed a pack off the windowsill, lighting his morning cigarette. Lily dropped her mouth lower behind her hand and continued staring at her phone screen, but Sirius zoned right in the small movement. 

“Speak up, Lily, can’t hear you,” he requested. 

Lily lifted the hand from her mouth in question. “I didn’t say anything,” she said.

“Yeah, you did,” Sirius said plainly, taking another haul off his cigarette. 

Lily let out a sigh through her nose, stared straight out the window in front of her until she spoke as if she couldn’t help herself. “I do think you could smoke that outside,” she said lifting her hands in fair gesture. 

Sirius sucked in a breath through his teeth and replied as if breaking unfortunate news to her. “Not if it’s my flat.” 

“Well, I thought you’d say something like that, which is why I was going to leave it alone,” Lily retorted.

Sirius held the cigarette up. “Does anybody else mind if I smoke this next to an open window in the flat I rent?” he asked, staring at the ceiling. James and Remus both gave small gestures of allowance from opposite ends of the kitchen. Lily threw Sirius a look and left the table, heading over for a refill from the pot of tea she and Remus started. James caught Remus’ eye with a bemused expression, but Remus didn’t think he could actively convey his role in their tense triangle with just one look, but offered a pained one in attempt.

The kettle went off, and James looked incredibly relieved to have something to do, facing the counter as he fixed himself a coffee. Sirius downed a fair bit of his own in one go, set the mug down on the table, and looked straight at Remus, casting a glance toward the hallway and back at him. Remus gave him a small nod and drank the rest of his tea as fast as he could, eager to leave the tense room altogether. 

Sirius stood and brought his mug to the sink while Remus retreated to Sirius’ room for the change of clothes he brought along. He made the mistake of assuming Sirius would follow soon after, but when he finished toeing his shoes on and Sirius hadn’t made an appearance yet, he reluctantly walked back toward the kitchen. Not welcoming the hostile tones coming from it, he immediately began clearing some of the plastic cups littered about the living room left over from the party for anything else to do. 

“Why did you even have to go and offer it?” 

“I told you why already.” 

“He’s fine where he is, Yoko.” 

"I’m sorry, why am I Yoko in this scenario?” 

“Because you're breaking up the fucking band, why else?”

“You're being incredibly dramatic, even for you.”

“James, he’s doing fine, isn’t he?”

“I'm staying so far out of this I'm not even here.”

“The way you’re talking it’s as though you think you’re never going to see him again. He wouldn’t be leaving the country, he’d be across town.” 

By then Remus had collected at least two dozen cups into a stack, but paused then, unable to help but wonder then if he’d even see James and Sirius much after the fact if he did accept the transfer. There acceptance could have had a lot to do with convenience or proximity; he was around quite a bit, and if they made plans they were keen to invite him along, but would that all change if they didn’t have a basis to see each other?

“He doesn’t want to leave.” 

“How do you know he doesn’t?” 

“Guys, he’s right down the fucking hall if you want to just ask him--”

“Thought you were staying out of it?” 

Remus couldn’t quite believe it peaked this far, brought the stack of cups down the hall, and stepped into the room, knowing full well he should have put a stop to the argument far earlier, and he was nowhere closer to a decision when either answer might cause another eruption. Sirius stood against the sink, Lily and James at the table, and all three looked to him in the doorway; Lily looked regretful, James looked just about in every direction but at the three others in the room, and Remus didn’t dare look at Sirius. 

He went straight for the garbage in the corner and tossed the cups rather unceremoniously into it. “This really shouldn’t have caused a problem, I don’t want to come between any of you, and you’re making this much harder,” he said firmly, lifting his eyes now. The room was pin-drop silent for a moment; Lily nodded, James observed the guitar playing sheep on the front of his mug with great intent, and Sirius pushed himself off the counter, moving past Remus and nodding at him to follow.

“Where are you--” 

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it,” Sirius called back as they were midway down the hall.

Remus reached out and put a frantic hand to Sirius’ back. “Sirius, stop, _please_ ,” he implored, practically pushing him toward the front door. 

“What? I’m done,” he said unaffected, shrugging. “Everything’s good.” 

-

Sirius crouched down to get a better look, running his hands along the bulky metal. "Oh, sweet baby, I could take good care of you," he cooed.

"Sirius, I feel I need to point out that you're speaking to a motorcycle, not a sentient being." 

"Shh, don't listen to a word the bad man says, honey." 

"This is getting strange," Remus said. "Should I leave you two alone?" 

"She's quite the exhibitionist,” Sirius said. “Don't you worry about that." 

"How many more are you going to feel up before you make your decision?" Remus asked.

"As many as it takes," Sirius said indifferently. He stood again and strolled along the row of motorcycles at his leisure.

"There you went making that one feel special," Remus said, strolling behind him. "Said that right in front of her, too." 

"She knew what this was.” Sirius let out a low whistle and stopped walking, admiring a different hunk of metal and wheels. Remus didn't have much of an interest in vehicles in general, cementing his confusion for why he had been asked along when he knew next to nothing about them, and wouldn’t be much of help to Sirius. He stood nearby, feeling as though this was high up on the list of extremely bad ideas. 

“It's not the time of year I would think one would buy a motorcycle,” he pointed out. “Wouldn't it be more practical to wait until spring?”

Sirius lifted his head extremely slowly. “Remus,” he said, sounding concerned. “I think you're confused; we live in London, not Canada.” Remus stared at him, unimpressed. “Oh, lighten up. I’d say I’ve about a month left of viable weather left, and what a grand month it’ll be.”

“I think you’re more confused about where we live than I am,” Remus said. “I really don't think you've looked into this thoroughly.”

"Three years of want, plenty of research," Sirius said distractedly. “That's more thought than I've put into most things." 

"Grand,” Remus said, taking a different angle, “then you already know the statistics of motorcycle accidents comparative to a standard vehicle."

"Nice try,” Sirius sing-songed.

"It's a little nerve racking," Remus said, dropping any pretense. "Not to mention reckless. A car would be much more sensible, you could drive it all year ‘round, and perhaps you won’t end up concussed or worse.” 

"When have sensible and I ever been strung together in a sentence?” Sirius countered. “If I wanted to hear Lily’s opinion, I'd have asked her to come along, but I asked you, so I don't want to hear any more out of you unless it's akin to 'Yes, Sirius, that's your girl!' Understood?"

Remus sighed, looking around the dealership. "There's some more over there if you're done fondling that one,” he suggested, nodding his head over at another row of bikes.

They strolled along the line, stopping now and again, until Sirius stopped and looked one hunk of metal and wheels over with greater consideration than most of the others. Remus stood in a ray of sunshine shining in through the windows, appreciating the uncharacteristic warmth for November, and waited a few more moments before curiosity got the better of him. "Don't take this the wrong way," he began, but paused when Sirius raised his head to him with a firm expression, his eyes unreadable behind his sunglasses.

"You start trash talking, I start swinging," he warned.

"No, I'm finished with that; I can't change your mind," Remus said, resigned. "Something else." 

"Well, now that you've established I shouldn't take it the wrong way, I'm really excited to hear it.” 

Remus gave him a look, but didn't budge. "Only I've been thinking about how exactly somebody could afford a motorcycle on a barista's salary, without any outside help.”

"Ah," Sirius said, drawing it out. 

"It just doesn't make a whole lot of sense," Remus continued. "Perhaps you’re quite frugal with your money, but then again, I’ve seen what your pub tabs amount to. Are you leasing it?" 

"Haven't decided yet, we’ll see what the best option is when I’ve found the one," Sirius said. He got to his feet slowly, shoving his hands in his jackets jacket pockets, and nodded his head toward him. "You're going to hate it."

Remus' shoulders gave an involuntary shrug. “I don't know why I would? I’m only curious,” he said. 

Sirius started walking again, keeping a relaxed pace. "My uncle Alphard bit it over summer and left me a sizable fortune, which would be why I spent three years thinking but not doing," he said guilelessly. 

"I--" Remus started, "I’m sorry."

Sirius waved him off. "I can't say I knew him that well, but he was probably one of the very few in the family that I didn't mind," he said fairly. "Seems he took a certain amount of pity on me once I left, and voila: have some money, Sirius. It took some time for the details to get sorted and I only got the money very recently. He's not going to be well remembered, I can tell you that. His immediate family is furious about it. There was some attempt to freeze it before it could get to me, and then they wanted to see what kind action they could take, but legally they can't do a thing about it.”

Remus frowned but kept quiet; he would take any window into Sirius’ life if he opened one for him. “That I sort of get,” Sirius went on, shrugging. “In theory, right. They just want the money they think is rightfully theirs and don’t know why I got any of it, but my mother? She’s got my father’s life insurance on top of their fortune, so she has no dog in this fight, but I know she’s in on it just to get at me. She’d rather me starving, lying in a gutter somewhere and that’ll take a lot longer now,” he tilted his head in thought, adding flippantly, “well, unless I blew it all in one go, but that’s unlikely, even with my pub tabs.”

Remus routinely felt at a loss for words whenever Sirius spoke so nonchalant about his estranged family relationship, but he stopped short at the claim. “Sirius,” he said gently. “You’re her son; she doesn’t want that.” 

Remus was suddenly grateful he couldn’t quite make out Sirius’ eyes through his sunglasses. “No, I’m not,” he said frankly. “I’m a queer who got a hand out.” 

Remus bristled, tried his best to hide his grimace, but he knew Sirius was surveying him. “That’s not true--”

“I’m not a queer who also happened to get a hand out?” Sirius asked as if stumped. “Just clarifying, because that’d be news to me.”

Remus averted his eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that,” he tried. “It’s just an awful way to--”

“Well, why sugar coat it?” Sirius said, beginning to stroll along the row again, keeping a relaxed pace that didn’t match the subject matter. “I dropped out on them, I was supposed to rue the day I left, not get rewarded for it, and she must be furious I was offered any help, no way she saw this coming, but it’s not like I did either. It's like I said, I didn't know him that well. Can't exactly get down and deep at Black family dinners, but he thought I was funny whenever I talked cheek, so I guess I made him a fan at some point." 

“How large is your family?” Remus asked, genuinely curious. 

Sirius blew out a puff of air, his eyebrows raising over his shades. “Have you got an hour for the list?” he asked. “Huge. I'm a regular pariah to most of them, but I see my cousin Andromeda and her kid Dora semi-regularly. They're both fantastic, and it's mad to think they came out of a family like ours, but they managed to not get poisoned like the rest of them. ‘Course, Andromea has kept herself away on purpose so Dora hasn't had the chance to get the brunt of it, thank god, because she'd be getting fucking hell."

Remus saw the picture Sirius already painted of his situation splatter and rearrange. "She doesn't see them either?" he asked. 

"No," Sirius said, as if it were humorous that Remus even asked. "No, Andromeda went and found an ethnic boyfriend and had a kid out of wedlock -- which to the Black family is on par with a son fucking blokes, and it was another one of those mutual things." 

“How Victorian of them," Remus said, shaking his head. 

“It's not all bad, I suppose,” Sirius said, sounding more moderate than Remus had ever heard him. “I only ever saw her at dinner parties and whatnot, but she was the most fun there by a long shot, and I see her much more now. Don’t know how someone like her came out of that side of the family -- her sisters are devil spawn, but Andromeda’s a riot. Plus, we're ostracized twins which, as it turns out, is incredible for bonding.” 

Remus answered Sirius' crooked grin with a bit of a smile. “It’s the small things, isn’t it," he said, scratching at his left wrist. “I’m glad you’ve got somebody who understands it, at least.” 

"You've not said a thing about the money," Sirius hinted, steering the conversation in a sudden U-turn. 

“You answered my question,” Remus said nonplussed. “Why would I have a problem?”

"Oh, I have a guess." 

Remus shrugged, perplexed. "Why?" 

"I didn't work for a cent of that cheque," Sirius said suggested. "And it's a hefty one. I'm solid, for a long time. I could buy fourteen motorcycles, and put a kid through the Ivy League if I really felt like it.”

"OK, I get it, you're loaded," Remus said, irritated that Sirius seemed to want him to be put off about it.

“Aren’t you just seething?" Sirius prompted.

Remus sighed. "Who am I supposed to be upset with? It's not as though you had your hand out waiting for him to stuff it, and it was your uncle's choice to leave you it,” he said calmly. “I'm not going to stomp his grave over it." 

"I'll thank you not to," Sirius said. “Bad form.” Remus hoped that would be the last of his egging him on, and was thankful when he looked back toward the first row of bikes they perused and dropped it. "I think I'm beginning to miss the old bird; think she'll take me back?" 

Remus nodded, "I've seen your ways of persuasion," he said vaguely. 

“Mm?” Sirius said, tucking a lock of hair behind his ear, his eyebrows rising higher over his shades again. 

“Yes, and don’t pretend you don’t upsell half the customers who walk into the shop,” Remus said with a pointed smile. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you immediately reaching for a large, and that they’re so busy flustered by your compliment on their broach that they don’t even notice.”

“I’m working for tips, Remus,” Sirius defended with a keen superior air. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed the new jacket, and I have an inkling that came from the staggering amount I accumulated last week, so you are welcome.” 

Remus tucked his hands into the pockets of said new jacket, straightening his neck out to preserve some dignity himself. “Thrift shop buy, Sirius,” he corrected. “Some of us don’t have windfalls to fall back on.” 

“Yes, here we go, I knew it was killing you,” Sirius said emphatically, cutting him off and stepping in front of him with another crooked grin painted on. “Are we going to throw down now, or are you going to wait until I’ve let my guard down and lob me a good one?” 

“Not in front of her,” Remus said, moving aside and nodding to Sirius’ clear favorite of the bunch. “You don’t want her to think your uncivilized, do you?” 

“Jokes on you, she loves how roguish I am,” Sirius said, heading over to her with a spring to his step.

Remus followed along at a much more leisurely pace. “Is she aware how much work goes into appearing so?” he called to him.

Sirius swung around. "Not yet, and I trust you’ll let the mystery remain one for as long as possible," he warned, swinging back and planting his feet in front of his choice. 

A salesman swooped in then, effectively distracting Sirius for the time being, and Remus checked his university email on his phone as he waited. A while and one hefty down payment later, Sirius stood next to his newly purchased pride and joy. Despite his reservations at the idea as a whole, Remus couldn't help but smile at his excitement. "I think Sirius is going to love what you got him." 

Sirius smirked. "I’ve the same feeling." He turned to Remus, a slow grin spread across his face. "Shall we take her for the ride of her life?" 

"Where?" Remus asked, buying himself time. 

"After last night I need something greasy and terrible for me, preferably as soon as possible." Sirius said, throwing a leg over the side of the motorcycle, and settling in. Remus blinked and put the image to memory; he had to admit the thing suited Sirius quite well. "Haven't decided where, let's just let it happen." 

"And what, show her the parking lot of a diner?" Remus said. "You're going to lose the old girl if you don't treat her well." 

"You're deflecting," Sirius surmised. 

"Yes, I am," Remus affirmed. 

"I'll drive carefully, and look, I got an extra helmet just for you," Sirius said, flicking one of the two hanging from the handle bars.

“Well, good foresight, but do you even know how to drive it?" Remus asked. 

"Now, why would I go through the trouble of getting this thing if I couldn't?" Sirius asked. 

Remus still wasn't convinced. "We could just walk?" he suggested. 

"And then what, levitate her home?" Sirius asked. "She's practically begging for it, Remus; get on and give it good and--"

"How about you take her, and I'll meet you there?" Remus cut in. 

Sirius revved the engine. "Get on the bike, Lupin!" he called over the great roar. Remus leaned his head back, pulled himself together, and climbed on behind Sirius.

He waited for Remus to get his helmet secured and then kicked off the sidewalk. Remus kept a little space between them, clutching the sides of the bike as opposed to Sirius, but the effort was for nothing when Sirius made a sharp turn and he went sliding closer, and had to grab onto Sirius’ waist to keep from being flung around. He worried for a moment that Sirius would be able to feel his heart thrumming with his chest pressed against his back, but quickly reasoned Sirius wouldn’t feel much more than the reverberation off the cement as they drove, and resigned himself to the ride, letting himself take small joy from their proximity. 

-

The two were just about finished the last bits rashers and eggs when their waitress turned up at the table with a refill of coffee for Sirius. She told him to enjoy, Sirius repeated, ‘You, too,’ and subsequently claimed he would have to flee the country to ward off embarrassment. 

“I think you’ll live,” Remus surmised, his mug at his mouth to hide his amusement.

“I’ll never live it down,” Sirius kept on. “Everywhere I go, the townsfolk will point and laugh, “there, he goes,’ they’ll say, ‘the bloke who told his waitress to enjoy her coffee too, laugh at the ponce.’” 

“Right along with the one who automatically said I love you the take out receptionist,” Remus added, setting his mug down on the table. 

“We’ll have to make fast friends.” 

“At least you’ll have each other.” 

“It’s the service, you know?” Sirius heaved out, leaning back in his booth. “This is what it’s done to me, and it'll happen to you, too, just wait.” 

“So much to look forward to," Remus observed. 

Sirius transitioned into a topic of conversation Remus assumed they would be avoiding as much as possible. "So, are you taking it?" he asked.

"The bike? No, I think you'd flog me if I tried," Remus said, buying himself a little more time.

It didn't work. "Good one, but you know what I meant,” Sirius said.

"I'm fairly certain I told you I have to think on it," Remus reminded him. 

"I know that, but this is you we're talking about," Sirius said. 

Remus swallowed some tea. "Of course I've been thinking about it, but either way I'll be upsetting somebody, and I don't want or need to feel responsible for that."

"Then say no."

"Are you even listening?" Remus asked. "I don’t want to insult Lily by refusing her offer."

“You’re always so fucking reasonable,” Sirius huffed. 

“I really don’t know how else to be,” Remus said, heaving a shrug. 

"So, it's settled then; you're going to take it." 

"Oh, for the love--" 

Their waitress turned up at their table to collect their plates. "Together or separate?" she asked.

"Together," Sirius said automatically before Remus could answer.

"Do you need the machine?" she asked. Sirius nodded mid-sip of his coffee. "I'll be back in a moment." 

Sirius lowered his mug. “She’s laughing at me, I can see it in her eyes,” he accused.

"You really didn't have to do that,” Remus said, his stomach squirming. “This place is quite inexpensive, I can pay.” 

"Oh, relax, would you?" Sirius said. He spun his knife in a circle on the table. "So if you've pretty much decided why not just say it?"

Remus deflated. "Sirius, I haven't yet," he said. "There’s a lot to consider, and I don't enjoy the pressure coming from either of you."

Sirius brought his hand down on the knife to stop it spinning. "Hey, no pressure on my end."

Remus nodded. "Right, you've been keeping out of this quite well.” 

Sirius kept quiet for long enough that Remus thought the conversation was over, but then he lifted his hand. “It's just ridiculous,” he said. 

“Why’s it ridiculous?” Remus asked, lifting his own. “There are good reasons to consider both--” 

“You just said yesterday you didn’t feel up to starting again,” Sirius reminded him. “What happened in twelve hours?” 

“I was telling you before you cut me off,” Remus pointed out. "There's things to consider on both sides of it--"

Sirius pointed at him across the table. “A-ha, see, that was her buttering you up, playing to your weaknesses, and it’s fucking working.”

Remus bristled. "Right, I suppose not wanting to live paycheck to paycheck would be classified as a weakness,” he snipped. “Thanks for that.”

“I could help you out, you know,” Sirius put out there. 

“I’m not taking your money,” Remus refused, a fresh new wave of revulsion starting up. “The problem won’t just go away for a little while even if I did; I need to be making more than I do, I can’t work any more hours where I am at the moment, and I do have to think about this.” Sirius made a face and Remus clicked his tongue. “You could at least listen and not brush this off.” 

“I just like things as they are,” Sirius defended. 

“So, that’s it, then?” Remus demanded, and then reiterated plainly. “You want things to remain as they are.” 

“Yes!" Sirius said impatiently. “Who the fuck said change was a good thing anyway?”

The waitress returned with the bill and the machine, effectively distracting Sirius so Remus' face could fall without notice. "Thanks, doll," Sirius said, taking the machine from her, apparently making up for past his earlier flub by incorporating pet names into their dialogue. There was further chit-chat between them, but Remus didn’t hear a bit of it as he stared fixedly at the table, trying to pinpoint how he could have read the signs wrong. 

Sirius pulled out his phone when the waitress left their table, pressed a number, and put it to his ear. "James, be out front in twenty," he ordered in the next instant, sliding out of his booth. Remus followed him out of the diner, finding that each step heavy, as if trying to pull his feet out of quicksand. The ride from the diner was nothing like the one to it, but thankfully before Remus knew it they were down the block from the flat. James came through the lobby door as the two of them pulled up to the sidewalk and stopped dead, his mouth falling into a gape. Remus got off the bike the second he could, pulling his helmet off, but Sirius remained sitting as James flailed.

"No!" James shouted, appearing equal parts shocked and tremendously excited. Sirius answered him by holding his hands out in display. "You didn't. You did -- bless this day." He bounced on his feet, his eyes wide, more energetic than Remus had ever seen him and that was a feat in itself, as Sirius waggled his fingers at over the handlebars in enticement. “Sure you don’t want another go, Lupey?”

“No, she’s all yours,” Remus told him. He handed his helmet over to James, who gave a grin reminiscent of a child given permission to open a Christmas present early, stuck it on, and hopped on behind Sirius. 

Remus turned down the path as the engine revved, pulled the heavy door open and dragged his feet up the stairs and through the door to the flat, removing his jacket and hat before draping draping them on the chair in the hall. He made his way down the hall and into the living room to find Lily lying crossed-legged in the left corner of the couch, holding a book above her at her eyeline. She turned the page and glanced over as Remus made his way over to the couch. 

“What’s the surprise?” she asked minutely. 

Remus sank onto the other end. “Sirius bought a motorcycle,” he informed her, laughing through his nose when Lily set the open book down over her face. 

“They're joyriding now, are they?” she asked from under it.

“James sure did look joyful,” Remus supplied. 

Lily huffed a laugh, moved the book to reveal a resigned smile, and set it on her stomach. “Tell me he wore a helmet at least,” she requested, tapping the cover of it. 

“He did, don't worry.”

Lily watched him across the couch for a moment. “You OK?” she asked. 

Remus nodded, then remembered he had no reason to pretend with Lily, and shook his head. “No, I'm not,” he said, rubbing his thumb and forefinger over his eyes. He dropped his hand after a few silent moments, looked over at Lily. 

She ran her thumb over the edge of the book. “Remus, I’m sorry if I made you feel pressured,” she said faintly. “I saw a little of myself in you, and I know that I could have used someone back then to help me reevaluate what I was doing, and I--” She lifted her eyes to the ceiling, then her right hand to her hairline. “--I had to learn it the hard way, you know? I didn't want that for you, and I thought I was helping, but if you should do whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you like where you are and feel that's where you need to be, then that's OK.”

Remus looked openly at her, gave a nod so slight he was sure it wasn’t seen; the coil in his stomach loosened and the ground below him much more solid. “Thank you,” he said, his voice matching her volume. Lily pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and nodded. “I've been such a fucking tool about this, Lily.”

“No, you haven't,” Lily said. “If anyone’s a tool, it's me. I dropped that on you--”

Remus shook his head. “No, I have been,” he insisted. He leaned his head back against the couch and let out a frustrated breath. “I honestly thought he and I had a moment last night, and it was the only thing keeping me from accepting the offer, and that's--” He shook his head, turned it to Lily, and at the very least she looked about as mournful as he was feeling, and that helped a little. “When we were to the dealership, he was so vibrant, it was infectious -- and he can be so kind? Even when he has no reason to be,” he said weakly. 

Lily nodded. "Yeah, he can," she offered faintly again. 

“And the next moment he makes me want to pull my fucking hair out.” Lily let out a breath through her nose, but didn't confirm or deny it, just kept looking. “But seeing him even twice a week at work is sometimes the highlight of it, and I didn't want to lose that,” he said heavily. “I’m disappointed in waiting on something that isn’t there, but in the end it doesn’t matter. I'm his mate who's fun to have at work, but it's got to be more than than either to ignore all the positive reasons to take you up on it whether he sees them or not. If I stayed I wouldn’t be doing it for me, not really. It'd be for him.”

Lily watched him silently, carefully, not moving a muscle. “I can't just drop him completely,” he said, running a hand over his face. “I like you, I like James and Pete, and I like Sirius, with or without all the rest.”

“You better not drop out on us,” Lily said thickly. “We wouldn't allow it.”

“I don't want to,” Remus said earnestly. “But you can't read into it every time Sirius and I are so much as in a room together either. You practically recited poetry about how good a mate he is, I should be permitted to find out.”

“That’s -- I think that’s fair,” Lily said forlornly. “I just want you to take care of yourself.”

Remus leaned his head against the back of the couch. “I’m trying to,” he said.

Lily nodded, frowned, and breathed in heavily. "I'm really sorry, Remus," she said. 

Remus heaved a shrug, nodded, and breathed out heavily. "You said so many things yesterday, and do you know what I thought about the most? That you thought I'd be good for him," he said exhaustively. "Rather pathetic to think of now."

Lily shook her head. "No, it's not -- and I wasn't just saying it," she said. "I think he could do well with someone who's sensible. He's sharp as a tac, but he's impulsive, and I think a little stability would be good for him, balance him out."

Remus glanced over at her again. "I'm neither of those," he told her. 

"Remus--"

He worked on sounding even. "It's alright," he said, forcing a smile on. "I'm glad to know him, at least."

Lily remained silent for a few minutes before she crossed her arms over the novel on her stomach. “I can't help but feel as though you were giving me a few conditions before,” she said carefully. 

“You can’t?” Remus said airily.

Lily’s mouth pulled into a small, hopeful smile. “Does that mean you'll come?’ Remus rested his head on the back of the couch, and tilted his head toward her, gave her a noncommittal hum, and she laughed outright. “Oh, don't tease, now.” 

Remus huffed a laugh of his own, set a smile on his face that didn't feel forced, and nodded. Lily beamed, sat up, and scooted over to his side of the couch. She crossed her legs under her and leaned over to hug him, giving him a hearty squeeze. 

“It’s not too short notice, is it?” Remus asked, returning her hug.

“Should probably get it done sooner than later, but no, it's not." Lily pulled back, setting her hands in her lap. “I can’t quite believe the amount of requests I’ve gotten for transfers there. Nevermind the whack of resumes in the back that I didn’t even get to because I was so sold on you.” 

“Oh, I don’t believe it,” Remus said, waving her off. 

“You made me laugh four times in that interview alone, and I had to go through the motions of three others that day even though I knew you were it,” Lily told him plainly, batting his arm. “Honestly, Remus, take a compliment now and again.” 

Remus shifted, his mouth twisting into a smile. “Thanks, then,” he said. He waited a beat. “Just one more thing?” 

Lily lifted her hands in allowance. “Anything.” 

“Perhaps we shouldn’t announce anything yet?” Remus suggested. “He’s having a good day what with the bike, and with his birthday coming; we don’t want to be throwing curses across the ice-cream cake of all things.”

Lily smiled and lifted her right hand to Remus’ cheek and pinching it. “You’re too sweet,” she said, biting back a laugh when Remus batted her hand away disgruntledly. “Always so reasonable.” 

“Why does everyone keep saying that?” Remus huffed, leaning his head back against the couch again. “When did it become a lesser trait?”

“I didn’t say it was a bad thing,” Lily clarified. 

James and Sirius clamoured through the front door, and Lily and Remus exchanged a quick glance before Lily turned to face the hallway. James came into the room straightaway, and Remus had to laugh at the combination of his dopey grin and windswept hair that was easily three times as untidy as usual, and the packet of bright coloured candy in his hand. Sirius stepped to the end of the hall and leaned in the doorway, looking like a proud dad would. 

“Someone ditched their helmet,” Lily observed. 

“Don’t know what you mean, it’s always like this,” Sirius said, reaching over and ruffling James’ hair some more. 

“Lily, it was amazing,” James gushed, his voice muffled by a piece of candy. 

“You’ve already got a car, you can ride Sirius’ when you get the urge, your mother will kill you, and then me for letting you get one,” Lily listed, “so no to that thought.” 

James put on a sheepish smile instantly. “Shit, wish you’d said something sooner.”

Lily burst out a laugh, stood up, and turned toward the hall to the kitchen. “So, the very first place you chose to venture to was the candy store?” she asked over her shoulder. “Very edgy, you two. City’s quivering in it’s boots already.”

Sirius stole a piece of candy before James followed her insisting it was an important endeavour, then glanced at Remus. He lifted himself off the couch, became distracted by Sirius chewing on the candy, and fought the urge to crush their mouths together and taste the sugar crystals on his tongue. The room seemed so much smaller than it had a moment before, and Remus needed to leave. 

“I should head out,” he said, moving past Sirius to locate his things. 

Sirius pushed himself off the wall and came down the hall behind him. “What, already?” 

Remus found his bag by Sirius' bureau and snatched it up before Sirius could get to his doorway. "I'm exhausted, Sirius," he sighed, moving into the hall. "And I’ve work to do before I can remedy that." 

"Oh, alright," Sirius said flippantly. “Go read your horrid book.”

Remus winced at the reminder. “God,” he mused, turning back toward the living room. 

“Changed your mind already?” Sirius called to him. 

“It’s in the kitchen,” Remus said, going for it. He said his farewells to Lily and James, grabbed the book, and went back through the flat. 

"Are you going to come by tomorrow?" Sirius asked when Remus got to the door. 

Remus paused toeing his shoes on, looking up at him. "You mean your birthday?” he asked incredulously. “Yeah, I’ll try and squeeze you in." Sirius smiled and stuck his hands in pockets of his jeans. He seemed relaxed for the most part, but the smile looked a little too close to relieved, and Remus’ mouth twisted at the side. "See, I knew the whole anti-birthday thing was a ruse. Do you have a hat or would you like me to bring one? I'll look for a kazoo, too, if you’d like."

Sirius let his head fall back, the tired laugh that came out of him betraying his overall air of resigned frustration. "I told you," he said. "We'll just be here for a while, and maybe we'll end up at Gallagher's at some point. Depends how we feel."

"Right, well, I'll see you and the forty other people at the rager you're throwing, then," Remus said, nodding to him and readjusting his bag on his shoulder. He paused with his hand on the door knob in feigned thought as Sirius' eyes narrowed and brought his hands to his hips, a familiar wry smile forming. "What I don't know is if you'll already be wearing a lampshade as a hat by the time I arrive. Do you know what -- don’t spoil me, and I’ll find out when I do."

Sirius swivelled around and walked into his room. "You were on you're way out in case you've forgotten," he tossed haughtily over his shoulder.

Remus pulled the door open, shut it behind him, and let out a heavy breath in the quiet stairwell.


	12. Chapter 12

Remus went to the shop the next morning between classes where he and Lily sat in the backroom to begin the transfer process. He was on high alert for most of it, and would be the first to admit he was irrationally frenzied by the idea that Sirius would decide that today was the day to visit work on a day off for the hell of it. He wanted to find the right moment to mention it, and he didn’t think Sirius finding him in the backroom mid-way through the process would be the best way for him to find out, but thankfully he made no appearance. Remus dodged James on the way in, as he was occupied with someone at the till, but he wasn’t so fortunate on the way out. The moment he got to the end of the hall, James appeared in the doorway and stopped short. 

“When did you get here, Lupey?” he asked. “You’re like a mouse. Make a noise now and again.” 

“You’re not the first to say that,” Remus said, moving around him, eager to leave and not have to answer any inquiries as to why he was there. “I’ll stomp around more just for you.” 

“See that you do,” James said, grabbing a new bottle of vanilla syrup. He turned back around as Remus was making for the exit. “What, leaving already?” 

“I’ve class to get to, sorry,” he said, waving as he walked to the door. “Have a good day.” 

All in all, he thought he had managed not to look terribly suspicious, but merely in a hurry. It was close to three when Remus finished his classes for the day, and he caught the bus in the direction of the flat, reading along the way. When he reached the landing, both James and Peter came out the door, and Remus stopped short of bumping into them. 

“We have to stop meeting like this,” James said with a grin, shoulder-checking him lightly.

“Where are you off to?” Remus asked after giving him a half-assed shove in return. 

“Provisions,” Peter offered. “Won’t be long.” 

James followed Peter down the stairs. “Have anything against schnapps?” he called up to him. 

“Not that I’m aware of?” he called back. He turned back to the opened door, and without the combined stomps of James and Peter in echoing in the stairwell he noticed the sound of vague picking on a guitar from inside. As he stepped through the door, he shut his eyes and gave a silent prayer that it wasn’t who he thought it was, that Lily happened to have guitar skills he just hadn’t been made aware of yet.

He wiped his shoes on the mat and stuck them off out of the way, hung his jacket up, and went into the living room to find his prayer had gone unanswered; Sirius lay sprawled across the couch on his back, picking on a guitar that had probably seen better days, but was heavily decorated in stickers of all sizes and suited him all too well. He had on a pair of bright red slippers that stuck out amongst the black he was wearing. Remus figured after wearing so much of it at work, Sirius would want to avoid it on his off-time, but then he remembered Sirius had a look to uphold, and kept in a laugh as he was quite certain that would be Sirius’ exact response if Remus were to bring it up. 

Sirius nodded absently at him as he played, and Remus gave him a smile as he moved further into the room, depositing his bag beside the couch. He hovered there, trying to decide between the sofa and the chair as the safer place to sit, but Sirius shifted back, pulled his legs in a little and crossed the left one over his right knee to make room for him on the other end of the couch. 

Remus hesitated minutely, but now that Sirius had moved it would be bizarre to pick the chair. He sat in the corner of it facing Sirius, rather appreciative of the length of their sofa as of just then. “Happy birthday, err, a few hours early,” he said. Sirius gave him a tight smile, his fingers continually picking along the fretboard. Remus thought that was a little odd, but remembered birthdays weren’t naturally something Sirius danced on tables about, so he assumed it was another Sirius-ism he would have to work around. “How’s being an elderly man?” he asked, giving him a half smile. 

“Spritely as ever, thanks very much.” Sirius heaved himself up enough to grab the glass of wine on the coffee table, balanced the guitar on top of him, and took a sip. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Remus said. “Wouldn’t want you to let old age hold you back any.” 

“Please,” Sirius said flatly, sticking his glass back down on the table. He lay back again and resumed his playing. “You’ll be the one who joins some bridge club, not me.” 

Something definitely seemed off, but Remus stuck to keeping things lighthearted, as Sirius did often respond better to that. “Go fish, Sirius,” he corrected. “Give me some credit.”

Sirius gave him a bit of a smile for that, and just then Lily appeared out of the kitchen and came down the hall. “Remus,” she said gratefully. “Would you like some wine?” 

“Sure, thank you,” he said warily, a little unnerved by her tone. She was gone and back within a moment thankfully, as Sirius stared blankly up at the ceiling as he picked at his guitar and said nothing else to him while she was out of the room. She had a drink of her own in her right hand, holding an extra glass by the stem between two fingers, and a bottle of wine in her left. Remus took the bottle and empty glass from her and set them down while Lily took a seat at the piano bench to the left of the hall that led to the kitchen, facing the two of them. Remus glanced over at her, and she gave him a pained look, casting a look to Sirius and back at him in an instant. 

Remus stomach sank; he bit the inside of his cheek, looked over at Sirius, then over at the bottle on the table. “That reminds me,” he said, trying to do something other than sit there in a panic. “I brought you something--” he reached into his bag on the floor beside the sofa, “--it’s not a kazoo, I’m afraid, but I think that’s more of a twenty-second birthday thing?" 

Sirius looked down at him and gave him a smile, but Remus could tell it was done with reluctance. “Right, three and no dice,” he said.

“That was about my reasoning,” Remus said, glad to see Sirius wasn’t going to leave him hanging completely. For a moment, he thought perhaps it wasn’t what he thought it was, and Lily had just been warning him that Sirius was simply in a melancholy state. He placed a brown paper bag on the coffee table, and Sirius stared over at the obvious bottle inside, and glanced back up at him. 

“I told you not to get me anything,” he said plainly, “but I will drink your booze.” 

“I figured you’d be willing to make that sacrifice,” Remus said, moving to sit cross-legged in his corner of the couch. 

"Such a martyr,” Lily added. 

Sirius plucked a string rather loudly, jarring in contrast to the soft playing he had been doing, and Remus caught the flat look on Sirius’ face that Lily wouldn’t have been able to catch at her angle. It didn’t matter seeing it for it was a tough message to miss, the ambient music Sirius switched back to playing like nothing had happened did little to help the chill in the room. 

Lily took a sip of her wine, looking around the room before her eyes fell on Remus. “How was your day?” she asked. “Classes good?”

“Fine, Philosophy dragged a little toward the end, but that’s par for the course unfortunately,” Remus answered. It was evident that Lily wanted to cultivate some form of conversation from that, so he thought about anything else he could add, then remembered something else, reached over and poked the leg Sirius had crossed over the other. “I got another paper returned today; looks as though he thinks I’m not worth more than a B. That, or he’s just extremely hard to please.” 

“Naturally you’re leaning towards option A,” Sirius presumed, giving him a half-frown.

“It’s a combination of both, if I’m honest,” Remus amended.

“There’s a third, you know,” Sirius informed him a beat or two later, after turning one of the knobs on the neck of the guitar. 

“Is there?” Remus said, resting his elbow on his thigh and his chin in his hand, excited to have Sirius engaging him at all. 

Sirius nodded knowingly. “It’s a bit more proactive,” he prefaced. 

“I’m ready for it.”

“We find out where he lives, roll up to his house, and inform him he needs to start associating you with A’s immediately, or he can grade my fist.”

Remus snorted. “Well, that’s a little excessive,” he quipped. “I’m not sure we want to be making an enemy here.”

“Option D,” Sirius breezed on, his fingers picking at a faster pace. Remus couldn’t understand how he could manage speech all the while, but tried to focus on his words rather than stare at his hands as they moved effortlessly. “I’ll tell him Plato was a croc, or something, and his face will go all red, he’ll sputter about, perhaps even shut down completely, and you won’t have to worry about him any more.” 

“I don’t see how that would help me in the end, either,” Remus said. “If he didn’t shut down, all you’d have done was anger the man, and perhaps he’d fail me just to teach you a lesson.” 

“We’ve no choice then, it has to be C,” Sirius decided. 

“Well, now we’re just back around.” Remus glanced up, realizing then that he couldn't do much about the instances where he saw Sirius through tunnel vision, and was suddenly quite aware that he was doing it then. He looked over at Lily, fully prepared for a pointed look aimed in his direction, but instead she only wore a look of vague confusion. 

“You’re almost as bad as James and him, what is even happening?” she asked through a laugh. “Lily needs some context.” 

Sirius clicked his tongue, and Remus was quick to explain so it wouldn’t hang in the air uncomfortably. “My philosophy teacher is a very hard marker, is all. The work has to be in the exact point of view he’d rather us all take, it’s been a treat. I did ask one of my classmates about her impression of him however, and it turns out he’s done about the same with her--” 

“And you waited until now to say so?” Sirius implored, pulling the leg crossed over the other down and nudging Remus in the side with his foot. “Prat, try leading with that next time.” 

Remus batted his slippered foot away. “Knowing that does nothing but help me feel better about it, it’ll do nothing for my grade in the end, now will it?” he said. “I think I know what he’s looking for now though, and I’ll just have to suck it up and give it to him the way he wants it.”

“I like the method, though the administration usually frowns upon that so keep it under wraps best you can,” Sirius said, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“I’ve two more papers in his class before the semester’s done, and I’m determined to crack him,” Remus reiterated pointedly, but it took everything he had not to flush. 

Sirius continued playing, but gave him a smile Remus liked a lot more than his reluctant ones. “Well, we don’t need the backup plans at all, then,” he said, and Remus appreciated the vote of confidence so much more than the smile he gave him in return could show. 

Lily hummed a few moments later, taking Remus out of his head and back into the room. “It’s been forever since I’ve heard this one,” she said in regards to Sirius’ continual playing. It seemed secondary to Remus as he was far more taken with Sirius himself right about then, and less focused on the details of the room. “I like that you slow it down, too. Changes the whole thing quite a bit, doesn’t it?” 

Sirius stopped playing entirely. Lily looked down at her nails, visibly hurt by his dismissal, and Remus caught his eye instantly and levelled him with a look and a curt shake of his head; Sirius tore his gaze away from his immediately, looking oddly like a scolded dog. He breathed in and out, and seemed to study the pattern on the couch with great detail. That wasn’t really all he was doing, Remus found out, because when he began playing again Lily perked straight up, looking over at him openly. 

Sirius shifted a little as he continued playing, tilting his head enough to catch Lily’s eye, and gave her a knowing smile. She returned it, turned and stuck her glass on top of the piano, and played a few bars along with him. Remus hadn’t had any idea she could play, but he was continuously reminded through moments like this one just how much more he had to learn about the new people in his life. He didn’t recognize the song, but it was clearly a duet piece, the two of them playing their respective parts and doing so quite seamlessly. When it was finished, Lily turned back to face them, smiling over at Sirius. 

“I can’t believe you remember that one so well,” she said fondly. 

“Think I’ll be eighty and still remember it,” Sirius said, a little less fondly, but there was a smile to his voice all the same. 

“Remus needs some context,” he said, looking between the two of them. 

“We were in the music program at school,” Lily said, gesturing at Sirius with her wine glass. “He played one of the ones we dueted on piano in, what, year ten?” 

“Eleven,” Sirius piped in. He stretched his long legs out, hiked them up on the back of the couch, settling comfortably before he glanced at Remus. “They paired us up quite a bit.” 

“Was James in this with you two?” Remus asked. 

Sirius laughed loudly, while Lily coughed on her drink. “No,” she said. “James has many talents, but he can’t play a note.” 

“Not for lack of trying, believe me,” Sirius said. 

“He was around the department quite a bit even so,” Lily said pointedly. 

Sirius glanced at Remus again. “We weren’t making it up; he’s been smitten for years,” he said. “And there I was thinking he was there to show support, when he was really trying to catch a glimpse of that one over there.” 

Lily smiled over at Sirius though he couldn’t see her do it, stood up, and walked to the coffee table to refill her glass. She gestured with the bottle in offer, and Remus held out his glass to be filled as well. “Then this one,” she said, nodding at Sirius before she sat back down at the bench and crossed her legs under her, “went ahead and got himself thrown out the program, so once that happened, I saw a little less of them because our classes just didn’t line up as well.” 

Remus frowned down at Sirius. “What did you do?” he asked. 

A familiar wry smile broke out across Sirius’ face and he leaned his head back once again to glance at Lily. She caught the glance immediately. “Sure you don’t want to take this?” she checked. “It’s all you.” 

“Yes, but it’s so much funnier from your perspective,” he pointed out.

Lily grinned, took a sip of her wine glass, and launched right in. “Right, so, ritzy private school, in the prestigious music program offered, and at the end of each session students had to perform solos, duets, big numbers; a whole affair.” 

“You’d have thought it was an audition to play the Philharmonic, the way they delicately treated it,” Sirius added distastefully. 

Lily nodded emphatically. “And as you can clearly see from his excitement or lack thereof, Sirius was well over the program, finished playing another note of Chopin if he could see to it, and what other way for him to get out of it than to cause a scene?” 

“Oh,” Remus said after a sip drink of his own. “Oh, good.” 

Sirius grinned over at him as Lily went on. “He got most of the class in on it--” she paused, shooting a look over to them that Sirius read without having to turn around. 

“She was a prefect, Remus,” Sirius defended. “She’d have let duty call, ratted on us, and then where would we have been?” 

Lily flipped him the V lazily, though Sirius looked over and saw it that time. “For the record, no, I’d have seen the beauty in it, but that’s neither here nor there. The class is all for it because he and James could have dove off a bridge and they’d all gone along with them, honestly,” she said with a slight eyeroll. “So Sirius coordinates it, assigning separate parts to each of them, and day of comes along; the stage is all set up with students and their violins and whatnots, and he’s up for a solo in front of the audience of parents and students alike, not to mention scouts from uni programs are out there, too. And he’s there in a prestigious suit as we were all made to wear them, and cracks his knuckles and rolls his neck just for the show of it, I swear.” Remus smiled at that as he drank more of his wine, able to picture that particular detail rather well. “He begins the piece, and there I am thinking, ‘Hm, I thought he was given something else, what’s this?’ He’s noodling on the thing, then there’s a transition--”

“Flawless transition,” Sirius chimed in. 

“--and he starts in on a certain melody we all know and love, and suddenly he’s leading the class in a startling performance of Bohemian Rhapsody for all the suits and their children to enjoy.” 

Remus’ mistake was going for another sip too close to the punch line; he laughed mid-way through it and choked, hitting his chest as Lily broke into a fit of her own. “You didn’t know this was coming?” he asked the moment he could breathe again. 

“No!” she said. “I was floored. As were the parents and the professors; completely astonished. But I can tell you because it was all the students talked about for the rest of the session, some of them hardly realized it was set up -- thought it was the closing number and the department was flexing it's muscle a bit for a change.” 

“I would,” Remus started, glancing up in thought, “I don’t know, name it and I might do it just to have a chance to see that.”

“You’ve still got it, don’t you?” Lily asked Sirius. 

Remus’ eyes widened as he nodded. “It’s somewhere, I’d have to do some digging,” he said, then looked over at Remus once again. “James caught it all on camera, so thanks to him it’ll live on.” 

“I’m so grateful for James,” Remus said, laughing before he could make it to the end of the sentence, feeling the warmth from his wine beginning to creep into his cheeks. 

“That makes all three of us,” Lily said. “Oh, this is perfect, if he finds it you can see, there’s this beautiful moment when our conductor whips his head ‘round for help--”

Sirius cackled. “Priceless, and completely worth the punishment alone,” he said pridefully. Remus laughed at the idea of the scene unfolding in front of an audience of well-to-dos looking to hear some wholesome Beethoven that day. “You can also see the moment Lily’s expression go from blatantly shocked to highly amused in about a second.” 

“Evidence I wasn’t not a complete swot you thought I was,” she said, aloof. 

“You denied it profusely when we noticed,” Sirius accused, pointing at her. 

“Yes, but I couldn’t tell you two I thought it was the funniest thing, could I?” 

“No no, you still had a reputation to uphold, what was I thinking?” Sirius said gravely.

“I’m ecstatic about this, truly, but how did you manage to get through the whole thing?” Remus had to ask, lifting his free hand in question. “It’s not a short song by any means, and I can’t imagine it’d have gone over--” 

“We saw that coming, too,” Sirius said, “and set up students at different stations whose job it was to distract and delay for as long as possible.” 

“A prank was never a small affair with them,” Lily tossed in. 

“But you’re right,” Sirius went on. “We knew in the early stages of planning that it would be difficult to get through it uninterrupted, and so our window was limited. In the end a decision had to be made; it was either start from the top and risk the getting snuffed out too early, or start from verse two and go for the gold.” 

“And you have to go for the gold,” Remus said understandingly with a nod. “Did you get to finish it, then?” 

“Just made it passed the end of the jam,” Sirius informed him. “Curtains closed and I was pried off of the thing just before my end bit, but there’s no use in fussing over that; it was glorious as is.” 

“It’s thanks to Pete it even went on that long, isn’t it?” Lily asked. 

Sirius nodded. “If properly motivated he can butter up and distract the best of us.” 

Lily laughed, nodding her agreement. “And so, as it was fairly clear who orchestrated the whole thing, Sirius was advised not to return the following session as it did not go over well in the department, to say the least, and that ended his stint in the music program, bumping him down to regular classes,” she said.

“Poor move on their part for it only reunited James and I on a much more frequent basis, and really, a fire had been lit in us after a prank of that magnitude had gone as well as it did,” Sirius said wistfully. 

“That year wasn’t tame, that much I can vouch for,” Lily agreed. “Shame you were thrown out over it, too, because say what they wanted to about the attacks on dignity and reputation that they claimed the whole number was, it was well organized and showcased the student's abilities quite well, so quite honestly they should have been thrilled by the performance if anything.”

Sirius let out a pfft and sat up for his glass. “That’s the problem, isn’t it? No vision with those people,” he said, pausing for a sip. “Just as well, I’d had enough of scales and _'Sit up straight, you impertinent boy,'_ and if anything, I did myself a favour and went out with a bang.”

“Shame you stopped there," Lily said. "You were very good.” 

“Still am,” Sirius pointed out. “I didn’t need the lessons, or the program anymore.” 

“Fine, but think of how good you would be now if you’d kept at it regularly,” she countered. Sirius made a face, strummed the guitar nonsensically in response, and Lily sighed good-naturedly.

Sirius pulled his legs down from the back of the couch, heaved himself up, and leaned the guitar against the back of the sofa between Remus and him. He stood up, snatched up his glass, and padded over to the bench, stepping up onto it and plopping himself down on it next to Lily. She turned to face the piano with him, and Remus promptly poured himself another glass to cope with what he was about to witness; the guitar had been one thing, but if he was going to be made to watch Sirius play the piano, too, he was going to need a refill or seven to get through it. 

James and Peter clamoured into the flat with supplies and pulled Remus into the kitchen at just the right time; Sirius had begun noodling on the piano with far too much precision for someone who’d apparently given it up for the most part. He was even more glad to have been swept away when he heard Lily request Oh Darling, and he didn’t think he had the strength to be in the room while Sirius played that. 

Peter pulled out their purchases out of the bags as James procured a punch bowl, and Remus was assigned with the task of pouring a bottle handed to him and told to stop when they said him to which worried him a little, and was then given a ladle to stir the concoction as James and Peter poured their own bottles into the mix, creating what Remus learned was Party Punch, a blend of Malibu rum, Peach schnapps, and some tropical juice. Party punch, Remus also learned, rather quickly at that, did indeed pack a punch, and kicked in for everybody around the second drink mark. Numerous renditions of songs later, Sirius slid fluidly from the piano bench and padded off down the hall to the kitchen. Remus’ phone rang just as Lily took over at the piano, and he moved down the hall and away from the sounds of the keys to answer it. 

“Hi,” he said into the phone, pacing a few steps into the kitchen. “I’m a little tied up at the moment, mind if I call you back tomorrow?” He looked over at the table where Sirius was sitting next to the window with a lit cigarette in his hand, and saw him nod in question. “It’s my mum,” he said, somewhat embarrassed now that he’d said it. 

“Hi, Hope!” 

Remus appreciated his humoring and gave him a quick smile. “Sirius says hello.” 

“Shouts, you mean,” she said amused. “Is this the one from the shop?” 

“One of them,” he said, thankful Sirius couldn’t hear that bit. He had mentioned all of them at one point or another, only he had quite a few stories with Sirius in them. “It’s his birthday, and we’re having a little celebration.” 

“Oh, well, go on then,” she said. “Tomorrow’s fine. Tell Sirius happy birthday.” 

“I will, thanks,” he said. He hung up and slipped the phone back into his pocket. “She says happy birthday.” 

“Charming lady,” Sirius said, pulling his legs up to sit cross-legged on his seat. “Everything good?” 

“Mhm, I just missed her call,” Remus said, sitting across from him at the table. “She’s a bit of a worrier, so it’s about the time she tries again.” He realized he left his drink in the living room and wasn’t up for going to get it, so he slid Sirius’ closer and sneaked some of his. “The first time this happened after I moved here, she convinced herself I had been abducted, because that’s what happens in the big city, you see.” 

“What an awful woman,” Sirius said gravely. “Terrible mum; should send her back and get a new one.” 

Remus grimaced, cursing the Party Punch for aiding a loose tongue; it wasn’t fair to log complaints about not only a mum who called but one who wanted to, and he should have known better. “Sorry, I’m only kidding,” Remus explained. “I’m grateful, of course, and with everything that’s happened, it’s understandable.” 

“Relax, I’m fucking with you,” Sirius said, letting out a haul. “I’m not going to throw a tantrum because your mum cuddled you and kissed your wounds before she bandaged them when you were a wee one.” 

“Please tell me yours did at least one of the two,” Remus said, a grain of hope in his voice. 

“No no, that’s that the governess is for,” Sirius corrected him. 

“As in…” Remus said slowly, “fraulein Maria?”

“Yes, exactly,” Sirius said, reaching to grab his drink back. “Only without the guitar playing and outfits sewn from curtains. Stifling old twat, she was. Never did do the kiss after wounds thing, either, but theoretically it’s in the job description.” 

“I knew they existed out,” Remus lifted his hand and waved it vaguely toward the window, “out there in the world,” he broke into a laugh as Sirius eyed his hand motion amusedly, “but I never thought I’d meet anyone who had one.” 

“Strange world we live in,” Sirius said. He took another sip of his drink and surveyed Remus across the table. “What did you mean by ‘everything that’s happened’?”

“I was a sickly kid growing up, I told you?” Sirius nodded, but he wanted more than that by the look of him, and Remus thought he’d let him in on a fair share of family details that Remus owed him a little more. “There was a close call once, and from there the poor thing spent years carting me to and from hospital quite a bit because I was always catching something, and it was hard on her, though I was too young to really realize it then.” Sirius’ eyes widened, and Remus went over his words before he shook his head and waved him off. “I caught meningitis when I was very young -- I don’t remember any of it, but from what I know it didn’t look bright for a few days and I’m their only kid, so it stuck with her quite a -- then my dad spent the past few years in and out of hospital as well, and it was tough on her, going through it all again, so it makes sense she would worry. I don’t know if she would know what to do with herself if she didn’t have one of us to worry about, to tell you the truth.”

Sirius blinked, his eyebrows crawling up his forehead. “That’s heavy,” he said. “He’s OK?” 

“Oh, yes, we think so,” Remus said. 

“Think so?” Sirius repeated.

“His last surgery was in August and he sounds better, but it’s difficult to tell what with me being here. Mum says he seems to be bouncing back quicker than the last few times he’s got out,” he said, scratching at his wrist. “We’re about the mark, actually, where his progress starts to plummet again. I know it’ll sound odd -- seems so arbitrary, but I suppose I’ll breathe a little easier once we hit the six month mark.”

Sirius shook his head, stubbing his cigarette out. “Doesn’t sound odd,” he said.

“You didn’t ask for all that,” Remus said, surprised at himself. “I’m sorry. It’s the Party Punch talking.”

Sirius shook his head again, looking bewildered. “I mean, you’re joking right? That’s the most I’ve gotten out of you, and I had to ply you with Beatles and tea last time,” he said. “I’m literally never going to complain if you’re suddenly the mood to be a chatty Cathy.”

Remus smiled meekly, unprepared for Sirius to be as engaging as he was, and fiddled with his right thumbnail under the table. "I do owe you a little more,” he said. “You’ve shared quite a bit yourself.” 

Sirius set the ashtray off to the side. “Is that why they’re not able to come up?” he asked.

Remus bit his lip. “It’s part of the reason,” he said, stealing another sip of Sirius’ drink for something to do with his hands other than fiddle with them. “It’s tough to work when you’re spending long stretches in hospital, and living off one salary was one thing, but my mum’s had to take quite a bit of time off in order to care for him, something he can’t stand. Hates having things done for him, doesn’t want to be a bother--” he paused as Sirius smiled despite the subject matter, and looked at him curiously. Sirius shook his head, gesturing for him to go on. “Asking them to come up is a lot to ask of them -- they helped with my schooling when they could, whatever I couldn’t make back home before I left, but I don’t think they have it at this point, and I doubt they would want me to ask just to have to say they couldn’t. I don’t want to put them in an uncomfortable position like that.” 

Sirius reached over and stole his glass back. “You should come to ours on Christmas,” he suggested. 

“Yours?” Remus repeated.

Sirius nodded as he drank some more. “We usually have people over on Christmas eve, James’ mum and dad, Lily, Pete and his mum,” he detailed. “Andromeda and her partner, and they bring Dora along, one more’s no extra, really. Your one of us now, anyway, doesn’t make sense not to have you there.” 

It felt as though a hand wrapped around his heart and squeezed. “That’s really nice of you,” he said, incredibly touched and unable to keep a sheepish smile from forming. 

“Can’t have you crying over a Christmas log in your lonesome, now can we?” Sirius said, giving him his own small smile. 

Remus huffed a laugh. “No, I suppose not. I’m glad to hear some of your family is coming,” he added for something other than a dozen thank yous, for that would have been excessive, and Sirius wouldn’t have taken them anyway. “It’ll be nice to meet them.” 

Sirius reached for his phone on the windowsill. “Dora’s spunky as all hell -- Andromeda’s kid,” he said, scrolling through it. “Normally I can’t stand children -- well, alright, no, I’ll like James’ if he has one, but Dora’s the coolest nine year old there is. Here,” he met Remus’ eye, and held his phone out to him, looking like a proud father yet again. Remus laughed at a photo of the two of them making ridiculous faces for the camera. 

Remus’ smile stayed on; Sirius’ invitation, his adorable pride in his little cousin, his enjoyment out of Remus’ letting his guard down more around him; all of it had his heart swelling, but then a terribly familiar feeling rose through him. Sirius had gone and done a kind thing with his invitation, and Remus had simply avoided the issue at hand, and he thought he owed it even more to discuss it. 

Sirius stuck his phone back on the windowsill and stood up. He crossed to the counter for a refill, opened a cupboard, and reached for a second glass. “Since you keep stealing mine, I’ll just…” he let the splash of the punch filling the glass finish the sentence for him. He filled his own, turned around, and brought the two of them back over. 

“Sirius,” Remus started before he could lose his nerve, “you know, then? About my transferring?” 

Sirius plunked the glasses down on the table a tad more forcefully than necessary. “Yeah. I knew you were going to anyway, you said you would.” He couldn’t decipher Sirius’ tone just then, and his expression was rather blank as well, the same one from when Remus arrived, so different from the silly smile he had painted on for the last two hours. 

"...No, I was still unsure about it then,” Remus explained. “I did decide later on, but I didn’t think it’d be on to say it just then, when you were so--”

“It’s apples and oranges,” Sirius said flippantly. “It was clear you were going to take it.” 

Remus supposed there really wasn’t any need for semantics at that point, and left it. “I, err, well, I just wanted to make sure we’re OK?” he asked.

Sirius went to pull another cigarette out of his pack. “It’s fine, Lily had your hands tied,” he said evasively. 

Remus shook his head. “No, she really, really didn’t,” he clarified. “The decision was mine.” 

Sirius lit his cigarette, let the smoke out slowly, and leaned his seat on it’s back legs. He crossed his arms, lifted his left fluidly a few moments later to take another pull off the cigarette before he nodded slowly. “Mm, found out from James,” he said pensively, “who saw you there on a Monday, thought that was a little strange, and got it out of Lily eventually. I was out for lunch with Andromeda for a lot of the afternoon, and those two and Pete got here before me, so that means for a little while there, I was the only one who didn’t know about it.” 

Remus deflated. “You are angry--” 

“Of course I’m fucking angry,” Sirius barked out, letting the chair slam forward and leaning forward. “You told me you hadn’t made the decision yet--”

“I hadn’t then,” Remus defended quickly. “And I didn’t mention it to you after I had because I didn’t -- it doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t have had to find out from anyone else, I should have told you myself.” Lily called for Sirius over the sound of the piano. Sirius shot a look toward the room just as James bounded into the kitchen. 

“Where did we put the video?” he demanded. 

“Hold on,” Sirius shot at him. 

James reared back, then looked between the two of them and shook his head. “Not today, come on,” he said. Lily called to Sirius again, more longingly this time; Sirius let his shoulders fall, stubbed out his cigarette, took a rather large gulp of his drink, and set off for the living room, James following behind him. 

Remus sat still. He did not want to have resurrected a sore point between Sirius and Lily when they looked to have been bonding throughout the night, didn’t want to have shifted the mood to something dismal, and felt right awful about bringing it up then. If he had waited, though, it would have been an even longer period where Remus was the only one who hadn’t talked to Sirius about it, and surely Sirius would have even more time to stew over it. Aside from telling Sirius the night before, he wasn’t sure what else could have been done, so he reprimanded himself for choosing avoidance rather than dealing with the issue head on. 

He waited a little longer before going back into the living room. James and Sirius were off in different corners of the flat trying to locate the missing tape, while Lily and Peter crooned over at the piano. James whooped, came back into the living room, and waved a dvd about. The four of them gathered on the couch, while Remus took to sitting on the arm of it, and hit the trifecta of conflicted emotion; it was to be wrought with trepidation while absolutely weak from laughter as they all watched footage of James and Sirius shouting Galileo! at each other from across an auditorium.

For the rest of the night, Sirius put on an incredible production, which would have been lovely if Remus didn't now know exactly how much acting he was doing.

\--

In relatively short time Remus had known Sirius he learned that generally speaking his good moods were infectious, and it directly bled into work as well. Aside from the fact that Sirius avoided the bar as often as possible and took till to compensate, it really did work in the shop’s favour as he was so often the first face customer’s saw when stepping into the shop, why regulars came in as often as they did, and why much of the under-thirty crowd often stayed a few minutes after getting their drinks to chat with him; Sirius had the ability to make someone feel good, doubly so when his attention was set on them for longer than a transaction. That was all well and good, if only it hadn't turned out that it was true of the opposite as well. Remus learned Sirius in a foul mood was one to avoid, as he took to sulking and stewing, and was often one small comment or mistake away from snapping, and his heavy moods were just as infectious for those around him. Remus’ last shift at the shop took place on possibly his and Sirius’ worst day as of yet, and that included the mess that was their first shift. 

That day Remus finished an exam earlier than the allotted time required, arrived at work earlier than he normally would have, and was quite set on taking a spot at one of the bar seats and using the extra time to study until his shift began. Sirius hadn't been himself with him on during Tuesday's shift, but at the very least he didn't purposelly go out of his way to avoid him, but when Remus came through the door, Sirius picked up a rag and went about the place tidying, a sure sign itself that he was avoiding him. 

Mary started a tea for Remus straight away, and he chatted a little with her and Ben as he waited for it to steep. It wasn't difficult to notice the two were keeping a wide berth around Sirius as well, letting him stew in private and dodging him as best they could when he came back behind the counter. As the mid-shift on Thursdays, James popped on and off the floor, handling many of the more tedious chores assigned to his position, until Ben left for the day and he took over on bar. 

He seemed to be the only one not stepping on eggshells around Sirius, but Remus figured he must have been used to him after knowing him so long. He was his usual self; stood at the bar in front of Remus and spoke emphatically about obtaining a flag to raise at half-mast, “As is an appropriate response to a tragedy,” he finished. Remus, both embarrassed and touched by the jesting, was quite aware of Sirius switching over the coffees rougher than wholly called for, and shifted the conversation into less tenuous territories. It was a little difficult trying to work while James was right in front of him puttering on about this and that, but in all fairness Remus wasn’t trying all that hard after a while as James made the atmosphere of the place a little less bleak. When Remus clocked in for his shift, James was just about done his, and went on with his light poetry about his departure.

“Watch, Lupey,” he mused, as he made himself a drink to take with him. “We’ll all lose focus once you leave. No one will remember to date the soy, the timers will never be set thus Mary will be murdering just about everybody; this place will fall apart the moment you clock out tonight.” 

“I hardly think I'll have made that much of a mark in such a short time,” Remus said, re-tying his apron a little tighter around his middle. “Although, James, if you would just make an effort with the timers, you’d be avoiding a whole lot of manslaughter; seems like a small precaution for a large reward.” 

Mary finished her shift a half hour before, but received the task of Christmasing up the specialty menu board by hand, and pointed her chalk marker at Remus from her spot at one of the bar stools. “This is a man who gets it,” she announced. “Remus, please, we need someone like you, just stay.”

Remus gave her a sheepish smile as a plunk sounded just to his right. He looked to see a cup sitting on the counter placed by Sirius, watched him head straight back to the till without a word, and frowned. He set to it, moving around James as he added even more pumps of flavour to his already made drink. “James, by all means, take the bottle with you,” he jested, reaching around for the milk container while James continued to stand there pumping various syrups and trying the drink to see if it was to his liking. 

James let go of the nozzle and sighed wistfully as he grabbed for the whip cream canister. “Every time I use a soy pitcher for a regular latte, I’ll think of your tutting fondly,” he went on, applying a particularly tall swirl atop his drink.

“You’re going to make someone sick one day,” Remus told him airily over the whirring of the steam wand, “and around the earful you’re going to receive, I hope you can still hear my tutting in the background.” 

James laughed, picked up his drink, and clapped Remus on the back. “I’m off,” he said. “Don’t be a stranger, now.” 

“I won’t be,” Remus assured him, finishing off the drink. He handed it off to the woman standing by the bar with a smile, who promptly asked for an extra cup. Remus moved over to the stack of them by the till as James walked passed Sirius.

“Buck up, would you?” he said, then went on his way. If there was ever a time Remus so didn’t want James to leave, it was overwhelmingly this instant for it felt as though he would take the sunshine peeking in through the window with him and left a dreary cafe in his wake. Sirius tossed a look at his retreating form, worked his jaw, and began changing over the pastry case unceremoniously. 

Thankfully Remus had come to know Mary as a perfectionist, and so she wasn’t finished with her red and green menu board until the artwork surrounding the drinks was to her extreme liking. It helped to have her nearby, was always a laugh, and acted as a positive distraction from the guilt still welling in his stomach. She set off around five, leaving only another tense five hours left in his shift. 

Remus did attempt conversation with Sirius now and again, but it was much to no avail. He did find it rather reminiscent of a specific work shift in which the roles were reversed, and thought perhaps he was getting a taste of his own medicine. If that was indeed the case, he was even more sorry for flat out ignoring Sirius so many shifts ago if this was even slightly what it had been like for him. 

Remus decided a mother of a break was in order nearing eight. He tidied up the condiment bar, replaced the milk carafes, and did a sweep of the shop for abandoned cups atop the tables. He gave Sirius a heads up, but it veered into harsh territory when Sirius gave him a look that plainly suggested he couldn’t care less what he did. Remus retreated to the backroom, got a bit further in his readings, making up for some of the lollygagging he’d done earlier with James, and went back on the floor a half hour later. Sirius was mid-order when Remus put on his apron, and took another while he went for the handwashing station. He assumed he would be making them as per routine, but Sirius went ahead and carried the drinks over to the espresso bar, and started them himself. Remus was drying his hands off, his back to Sirius as he handed the first drink off, but he heard the exchange between them loud and clear. 

“Tall Americano.” 

“I ordered a medium.” 

“Then it’s not yours, is it?” 

It had less to do with the words; Sirius had a knack for pairing pointedly heavy words with a light tone so that it was difficult for many customers to realize he was telling them off, but his tone was the tip off, lacking all pretense of pleasantries. Remus turned, stepped up beside him, and set his hand on his arm. “Why don’t you go for a break?” he suggested, trying to ignore the fact that Sirius’ arm went stiff under his hand. “I can take care of this.” 

Sirius clicked his tongue, but thankfully did take off to the back, and Remus took care of the medium Americano left in front of him, gave it to the woman cheerfully, and tidied up the bar a little. He chatted a little bit with Stan as he made him his regular, who informed him he’d be coming in and visiting him at his new location, and Remus vowed to inform every employee of his distressing drink order come Saturday morning. 

After Stan left, Remus decided to count Sirius’ cash drawer for him, as he often liked to get that out of the way early and keep track of any cash put in or taken out before the doors were locked. He wrote the total down on a spare piece of receipt paper, stuck it beside the till to keep track of it. He collected enough of the unnecessary dishes Sirius hated dealing with for a full load, leaving one of everything available for use. He set to cleaning off the espresso bar to Sirius’ liking, noting the music playing overhead hadn't been switched over to Sirius' all evening, and he wished he would as the tunes were far too whimsical for the overall mood of the night. 

He was just finished setting down a cloth on the tray of the espresso machine when Sirius got back onto the floor and a customer stepped up to till, and Remus decided to handle it while Sirius got his apron tied around him. He stepped up to the till and typed his code onto the screen. “Hi there, what can I get for you?” he asked, uncapping his marker. The man ordered something, that much was true, but what specifically Remus didn’t hear for it was a lovely combination of muttering and rattling off at top speed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.” The customer huffed and repeated himself at the same instant a group of teenagers at corner table erupted with laughter, and Remus missed it again. He hated having to ask a second time in times like these, especially with someone already not very pleased, and jolted slightly as Sirius turned up right beside him. 

“Is he deaf, or just thick?” the man asked Sirius, jerking his thumb toward Remus. 

“Excuse me?” Sirius asked, and Remus bristled more for his sunless tone than the other man’s words. 

The man picked up on his tone just as well as Remus did. “You know what, it’s fine,” he insisted. “I’ll go somewhere else.” 

“Please,” Sirius said severely, “make my day.” 

Remus stared pointedly at the till screen as the man left, and considered suggesting Sirius go for another smoke or six as one clearly hadn’t been enough, but he decided that might get him socked. “It’s alright,” he said mildly, shrugging a shoulder, “a git’s a git.” Sirius’ eyes were hard when he snapped them over to Remus, who quite possibly shrunk in size, but lifted the small piece of paper with the totals scrawled on it. “Counted your drawer for you,” he added hopefully. It wasn’t much, but perhaps it would be appreciated as it was one less thing for Sirius to have on his mind, as he clearly had a lot on it already. 

“What, you’re just itching to get out of here?” he asked curtly. 

“No,” Remus said, unnerved at being the one under fire now. “I know you like it when it’s done early so I thought it’d help.” 

“No no, it’s fine,” Sirius said, “by all means, you’d like to get out of here. Last shift and all, makes sense you wouldn’t want to stick around after, you’re a busy bloke. We can get you out of here on the dot, how about that?” 

“That wasn’t what I was--” 

“Or did you want to leave early?” Sirius proposed, tilting his head. “We can get you out of here early if you’d like that.” 

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” Remus snapped. “You’re so far off the mark you can’t even see it, but you’d better believe I want to leave now.” 

The two of them glared at each other for a moment, but snapped their heads to a new customer approaching the till tentatively. He tried to reign himself in while Sirius handled her with the air of professionalism he should have been using all along, but he scoffed a little at that. Remus heard the order, knew it was coming his direction, and set to starting the drink before the cup got to him. 

Sirius appeared beside him as Remus was finishing steaming the milk and handed the cup over, positively beaming. Remus took the cup carefully, thrown off by his sudden shift in expression. “You’re right,” Sirius said in an absurdly light tone. “I’m sorry. This is your last shift here, and we should be celebrating a job well done.” 

Remus set the shots to pour into the cup, thinking this was a lot worse than snark, but paused when it sunk in. In the time he’d known him, he’d only ever heard Sirius apologize to customers when they were out of something they ordered, but that was part of the deal in customer service, but never for something he said or did outside of work. He thought then that he didn’t think he’d ever heard the word come out of him meaningfully, and there it was more jarring than the pleasant tone he adopted, but both those plus his exaggerated grin were so clearly a ruse.

“Please don’t do that,” he said exhaustively.

“Do what?” Sirius asked politely. 

Remus sighed. He was a bit trapped; he couldn’t very well order him to quit talking to him kindly even if it was wrapped in a giant middle finger, and if he did they would go around and around in circles and ever get anywhere. He moved to hand the drink off, deciding it was better to approach the whole ordeal calmly, as that usually did the trick with the two of them. He stepped back, looked down at the milk pitcher in front of him, and stirred some of the excess foam lining the bottom of it with the spoon as he worked himself up. “I know you’re upset, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” he said sincerely. “I owed you a conversation about it.”

“I’m not upset,” Sirius said nonplussed. “Why tell me, right?” 

Remus frowned, looking up at him finally. “I don’t want to fight, but I really don't want to do this either,” he said. “This whole mess is causing problems between you and Lily, and you and I -- I never wanted that.” He couldn’t very well explain the full reason behind it, but he thought he should go over the others, as they never really got to an agreement on that in the first place. “It’s a good thing in the end. I’ll be getting promoted, and you know I could use the raise, and the extra hours I’d get working instead of travelling would help too -- I wish you’d see it as an opportunity for me, and not as an insult when it just made more sense to take it. It was on me to tell you, that I know, but I don’t enjoy feeling guilty about the decision itself.” 

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” 

It was such a condescending line Sirius would have given a stodgy lady complaining about the lack of almond milk on the premises that Remus picked up the milk pitcher, cleaned it in the rinse sink, and shoved it back in it’s spot. He shot Sirius a scowl, took his apron off, tossed it off to the side of the bar. “I can’t talk to you,” he snapped and stormed off the floor, but he took one look at the pack of cigarettes lying on the table in the corner of the room and turned straight around. He stopped in the hallway just a few steps from where Sirius was unloading the dishwasher. “Can I take a fucking cigarette?” 

Remus' eyes widened, and he leaned ducked his head out quickly to check if a customer was nearby and happened to hear, but neither was the case and he set his eyes on Sirius once more. 

Sirius nodded, but he caught Remus’ little moment, and the right side of his mouth quirked upward; it had no right to be there, and Remus fought the misplaced and unwelcomed urge to kiss it straight off his face, and that set him off even more. “Don’t,” he warned. “I’m angry at you, remember?” 

“Yeah, I remember.” 

It didn’t sound passive aggressive or patronizing that time, but Remus was still unimpressed with him. He was trying, and it would have been nice to see Sirius doing the same. “Anytime you want to act like an adult about this, let me know?” he asked, moving past the flicker of irritation in Sirius’ eyes. “I wanted a nice last shift, believe it or not.” 

“Right,” Sirius said shortly, “but I don’t want the last shift at all, believe it or not.” 

“That's really very odd considering you were just trying to push me out of here early, so you might want to work on expressing yourself clearer,” Remus advised, and tried to ignore how he thought the sentiment was rich coming from him. 

Sirius reeled back for a moment before he stepped off the floor and right in his space. “Oh, you want that?” he snapped, but Remus refused to let his proximity unnerve him.

“I want you to sort yourself out while I’m gone, or this is it because I've done all I can,” Remus said tightly.

Sirius froze his and his eyes searched him, possibly to see if he were bluffing, but Remus kept his expression even, and again appreciated his height advantage over Sirius more than ever, because both paired together possibly did the trick, or begin to, at least. “Yeah, I’ll get it together,” he said minutely.

Remus nodded. “Good, because I’m transferring across town, not the country, and this didn't have to go this way. I like you, all of you sods, so you’ll see me if you want to,” he went on. It was dangerous but slightly freeing skirting so close to the truth, and yet the moment he had said it he wasn’t sure he should have, not with Sirius this close. 

“I want to,” Sirius said straight away.

Remus breathed in and out, having nothing to say just then, and though he really hadn't been paying a bit of attention to the music playing on the speaker overhead, without their bickering the lyrics ' _kiss me out of the bearded barley_ ' floated out and hung in the air terribly. It was as though Remus was standing in front of a mirror, as two of them visibly tensed simultaneously, and he blurted out, “Well, now that's just--” 

“Awkward,” Sirius finished for him with an edge to his tone. 

Remus felt regretful immediately; Sirius probably dealt with men assuming he wanted something more from them even when he didn't, and Remus worked remarkably hard to fix it so he wouldn't be lumped into that category. “I was going to say far too nineties for my taste,” he said as if completely unaffected, and he was expecting his Oscar to be given to him any day now.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Alright, you've crossed the fucking line," he said gravely, and Remus' stomach twisted. "Is it too much to ask for a little respect?"

"I'm--"

“I don't expect youths like you to understand such an important decade in music, but give some fucking recognition where it's due,” Sirius went on severely. 

A laugh tumbled out of Remus. “Excuse me, I'm sorry,” he managed. 

“Excuse you is right,” Sirius asserted, his mouth pulling up at the right side of his face as Remus ducked his head in silent laughter. “A decade of genius that gave us Nirvana, and in another breath the Spice Girls? You're welcome, from the nineties, OK? I expected better from you, Remus; the artistry, the eclecticism, the poetry--” _'Strike up the band, and make the fireflies dance silvermoon's sparkling,'_ floated out of the speaker, and Sirius pointed above them fiercely, keeping the same dramatic tone, “--except that; I don't know what the _fuck_ that means.”

Remus clutched the wall to keep himself upright as he tried to pull air into his lungs, catching the eye of the clerk from the soap shop next door who popped up at the till. “H-hi, Sophie,” he tried. 

Sirius flashed a smile before he replaced it with another fierce look. “Well, I think I've made my case, and I'll just leave you to mull it over,” he said airily before he strode over the till with a superior air. Remus ran a hand over his much warmer face, picked up his apron, tied it back up, and went to stand at the bar. Sirius brought over the cup when he finished at till, and held it just out of reach. “You don’t want me to do this?” he asked. “Thought you were smoking.”

“Somehow I’m much less put off than I was a minute ago,” Remus said mildly, leaning over and snatching the cup from him. He only had an hour and a half left working alongside Sirius after all, and he didn't want to waste any of it.


	13. Chapter 13

The following week Remus went into the back room of his new digs to find it unlikely they were going to make it until the next receiving day with the amount of pumpkin syrup they had in stock. In times like these, when need for product fell between order day and shipment day, the first step was to see if other shops within their chain had the product in excess and offer a trade. He'd had to do it now and again, and struck up a report with a few employees from other shops, but it was inarguable which shop shone out above the rest. He sat down at the back desk and dialled the number, hoping Sirius would be the one to answer. While a few pleasant enough texts back and forth were all well and good, something was missing, but then he did answer and Remus had a moment’s hesitation. 

"Hi," he offered next moment, then felt like a complete ponce over it.

"Hi," Sirius responded, but Remus thought he heard a smile in there somewhere, and that helped ease him a little. 

He thought about how he should frame it, and went with, “So, there was a student rally just up the block on Thursday.”

“Oh, dear,” Sirius responded resignedly. “And how was it?” 

“I didn’t look up from the bar for about four straight hours so I can’t really tell you, but I’m sure it was stimulating,” Remus said. “Our pumpkin stock depleted rapidly, and I fear we won’t make it to Wednesday with what we have.” 

“Well, we can’t have that,” Sirius said. 

“Right, no, and I know you’ve got enough to last until May,” Remus reasoned, playing with the phone cord. “Do you need, err, stir sticks? We’ve so many. Or soy, somehow they didn’t run us out, and you’re always low on that.” 

“Miranda’s back from hols, so,” Sirius dragged out the last word, “she’ll be running us out by Monday.” 

“True, OK,” Remus said, pulling his cell out of his pocket. “I’ll just make sure Lily’s OK with me trading it, let me text her. Do you have to get back?” 

“No,” Sirius said lazily. 

“Feet up in the back?” Remus asked as he held the phone against his shoulder, typing a quick text to Lily. 

“Sure are,” he said mid-stretch. 

Remus smiled, then looked over his phone as it buzzed. “Lily’s fine with it; I’m off at four so I’ll come by with it then.” 

“You’re going to bring it?” Sirius asked.

Remus smiled at the light behind his tone. “Well, I have to be back here at six to meet Dorcas--"

"Who's that?" 

"That Philosophy classmate I told you about?" Remus offered. "We've a bit of a study session routine going. In any case I'd just be killing time until six anyway, and I don’t think it’d be very on to have proposed the idea to to Lily and then simply leave it unresolved." He kept 'I really, really want to see you,' to himself, because he hadn't quite realized just how much until then. 

“Ickle shift lead,” Sirius said. “That drive will disappear one day, you’ll see. You’ll start noticing an issue that is completely within your ability to fix, but 'oh, drat, I’ve somewhere to be, incredibly sorry,' and then you’ll understand why I’m the way I am.” 

Remus let out an amused breath, having never seen Sirius legitimately ditch out on a predicament occurring, moved the swivel chair back and forth idly. “You’re far less of an asshole than you pretend you are," he pointed out, "but I understand you’ve a reputation to uphold, so I’ll won't tell a soul.” 

“I appreciate that,” Sirius said. “Stan misses you, by the by. Who knew you’d become such bosom buddies?”

Remus let out a tired laugh. “I'm not sure I’ve liked and disliked someone at such an equal level in my life.” 

“That’s the conundrum of Stan the man,” Sirius sighed. 

“Oh, I served your doppelganger the other day,” Remus told him. 

“And did you threaten him?” Sirius asked. 

“Is that the discourse?” Remus asked. “I let him go free, sorry to tell you.” 

“Unacceptable, there can’t be another me walking around the city; I will not have it,” Sirius stressed. “Did you at least map his coordinates? Which direction he turned when leaving?” 

“Oh sure, I made extensive notes." 

“The longer we waste time the longer he’s out there, Remus. Think fast, act fast."

Remus grinned, swivelled the chair around far enough that he caught a glimpse of the sales floor, and his smile dropped immediately. “Shit, there’s a line, I’ve got to go,” he said quickly. 

“Get back to work,” Sirius chided. 

"Fuck off, would you?" he said, but the effect of it was marred some by the laugh that escaped as he said it, then put the receiver down and went back up front quickly.

-

For much of November, Remus had spent any free time he had between class and work hold up in the library with his Philosophy classmate, Dorcas, and once the library closed, they’d head over to the shop as it wasn’t far from their building. The same plan was set for the third Sunday of the month, but when that morning rolled around he could feel the beginnings of a cold coming on at the back of his throat, and he thought it best not to risk getting Dorcas sick, or making himself worse in the process. He rescheduled for the next day, wrapped himself in a blanket, and hunkered down on his couch instead. By mid-afternoon he’d finished one paper, and decided to get ahead on his the one assigned for his Intro to Literary Analysis class. After about an hour of hammering out an outline for his paper on the limits of language to communicate emotions and sensory experiences, he reviewed his work and found he wasn't at all satisfied with what he had come up with. He opened a separate blank document and tried a different angle, which was often the remedy in situations like this, but then that began to read worse than his first attempt. Frustrated, he stuck on some music more for atmosphere than anything else, and revised his notes, trying to decipher what he felt he was missing.

He was just about finished a cup of tea and thinking about starting a new pot when his phone buzzed. Sirius’ name flashed over the screen, and though he hadn't quite lost the feeling of shame due to the pitfalls his stomach still took whenever he heard from him, he smiled anyway. He picked it up and read, answered his ' _are you at home or school?_ ' text with a _Home?_ ' and it was another minute or so before he received a vague ' _excellent_ ' in response. 

He stared at his phone, put it back down, then realized Sirius was coming over, and selfishly fought the urge to send him a text warning him not to in his possibly contagious state. He started that new pot of tea and popped a vitamin tablet for good measure, made a valiant effort to get back to his work, and heard a knock at his door twenty minutes later. He stood and took his time getting to the door, which was a rather difficult task considering the size of his flat. 

He opened the door to a windswept Sirius, easily one of his most dizzying forms, and Remus couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought to change out of his pyjamas and his ancient woolly jumper, but it was a little late now. Remus leaned against the door frame in attempt to exude even half of Sirius' nonchalance, and it most definitely had nothing to do with wind-dishevelled Sirius making him light headed or anything. 

"Was heading to Reckless and remembered you're four blocks away from it," Sirius said with a smile. "I know, you’re probably drowning in work, but who says a tryst isn’t a good way to blow off steam?" 

It was truly amazing (and pathetic) how quickly Remus could uproot his entire day's plans for a pretty-boy in Doc Martens, but in his defence, he would much rather browse a record shop with said pretty-boy than continue stare at a stagnant paper that outright refused to cooperate with him. He could guilt himself over it later on, that much was sure, and a cold was coming on whether he avoided the outside or not. "

"I've a bit of reading to finish up, but after I finish that, yes," he said, conditioning himself just as much as Sirius. 

Sirius grinned. “All the same to me,” he said. 

“I might be contagious, so pop a tablet for me, alright?” Remus requested as he stepped back to let him in. 

Sirius moved inside, scoffing. “No need, I never get sick,” he said assured. 

"I'll be taking that immune system, then," Remus said as Sirius kicked off his boots. 

Leaving them on the mat, he stepped further into the flat, glancing around. “This where the magic happens?” he asked.

Remus shut the door behind him. “Yes, actually,” he said. “The place gets smaller the longer you’re in it.”

Sirius snorted. “I like it. I didn’t really get a good look last time, rushing in and out,” he said. He began looking round with more intent. “Where's that monstrous cat of yours?" 

He leaned down slightly, checking around the side of the chest that doubled as a coffee table. “She was in my room last I saw her,” Remus said. "She'll come out eventually." 

"She'd better," Sirius said, flopping down on the other side of the couch. Remus’ was smaller than James and Sirius', and he wished Sirius would have chosen the armchair that was a respectable distance away, but it was too late for that, and his things were already spread out around his spot on his own side of it. He took a seat and lifted his notes off the chest. 

"A few more pages, and I can justify taking a tryst," he said.

Sirius waved him off. "I’m good here." His eyes fell on Remus' bookcase on the opposite wall, and just as Remus decided it was time to take his eyes off him and focus, he spoke again. "Ella?" 

It took Remus a second to realize he had been referring to the music still playing off his laptop. "Billie Holiday, actually, but I see where you might get that." Sirius nodded, a strange smile on his face. Not feeling up to hearing Sirius take the mickey out of him for enjoying the classics, Remus didn't bother with it and turned pointedly back to his notes.

A solid minute went by before Sirius let out a gasp. Remus turned in the direction he was staring wide-eyed and saw Mestophales sauntering in their direction, her eyes set on Sirius. "She's even more fantastic than I remember," he said, sitting up straight and reaching his hand out to her. When she got within reach, he leaned over with his arms outstretched, but Remus let out a tentative sound. 

"You might not want to do that," he warned. "She hates being picked up; you’ve got to let her come to you, and she decides if she’d like to have a sit.” 

Sirius proceeded to pick her up with no trouble at all, smirking. "Sorry, what was that?" he asked, setting her in his lap.

Remus shook his head. "Why am I even surprised?” he asked, and pointedly went back to his work as Mestophales got comfortable.

He might have taken a little longer than necessary, taking another look at his troublesome paper in the case of sudden inspiration, but he filed it away as a lost cause for now, and the effort alone helped combat his guilt for his eventual abandonment of his work. He looked sidelong at Sirius, who was reading something on his phone while he traced his fingers in circles atop the cat’s head. Her eyes were shut in relaxation, and the scene helped Remus feel at ease just looking at it; he could hear her purring, and twice, when Sirius' hands stopped moving for a mere second, she kneaded his hand with her head and he went back to petting her absently.

Remus looked away, suddenly aware of his staring, and set his work into a pile on the coffee table before he sat back, looking over at Sirius again, though much less whimsically. Sirius shifted to put his phone back into his pocket, lolled his head to look at Remus, and it was a few moments before he filled the strangely comfortable silence. 

"How's the shop?" he asked. “Are you ruling with an iron fist?”

Sirius' tone was moderate, so Remus didn't feel he had to build a wall up, and he was glad it was less of a sore subject as of late. "Not quite," he said. "It's only been two weeks, mind; still time.” Sirius grinned, at the mere idea Remus figured, still petting the cat. Remus' face broke into a twisted sort of smile as he tried to find the best way to phrase his next thought. 

"What?" Sirius said, raising his eyebrows and giving him a curious sort of smile. 

"OK, you'll appreciate this... or not, depending how you look at it," Remus began, "but, most of the employees aren't brand new, right?”

“Right,” Sirius said, scritching at the cat’s ears.

“Well, there are two who are, I should say, but the rest of us have been recruited from other stores -- a little strange because I’ve been there less time than some of them -- not the point, the point is not _a single one_ puts a cloth along the tray ahead of time." 

Sirius took in a breath through his teeth as Remus thought he might do. “Heathens,” he whispered.

Remus smirked. "To be completely honest, they don't do half the stuff you showed me, so I'm trying to introduce some of them --slowly, of course, so it won't seem like I'm coming in and micromanaging the place." 

Sirius hummed much more pointedly, his eyes bright, nudging Remus' knee with his own. "Suddenly my short cuts don't seem so lazy, do they?" He leaned his left ear in close to the Mestophales’ face. "Sorry? Convenient? I know, I thought so, too," he said, then looked at her straight on. "I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen to me." 

Remus bit the inside of his cheek at the mere image of Sirius speaking to his cat, not quite sure a person of his sort could actually exist. "I figured you’d focus on that,” he said with a tight smile. “I admit it, I spoke too soon when I got on your case about them, and here I am eating my own words." 

"Ego’s inflated ten times its original size, thanks Remus," he said, stretching his arms above his head, and Remus watched amused as the cat stood up in attempt to reach Sirius' hands.

"Someone’s in love," he observed. 

"Wouldn't be the first," Sirius said flippantly, allowing her some more petting while Remus tried not to shift too suddenly. 

“How are things there?” Remus asked one tense moment later. 

“Not all that different,” Sirius said, shrugging, then paused. “Well, it is.” 

He lifted a hand in the vague direction of Remus, who gave a slight nod and biting his lip. “How’s the new closer?” he asked after a moment.

Sirius blew out a gust of breath. “Much less finicky than the last, somehow,” he said airily. “Didn’t even go off on me in the backroom his first shift, can you believe it?” 

Remus frowned good-naturedly. “I hear your last is quite sorry about that,” he said pointedly. “Hold on, what’s the new manager like?” 

Sirius blew out a quick breath. “Fit as all hell,” he answered candidly. 

Remus forced himself to remain composed; this was what friends should be able to talk about with each other, was what Sirius and the others would be able to, surely, and he would have to do the same. “I bet that’s boosted your morale, then.”

Sirius ran his hands over the cat’s coat, tilting his head. “You know, it has?” he said. 

Remus gave him a coy smile and hummed, dragging a socked big toe across the floorboard. “I suppose my telling you not to make moves on your boss wouldn’t persuade you otherwise, would it?” Sirius stilled his petting immediately and stared over at him, and Remus thought disappearing was a great alternative, but elaborated quickly in hopes he wouldn't read into it. “Generally complicates things, doesn’t it? James and Lily were of a minority, I should think.” 

Sirius looked past Remus. "How low are the chances you have a stash of coffee lying around here?" he asked.

It took him a moment to register the question. “In the negatives," he said truthfully. 

“You’re allowed a free pound a week, and yet you still don’t take any home,” Sirius said, shaking his head. 

“It’s nauseating, Sirius,” Remus informed him, “and I’m not sure why you’re complaining; more coffee in the world for you to have.”

“Hypothetically, just not here.” 

"I know you aren't the biggest tea fan out there -- madness, but I could find you one that'll give you a kick if that's what you're searching for," Remus offered. 

Sirius made a vague sound, shifting Mestophales off his lap and stepping over Remus' legs. Remus stood to follow him as Sirius opened a cupboard, then two more, a blank look appearing on his face. "Don't seem to have much of anything, more like," he corrected. 

Ignoring the burn in his cheeks, Remus chose deflecting with humour as his best option, as Sirius was quite familiar with that tactic himself and would maybe throw him a bone. "You're overlooking my extensive soup collection, actually, which is a shame," he said, sticking his hands in his back pockets. “I’ve butternut squash. Do you?” 

Sirius didn’t respond and opened the fridge, which Remus really wished he hadn't gone and done because it wasn't exactly bursting with options either. Sirius looked back over at him and shook his head. "Not good, Remus. Not good." 

"I was going to go a little later on,” Remus said mildly. “Been a busy week.”

“Well, fantastic," Sirius said conveniently. “We’ll just go on our way back, then.” 

Remus made to diffuse, but hesitated as Sirius raised his eyebrows at him, and he dropped any pretense. “I’m strapped, Sirius,” he said uncomfortably. “I rather like it when my flat’s heated and when the lights are working, strangely, and I can wait until payday for something like--” 

“And, what, have crumbs until Thursday?’ Sirius shook his head at him again, heading for the door. “I’m having none of that. Now,” he said, splaying his hand in a circle over Remus’ front, gesturing to his attire, “if I’d known we we’re channelling Cobain today, I’d never have changed--”

Remus huffed a sigh and went off to his room to change.

-

Watching Sirius traipse through a record shop was akin to letting a five year old into a toy store. His attention span was about what was to be expected from him; he would lift any record he was remotely interested in, and five to ten seconds would pass before he either stuffed it back and move onto the next one, or stuck it under his arm and continue on. 

Remus browsed the cassette section because in the past he had found many an odd relic there, and one particular gem caught his eye. Sirius popped up behind him, his voice just by his right ear as he leaned over to get a look. 

“Who's that?”

Remus turned his head to him incredulously. “Jeff Buckley?” 

Sirius looked at him bemused. “Am I supposed to do something with that?”

“How do you not know him?” Remus implored, and then he put a little Sirius into his voice. “After you went and gave me a talking to about under-appreciating the nineties; this _is_ the nineties, and now, wrapped up in one, Sirius. I don’t know who you are anymore?”

Sirius patted Remus' arm. “Not that I'm not loving this side of you, but I'm going to need a point to be made somewhere here.”

Remus being might have lit up, but then the words registered. "Suddenly he doesn't like soliloquies," he said through a sigh, then got to the point. "I know you're not such a fan of singer-songwriters, but give this one a go for me, would you?” 

"When did I say that?" 

"Our first shift, you said it."

"Nah, there's no way I said that," Sirius said assured.

"Well, alright, but I'm telling you you did," Remus said. "Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense since I’ve seen your playing and you’re the epitome of it, but nevertheless it was something like, you'd blow your brains out if you had to hear another singer-songwriter, if I remember correctly." 

"Now, that does sound like something I'd say," Sirius conceded. "In my defence, though, I probably heard seven thousand within that shift alone." 

"Right, well, it doesn't really matter," Remus said, holding the cassette up. "You should give him a shot; I think he would be up your alley if you gave it a go."

Sirius took it, looked it over, and smirked. "Grace," he recited airily. "If you've gone and given me some Christian rock album as a prank I’ll be so--"

"Oh, quit it," Remus said. "It's not, and you'll kick yourself later for saying that."

Sirius seemed to get struck with a thought, went over to a different section and came back with an album. “In return you’ll have to try this, then,” he said, holding it outstretched. 

Remus tried to grab it, but Sirius held it just out of his reach. “Drowners,” he read aloud. “Sounds bleak.” 

“They are,” Sirius conceded cheerfully. “Melancholy wrapped up in short happy diddies -- plus, you're the main's doppelganger, so perhaps there's some higher connection you just haven't tapped into yet until you give this a go? Worth a shot just for that.” 

“Is he?” Remus asked. “Doppelganger, I mean.”

“God, it's uncanny. Noticed it straight off the bat,” Sirius said, moving along down an aisle. “Halloween before you had the wig on and you were just in my jacket, you were him--” He stopped short, his eyes going wide as he pulled out a record. "I have been looking for this for my entire life." 

“Impossible, but that’s--” Remus cut himself off, smiled at Sirius buzzing over his find, moved closer, and leaned in to get a look at the record. "Must have come in recently if you didn't see it last time; you’ve gutted this section," he said. 

"What?" Sirius said, looking up from the record. 

"The last time you came here?" Remus repeated. Sirius looked back down at the record, and jumped right out of his skin as a girl called his name from across the shop and came toward them. Sirius gave her a warm hug when she reached him, and when they pulled apart she looked at Remus. 

"I remember you from the party,” she said. “I’m Marlene, your Sirius impression is spot on.”

Remus didn’t quite have her face put to memory, but remembered the girl under the massive wig, and put two and two together. “Thank you,” he said, giving Sirius an uppity grin, who gave him a smarmy little smile in return. 

Marlene’s eyebrows shot up her forehead. "Wait, are you two--" she said, smiling herself and lifting her finger gesture between the two of them as she looked back at Sirius for confirmation. Remus didn't have the chance to disappear through the floor before Sirius gave a shake of his head and asked her how she had been. Remus contemplated finding another area of the shop to stand in while his heart rate set back to normal, but before he could move away he noticed Sirius had let go of the record.

He thought getting ahead on Christmas gifts couldn't hurt, and he did promise to get Sirius something in return for the Beatles record, but he needed to be careful about it, else Sirius would notice and absolutely never let him buy it for him. He snuck it while Sirius' back was still turned to Marlene and glanced over the price; it was more than reasonable, and quietly made his way over to the cash register where a man behind the counter typing on a computer. "Is there any chance I could put this on hold?" he asked. 

The man looked over at Remus. "Sure can," he said. "You should know it goes back on the shelf at the end of the week if you don't come back for it." 

Remus stole a quick glance back toward Sirius still chatting away, and looked back. "No, that's fine, I'll be back Thursday," he said. "Hold for Remus, please." 

"You've got it." The man scrawled his name down on it a post it note, stuck it on the front of the record, and turned back to his computer. 

Remus made to walk away but paused, looking at the record sitting on the counter. "Sorry," he started, "but could you possibly... hide it?" The man looked over at him again with an arched eyebrow. "Only that it's a present, and he’s here right now."

"Ah," the man said, "say no more." He slipped the record under the counter, Remus thanked him, and made off toward Sirius again. Two blokes came down the aisle Sirius and Marlene were in, and stopped to sift through a few remarkably close to the spot Sirius had been moments before, and Remus reconsidered his luck in life. 

He browsed on the other side of the aisle, flipping through a few but he really wasn't in his genre. It was only another minute before he caught Sirius going in for another hug out of the corner of his eye and Marlene was off, waving to Remus as she went on her way. He waved to her, then looked over at Sirius after he let out an appalled sound.

"Where'd it go?" he said, looking down at the row of records sporadically, his hands outstretched and hovering over the spot it had once been.

"It's not there?" Remus asked in what he considered to be a particularly convincing tone of slightly detached bemusement. He didn't have to casually plant the seed of someone else stealing it out from under him, for Sirius was already glowering as he searched the shop for a culprit. 

"Who've I got to fight?" he asked determinedly.

“Well, you’ve got to keep claim on it,” Remus said detached, flipping through some more records idly. “It’s a jungle in here.”

He had to bite his lip to keep from laughing aloud when Sirius did nothing but agree resignedly. “I know, it was an amateur move,” he said gravely, running a hand over his face.

"That couldn't have been the only copy in the city, I'm sure you'll be able to find another,” Remus reassured, though after he said it he hoped that wouldn’t be the case, else Sirius would be getting two copies.

Sirius flopped his head back and let out a strangled sound. "Not likely, it took me forever to find that one," he said, looking over at him. “They don’t grow on trees, Remus.”

“Thank God I have you around to clear these things up?” he said, and it looked as though Sirius was trying quite hard to keep the frown etched on his face. Eager to move on from the topic, Remus moved around to the side of the rack’s that Sirius was on and pulled on his arm. “Come on, I’m sure there are plenty you can find to fill the void.” Sirius ceased his lamenting and moved along the aisle with him, and seemed to get over his loss once he found another three records to take it’s place.

A large part of Remus had been hoping that Sirius would spend so much time distracted that he would forget his earlier decision, but that wasn’t the case. Some time later, they made their way through the parking lot of the grocery by Sirius' insistence, with Remus trudging along behind him. He had protested enough on their walk over that Sirius huffed and changed the subject but not the direction he was heading, much to Remus’ disgruntlement. 

Inside, Sirius stuck his overhaul into a cart before wheeling it to the first aisle, strolling along and grabbing things seemingly at random. 

“You don’t have to do this,” Remus said, a foot behind him out of reluctance. 

“I know I don’t,” Sirius called back. "Chime in now and again, ‘course. Anything you absolutely hate? Don't want to grab something you're not going to have." 

"In that case, I don't like anything.”

"Remus, I cannot in good conscience let you live off instant noodles and tea," Sirius called back. “You will get scurvy and die.”

"As strange as it is to hear you exaggerate," Remus started, "this really isn't necessary." 

"How about you get over here, point to things, and I'll just keep quiet and drop them into the cart?" Sirius suggested. 

"You, keep quiet?" 

"Remus, be a peach and just accept the offer? It’s happening whether you’re good about it or not, but it’d save us both a pain in the head -- headache joke for you." Remus slow clapped three times from behind him and Sirius leaned forward on the cart to hold himself up as he laughed, though at himself or for Remus he wasn’t sure. Probably both, if he were honest. 

Sirius perked up substantially a moment later as Queen started up over the intercom and Remus learned early on that when Freddie Mercury was singing, there was little anyone could say to Sirius for he would be busy singing along; the rare times Sirius offered to cover bar were when Queen came on over the sound system at work because he couldn’t feasibly handle a conversation with a customer while singing at the same time. He was doing just that, adding flourishes to his movements as he lifted items off the shelves, punctuating lyrics with dropping them in the cart, while Remus walked behind him, waiting for he and Freddie to finish.

When Sirius picked up a particularly expensive block of cheese, Remus' hand shot out and wrapped around his wrist, foregoing the Freddie rule in its entirety. " _It's strange, but it's true_ \--" He broke off mid-way, glancing at Remus' hand at his wrist.

"Stop it," Remus scolded. "Put that back."

"There are far gentler ways to let me know you’re lactose intolerant, you know," Sirius said, stepping up on the toes of his boots to lift the block higher and away from Remus’ prying hands. 

"I’m not, but I don't need that," Remus said, grabbing hold of the brick of cheese with little stretching and putting it back in it's spot.

"Everyone needs cheese." 

"Have you ever shopped on a budget in your life?" Remus asked temperamentally. "You could buy two bricks for the price of the one you were holding."

"Right, but today you're not on a budget, so you're going to get the fancy brand name cheese, and you might even get some crackers to go with it if you behave yourself." Sirius reached for the packet again, dropped it into the cart before he pushed it along once more, singing as he went. 

Remus rubbed at his right temple. "Sirius, I mean it," he said, striding forward until he was beside him. Sirius sighed and mumbled something Remus didn't quite catch, but he caught that it’d been done in French. "What was that?" Remus felt his frustrations rise even higher at the idea that Sirius could be irritated with him when he was the one being put in such an awkward position. 

Sirius visibly shook his head clear and brought his face back to it's prior merriment. "Should it be skim or whole?"

"Neither, since you're refusing to listen to me." 

"Don't know what you're on about, Remus; I'm shopping for myself right now, and I'm simply trying to decide what milk I might want," Sirius said airily. "Though, if it were your choice, what would you pick?" 

"Nice try." 

"You know what? You're right, two percent would be better, wouldn't it? Straight up the middle, everyone's happy." Remus ran a hand over his face in frustration, and Sirius finally looked at him clearly. "Remus, I'm trying really, really hard to make this an non-issue, but you're not helping at all." 

"I can see that, but--" 

"Fantastic," Sirius said, "then stop fighting me and start grabbing things you want, or we'll be here all day." Remus didn't doubt it, and reluctantly cast a look around. His gaze fell on a display at the end of an aisle with a selection of school supplies, and grabbed a packet of pens off a hook and tossed it in the cart without a look back. He ignored Sirius' laugh and kept walking ahead. He didn't hear anything else until Sirius said to turn left. Remus did and found himself in the tea aisle, with Sirius sauntering up beside him. "Well, would you look at that.”

Remus glanced sidelong at him. "Thought you said I wasn't allowed to get any tea."

"I never said that; only that you can't live off of it alone," Sirius pointed out. "Now, what's one you've never tried because you wouldn't let yourself spend a little more on it?" When he saw Remus’ weary look, he added, "If you don't pick something, I'll start chucking boxes at random, and you'll have so much tea you won't know what to do with it -- you know what, don't pick; that's a better idea." 

Remus sighed, wrapped his hand around Sirius' wrist so he wouldn't start grabbing at random, and looked for one he meant to treat himself with eventually. He picked between two contenders, pulling a box of oolong off the shelf. "There we go," Sirius said, reaching an arm around his shoulder and steering him along, and Remus clutched the box of tea in his hands tightly. "Wasn't so hard, was it?" 

As this went on, Remus began to think this was what it would be like if they were buying groceries for the flat they shared; small quips, Remus hounding him to keep on budget, Sirius reminding him to loosen up. It was terrible, he knew; he would have to do a lot of self-discipline later on to erase the whole event from his mind, but it helped for the time being, and there was really nothing he could do about it until Sirius got bored with the grocery and moved onto something else, as Sirius would do with him eventually.

He hadn't realized it when the two had made their way back around to where they began, and Sirius glanced to his left where a bunch of burlap sacks lay one on top of the other in a bunch, turned his head back to Remus, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. "Do you need a bag of sand?" 

Remus hadn't been expecting it, and Sirius' curious tone paired with his little head tilt was too much. "No, I think I'm set,” he said, turning his head away as he bit his lip to keep from showing amusement.

"Sure about that?" Sirius asked, his tone light, leaning on the cart and pushing it along with his elbows. "Because we're right by them, and it would be really inconvenient if we got home and had to come all the way back for a sack of sand." Remus bit his lip harder, staring up at the ceiling, willing himself not to laugh, and by the sound of his voice Sirius had to have known he was killing him. 

"That's fair," Remus said when he regained speech patterns, reaching out a hand to push the cart and Sirius along a little faster, "but seeing as I have about five back at home, six would just be excessive, wouldn't it?"

"Frugal as ever," Sirius sighed. "Well, if you're going to pass on the sand, then I think we've just about combed the place. Unless you can think of something we're missing?" 

Remus glanced down at the full cart in front of them and felt his discomfort return at full force, and let his hand fall from the handle of the card. "No, this is quite enough." Sirius nodded beside him and started pushing the cart toward the shortest line. "This is a one time thing, OK?” he added quietly when they stopped.

“What I don't understand, is why you wouldn't just say something,” Sirius said, pushing himself off the cart and upright. “I'd have done something about this sooner.”

“Sirius, I'd never--”

“No, you know what, I don't want to hear it,” Sirius said, waving his hand at him. "Don't let me catch you with an empty kitchen again." He shot the cashier a pleasant smile, began loading items onto the conveyor belt, and something about his body language suggested there'd be no further discussion. Remus stared down at the cart, thoroughly silenced until he managed a small thank you. He moved to help load the items, and Sirius merely nudged his shoulder in response as he reached for another. Up until the cashier scanned the last, Remus had done an excellent job of avoiding the sum of their journey adding up, but if he stuck around any longer he would have to hear it spoken aloud. He stepped away from Sirius, narrowly avoiding flattening a small child in the process. 

"I'll meet you on the other side," he said. Sirius caught the near fatal encounter with said child and gave him a smile that suggested Remus would never hear the end of it, but frowned when what Remus said registered. Remus shook his head, hoping Sirius would get the message without him having to say it outright. Thankfully he missed the total during the kerfuffle of trying to make a hasty retreat, but reached the opposite side of the registers in time to catch Sirius' flippantly tell the cashier it was on credit. Remus felt both grateful and grudging as he watched Sirius type in his pin while staring off somewhere in the grocery as though it were no issue at all. 

Sirius insisted a taxi was the way they were going to get back, and Remus didn't have the energy to argue, and resigned himself to it. On the way Sirius detailed five separate stories of infuriating customers from the week, and by the time they were back at his flat and unloading bags, Remus was in the middle of one of his own. 

“And she has me open five different brands so she can sample each and every one of them before making her decision, and she didn't even go with any of them, she decided to go with the one I initially offered. What a complete waste,” he said, lifting a bottle of milk from one of the bags that seemed to go on forever. “ _Six_ people waiting behind her, and believe you me, she didn’t notice a thing; how she can avoid the combined glares of six is beyond me--”

“They never do, though,” Sirius said emphatically; he often did enjoy hearing Remus complain about anything to do with work when he let himself get going. “Nothing is more important than what they’re ordering.”

“I don’t understand it,” Remus said, running with Sirius’ agreement, having quite missed him on shift to nitpick with. “If I take longer than five seconds to slip my card into my wallet I feel like--” 

“You’d shrivel up and die,” Sirius finished for him. He dragged one of the stools over, climbed up, and knelt on it. “Hand those over.” Sirius reached for the boxes of crisps Remus just pulled out. “What I don’t understand is how anyone can look into those giant, eager eyes of yours and give you a hard time; you’re a gentle wind-spirit.”

“That's the first I've heard that,” Remus said, handing him the boxes, then the one of oolong he picked. “Stick this in the one to the right?” 

Remus began passing up items as he pulled them out, placing a few items in the fridge now and again. “Oh, soap shop girl asked about you, by the way,” Sirius said.

“Sophie?” Remus said, mostly to correct him. 

“Yeah, that one,” he said sparsely. “I think she's quite devastated you sailed away on a ship called Lily--”

“Sirius,” Remus said weakly. 

“I’m not giving you shit,” Sirius said, lifting his hands. “Just passing information along.” 

“She’s in the same program as I am, in any case,” Remus said, passing up another item. “We’ve no classes together, but it helps having someone who’s--”

“Oh,” Sirius said knowingly, sticking the jar away. 

“What?” 

“It’s nothing,” he said, his head now in the cupboard. “Makes sense now.”

Remus gave Sirius a look he couldn’t see, then looked back at the bag he was unloading. He pulled out the block of cheese Sirius decided on, looked around at their bounty, and blew out a breath of air. “There’s so much here,” he said pained. “This must have cost you so much, Sirius.”

“Stop,” Sirius said, his head in the cupboard. “What else am I going to spend my lot on?”

“Not feeding me would have been my guess,” Remus said, sticking a carton of juice in the fridge. 

“How about,” Sirius said, reemerging and dropping down from the stool, “you tell yourself I’m storing a ton of food here, and you have free reign to all of it?”

“You didn’t _have_ to fill the cart--”

“OK, I think the answer here is to have me over lots and feed me,” Sirius decided, lifting his hands evenly. In the next instant, the horn section at the start of Man, I Feel Like a Woman sounded from Sirius’ pocket. 

Remus met Sirius’ eyes with a twisted smile. “Please tell me that’s James’ tone,” he said.

“Sure is,” Sirius said, reaching into pull his phone out, reading the text.

“Good.” 

Sirius pressed one button and held it to his ear. “Yes?” he said, leaning the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he sifted through another bag. “I’m at Remus’, you knob. Why?” 

Feeling a little overheated after lugging the groceries back home and unpacking them, Remus pulled his jumper off and walked over to leave it over the back of the sofa near where Sirius had draped his jacket. "What? Yeah?" Remus could hear James' voice through the phone, but couldn't make out any words, but Sirius' tone was flat when he spoke again. "Right. Thanks.” 

Remus tried to get some sort of clarity out of Sirius' expression, but it was also quite blank. He let go of the shopping bag and held the phone properly. "Yeah, I will. Alright." 

Sirius hung up and stared at the phone in his hands for a few seconds. "Sirius?" Remus asked tentatively, walking back from the sofa. 

Sirius blinked as if he were surprised to be standing in his kitchen. "Have you got yesterday's paper? A legit one, mind, not some student one," he asked, his tone still undecipherable. Remus nodded, glanced around, and dug it out. "Give it here."

Remus brought it over and handed it to him. Sirius shoved a few of the bags on the island aside and lay it down flat, flipping straight to the page he was looking for; his eyes scanned the page, and when he spoke again at least his tone was decipherable. "Well, isn't this familiar," he said brightly.

"What is?" Remus asked. He moved beside him and leaned in to see what Sirius had been referring to, reading _Regulus Arcturus Black, 20, died Thursday, November eighteenth_ \--

Remus tore his eyes away and set them on Sirius, his hand instinctively shot to his arm. "James only saw it today, that's why he called... didn't want me walking around oblivious to it even though that's exactly what I've been doing," Sirius said bitterly. "Figures she wouldn't have the decency to tell me personally." 

"I'm sorry." Remus stared down at the obituary, hoping each time he blinked that Sirius' name would appear alongside Sirius’ mother’s, but each time it didn't his heart sank further. It was as though he had been erased and Remus couldn't imagine the feeling. Sirius spoke again, and it seemed to be they were put off by different aspects. 

"My father was one thing -- good fucking riddance, but Reg?" Sirius stopped, set his jaw firm, and Remus tightened his grip on his arm. “She should have told me. _Someone_ should have fucking told me, and I read it in this?” 

“I’m really sorry, Sirius,” Remus repeated.

He didn't speak again until he looked over at Remus, his eyes flashing. "Listen, you can handle the rest of this, can't you?" he said, nodding to the bags on the counter. 

"Of course," Remus said, nodding quickly. "Don't worry about it. Thank you again." 

"Great," Sirius said, reaching for his keys and sticking his phone back in his pocket. "Thanks."

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I just need to -- leave, drive, I don't know." 

“Right,” Remus said carefully. “Drive safe, OK?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Sirius asked, looking at him again.

“Just drive safe,” Remus stressed, before he really just didn't like the idea of him driving anywhere, and he lifted his hand to his arm again. "Wait, could you -- just wait, OK? Sit for a minute?" 

"Sit, why?" Sirius snipped. 

"I don't want you driving right now," Remus said. "Sit, I'll make you something?" 

Sirius looked him over, breathed out, and nodded distractedly, which only cemented Remus' reservations on the matter. He trudged over to the couch and flopped down onto it without another sound, and Remus turned quickly to find something. Somehow kitchen full of options still felt empty, and he went with chamomile if only to aid in calming Sirius, making a cup for himself to do the exact same. He brought them over, handed Sirius the mug, who took it minutely. He sat down on the opposite end of the couch, feeling out of sorts for he really hadn't planned past this. He stared at Sirius, then at the ground, his bookcase, then back at Sirius again. 

"Has it been a while since you--"

"Four years," Sirius supplied. 

Remus bit his lip. "I'm really sorry," he said, yet again. "This must be--"

"He's a fucking idiot," Sirius threw out. "Was, he was a fucking idiot." 

Remus held back a wince. He lifted his mug to his mouth, drank some of his tea, and was grateful to see Sirius mirror him on the other side of the couch. He shifted, wrapped and unwrapped his hands around his mug. "Do you think you'll go?" 

Sirius' eyes snapped over to him. "What?" he asked. 

"Friday," Remus reiterated. 

Sirius huffed out a laugh Remus had never heard before. "Now, I know you didn't just say that." 

Remus' shoulders went up. "It's just -- you said it yourself, your father was one thing, but Reg is another. It's clear he meant something even if--" 

"You don't know what you're talking about," Sirius snapped. 

Remus dropped his gaze to the floor, feeling like he was working a complex machine without a manual. "I don't think you'll want to regret not going," he said tightly. 

Sirius didn't speak and when Remus made the effort to meet his eye once again, he wished he never found the nerve in the first place.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi there, this one's a doozy. tw for past and present abuse, homophobic behaviour and slurs, and just all around sads. grab a blanket and some tea maybe, too.

By late Tuesday afternoon, Remus hadn't heard a thing from Sirius, or quite gotten used to the gnawing feeling in his stomach, so when James strolled on into the cafe to visit Lily he couldn't quite help himself seizing an opportunity especially if it walked in and presented itself. 

"Lily in back?" James asked, flashing a smile. 

"She’s taken the deposit," Remus offered from behind the till. "She shouldn't be long now." 

James nodded, casting a sweeping glance over the cafe. "Suppose I'll wait somewhere, then." 

"Hold on a minute?" James nodded and Remus went to Bridget, untying his apron. "Now that you’re back I’ll just take my break now. I’ll just be outside so if gets busy I’ll come right back, is that alright?”

Bridget was fine with that plan, and he gave her a possibly too relieved smile, stuck his apron off to the side, and came around from behind the counter, gesturing toward the door. James followed until Remus stopped walking as far away from the shop they could be while still able to see the building in precaution and looked over at him. Remus hesitated, unsure of how to approach it with James’ eyes on him expectantly. 

"How's Sirius?" he asked, figuring that should be the first thing.

James shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. "He's alright,” he said with a glance to the ground. “It’s shit timing -- he’s been doing well.”

Remus nodded. He bit his lip, took James' lead and stuck his hands in his jean pockets, and dragged a rock back and forth across the concrete with his right foot as he worked himself up. "I know I messed up," he said heavily. "I shouldn’t have said anything, and I’m grateful you’re taking the time to talk to me at all--”

“What are you talking about?” 

Remus looked up and took in James' bemused frown; either he really didn’t know, or if he was being put through the wringer for it and made to say what he’d done, but he reasoned that it was fair to ask. “I shouldn’t have suggested he go to the funeral, it was--” James’ eyes widened before he grimaced, and Remus stared dumbfounded at him, “--he didn't tell you about it?" 

"No," James said genuinely. "Hasn't said much about any of it, to tell you the truth. Came back to the flat and wanted to talk about anything but. That’s Sirius for you, though. You’ve got to read between the lines with him."

It was Remus’ turn to grimace for James evidently knew not to press Sirius, while he clearly needed another lesson or two. "I wish I hadn’t said it -- I've never seen him that angry before, and I haven't heard from him since -- it's not as though that’s something irregular on its own, only two days, but with the way we left off..." He looked over at James once again. "You know him better than anyone. How done is he, with me?"

"He's not," James answered swiftly.

"How do you know that?"

"I just know."

Remus stared bemused as James kept his mouth in a firm line and gave him nothing else, and he chalked it up to the two being life partners of a specific kind. “I’m worried about him,” he said, then bit the the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't blurt out just how much. “James, I keep fucking up, but I don’t know where I keep doing it until I’ve already done it, and I hate it.”

James looked him over and gave a sigh, looking quite exhausted all of a sudden. "Look, Remus, I know you probably meant well," he said resignedly, running his left hand at the back of his neck. "I’m sure he knows that, too, yeah? And I get it: if it were you or I -- we wouldn’t think twice about it, we’d go to our brother’s funeral, but we didn’t grow up there, right. It’s different."

"Right,” Remus said, nodding. “I know they gave him a rough time of it.”

"That's a way to put it," James said, looking as though he had a bad taste in his mouth, and he reminded Remus so much of Sirius it was uncanny.

He shifted uncomfortably. “I've heard much less about Reg,” he said listlessly, “and they weren't exactly positive, and the more I've thought about it the more it's made sense that they weren't close these past few years especially if he outed him, but Sirius seemed really affected by the news, and--”

James scoffed. “Fucking Sirius, of course he is -- I’ve been a better brother than Reg ever was,” he bit out. Remus went back to biting his cheek while James let out another quick sigh. “They were close when they were kids, but the family quite enjoyed pitting them against each other -- I know Sirius tried not to get caught up in it but you know him, he gets heated quickly. That entire family’s aristocratic and they’re all raised to the same standard. They expected Sirius to emulate whatever fucked up idea that family has always decided future generations were supposed to uphold, but when he wanted nothing to do with it they stuck it all on Reg, trained him to be what Sirius just fucking wasn't and used him as an example any chance they got.” 

Remus lifted his hands to cross his arms, feeling a chill run through him and couldn't decide if it were the lack of a jacket or not. “What do you mean?" 

James clicked his tongue, not for the question it seemed, but the answer. “They were all about lessons, and they'd teach Sirius ones that were meant for Reg to see, a show of what would happen to him if he turned out like him,” he said hotly. “Completely fucking cracked. Reg was their perfect little dream child so he didn’t act out too much, but when he did Sirius got the boot for it because to them it had to have been his influence.” 

Remus winced, but didn’t speak as James stewed, unprepared for his voice coming out hard and quick and nothing like usual, as if he were letting out what he might not have been able to in quite some time, and Remus wasn’t sure which of the two of them needed to talk more. “We’re not just dealing your run of the mill, old money homophobes here -- I mean, yeah, shit was always fucking suffocating there, but the minute Reg opened his fat mouth, it all blew up,” he added sharply, kicking the stone Remus had since forgotten across the pavement. “Fuck, this was a mum who held him down and hacked off his hair right there at the dinner table after he refused to cut it one too many times -- just to make the fucking point that she had two _sons_ , and that he'd better start looking and acting like one, and a dad who didn’t even fucking flinch, just sat there and let it happen. Did it right in front of Reg so it’d sink right into him, too -- _that’s_ the people we’re dealing with.”

James froze, snapped his eyes over and caught both the hand Remus brought up to himself and the appalled look he didn’t quite wipe off his face in time. "I'm just--” he tried, moving an erratic hand through his hair. “I didn’t mean to go off--”

Remus knew he didn’t have much of a handle on himself when he was frustrated either; he didn't think it fair to expect James to especially with something so delicate and spoke past the lump in his throat. “It’s OK. He’s your best friend and you had to -- I can’t imagine how powerless that would have felt.”

James’ eyes searched him carefully and he gave a slight nod. “Sometimes I think I hate them more than Sirius does,” he admitted, lifting his shoulders in a way that made him look much younger despite the words ageing him profoundly. “That’s saying a lot but I wanted him out of there day one, and the only reason he stuck around as long as he did was because of Reg. I know it wasn’t his fault, he got raised in it, didn’t know any better -- I _know_ that, and if I were a better person I wouldn’t blame him, but sometimes I fucking do? He believed every word they told him, and I don’t think it killed him to see Sirius thrown about the way it killed me.”

"I can't say you should or shouldn't feel that way," Remus said carefully. "It’s not my place to say, only I understand why you would." Now, if only Remus had remembered that principle on Sunday afternoon then perhaps Sirius wouldn’t have exploded at him. He felt glaringly worse for even suggesting Sirius attend now that it was clear his disinterest may have had less to do with his brother, and more to do with a barrage of other reasons that made Remus queasy to think about.

In a clear effort to steel himself, James ran a hand through his hair again, causing it to stick up even more at the back. “I don't know if any good could come of him going. His father's wasn't even an option -- I don't think he even thought about it," he said, his shoulders set firm. "This is going about the same way it did last time, only entirely more complicated because while Sirius fucking hated his father, he didn't hate Reg and Sirius is… he’s fucking loyal. And if he hasn't thought it yet he's going to get it in his head that because he left he failed him, and I fucking hate it because being there was killing him." 

“James, I think it would be worth it to tell him that,” Remus said, feeling two tonnes heavier than he had five minutes prior. “In case he is blaming himself.” 

James shook his head. "You’ve got to tread lightly when it comes to this -- I suppose you got an idea of that yourself now," he said, nodding at Remus, who nodded a stiff one of his own. “If what he wants is to be distracted, then that's what my job is; I've got to keep him above ground one way or another." 

Remus tried to nod, so thankful Sirius had James for an anchor. “Sirius thinks the world of you,” he said earnestly. “You know that, I’m sure, but in case you haven’t heard it in a -- he’s so grateful for you.”

Remus caught Lily just across the road waiting for the light to turn behind James, but when he glanced back James had a smile on and leveled at him. “You’re a good sort, Remus." 

James turned and waved swiftly at Lily as if he instinctively knew she were near while Remus smiled gratefully, feeling as though he’d won over the opinion of the highest order. 

-

Remus locked the door at the end of their shift, said goodbye to Bridget, and turned to head down the block to the bus stop, feeling a magnetic pull from either direction he could go in. Half of him wanted to leave it be and let Sirius grieve on his own, but the other half had spent the last few hours of his shift a rightful ball of regret, and before he knew what he was doing he was riding the number three heading for the flat. 

Rain began to splatter on the window as his stomach churned along the way, Remus tried to read on the bus to distract himself but that didn’t work well at all, and he gave up on that fairly quickly. He stepped off the bus into the now pouring rain, rather apt for how he was feeling just then, and wished he had thought to bring a hat or anything to keep himself dry. It had been a mild morning, and his light jacket was doing nothing to help him just then, but there was no use fretting over it now that he was already so far into his trek. 

He looked toward the flat when it got in view; the light shining in Sirius' room was no real indication that he was home at the rate he left his lights on, but Sirius would have ended a half hour prior, and that was enough time to have made it home. It dawned on Remus then that Sirius could have made plans, that he probably should have checked before he impulsively set off for his flat, but then again he wasn’t sure Sirius would have responded if he did. The sound of his voice and the expression Sirius left him with Sunday flashed before his eyes, and he hoped with everything he had that James knew him as well as it seemed, and with any luck Sirius would at least hear him out.

He took the stairs slowly, unable to plan what he was going to say past an apology. Rarely did their conversations go the direction Remus expected, and he was about seventy percent sure that he would lose his words, balk, or butcher any sort of plan the second Sirius stood in front of him. It had been known to happen. 

Remus stood on the landing poised to knock for a solid minute before he told himself to get a grip on himself. He rapped three times on the door, dropped his hand to his side, and waited for signs of life inside. He heard footsteps drawing nearer, and only then did he wonder what he was going to do if James was the one to answer the door, but Sirius stood in the doorway a second later. He wore a button-down that Remus hadn’t seen on him before, had evidently just taken his hair out of the bun he must have had it in for most of the day for it was slightly wavy which sent Remus’ insides straight into a coil, and it was altogether apt that he open the door looking fucking perfect while Remus stood there sopping wet and looking a right mess. 

Remus couldn't determine more than surprise from Sirius' expression as his eyes took him in before he made to move back inside; quite sure he was about to have the door shut in his face, Remus rushed to speak. "I know you don't want to see me, and I'll go right away, I just need you to hear me out." 

Sirius stopped, didn't tell him to leave, invite him in, or speak; he merely looked at him. Remus took it as a sign he was at least willing to let him speak, and he didn't want to waste any time. "I'm sorry I pressed you. I crossed a line, one you've made clear time and time again, and I should have remembered. My intentions weren't malicious in any way -- I never want you hurt.” Staring into Sirius' eyes got to be too much, so Remus switched to the floor, and that was when he was sure he should have planned better. “I should have kept it to myself and let you--" 

"I shouldn't have gone at you the way I did.”

Remus looked up then. "Yes, you should have," he told him. "You tried to get out of there, and I--"

Sirius shook his head firmly. "Doesn't matter, you’ve nothing to do with it."

"You're right, I don't," Remus said tightly. "I didn’t know enough to speak on it, and I shouldn't have gone assuming I could."

He hadn't meant it as a hint in any way, but Sirius must have taken it as one because he regarded him for a long moment and then he was the one to break eye contact. "I don't even know how it happened, and I'm not going to get to find out because they don't have a such a sound follow up record, and I don’t know where I’m supposed to fucking be on it. On one hand, he played right into their game, naive enough to get caught up in it -- I showed him a way out and he could have followed, but he didn't." Remus watched as Sirius' eyes went from hard to immeasurably sad within seconds, but focused on him again. "I needed to get away so badly, Remus, I had to get out, but still thought I had time? I thought I'd get him out, too, or he would see some sense. He was younger, he had time to unlearn it all, and I waited too long." 

James' words flooded back to Remus, he shook his head quickly and wanted to reach out, embrace Sirius, tell him that it wasn't on him but he couldn't. It wasn't his place to say, he still only had bits and pieces, but Sirius was willingly giving him more, and he couldn't derail it now. "I wasn't going to go. They wrote me out of their lives -- they wrote me out of the fucking obituary -- I'm nothing to them, so fuck them, and fuck him too,” he said savagely, bringing his fist up to his chest, “but then it’s like he's here, just fucking twisting, and if I don't do _something_ for him I'm going to--" Remus’ hand shot out instantly and gripped the wrist Sirius held to himself. Sirius' eyes dropped to his hand and when he spoke again, it was much less erratic but it wasn’t any less of a stab. "You were right. I fucking knew you were then and I hated that you were, and if I don’t do this I'm always going to look back and remember that I didn't fucking bother.”

Remus took a step closer, shaking his head, alarm bells ringing off inside of it. “No, don’t do this because of something I said,” he rushed out. “Please, Sirius, I didn’t know what the fuck I was talking about, I didn't know the situation--”

“He'd want me there, and I know it because I'd have wanted him at mine if it were I who went first, and that’s all there is to it." Sirius moved his hand to Remus’ arm, and it made no discernible sense that he could have been speaking so calmly, easing Remus when it should have been the other way around. "It's for him and no one else." 

Remus didn’t have it in him to argue, didn’t think it was fair to when Sirius looked to have his mind made up. "I'm so sorry, Sirius," he said after breathing in. “I hope it's helpful for you, going." 

Sirius swallowed, nodded, looked at the hand he had wrapped around Remus' arm. “You're actually sopping, what the hell?" he said. 

“It’s fine,” Remus said. "I shouldn't stay long, I've no idea when the bus'll come by, but I'm sorry again for Sunday, and I just needed to check on you." 

"You came all the way here just for that?" Sirius asked. 

"I had to," Remus said listlessly. "I needed to make sure you're OK -- and we're OK." 

The corner of Sirius' mouth lifted to a half-smile. "Yeah, we're OK." Remus matched it, his relief most likely palpable in the small stairwell. Sirius held up his free hand for Remus to wait and went off, leaving the door wide open. He was back a few moments later with a hoodie and his beloved jacket, holding them out to him and reading Remus' frankly shocked expression. “I do have others, you know," he pointed out. "I can go without this for a bit.”

Remus smiled, thanked him, pulled his soaked jacket off, trading with Sirius. He put on the hoodie, zipped it up, and popped the hood, then slipped the jacket on over. He ran his fingers through his fringe but couldn’t do much for it puffing out from under the hood ridiculously as it always did when it got wet, and tried not to think about it.

Sirius stared at him a moment, then looked down to the left, and leaned over. He brandished an umbrella a moment later, sucking in a breath through his teeth. "There's a giant orange elephant on this one, but if that doesn't turn you off it should do the trick,” he said, waggling it. 

Remus' laugh rang through the lobby; he grimaced at the echo and the time that it was, and mouthed a sheepish ‘ _sorry_ '. His apology was for nothing for Sirius merely breathed in, his smile forming a full grin, and Remus should have known Sirius wouldn’t care about a little noise. "Thank you," he said again, the low thrum inside his stomach starting up again under the force of Sirius’ smile, so thankful he was able to do so at all with all he had going on. Remus gave him a tiny wave, forced himself to turn away, and got three steps down before Sirius spoke again.

"Will you come with?" 

\--

Neither James or Remus planned on attending their respective Friday morning classes as they needed to be at the cathedral for eleven. The smallest twinge of guilt gnawed at Remus as he left his flat, but he wouldn't let himself dwell on it for long; he had the rest of the afternoon and evening to catch up on what he would be missing and he reminded himself he was needed elsewhere. The head cold he was now nursing from becoming drenched on Tuesday was a bit of a bother, but he maintained it had been worth it for Sirius’ and his reconciliation alone. 

Remus ended up wearing what he would to a typical work shift, as he supposed he couldn't go wrong with wearing black. Something told him he would look out of place no matter what he did, but it was lucky he found the only dark cardigan he had without any holes in the sleeves. He met up with James and Sirius along the way, and it was evident they’d had the same idea as he did, and he relaxed about it. James headed the conversation as they walked, which Remus was grateful for he was never one to know what to do or say in situations like these. He kept a watchful eye on Sirius as they walked to the cathedral, but for the most part, he was behaving as though they were merely off on a morning stroll, and Remus wasn't sure what to do with that.

The cathedral was massive, with stone steps topped with gold railings leading up to two large oak doors that had Remus feeling much smaller than he was, and they hadn't even passed through them yet. There was a small group gathered at the foot of the stairs, and Remus wouldn't have paid any mind to them if James hadn't sucked in a breath, and one of them hadn't moved away from the group toward them. 

"You have a lot of nerve to assume you’re welcome here," a young woman spoke, the venom in her tone betraying the elegance she held herself with. Remus glanced sideways at Sirius, who looked unfazed by the hostility and dismissed her without a word, moving up the first step. 

"Bella, don't waste your breath," another woman implored with an air of exhaustion. "He's not worth it."

Bella seemed unable to hold herself off. “No matter,” she called to Sirius’ back. "I doubt they will let a queer like you inside."

Remus bristled, James looked more furious than he had ever seen him, but Sirius let out his sudden laugh. “If they’ll let you lot in, I think I’m set,” he tossed over his shoulder. They continued up the steps, James and Remus keeping on either side of Sirius, who let out a put upon sigh and draped his arms over the two of them, bringing them in. "Well, men," he began, "if I burst into flames the moment I cross the threshold, it's been fun while it lasted."

James snorted. "Make sure to get me in the blast at least,” he requested. “I've no interest in this place without you."

“The church or earth itself?” Sirius checked. 

“Both."

“Remus," Sirius said, turning his head to him, "I promise I’ll do what I can to knock you out of the way before the imminent blast, but that will leave you to carry on our legacy after we're gone. Think you can handle that?" 

Remus held back a shiver at his mouth beside his ear. "I doubt I'll be able to live up to the two of you."

Sirius slipped his arms off the two of them as they reached two spiffy looking greeters just inside the doors, but he got a reproachful stare from the pair. Sirius was pointedly skipped when Remus and James were handed the leaflets, and Remus lost some control over himself and threw the two of them a glare, but the apparent dig didn't have the effect that was probably intended as Sirius let out an oddly pleasant laugh. 

“Haven't changed, glad to see it,” he said cheerfully, clapping the one he was closer to on the back loudly. 

Remus opened his mouth, ready to suggest perhaps this was a really awful idea as a whole if Sirius was going to be snubbed at best and get slurs thrown at him at worst, but he waited a moment too long and James did before he could. 

"Back?" he suggested. 

Sirius nodded and James led the way to the to the far corner of the cathedral, to the very last pew. Remus found himself distracted as he followed them, gazing up at the intricacies of the massive church. The doctrine wasn't something he could get behind, but he had always found the architecture of old cathedrals stunning and felt quite at peace when he joined his parents for church when he was younger. It was strange, the push and pull of feeling at ease while simultaneously feeling a low thrum of nerves running through his body like electricity.

Mid-way through the opening hymn, James held the leaflet in front of Sirius and pointed to a spot on the page. Remus looked over to see his forefinger under a glaring typo. "One job, couldn't even do that," James said quietly, shaking his head. Sirius’ shoulder brushed Remus’ as he forced himself to remain silent as he laughed.

He spoke in a low voice, laughs cutting through. “C minus, and I want a revised copy on my desk Monday morning.” 

Remus bit the inside of his cheek as James scrawled a massive C minus at the top corner of the leaflet, feeling absolutely terrible for laughing at such a dismal time. "Do you think they'll have the culprit killed?" James asked. 

"I’m not sure he’s still around," Sirius said mildly. "Mind, I do love _refrashments_ , they're why I’m here.”

"What do you suppose they are?" James asked.

"Madeleines et Pinot Noir de Burgundy, bien sur," Sirius said, swirling an invisible wine glass. 

James made a gagging noise while Remus actively tried to focus on what was happening up front. Of all the places to be poking fun, he expected a funeral to be off the list, but then James’ words about how he helped Sirius cope filtered into his brain. James was doing what he could for Sirius in his own way, and though it was an inappropriate time Remus decided to go easy on the two of them, and at the very least they were attempting to whisper. After the opening hymn came to a close and the attendees sat in their pews, the cathedral was eerily silent as the man presiding rose from his seat and greeted the crowd. Remus half-listened to the man's words of welcome as he watched in reluctant amusement as James and Sirius passed the leaflet back and forth, adding their own quips to the print in turn. 

Remus set his eyes up front as the man at the lectern introduced Walburga Black, but he needn't have for him to know it was her. When she quite literally glided from her seat to the pulpit and set her eyes out toward the attendants, Sirius’ resemblance to her was striking, and entirely disconcerting for Remus had never hated someone on sight before. Sirius kept his eyes trained on the ceiling, his jaw set firm, James did a lovely impression of how livid he'd looked outside, and Remus took turns keeping an eye on Sirius and looking back at his mother as she spoke. 

Regulus was a charming boy, a dutiful son, and an upstanding man," she began. Her voice had a steely note to it as it was clear she was mourning, but there was a commanding cadence to it, like the crack of a whip. "My son understood the complexities of what is right, what is expected, and the importance of a name. Above all else, Regulus always did what was right for his family.”

Remus drew in a tight breath and looked to his right, catching Sirius’ gaze drop to his boots. News travelled fast, but Remus didn’t know if it was a purposeful dig; there was enough venom spoken outside, enough signs and whispers as they walked in and through the church to suggest that Sirius was not an expected attendant, but that didn't mean the words weren't gutting. Remus moved his hand and laced his fingers with Sirius’ before he knew what he was doing; letting him know he was supported, he told himself after he'd done it. Sirius moved his arm between their bodies and kept hold of Remus’ hand there, hiding him linked together while his gaze remained downward, and Remus hoped at the very least Sirius couldn't feel his pulse thrumming through his body. 

James still looked positively irate, so it was a little surprising when he leaned in a ways into her memorial with a smirk. "That breach, though," he whispered. "What, do you think it's the size of my head? Perhaps bigger?" Remus glanced at it and it was indeed huge and shone brightly under the lights above her, and wondered how he hadn’t noticed until James pointed it out. 

The observation earned a stifled snort from Sirius, which in turn earned a few head turns and a couple nasty looks shot in their direction. “Nothing’s as big as that, but it’s a close second,” Sirius commented in an undertone, but Remus thought his voice sounded thicker than it had and ran his thumb back and forth over Sirius’ instinctively. 

Remus felt a level of discomfort he'd never quite reached before as a mother spoke at great lengths about her late child as he sat beside her disowned one. Walburga ended on a particularly rich note, Remus thought, though he felt terrible for thinking it for a celebration of a life held dear would bring forth some inflated words. “My son leaves behind a legacy, but he rises in death and is a legacy all his own." 

James made a noise of frank disgust, voicing some of what Remus had been thinking. She tilted her head in thanks and descended the stairs, her heels clicking on the floor and echoing off windows and walls. Call it terrible luck or motherly intuition, but before she reached her seat her eyes locked on her son, and Remus’ stomach tightened at merely being in the direction of the withering stare that formed. Remus glanced quickly at Sirius, who was sending her an equally fierce glower in return. 

Sirius didn’t let go of Remus’ hand once Walburga sat down and the rest of the testimonials followed, and Remus kept a firm hold on it so he would know he had support on either side of him. Remus chanced a glance during another speech that was peppered with heightened words describing a young man he didn't know and noticed Sirius’ gaze had lifted; his jaw was set tight, but his eyes had lost the ferocity from earlier and we're trained to the left. Remus followed the gaze to the casket up at the front of the church. He wished vehemently to know what Sirius was thinking, but as reading minds was impossible, he thought about how difficult it would be to know your brother, your younger brother, was being buried after years of estrangement, and what that might do, and he couldn’t for the life of him understand where Sirius' head would be even then. He only deduced that he would give anything to take on those thoughts even for a little while so Sirius might have a break.

The organist began the opening notes of the closing hymn and the attendees rose from their seats. Remus stood beside Sirius, their hands linked between their bodies, but he chose that moment to look to his left and caught a disdainful stare from the woman beside him and squeezed it before regretfully slipping his hand from Sirius’ grasp.

James to leaned in. "We should start planning our exit strategy," he stated quietly. 

Sirius nodded. "Best to be on guard; there's a Black family member in every direction," he said, sounding a little less like he were drowning. Remus scanned the church uncomfortably, playing a sinister game of I-Spy while Sirius debriefed the situation. "Exhibit A, main entrance: blocked by two cousins. Thought I heard one of them crack his knuckles after we passed so I daresay he’s not a fan of me."

"Nix that one, then," James said. “Fuck him too, while we’re at it.”

"I’ve always suspected he was a little light in the hooves, but I’ve made too large a step away from incest to turn back now," Sirius said. Remus glanced at the two of them for a smirk or a note of humour but frowned when he couldn't find either. “Exhibit B, side door.”

The three of them glanced at it. "No way," James insisted. “We’d have to get halfway up the hall.”

Remus leaned in. "There's a third," he offered in a whisper. "Between the back door and the side door, behind us. I noticed it when we came in but I don’t know where it would take us."

“Our best option despite the mystery," Sirius stated. 

"Best make a break for it before the song ends and everyone files out," James suggested.

Sirius nodded in agreement. "Else we could lose each other in the sea of Black." 

"I'd sooner drown," James said bluntly. A pronounced ' _shhhh_ ' was shot in their direction, and Sirius gave an aggressive nod to the woman who sent it, apparently uninterested in feigning pleasantries any longer. "And that's as good a cue as we're going to get," James added in a whisper a moment later. "Gentlemen, our mission: get the best Black out at all costs. I'll take the lead, Remus, you take up the rear." 

Sirius drummed a _ba-dum-tss_ on the pew in front of them, causing a fair few outraged faces to turn around. The two were off before Remus could even worry about playing off the jest indifferently, but quite a few more heads turned and Remus avoided their stares, frowning sheepishly. He turned and quickly followed James out the side-side door and down a spiral staircase. 

"I hate to break it to you two, but I think some people might have noticed us leaving,” he chided, a few steps behind them. “Why go on and on about stealth if you’re going to be terrible about it?”

Sirius snorted, but James paid no mind. "No matter, the mission remains," he said, taking the steps two at a time. They reached the foot of the staircase, the music stopped, and many a footstep could be heard above them. "Now, how the hell do we get out of here?" 

There were two options and Sirius lifted his hand and pointed between them, making a feigned mystical reading before settling on the left one. They turned the corner and were faced with a long corridor lined with doors and portraits of vicars hanging along the walls. "Perhaps there is no way out," Sirius said, turning his head slowly to James as he walked, his eyes widening. 

"Perhaps we'll have to battle our way out, face a few demons?" James suggested, pointing to a few doors lining either side of the corridor toward the end of it. "My guess is they'll pop out of one of those." 

"Or all of them," Remus chimed in, deciding it couldn’t hurt to play along now that they were on their way out, and Sirius seemed so glad for any form of amusement. “There’s a twist for you.”

"Right, you two distract them, get them to form a line,” Sirius detailed, “while I’ll come from the other direction, run along the wall and roundhouse the lot of them.”

Remus whistled. "Well, if I've got to live out the start of a demon-infested horror story, I'll be glad only for the opportunity to see that," he said. 

“You know, if you were to practice now, I wouldn’t mind at all -- Remus?” James asked. 

Remus nodded. “Extra points if you get one of the portraits while you’re at it.” 

Sirius flashed them a grin, spun on the spot, and went back a few steps for a traction. James and Remus turned to watch, backed up a few steps to give him room, and waited with matching expectant looks as Sirius turned back to face them, rocking up and down on the toes of his boots in preparation.

Remus smiled, easing a little; Sirius would only reach so high and they’d be on their way, and if by some chance he managed to make a fair amount of noise in attempt, the three of them could book it out of there before they could be apprehended by any of the ushers, he was pretty sure of it. The feeling didn’t last long as he heard footfalls flying down the staircase at the far end of the hall where they had just come from, behind Sirius. 

Remus learned in that instant that a livid Walburga Black with intent to her steps was one of the most frightening sights he had been unfortunate enough to witness. Even in the basement, the acoustics of the church building were impressive; the clicking of her heels along the tiled floor, the stomp of Sirius' boots as he planted himself where he stood in a challenge, the crack of the slap that echoed through the hall, the sound of their combined shouts bouncing off the walls as Sirius whipped his head back in a flash and got right up in her space. James and Remus stood momentarily frozen as Sirius and his mother shouted fiercely at each other; his mother casting insults Remus couldn't believe a mother would throw at her child, Sirius levelling her with such a horrid allusion Remus felt ill. 

“How long have you held onto that one?” he shouted. James sped forward, while Remus stood rooted to the spot, unable to do anything as Walburga gave Sirius a harsh shove that sent him skidding backwards. 

"Come here to gloat, did you?" she spat. 

James grabbed Sirius around the waist, holding him back as best he could as Sirius attempted to wrench free, shouting for James to let him go. 

Walburga stepped toward her son. "Or did you think you would turn up here and be welcomed back?” she asked, her words cutting out like venom from a snake. “You’re not fit to wipe the mud off my boots, what gave you the right? Your arrogance is staggering.”

"My arrogance?" Sirius roared incredulously, surging forward, his second wind almost dislodging himself completely from James' hold. His voice strained as James gave a hard pull around his middle, but it only gained vitriol as he kept trying. “I hope you’re next!”

"Remus, a little help here?" James managed to say as he struggled, snapping him out of it. He moved forward quickly, grabbed a hold of Sirius, and the two of them hauled him back much easier than only one could have. 

"I am burying my son today, and you thought you could try to stick your paws back into the pot," she spoke slow and furious. "It's far too late for that."

Sirius threw a myriad of curses at her, but at that insinuation Remus and James held on tight as Sirius launched himself forward, pulling him out of sight of his mother. They reached another staircase, and Remus and James forcibly turned Sirius so that they wouldn't be dragging him backwards down them, reluctant to let go and result in him tearing off for round two. Blessedly, they reached a door at the top of the staircase. Remus made for the handle, flung the door open, and the two of them pushed Sirius through it.

"Let go of me!" Sirius shouted the moment they were outside.

"Only if you stay put," James warned him. Sirius told him exactly where to go. "What, just because I don't want a second funeral?"

Sirius wrenched himself back, and the two of them let go of him but kept close, moving between Sirius and the door. His right cheek no longer bore the mark of his mother striking him, if only due to his entire face reddening with rage. "Fuck you," he shot back. 

"Yeah yeah," James said in a decidedly calmer voice. "You want to lose it, go ahead and lose it, but out here and not in there, got it?" 

Sirius let out a strangled sound, turned, and punched the building's stone wall so hard a crack echoed out. Remus seized Sirius' arm as he swung back for a second go and Sirius went stiff. His eyes were wild when he set them on Remus, who shook his head stiffly because he couldn't trust his vocal chords just then, and Sirius watched him intently as he breathed in and out. 

"Not exactly fair, mate; you versus a brick wall," James said. "Fight one of us if you're going to start throwing punches. We can take it." 

Remus had indeed been feeling majorly responsible for the whole mess and could admit he probably deserved to take a good hit, but he shot James a look of trepidation anyway. He glanced back at Sirius, who looked away from Remus, pulled his arm from his grasp, and dented the metal trash can set against the wall with three solid kicks. 

"That's it," James said soothingly, "give that garbage all you've got." 

Deflated, Sirius' eyes fell on James once again. "You're not fucking funny," he said exhaustively.

James gave him a mild shrug. "I'm a little funny, and if this is how I’ve got to bring you back, it's how it's going to be.” 

Sirius breathed heavily, leaning back against the stone wall he’d just socked. He slid down until he was crouched, running his shaky, bloodied hand over his face in an obvious attempt to restore calm. He dropped his head in his hands, just breathing, and Remus watched him unblinking until he couldn’t anymore, and looked to James. 

James moved to crouch in front of Sirius, and Remus saw over ten years of friendship in real time. He reached into Sirius' jacket pocket for his pack of cigarettes, into the other for his lighter, and lit the cigarette, puffing on it before holding it out for Sirius to take. James nudged Sirius’ knee, and with noticeable effort, Sirius dropped his hands and looked at the cigarette before snatching it and taking a long pull off it.

"Hey," James said when Sirius still would not meet his eye, and now that they weren’t covered anymore Remus could see Sirius’ were rimmed red. "Fuck her. You've as much right to be here as she does." Sirius took another haul and exhaled furiously. "She's delusional; how many times have we said that? If she wants to go ahead and believe any of the shit she said are the reasons you're here then she's far more along than we realized. She hasn't a fucking clue, and you're better off. Look at me--" James ducked his head to regard him closely, "--you knew that before coming here, and you know that leaving. You're better off." 

Sirius met his eye at last and the look the two shared had Remus taking his eyes off the sight in front of him, feeling it far too private for him to witness. He stared at the ground, then the trees and flowerbeds in the garden nearby that might have been a lovely sight under different circumstances, then noticed a few people leaving out of the far exit. It wouldn’t be long before they reached them, and though he didn't want to interrupt, he didn't know who any of them were and wanted Sirius safe and away. 

“I think it’s best if we move," he said quietly, nodding toward the small crowd. 

James looked up at Remus, then in the direction he was referring to. "He's right," he said, brushing Sirius' arm. "Let's get you out of here, yeah?" Sirius took a moment, then braced his hand on the stone wall as he lifted himself to his feet.

Overcast pulled in on the way back to the flat, making everything around them more dreary than the mood already was. The only light that seemed to poke through was James’ voice; he helmed the conversation yet again and Remus marvelled at his ability to make something positive of even the most dismal situations. 

Back at the flat as they filed into the entrance way, James spoke with uncharacteristic hesitation. "Listen, the other one didn’t matter, and I really don’t want to but if I don’t go to this class I’m completely fucked--”

"It’s fine," Sirius said. James looked unconvinced, and frankly Remus felt the same after seeing the flicker of panic in Sirius’ eyes before it was gone. "Really," he insisted, reading both their trepidation straight away. "I've got work later on, haven't I? I'm just going to crash until I've got to leave."

James nodded finally. "I'll meet you when you’re off, then." 

Sirius nodded then and slipped into his room as James went down the hall to his own. Remus sat his bag down on a chair near the door, rubbed at the back of his neck, and tried to decide what his next move should be. James reappeared outside his room and beckoned him over. "Have you got anywhere to be right now?" he asked when Remus got to him. "Class, or work?" 

Remus shook his head. "It's about half over," he said with a shrug. “There isn’t much point in going in now.” 

James nodded. "D’you mind hanging around here a bit… at least until he leaves?" he asked.

The words tumbled out so suddenly, Remus had no chance to think about it. "Yeah, of course."

James let out a small sigh, looking relieved. "Great, thanks mate," he said. “I’d rather he not be alone right now.”

Remus’ insides curled in on themselves at the grave hint behind his tone. He nodded, gave James a dazed wave as he left, and then he was alone in the silent living room. He walked slowly down the hall and stopped just outside Sirius' door that had been left open a sliver. Remus lifted his hand and knocked on it lightly, and Sirius made a grunt of acknowledgment on the other side of it. He pushed the door open, his eyes falling on Sirius, who looked to have flopped down in a heap at the foot of his bed, his knees bent and his boots planted on the ground. 

Sirius dropped his gaze from the ceiling to him. "I thought I'd stick around in case you needed anything,” Remus offered. 

He gave a slight shrug. “An anvil,” he proposed flatly.

“Fresh out,” Remus said through a frown, sticking his hands in his back pockets. "Do you start at the regular time?” Sirius nodded. "Are you sure you want to go in, first off? It's been a hell of a week for you... I'm sure they'll understand if you need a night off."

Sirius shook his head. "No, I'll go mad if I don’t try to keep busy,” he said after another moment. 

Remus left out the part where he planned on attempting to channel James levels of distraction for Sirius in the event that he didn't want to go in, and set to making other plans. "I'll set an alarm for you, then," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket. "I know it might be difficult, but try to rest for a little while, OK?" 

Remus slipped his phone back as Sirius watched him from where he lay. "You can come in, you know," he said. "I'm not going to bite your head off."

Remus hadn't thought he would, but he willed himself to step further into the room. Sirius brought his hands up to rub at his eyes and Remus felt his stomach drop through his body. "Hold on," he said, exiting the room. He retrieved a washcloth from the bathroom, wet it, and returned. He sat down on the edge of the bed beside Sirius, who had closed his eyes in Remus' short absence. Remus tucked one leg under him, and left the other planted on the floor, and tugged his hand closer. Sirius made a confused sound, opening his eyes. 

"I need to do something about this," Remus fretted. He dabbed at Sirius' knuckles, the cloth reddening as he did. He chewed his lip as he pressed his knuckles gingerly before resuming. “I’m not going to be able to do much for you. I’m certainly not an expert -- I should have grabbed you ice and something to cover it, I don't know what I was thinking.” 

Sirius remained silent for a little, Remus knew his eyes were on him but couldn't make himself meet them when they were so plainly exhausted.

"Shame you had to see that," he said finally.

"Please don't go around punching stone walls," Remus requested. "Walls in general, how about? Find a nice pillow or take up boxing."

Sirius let out an amused breath. "You should have seen the wall in my room at the house; an impressive collection of holes. The hand will bounce back quick, you’ll see,” he said. Remus didn't know what to say to that, so he kept doing what he was doing, turning the cloth over to the cleaner side and reapplying it. "I meant the rest of it."

Remus shook his head. "No, Sirius, I’m sorry," he said, swiping the cloth over Sirius’ knuckles. 

"What are _you_ sorry for?" Sirius asked.

"You weren't going to go before I stuck my nose in," Remus explained weakly. "Both you and James knew it would be a bad idea. I got you thinking you owed them when you’ve had quite enough thrown at you under the pretense of obligation and you didn’t need any more of it.” He finished up, fought the urge to keep hold of Sirius' hand far longer than necessary, and pressed it back down on Sirius' stomach as a result. 

“I can't keep up with that brain of yours,” Sirius said flatly. 

“I have to learn to stop operating solely from my own experience," Remus reiterated. "It’s why I said it; I’ve a complete blind spot when it comes to this...I couldn’t understand a situation where I wouldn’t want to attend a family member’s funeral but bully for me. You shouldn’t have felt pressured to go--" 

"We went through this already," Sirius said with a sigh. "I heard what you said, why you said it, and it made sense." Sirius picked at the knuckles he had just finished tending to. Remus clicked his tongue, reached over, and held down Sirius' injured hand so that he would cease making the wounds worse. "Yeah, I feel like shit now, but I'd have felt nothing if I hadn't gone. This is better than numb." Remus felt Sirius' pulse as his hand throbbed and stopped short of squeezing it, and Sirius began to play idly with his hand as he spoke. “I showed up, I paid respect, and James was right. I had every right.”

"I’m glad you’re able to see that, if anything," Remus said forlornly. "I just... should have gotten you out of there straight away."

He felt Sirius shrug, then his fidgeting with the cuticle on his Remus’ ring finger. "Suppose I was overdue for a good wallop."

"Don't do that," Remus implored.

"Do what?" Sirius said, turning his head to him. 

"It's not something to joke about.” 

"What else am I going to do?” he said roughly, lifting his free hand. “I have to. She got another one in, and if I let myself I'm going to fucking lose it again, Remus." 

Unwarranted images played in front of Remus' mind; Sirius' mother wrenching her arm far back before she struck, the force behind her shove, the malice in her eyes as she spat the words filth and scum. The image was quickly replaced with a younger Sirius held down and shamed for something as small as a hairstyle and as large as self-expression. He thought of all the moments he didn’t know about expressly, and suddenly Remus was so angry he couldn't see straight. Scowling, he hardly recognized his own voice. 

"Every time I think I’ve heard the worst it could possibly be -- you don’t owe them anything. Family has to be earned, and they failed you.”

“I know that,” Sirius said sorely, as though it scraped his throat just to speak the words. “I _know_ that--”

“I don’t care if you say you do,” Remus said candidly, squeezing the hand Sirius held captive. “I'm going to keep reminding you until you have no other thought about it.”

Sirius didn’t respond, and Remus could see his eyes darting back and forth across the ceiling, unfocused, his eyebrows knitted together. He let out a curse, rolling his eyes at himself, and Remus was in no way prepared for a Sirius on the verge of tears while making a clear effort not to let it happen, and Remus couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried. "Sirius, it's her loss. She certainly sees it that you walked out, but it's quite clear that she -- drove you to it, and if my opinion matters at all to you right now, you're one of my best friends and my life is altogether better since I've had you in it, and if she wants to pretend there isn't a massive hole where you once were, it's on her. You are better off."

Sirius tore his eyes from the nothingness he was staring into and focused on him; the beholden look on his face incredibly bare and one Remus had never seen before. “It does matter,” he said, the second voice in the room Remus could hardly recognize. 

Sirius opened his mouth again, but nothing but a tight breath came out. Remus shook his head and moved his hand to push a lock that had fallen forward behind his ear carefully, so carefully but even then he froze for a moment, terrified he'd done something he shouldn't have. Sirius stared up at him, his pupils blown wide, his bottom lip pulled into his mouth; words got in the way sometimes, but Remus got the sense Sirius knew what he was trying to say, and the two had their shortest conversation without having to utter a single one. 

Sirius ran his thumb along Remus’ lifeline. Remus’ hand felt wet and cold all of a sudden, which made little sense with Sirius’ warm hand against it and looked down to see it bleeding once more. “I’ll get you a new cloth and something to cover it, OK?” he offered quietly. Sirius didn't seem to hear him, so Remus gave his fingers a light squeeze, made to stand, and walked steadily to grab both items, depositing the used cloth in the laundry hamper. 

Something was wrong with him, Remus was sure of it. He ran his fingers through his hair, trying to set his thoughts right. Sirius needed support, companionship in a moment of true vulnerability. He knew he shouldn’t have been the one to stay with Sirius; Remus was bound to read into any tiny moment and blow it out of proportion, and he was the wrong person for this. He wrapped a chunk of ice from the freezer in a paper towel, retrieved a clean cloth and though James and Sirius' first aid supply was severely lacking he found wrappings after a little searching. He heard the front door open and shut, supposed James had second thoughts about going into class, decided Sirius needed him more than he let on, and he was glad for it if Sirius had support from someone who wasn't him. Remus walked back through the flat and into the room to find Lily crouched in front of Sirius, who was sitting up now, the look of emotional exhaustion still lining his features, and Remus managed to feel like an invader once again. 

Lily turned and noticed Remus, her eyes widening. “Good thinking,” she said, reaching out for what Remus was holding. He stepped forward silently and gave them to her, and she turned back and set to Sirius’ hand. “We’ll get this cleaned off, and then we’ll go, alright?” 

Sirius nodded, then looked over Lily’s head at Remus, who could do nothing more than hold his gaze as she continued speaking. “It looks worse than it is; there’ll be some swelling, but I don’t think you’ve broken anything. No picking at it, keep icing it on and off once you’re there, and stick to till -- you may have trouble with some drinks tonight so go easy on yourself.” 

She lifted her head after he hadn’t responded. Sirius looked away from Remus and met her eyes. “What?” he said dazedly.

“Stick to till as usual, don’t strain yourself," she reiterated. "Then again, I don’t know what I’m saying; I’ve seen you make a drink practically one-handed many a time, so perhaps you’ve got this.” Sirius smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, but smiling in itself was indeed progress. Lily rubbed Sirius’ knee warmly before she stood up. “I’ll get rid of this, you just keep that pressed on it.” 

Lily stepped toward the door but caught Remus’ arm as she passed him and he followed her out of the room, down the hall, and into the living room. “I'm so glad you're here," Remus said.

Lily pulled Remus into a hug, effectively silencing him. “Thank you.”

“What for?” he asked, matching her whispered volume. 

He pulled back and held her at arm’s length. “For being here, he needs to be with people who care about him," she said heavily. "James is so grateful to you.” 

Remus shook his head. “You don’t need to thank me,” he insisted. Uncomfortable with the praise, he pulled out of her reach. “Neither of you do.”

Lily went on, rattling the words out quickly, heading through the living room. “Did you want to come along with us? I know Fridays are touch and go for you -- I thought we should take him out, get some positive energy into him, and then I’ll drop him off at work. I wish it wasn’t incredibly difficult to find a replacement considering it’s the day of his shift because if anyone needs a night off, it’s him.” 

Remus turned this over in his head, biting his lip, and nodded. He had breaks he could do work on, and he would have ended up staying up late to make up for what he’d missed; what would a little later mean in the grand scheme of things? “Do you have to head back eventually?” he checked. 

“Oh, I’ll just go in early tomorrow, it’s not a problem,” she said, waving her hand. “In any case, I’m on Sirius duty until he starts work, so if you have to head out don’t worry about it.” Sirius door opened and his footsteps drew closer, they both turned toward him.

“Sirius, why don’t I take your shift for you?” Remus offered. 

Sirius looked between the two of them sceptically, possibly assuming the two had conspired together on this before he entered the room. Remus stepped toward the hall, attempting to send a message that this wouldn’t be negotiable. “I could use the hours,” he said, then gestured to his attire as he passed Sirius, “and look, I’m already ready for it -- how convenient.”

Before Sirius could object, Lily took Remus’ lead. “That _is_ convenient. Well, you wouldn’t start until four anyway,” she said, zipping up her jacket and following him down the hall. “Come with us for a bit, and we’ll drop you off.”

“That would be lovely, thank you,” Remus said agreeably, reaching for his bag beside the door. Sirius looked incredibly unimpressed with the two of them by the time he got to the hall, and Remus gave him a weak look. “Sirius, take the night off, please?” 

Sirius regarded him for a moment, then exhaled through his nose and pulled his phone out. He turned down the hall as he dialed, and spoke to his manager as Remus got his things on. Downstairs, Sirius went straight for the back seat, though Remus had been ready to let him ride in front. Lily turned the ignition on and a bright and colourful song burst out over the speakers, contrasting loudly with the overall mood. “Oh, oh god,” she mused, quickly turning the volume to a barely discernible notch. She glanced at Remus in alarm before she backed out of the parking spot, who found the whole thing ridiculously funny despite his heavy head, and bit his lip to reign himself in. 

For the first five minutes, the car was Remus could tell Lily wanted to facilitate some form of conversation, but not many had the lack of brain to mouth filter that James Potter did, not even his girlfriend. Remus stole a glance in the mirror outside the passenger window, watched Sirius in the backseat with his head tilted back on the seat, watching cars pass by. Remus set his eyes out the front of the car, trying to focus on the song playing in the car at a very low volume, but could only make out the dull noise. He gave up on that, turning his hands over in his lap, noticed Lily’s hands tight around the wheel, and next the awful traffic they had the luck to get stuck in. Sirius let out a loud huff, undid his seat belt, and slid into the middle seat. He reached forward and turned the volume up, but it was incredibly jarring; the voice over the sound system cut through the suffocating silence and snapped Remus and Lily out of their own heads.

“ _I was lost 'til I heard the drums, then I found my way_."

Lily looked in the rearview mirror as Remus turned back. Sirius had decided to stay in the middle seat, his arms folded, and levelled the both of them with an authoritative look, one that screamed ' _well_ ?' without having to say a thing. Remus and Lily shared a quick glance. To date Remus had never before read another person’s mind quite so well, but it was quite clear what he and Lily were both thinking: if Sirius wanted normalcy, it was normalcy they would need to give him, and Remus didn’t know why either of them initially thought this wouldn’t be exactly what Sirius needed. The two of them broke out into song tentatively at first, but it didn't take long before they both gave into it, singing as though it were any other Friday afternoon, exaggerated hand movements and theatrics included. It seemed to be they had gone and done what he was asking for, and it was good they did for Sirius chimed in when he was ready and absolutely killed it.

They didn't end up going anywhere specific; Lily just drove, let shuffle throw out song after song, and Remus sincerely had little interest in leaving the two of them when they pulled up to the shop an hour later. He would have been willing to hear Sirius belt various songs for hours to hear the constant reminder of his presence and the fire in him that wouldn’t be snuffed out, but if he could take any weight off Sirius' shoulders, he was glad to do it. 

Remus thanked Lily, told her he’d see her soon, and got out of the car as Sirius stepped out to move into the front seat. In the six seconds Remus stood in front of Sirius, he merely gave him a hopeful smile, unsure of how else to end off. Sirius gave him an uncharacteristically sheepish look, lifted his hand to give his arm a squeeze, and moved to slide into the passenger seat. Remus forced himself to turn away, put one foot in front of the other, and stepped through the door to his old workplace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if y'all can figure out which verse Sirius performed to a T, you get a cookie.


	15. Chapter 15

After a full day of studying alongside Dorcas, each doing work for their respective programs, Remus arrived home at nine ready to sleep away nine hours. Unfortunately he had laundry to take care of before he could justify turning in for the night, and set about gathering clothes to bring to the laundromat. His phone vibrated in his pocket as he was stuffing a few shirts in his duffel and twice more before he got it out. He glanced over it, happy to see Sirius' name lit up.

_this buckley bloke_

_how have i never heard of him before? where have i been?_

_he's so good i want to take him out, shower him with affection, and make sweet love to him_

Remus stared at his screen, a little surprised that this would be the first thing he heard from Sirius since Friday, but he was glad to hear from him at all, even for what it was. He tried to formulate a response, but received another message before he could finish one.

_he would have to sing the whole time_

Remus' eyebrows went up, and he typed back. _The entire time or just during the sweet love?_ He stuck his phone back in his pocket, but he really shouldn't have for the reply came in seconds, then another, and he pulled it back out.

_the sweet love, i'm not unreasonable_

_ok i am because i'd want to draw it out for hours, but if anyone could manage it, it'd be him, no?_

Remus smirked, marvelling for what felt like the millionth time at Sirius' inability to condense his thoughts into a single text, and typed back another reply. _'Clearly quite a bit of thought went into this, but it'll be difficult to carry out this fantasy of yours.'_ Two replies came in back to back.

_lies and slander_

_what's his other stuff like? i need all of it_

Remus grimaced, sent back, _'Just the one, I'm afraid,'_ and set back to his chore, trying to get some of the packing out of the way before the six responses inevitably came in. His phone rang ten seconds later and scared the hell out of him. 

"God, you scared me," he said into the phone.

"This is a travesty," Sirius declared. "I've just checked the leaflet; he released this in ninety-four. What good does one album do? Why's he holding out on us? Explain yourself."

Remus made a tentative noise. "He, err, died over fifteen years ago now." Sirius was silent for enough seconds Remus wasn't sure if he had gone and hung up on him. "Sirius?"

"What's the fucking point, then?" Sirius asked vehemently.

"In life, do you mean?" Remus asked, amused despite the morbidity of it.

"Yes!" Sirius said. "I'm devastated."

Remus thought he should at least try to do two things at once and leaned the phone on his shoulder as he shoved a pair of trousers into the half-filled bag, then scooped a few articles from the hamper. "It's quite sad," he conceded. "Sort of makes the whole experience bittersweet, I think. It's powerful listening to it, but then I get done listening and I think, 'What else has he got, it must be-- oh.' Rather upsetting, but it sounds like you enjoyed it if you were willing to proposition him, so that's good at least. I'm glad you--"

"This is all your fault, you know that?" Sirius accused. "An hour ago I was a perfectly innocent, frolicking forest sprite--" Remus snorted, and Sirius went on louder, "and then you pull me into this hell with you. I've have a mind to suggest you wanted this all along."

"I assure you that wasn't my plan," Remus said. "Would it help if I told you some of the stuff he was working on was released postmortem and we can find a copy just for you?"

"Marginally." Sirius waited a beat. "Yes. Let's get on that."

"Shit, I completely forgot about Drowners," Remus said.

"I know," Sirius said through a sigh. "I've been trying to cut ties with you this entire time because of it but you just kept on about that Buckely bloke, so I just let you."

"I'm not sure that was me?" Remus said. "I'll listen to it soon and let you know how it fared. I'll try to make my review as crude as yours, too, if you'd like."

"You'd better."

Remus huffed a laugh, sat down on the edge of his bed, and left the bag of clothes for the time being. "You doing OK?" he asked after a moment.

"Aside from the stab wound you gave me?" Sirius said. "Yes, I'm OK."

"Yeah?" Remus asked, leaving room for Sirius to go on should he want to.

"Yeah." The line was silent once more. "Thought I might have scared you off."

Remus' shoulders sank and he breathed in before he spoke. "No," he denied, though he didn't quite manage to keep his voice even.

"It was a lot," Sirius said monotonously. "I don't expect many to want to stick around after that."

"Sirius, I've wanted to check on you since, but I wasn't sure--" Remus said. "I didn't want to get in the way."

"You never get in the way," Sirius told him, saying the the last four words as if they left a bad taste in his mouth and Remus wished he hadn't said them at all.

"I'm sorry, I should have checked on you."

"Don't be sorry, just--" Sirius said after a click of his tongue. "I don't want it to change anything."

"It won't," Remus assured him. He swallowed and looked down at the floor between his feet. "Not for the worst, I should say."

"Well, good, because it wasn't all terrible in the end," Sirius said. "Some plonker told me I'm just about the best thing that's happened to him all year, and I believed him."

Remus could hear the smile on Sirius' face, in his voice, and was certain Sirius would be able to hear his. "Sounds clever for a plonker."

"He is," Sirius said, and Remus ducked his head, his room seeming much warmer than it was. "Mind, I knew that, so it was really a reminder than anything else. I'm a shiny beacon of light ninety-nine percent of the time."

Remus smirked and scratched at his collarbone with his free hand. "It's around there on average, yeah," he agreed.

"Thanks," Sirius said, drawing out the word. "I get that a lot."

"I think I've figured you out some," Remus said airily.

"Have you?" Sirius said, putting on the same tone.

"Mmm," Remus hummed. "I think you're actually not one who can handle a compliment, but you don't want people to know that because what'll that tell them, and so you pretend to already know what they're going to tell you."

Sirius let out a prolonged and dry _Wow_ that had Remus fighting a laugh. "Do I make the cheque out to Dr. Lupin?" he further asked.

Remus lay back on his bed with his feet still touching the floor, keeping the same airy tone. "I think there's some truth there,"

"You're absolutely worse," Sirius said haughtily. "I swear I can actually see a small part of you shrivel up and die the instant anyone says anything half-way decent to you, and even then, you'll deny a compliment until the person giving it isn't sure why they bothered anymore."

"I do not," Remus denied.

There was another beat of silence. "You're one of the funniest people I've ever met."

"That can't be possible," Remus decided.

"What the fuck did I just say?"

"Quit it, I can't be," Remus insisted. "You know James."

"Right, well, if you'd dial it back a little and quit kissing your own ass for a second, you'd have heard me say 'one of.'"

"Oh, fuck off," Remus said, but it was drowned out by Sirius laughing. "You must have stuck yourself on that list, too, because no one thinks you're funnier than you."

"See, this is what I mean, it's all in the delivery," Sirius said. "And sometimes you'll sum something up perfectly but you're so dry about it, and then I'm weak -- just done for. I chance death any time I take a drink or lift anything heavy when you're near, but what else can I do? What's a life not lived?"

"I've never seen you lift more than a box of soy, but alright," Remus said to combat the warmth filling his cheeks. To attempt Sirius' philosophy, he added, "I've heard that a lot."

"See now, what's that better than outright denial?"

"No, it was awful and I regretted it immediately."

"I'm working on you," Sirius warned through a yawn, and Remus could actually see the languid stretch he knew Sirius was giving. "Suppose it's down to the wire for the next few weeks?"

Remus hummed in agreement. "Close, we're closing in on the two week mark," he said.

"Shit, that went by fast, didn't it?"

"Yes and no," Remus said, "but at least we're on the home stretch. I've another study session with Dorcas tomorrow, and we're going to try and tackle out papers at the same time, see if we can't crack what it is he's looking for."

"Solid."

"What about you?" Remus asked after a moment. "Any plans for your day off?"

"The hunt for Dora's present begins," Sirius said suspensefully.

"Go on," Remus probed. "Or are you not sure yet?"

"Caught me again," Sirius admitted, "but I've a few ideas, OK? I'm not completely at a loss here."

"Let me know which on wins out," Remus said, heaving himself up.

"What are you up to now?" Sirius asked. "Don't seem to be in a hurry to get back to the grind. Where's the focus, Remus?"

"I was trying to get some laundry done actually, but this strange man called me?" Remus said. "Think I'm going to have to tell him to--"

"Excuse me, where are you hiding a washer and drier in that flat?" Sirius demanded. "It's witchcraft, isn't it?"

"That, or there are some available in the building."

"Sure, sure."

"Frankly they're more expensive than the laundromat, so I go there," Remus said, moving to stand.

"Oh, don't bother with that," Sirius dismissed. "Bring it here."

Remus stooped to pick up the bag and set back to his chore. "I've quite a load and I'm not really looking to lug it to and from your place," he said, "but thank you anyway."

"Small sacrifice for a large reward," Sirius branded it.

Remus sighed inaudibly, thought of the full kitchen that came from Sirius, and that was quite enough when it came to favours. "That's OK, my tips are paying for it," he said.

"Bit late to be doing it," Sirius said mildly. "Been procrastinating, have you?"

"It's fair to call it that; I put this off a little long," Remus said, looking at what he accumulated so far, and he was sure he'd need to get another bag for the rest. "The good machines are up for grabs at this time, so it works out in the end."

"Need any help?" Sirius asked through a yawn.

Remus paused his chore again. "I can't say I'd mind it," he said genuinely.

"There in twenty," Sirius said easily.

"Twenty? Don't you speed, now--" Sirius made a bunch of nonsensical noises before hanging up, and Remus huffed before putting his phone away and actually getting his things together. When he finished up he brought both bags into the living room, stuffed his tips into his pocket, and lay down on the couch. Mestophales made her way over not long later and situated herself atop his chest and stuck her face in his, and he hung out there until Sirius strolled on in like he lived there, too, and Remus hid his smile in the cat's coat.

"And here I thought she was in love with me," Sirius mused from the entrance.

"I was lying here minding my own business and she came to me," Remus said, lifting his hands. "She's much more interested in you, I was just in the right place at the right time." The cat proved his point by purring loudly when Sirius came closer and bent to place a kiss on her head, and Remus head reeled at his proximity.

Remus slipped out from under the cat, got his jacket and scarf on, and decided it was a short enough distance to forgo his hat. The two trudged down the block, around the bend, and stepped into the laundromat, Sirius let out a whistle while Remus blinked, his eyes adjusting to the sudden shift from relative darkness into the fluorescent lighting inside. "You're right," he said, looking around the almost empty establishment. "Prime pickings."

"The best ones are over here," Remus said, leading the way. "I've a theory the ones closer to the front are used more often. I had one quit on me half-way through a load once, and tried one farther over here, and I've never gone back."

"Small things, isn't it?" Sirius said, adjusting the bag in his left hand.

"That's what I keep telling myself," Remus allowed, stopping at the farthest washer where he slugged the bag atop the washer.

"Both bags in one, or one at a time?" Sirius asked, mirroring Remus.

"Can't put two in the same one, it'll explode," Remus told him mildly as he stuffed articles into the washer. He nodded to the one Sirius stood in front of. "That one right there's a fine option."

Sirius snorted and shoved the bag on atop it. "So, what do you do while you're waiting?"

"Sorry?" Remus asked absently as he tried to detach the sleeves of two shirts from each other.

"Well, this is like the jewellers," Sirius said.

Remus paused what he was doing to glance up at Sirius lounging against the machine and looking over at him easily. "I just really want you to explain how this is anything like the jewellers," he said.

Sirius' mouth twisted before he waved a hand at him. "No, it is in that I've walked passed them, I know their function, but I've never been in one," he elaborated. "My blind spot, as you would say. What do you do here?"

"Usually I bring work along," Remus said, reaching for another item. "There's a Pacman machine up front if you're bored."

Sirius clicked his tongue. "You always go with the worst assumption," he huffed.

"No," Remus denied. "I just know it can be gruelling here, is all. I probably should have warned you before you came all the way here.

"I don't care, I'm with you," Sirius said as if Remus should have came to that himself. "D'you need any change?"

"No, I've got it covered, thanks," Remus said, busying himself with the next article as he felt heat rise to his cheeks. He got to the few stragglers at the bottom of the bag, and Sirius disappeared by the time he glanced up again. He just finished putting detergent in when Sirius reappeared with a pack of crisps from the vending machine, already munching away, then held the bag in front of Remus' face in offering.

Remus clicked his tongue but took a crisp anyway. "Are you going to unload that one, or do you want me to?" he asked, gesturing to the bag Sirius seemed to have forgotten about.

Sirius stuffed the crisps aside, pulled washer door open, and went for the bag. "Am I going to find delicates in here?" he asked. "Your lingerie, perhaps?"

"Did those last time," Remus said, closing the door to his own machine.

"Convenient," Sirius said as he pulled out items and chucked them into the machine. "Next time, you should really come to mine."

"It's a nice offer, but there's a limit to favours, and I we might be toeing the line here," Remus said, sticking a few coins in the slot.

"It's ridiculously expensive here," Sirius said, tapping the amount displayed digitally on the machine pointedly. "It's even more at your building?"

"In the end," Remus said, pressing start. "It's done by tokens which are five pounds a piece from my landlord, and the dryer is terrible so that alone takes two tokens in order for clothes not to be dripping when they time's up. At least here I know they'll actually... be dry when it's done."

"That man's a thief," Sirius decided, already down to the last of the clothes in the bag.

Remus hummed. "I wasn't overjoyed about it, but it's not as though this is far -- small things, as you said." Sirius shut the door to the machine, fished in his pocket, and stuck some coins in before Remus could grab his wrist. " _Sirius_ \--"

"I never know what to do with change," Sirius defended as the machine roared to life.

"You went and made change," Remus guessed, and had a feeling he guessed right by how quickly the subject was dropped.

"Do you remember Billie Piper?"

Remus stared plainly at Sirius. "No, who's she?"

Sirius looked back at Remus with a quirk of his lips. "No, I mean when she sang? She sang at one point," he said. "The song, Day and Night, was it?"

Remus frowned. "I don't remember this," he said.

"Loads of people dancing around a laundromat in the music video, you know, as you do," Sirius elaborated. "It's all I've been able to think about in here; war flashbacks the moment we stepped through the door."

"Was it?" Remus asked as he stuck he empty bag on the ground in front of the machine and sat down. 

He leaned back against the washer, glancing up at Sirius, who immediately followed suit, stretching his long legs out in front of him and crossing them. "I wasn't allowed to watch things of the sort when I was young, of course," he went on. "Undignified."

Remus nodded. "Dancing around laundromats usually is."

Sirius flashed him a quick grin. "I did have a friend who'd have me over quite often who was allowed to watch MTV, and we'd hunker down in the den and watch it on her dinky little telly, and I like to think it changed me forever. It's where I first saw the Spice Girls, in that den."

"Your first love, then," Remus concluded. "That den did you well."

A sinking, strikingly familiar set of chords struck up over the intercom, and Remus watched as Sirius' eyes widened substantially before he let out a whispered but impassioned, "Yes."

"It was you, wasn't it?" Remus said, dropping his shoulders. "You did this."

Sirius brought an impassioned fist up and sang from the top a little louder than necessary. " _I guess now it's time for me to give up, I feel it's time_ \--"

Remus brought his finger up to his mouth to shush him. "There's people here, Sirius," he reminded him. "You're going to get yelled at, and I'm going to get yelled at by extension."

"There's two other people in here," Sirius pointed out, lifting two fingers, "and I heard one call the other the biggest cunt she's seen all day when I was getting change, so I highly doubt I'm the worst the shop-keeps seen." Remus barely held a laugh in as Sirius nudged him. "Come on, I've heard you sing plenty at work, don't be modest now."

"Mm, but typically I had you and a track to drown me out."

Sirius ignored that bit, reached his hand out to him, and launched into the chorus. " _Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it. I just want you back for good._ " 

" _I want you back, want you back, want you back for good,_ " Remus reluctantly echoed from memory mostly, but Sirius looked so pleased by his participation that it didn't take very long for a nostalgia bug to creep in, and he continued echoing back lyrics that would possibly stain his brain for the remainder of his life, and he forgot about the other patrons of the shop for about a minute.

" _In the twist of separation, you excelled at being free,_ " Sirius sang on emphatically, pulling on Remus' arm, " _Can't you find a little room inside for me?_ "

"I'm not doing those high notes, that will never -- _whatever I said, whatever I did now, tell me_ \--"

"You really do know this," Sirius said amused. "The back up and everything."

"We do get radio waves in Wales," Remus said.

Sirius paused mid lyric. "I don't believe it."

Remus smirked and crossed his legs at the ankles. "I never really thought about how impersonal the song really is until now." Sirius blinked over at him, and Remus tilted his head in thought. "Whatever he said, did now -- operative word here, but if we focus on the general sentiment then we're to assume he's not sure what it is precisely, but he needs someone to listen. He didn't mean it. Trust him."

Sirius barked out a laugh, causing a head to pop up over one of the machines farther down from them and check the source of the jarring sound. "He's there with his partner having just played it, inwardly hoping, just praying they'll clarify it for him so he doesn't have to admit he has no clue what he's done now," he added, before pulling on Remus' arm, putting on a gracious voice. "Oh, pumpkin, you're saying sorry for the seven prostitutes you hired?"

"Y--yes, dear, that's the one." Sirius howled and Remus gave into a grin. "I'm glad you're feeling better."

Sirius coughed and straightened up, tapping his temple. "It's all in the deflection," he said knowingly.

Remus barely held back a wince. "I shouldn't have brought it up, you're in a good--"

"I'm not giving you shit," Sirius cut in, looking plainly at him now. "I'm just really good at distracting myself after years of it. I'll sing Take That in a laundromat if I have to."

Remus nodded, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth. "I sort of see something in that," he said a moment later, looking across the way at the row of machines along the wall, but he wasn't really seeing them. "I know I haven't been the most understanding of it, but I suppose that's because it's so opposite me." He saw Sirius turn his head to him out of his peripheral, and tried to explain it. "I'll worry about something until I mentally and physically can't do it anymore, and once I get there I just find something else equally troubling to focus on so I don't have to think about the first thing anymore, and I'm really good at finding something else."

"That's not all that different," Sirius said, looking over at him. "Our methods are a little off, but goal's the same in the end."

Remus glanced up as he fiddled with the cuticle on his left thumb. "I suppose it is," he said, giving him a weak smile. "Sometimes I wish I could do what you do."

"It's not all it's cracked up to be," Sirius said after a long moment. "Sure, you might think quite a lot and that might get exhausting, but at least you do it at all. I never do." Remus frowned as Sirius lifted the hand that unceremoniously met a brick wall. "We've a fine example here, don't we?"

Remus' shoulders fell. The welts were less prominent than they were two days earlier, but they stained his hand all the same, and Remus wanted them gone. "Sirius," he said quietly. "That's a little different."

"Well, it's true. I didn't think at all," Sirius said. "I completely blacked out. I remember feeling trapped just before, I remember you right after, the rest in between is gone."

"I'm -- I can't imagine what that's like," Remus said quietly again. "I'm sorry."

"It's not as though it's new; happened all throughout my teens, but I thought I was passed it and I'm not," Sirius said, dropping his hand to his lap. "I don't have a handle on it no matter how hard I pretend I do."

Remus breathed in quickly. "Sirius, you're much stronger than you're giving yourself credit for, and I need you to go easy on yourself."

Sirius' gaze snapped to Remus' in an instant, looking much like he did Friday; slight, indebted, touched. "You've been -- amazing," He lifted his hand and gestured to his hair at his shoulders. "I -- James must have mentioned it, but it was exactly what I needed right then and I don't know how you could have known to do that."

Remus' throat went a little dry and he smiled best he could, feeling disappointed with himself as he kept quiet and took credit for an emotional awareness that he didn't quite reach that day. "Normally I really don't like it when--" Sirius kept on, pausing for a moment in thought, "people are always touching it, it's a curse because it's just so bloody soft? How can people not?" Remus breathed out a quiet laugh at his vaguely detached tone. "I've a bit of a weird thing with it."

"That's -- I can imagine," Remus said tightly.

"Curse is a strong word," Sirius amended. "They're loving on it for the most part, I know, but there's always a moment where I just freeze up, but that didn't happen at all Friday. It completely grounded me--" Remus felt a different wave of disappointment; If it helped Sirius he should be glad he'd done it at all, no matter the reason behind it. He reminded himself what Sirius needed was support, and not someone looking for more from him when he might not be able to realistically give it, and missed part of Sirius' words. "--And not as if people go around pulling on it or -- except one bloke, he went and yanked on it in the middle of shagging and I punched him in the nose."

Remus' eyes widened and a morbidly placed laugh came out of him. "I'm sorry," he said, covering his mouth. "That's not funny at all, I'm--"

Sirius made a vague noise and lifted his hand, putting his thumb and forefinger close to each other. "It's a little funny," he said. "See this is how you do it; focus on the better parts. I sent him straight off the couch with that punch, it was impressive."

Remus snorted. "I still think there's a special place in hell for me," he said, putting his head in his hands.

"According to many sources I've got a suite there all to myself," Sirius said, lifting a shoulder carelessly. "At least you'll have company."

The shop-keep came around the corner tidying up and nodded at Remus, who gave him one in return. "I am starting to see where James' frustrations come from," he said once the man was out of ear shot. "The couch again?"

"Hey, hey, listen," Sirius commanded, pointing at him. "That's a really good couch, OK?"

Remus coughed out a laugh. "That's the defense you're going with?"

Sirius jolted as the machine behind Remus buzzed loudly. "What's it doing?" he asked. "No way it's done yet."

Remus pushed himself to his knees and turned to the machine. "Needs another fifty pence to keep going," he said as he fished in his pockets. He pulled out double, slotted his own, and held out the extras, nodding to the machine behind Sirius. "Yours will need another kick any time now."

Sirius pushed his hand away and moved to face the machine. "Gouging you left and right," he huffed. "I can't allow this any longer; you're coming to mine next time and there'll be no more arguing."

Remus resumed his former position. "Fine, Sirius," he sighed out.

"Really?" Sirius asked, moving back to sit as well.

"Yes."

Sirius gave him a pointed smile and a nudge. "Not that difficult to accept help now and again, is it?"

"But," Remus added, pointing to him, "I'm going to be bringing small gifts when I bring my stuff so you don't start considering me a freeloader."

Sirius' eyebrows went up. "Gifts? Not necessary."

"No no, this is non-negotiable," Remus informed him. "And I don't want to find them stuffed back into my bag or come home to them stashed about my flat, are we clear?"

Sirius smiled and nodded. "Yeah, we're clear." 

-

The next afternoon saw Remus and Dorcas two hours, three refills of tea down, and their respective papers mapped out to the best of their abilities. Hour four saw their papers written and polished, and though it was a little early to call it, Remus felt assured that both had given it their all. Once finished, Dorcas suggested pints at a nearby pub as a reward for their efforts, and when they arrived Remus had to admit three dollar pints for students was something he could get behind despite not expecting it. He voiced this, to which Dorcas informed him he needed to get out more, and with that unarguably true note, Remus conceded and got the first two.

A little ways into their first plans were set in stone: if they ended up with papers marked red all over, they'd end up back in the same spot, drowning their sorrows in a pint.

"'Course, I suppose we'll end up back here if we receive glowing reviews," Remus said evenly.

"Either way I'm getting a pint so who's the real winner here?" Dorcas said. She pulled the sleeve of her cardigan over her hands as it was chilly inside the pub, but that didn't stop her from buzzing with excitement. "We're so close now; I can actually taste Italy -- it's that close. I can almost touch it."

"It's all set, then?" Remus asked.

Dorcas went for another drink of her pint, nodding, then sighed when she set the glass down on the table. "It'll be nice to get out there," she said. "Experience a new city, new country. It's long overdue, I've never stepped out of this land."

"Oh, that'll be great, then," Remus said. "Makes sense you're itching to go."

"Have you thought about it?" she asked. "Doing a term abroad?"

Remus tapped the table with his forefinger as he took a sip of his drink. "If you do a little stretching that's what I'm doing now, actually," he said with a small smile. "Full degree, and not quite that abroad."

"What, you are?"

Remus nodded. "I'm from Wales, so it's really no extravagant distance, but all the same."

Dorcas blinked and shook her head. "I don't know how I didn't pinpoint the accent, what's that about?" she said. "So this is new country, new city for you; you know what I'm talking about then. Have you liked getting out, seeing what else there is to offer?"

Remus nodded again. "I suppose I was itching to step out of it, and it's been refreshing so far," he said. "There are certain aspects I miss, 'course. It's... so much louder here? It's a bit of an adjustment."

Dorcas nodded quickly. "I hear that," she said. "Cotswalds might be the quietest you can get. Couldn't sleep at all my first month here."

"Oh, you too, then?" Remus said, nodding.

Dorcas smiled before she went for another sip. "Do you think you'd try it father abroad?" she asked.

"I can't say I've thought much about it," Remus said. "Of course it'd be something I'd like to do, so I suppose it's a pipe dream, but that's as far as it's gotten."

Dorcas nodded. "Right, let's pretend it's a really large pipe," she said with a wave of her hand. "Where would you go if you had the choice?"

"France," Remus supplied directly.

"Alright, liar, you have thought about this," she said, knocking her shoe against his. "Why France?"

"Many reasons," Remus said mildly, lifting his glass to his mouth. "All purely educational of course, and none having to do with a thing for the French, I assure you."

Dorcas grinned. "I won't tell anyone," she said. She eyed her empty glass, slid out of her booth, and stood. "Alright, I've got the next one."

Remus nodded and thanked her, though he still had the dregs of his to finish, another was a fine idea. Once she returned, they talked of their respective programs, how it was all coming to an end in about a week and how strange it was to almost be on the other side of it. They talked of their plans for hols, though Remus purposely shifted them off his for it was looking to be a whole lot of picking up shifts and a fair bit less glamorous than Dorcas' as she had a term long trip to prepare for, and that brought on more talk of Italy, and after some more of it Remus had to admit he saw something in what Dorcas was doing.

Six o'clock rolled about, seeing their table with a fair collection of glasses before a patron came by, stacked them up, and disappeared with them. Dorcas went off to the bathroom not far into their fifth pint, and Remus surveyed the pub while he waited. More and more students had gathered over the course of the afternoon, which Remus thought was strange for a Monday, but wondered how many of them were out celebrating the end of troublesome papers and exams as they were. He took in a little more of the layout, the decor and the set up; there were odd pictures in frames here and there, posters for concerts on a bulletin board near the front, and stairs leading to a second floor. Remus counted five separate dog decorations and pictures peppered about the place, not including the large wooden cut-out of one out front he remembered seeing on the way in, and wondered what that was all about. A Black Keys song played from speakers overhead, and overall Remus thought Sirius would enjoy the place.

Remus checked the time again, debating how long he realistically had to hang about, and checked his university email upon second nature. An alert showed his ten o'clock class was cancelled, which he thought a little odd, but rather convenient as he wasn't particularly itching to head home yet. Dorcas returned, abandoning the seat across from him and joined him on the bench along the wall, and he thought that was helpful as the song that started up over the speaker near them was a lot louder than the prior one. He turned a little and leaned in closer as she spoke.

"I feel the need to point out that there's some French on my mum's side."

"Is she?" he asked, finding the music still distracting before Dorcas grabbed hold of his jaw and turned his face toward hers, and kissed him. It took him a moment to respond as a list could have been penned of more things he thought likely to happen before Dorcas snogging him and Armageddon might have been higher up on it. Dorcas snogging him brazenly would have been even lower than her snogging him at all, but it quickly reached that; there was an urgency to her tongue against his, to the press of her lips that Remus tried to match. Her hand was warm against his cheek, her lips soft as much as they were searching, and he relaxed into it before he felt her hand on his thigh, registered the words You live close, don't you? spoken between their lips and froze as if an anvil dropped through him.

He pulled back, breathing heavily and trying to speak. "I'm sorry, I just-- I can't," he said listlessly.

"But I thought--" Dorcas started, faltering. "I thought we were -- you haven't got a girlfriend, have you?"

Remus shook his head. "No."

"Then what is it?"

"It's not--" He hesitated, lifted a hand, and splayed it at himself. "Dorcas, there's nothing to want here; I'm a complete mess, and--"

"No, you're not," she said. It came out sounding instinctive, as if she didn't even have to think about it, and Remus' stomach clenched into an even more fierce tangle, and it cemented it even further that it wouldn't be fair to muck around. She deserved somebody with two feet on the ground.

"No, I am, and you're better off not getting wrapped up in it," he insisted. Dorcas looked even more downtrodden, and Remus rushed to fix it. "Dorcas, I like you a lot, and having you in class and to spend time with has been great, it has--"

"I should go, yeah?" she said, evidently not taking his words for what they were. "I think I should go."

"Wh-- I really don't want you to," Remus said, lifting his shoulders. "This doesn't have to change anything. It's gone, forgotten."

Dorcas reached across for her jacket slung over the arm of her vacated seat. "I know, I just need to--" she said, trying to grab hold of her bag but the strap was caught on one of the legs of the chair. "I'm just really embarrassed, I thought something was happening here, and I just need to--"

"Don't be, it's--"

"It's OK, Remus, really," she said, standing to move the chair instead before slinging her freed bag over her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Remus sat still as she left feeling like a prize idiot. He looked down at his half finished pint and drank some more of it, and when a waitress turned up asking if he wanted another he nodded; he had a raise and four extra hours week to work with, and more mad money than he'd had in quite some time with the heavy load of tips from the week prior, he deserved to sit there and think about why he kept mucking up things for himself and dragging others down with him.

By the start of his seventh, he decided it was better in the end that he hadn't let Dorcas on. There was no point in forcing it if there wasn't anything on his end, and she deserved someone who wouldn't have to force it at all. A Beastie Boys song started up, and that had him thinking about the time Sirius put on Intergalactic as they tidied up after one of their shifts, and how he'd found Sirius' yelling along as he swept irritatingly endearing, but in that moment it was doubly irritating. Six pints down, one more started, and feeling particularly fighty, Remus had his phone out and dialling before he could talk himself down from it.

Sirius answered mildly, and Remus hated his smooth voice so much he wanted to strangle him through the phone; the man smoked like a chimney, it made no sense that he should have a voice that polished. "You make it look easy, you know that?" he accused.

"It's the strut."

"What?"

"I have no idea, I'm making this up as I go," Sirius said. "What's going on?"

"Oh, keep up, would you?" Remus said before going for another drink.

Sirius let out a bemused laugh. "Give me a smidge more to go on and I'll give it a go," he offered.

Remus set his pint down with a clunk. "People fancy you all the time and you just keep going on about your day like it doesn't affect you or anyone else," he said, waving a hand over the table. "You have to tell me how you do it."

"Well, fair student of mine, there are a myriad of ways, and I can lend you my services, but you're going to have to start from the beginning. Seriously. There's a story here and I want it." Remus sighed for now that he was there he didn't know how to begin. "Where are you? That easier?"

"I have no idea," Remus said truthfully, squinting across the pub to read anything outside but the lighting was low and the windows quite tinted. He glanced around for a moment. "There's an oak bar over there," he said, "but who knows, perhaps it isn't. Could be another type of wood. I shouldn't assume any."

"Perhaps an oak bar," Sirius repeated thoughtfully. "You've really painted a picture for me, I know exactly where you are."

"There's a dog in every direction," Remus supplied. "No actual dogs, bunch of frames of them. Good, really, because otherwise I'd have thought the owner was a cat person, and we couldn't have that."

Remus heard nothing and blocked his other ear to find Sirius' breathy laugh coming through. "At Black Dog?"

"They are all black, aren't they?" Remus realized.

"It's all coming together now, isn't it?" Sirius asked. 

"The Beastie Boys are on."

"I can hear them," Sirius said amused. "I used to go there all the time. Tell Caradoc you know me and you'll get a free pint. Tall blonde bloke with the sleeve tattoo."

"Illicit love affair?" Remus guessed after another sip of his pint.

"Straight at a T, that one," Sirius sighed. "Haven't even bothered."

"Like that'd stop you, though?" Remus quipped.

"You'd be surprised," Sirius said. "Are you on the phone with me while you're mate's just sitting there? Terribly rude of you, Remus."

Sirius sounded as though he had no real problem with that, but Remus felt his stomach sink at the reminder. "No, she left."

"And you're just sitting there?"

Remus nodded, then realized Sirius couldn't see him. "Yes," he supplied. "I deserve to sit alone, though. I fucked up, but am always doing that, aren't I?"

"What?"

"I don't even mean to do it, but I still do," Remus said matter-of-factly. "It's about the only sure thing I have going for me, so there's that. Beginning to think I could teach a class on it -- and with such hands on experience, it could be a big game changer. Good thing, too, because while all the teaching spots fill up because dozens of others will have shinier resumes than I do, well, perhaps I'll carve my own way into the market."

The phone was silent for a moment. "Stay where you are," Sirius said just as Remus went for another gulp of seven, and the call dropped before he could tell him not to bother.


	16. Chapter 16

Remus finished off the dregs of his pint with the accompaniment of Daft Punk, then lay his head down on his arms and half-listened to the next four songs that may as well have come off of Sirius' phone, and the pints might have led him to believe the one picking the songs was messing with him purposefully. 

"I almost had an aneurysm trying to get here and you're worse than I thought." 

Remus lifted his head as Sirius dropped into the chair across from him. "I hate it when you speed," he said, straightening up and blinking across the table from him. "You didn't have to come all the way here." 

Sirius eyed him. "How much have you had?" 

"Bit of this, bit of that," Remus said mildly, which was a ridiculous thing to say because he'd only had beer. Sirius arched an eyebrow and Remus shrugged. "I've had a few pints. I'd have made it back." 

"We'll see when you start walking, won't we?" Sirius said, standing up. He moved around the table, leaned down, and wrapped his hand around his arm. "C'mon, up." 

"Where are we going?" Remus asked, reaching blindly for his bag as he was hauled to his feet. 

"Home," Sirius sing-songed as he led Remus to the door. "Well, perhaps we'll get something in you first, but then home." 

Remus heard the word, thought not of his flat or the house in Wales but of Sirius', and it added yet another shovel-full of self-hatred atop the heaping pile. "You're pathetic," he scolded. 

"Excuse you," Sirius said as he got the door open and Remus through it. 

"Not you," Remus sighed. "I was talking to me." 

"I'd quit doing that." 

Remus glanced along the sidewalk. "Where is she?" he asked. 

"Parked her at yours," Sirius said easily, linking arms with Remus and walking him down the block. "I really would like to know how you ended up at Black Dog on a Monday evening when you were supposed to be at some study session. I know I said I'd corrupt you eventually, but I didn't think it'd be this drastic." 

"We relocated," Remus said, watching his feet as he stepped, trying to keep up with Sirius' easy strides. 

Sirius let out a laugh. "That's all you're going to give me, is it?" he asked as he pulled a door open and pulled Remus through it. 

Remus' first impression of the place was the lights were far too bright for the state he was in, and his second was that the establishment looked rather dingy once his eyes adjusted. "Warn me when you take me somewhere fluorescent," he said, blinking again. 

"Noted," Sirius said as he sat him in a booth near the door, then told him to stay put as if Remus was thinking of wandering off. 

Sooner than he was expecting, Sirius plopped a tray down in front of him, and Remus couldn't remember finding a load of grease on a plate more appealing. "Thank you," he said, suddenly quite cheerful, and he was too far past dignity not to scarf most of it down in minutes. He glanced up, noticing Sirius holding possibly the largest size of pop known to man and that he hadn't gotten anything else for himself, and pushed what he had left toward Sirius happily in offering. 

Sirius shook the massive cup in response and took a few more sips before speaking around his straw. "So, tonight I got this cryptic call from a bloke I know," he started. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"

And just like that, Remus' food-sated rise in mood plummeted. He sighed, dropping his fork on his plate. "It was such a good day, too," he mused, scratching at his forehead for a moment. 

"What happened?" Sirius asked, pushing a loose strand of hair behind his ear. 

"Everything was _grand_ ," Remus said, moving his left hand in a flail to emphasise the word, and Sirius looked as though he was making a valiant effort not to laugh. "We finished our papers, and they're the best, Sirius, if I don't get an A, you can eat my hat--" 

"Please get an A." 

"--And then we had a few to celebrate a job well done, and that was fine too, but then she's right up next to me and I didn't think anything of it, but she starts snogging me out of nowhere--" 

"Wait, wait," Sirius cut in, holding up his free hand. "What do you mean, out of no where?" 

"Well, it was sudden," Remus said, going over it in his head as well as aloud. "The rest of the time we were just talking. Travelling, we definitely talked about that, she's studying in Italy next term. She asked where I'd go if I had the chance, and I said France, of course, and we talked of hols, nothing--"

"Why of course?" Sirius asked between sips. 

Remus gave him a pointed look at the continual interruptions of his thoughts and tried to keep both points of conversation in his mind simultaneously. "I like the French, it's nothing," he said, waving him off. Sirius gave one nod, but Remus paused, brought his hand up to his forehead, and stared across the table with widened eyes. 

Sirius' own widened before he froze. "God, what?" he asked, looking over his shoulder. 

"I told her that," Remus said, and Sirius turned back. "She turned up right beside me, told me she's got some French on her mum's side. That wasn't out of nowhere." 

Sirius' face split into a grin before he huffed out a laugh. "That girl's a hero," he said. "That line is so good I might even steal it. Most people won't miss one that blatant." 

Remus shoved the tray between them aside and leaned his head down on the table with a groan. "How did I miss that?" he demanded. "I'm such a ponce." 

"Nah," Sirius said, giving Remus' head a pat. "A tad oblivious perhaps, but that's about it." 

Remus huffed a sigh. "I'm not used to blatant flirting." 

He wasn't expecting Sirius to laugh, or do so quite so loudly, and lifted his head. "You really ought to be seeing as it happens to you regularly." 

"It does not," Remus said indignantly, straightening up. 

"Happened at the shop all the time," Sirius informed him, then lifted a hand as if listing off, "Mary flirted with you quite a bit, soap shop girl--"

"Sophie, Sirius, she wears her name tag when she comes in," Remus said after a click of his tongue, "and neither of them do that."

Sirius' eyebrows went up. "Mary spoke poems about you most of Saturday, and I've a feeling she might just accidentally tip a pot over my head while I'm not looking so a spots available for you to fill, and _Sophie_ came in twice an evening when you were on and hang about for ages, and it's down to one now and believe me she's not chatting me up," he rattled off. "It's just like you not to see it, but I'm beginning to think you've no idea when you're giving it back." 

Remus' head swam as he tried to pinpoint moments where he unknowingly led either on, but he couldn't think of any. "You're having be on," he decided. 

"There are much easier ways to do that." 

"It's not as though I do it on purpose," Remus defended. "I didn't even know I was doing it at all." 

"No, I'm aware, I just told you that, didn't I?" Seeing Remus' despairing look, he added, "it's nothing to fret over; you're just a bit of a tease." 

"You're not helping," Remus said pointedly. "I wish I had noticed with Dorcas sooner, and we could have avoided this altogether. I should have put a stop to it sooner because I really upset her." Remus took in Sirius' calculating look and didn't enjoy it. "What, I should have let it go on? You'd have taken her home?" 

"Well, no." 

"Hypothetically, Sirius," Remus said, mimicking Sirius' sing-song voice from earlier. "Work with me?" 

Sirius mouth quirked upward and he nodded. "Right, well, there's nothing wrong with having standards--" 

Remus shook his head. "It's got nothing to do with standards -- she's gorgeous," he said. "Not only that, she looked at me and didn't see all the mess so she's tops, and if anything she's settling for me." 

"One, no. Two, I don't know what you want me to say," Sirius said. "You want me to tell you that you should have?" 

"Definitely not," Remus said with a lift of his shoulders. "I wasn't about to waste her time." 

Sirius lifted his free hand to his eyes and rubbed them slowly with his forefinger and thumb. "Remus, what are we going to do with you?" he said exhaustively before dropping his hand and looking back over at him with lidded eyes. 

"This isn't me searching for a compliment, alright?" Remus said. "It just would have been--" 

"We're talking about sex though, not running off and marrying the girl." 

The words made Remus bristle, not to mention he found it ridiculous to hear them out of a bloke holding a comically large Pepsi cup. "When did I say I would have to?" he asked, looking at him bemused. 

"She's off to Italy isn't she? Might have been looking for a quick one," Sirius pointed out. "Oh, you one of those all or nothing types?" 

"No, I just--" Remus' face fell, his eyebrows knitted together. "That's a real shit thing to say, you know." 

"Why's it shit, it's just a question," Sirius said, lifting his hand. 

"It doesn't make me a prude because I wasn't interested in a one off with a mate," Remus told him. 

"Alright, fine, you're a noble gentleman, hats off to you," Sirius said. Remus scoffed at him, pulled his arms in, and crossed them, while Sirius let out a exasperated laugh. "Well, what, if she was up for it, why didn't you? Seems to me you could use a--" 

Remus shot Sirius a glare. "I didn't want to fuck her for the hell of it, is that alright with you?" he snapped. Sirius stuck his mouth over his straw, keeping quiet, and Remus took the opportunity given. "The point is I let it go on longer than I should have because I missed it, and that wasn't fair, and she's upset, and I've probably lost a friend I really enjoyed spending time with, and it's my fault." 

Sirius blew out a breath of air. "Guilt's not going to help any," he said. "We've all done that, don't start hounding on yourself about it. She'll live, and as for you, find someone you might actually want to shag if that's what you--" 

"Right, just like that," Remus said, snapping his fingers. "It's not that easy." 

Sirius made a face that suggested it wasn't difficult either. "That's an extremely pessimistic way to look at it," he said frankly, before adopting a mystical tone. "There's an entire city out there... and Remus, there's even cities outside of this one, imagine that?"

Remus didn't appreciate the humour just then. "You know, it was naive of me to think I could talk to you about something like this," he said, shaking his head. 

"Oi," Sirius said, knitting his eyebrows together. "I'll point you to a fine wall to talk at if you're not interested in my opinion." 

"Well, we see things differently, and just because you've no qualms about getting with someone whether there are good intentions are not, it doesn't mean I don't," Remus said. 

Sirius pulled his mouth off his straw and pointed the cup at Remus. "You're being a bit of a prick so it's not like you deserve the help," he told him, "but I'm going to give it to you anyway because I've the perfect example. I had a thing with a professor of mine back at uni; I was just having a bit of fun but he ended up telling me he wanted to leave his wife, and that once I was out of his class we could be open about it and run off together, so I swiftly booked it out of that. Thing is, he would have done that anyway, it had nothing to do with me. I just happened to come along and shot-put him into that sexual crisis of his, but he'd have come to that eventually -- some other bloke would have done it for him if I hadn't. See what I'm saying here?" 

"No," Remus said vacantly. There were so many aspects to think about he didn't know where to begin, but he definitely didn't understand the correlation. 

"I'm saying you've absolutely no control over how someone else is going to feel about you," Sirius said. "You don't, I don't, he doesn't--" he pointed to the man behind the counter dripping chips in oil, "--none of us have control over it, so you'll be doing yourself a favour if you just let this stuff go." 

"Well, that's easy for you to--" 

"No, you too," Sirius said, pointing his cup at him again. "You can't control her getting starry-eyed over you, in the same way I had no control over him wanting to run off into the sunset with me. Can you imagine? That's far too much pressure to put on an eighteen year old, and I didn't feel guilty about getting out of it then, and I certainly don't now." Sirius eyed Remus, reading his conflicted expression. "You wanted to know how I do it," he said simply. "This is it. I've no responsibility to anyone else, and neither do you." 

Remus put his hands in his lap and fiddled with them there. "It's just not easy for me to think that way," he said weakly. 

Sirius searched him again. "Yeah, I know it's not, but it wouldn't hurt to give it a shot," he said. Remus began to look down, but Sirius ducked his head and before he could, keeping Remus' attention on him. "I think you're looking for someone to tell you it's alright that you didn't go home with her, so I'm telling you you're in the clear. You didn't go in there searching for fanny and decide hers was the easiest, you went for drinks with a mate, she read the signs wrong, and that's all there is to it. With that out of the way, get off your own back. No one's going to give you more shit than you give yourself." 

Remus did drop his gaze after that, nodding. "I know that," he said, staring at the table that was a fluorescent shade of red and was covered in fingerprints. "It feels impossible to explain -- it's a mess up here." He brought a hand up to mimic a gun going off at his temple. "I've so many reasons for why I do anything, and as much as I am used to it, sometimes I'm just fucking exhausted." 

Sirius' reached a hand across the table to get his attention. "Let's work on it, then," he said. "Sort the mess out one by one. I've got nothing but time." 

A new wave of appreciation fell over Remus, but he still hesitated. "Some of it will sound insensitive--" 

"Be insensitive," Sirius requested, slapping his hand on the table. 

"Just -- please try to let me get it out before you say anything, OK?" 

"This is me, but I'll try," Sirius said, giving him a small smile. 

Remus picked up the fork on his forgotten plate and pressed the tongs into the leftover food on it idly. "It's not so clear cut for me, not completely anyway, and I've never known what to do with it, but I--" He paused then, going with the first example he could think of. "You know Lily?" 

"Vaguely," Sirius said with a flippant wave of his hand. He dropped it immediately and fixed Remus with an uncharacteristic look of trepidation. "Fuck, Remus, if you fancy Lily I'm--"

"No," Remus rushed to say, gesturing for Sirius to relax, and his shoulders dropped as he let out a breath through his nose, "but I feel like I could?" 

Sirius' shoulders went up instantly. "You're fucking killing me here," he said forcefully. 

"You know what, this was an awful example," Remus decided, bringing his other hand up to his forehead. 

"You think?" Sirius snapped. 

Remus lifted his hands in a calming gesture once again, trying to reword it carefully. "I'm only trying to say that if circumstances were different... she's my boss, she's clearly involved with someone and happily so -- and thank you for not punching me over this, I know you're thinking of James -- but she's also incredibly sweet, too kind, it's abnormal. And she's quite pretty, objectively for you obviously, but I'm saying I could easily see myself having a thing for her if things just ended up differently." 

"I don't know what to do with this observation," Sirius said in an another uncharacteristically careful voice. 

Remus dropped the fork again, leaned his elbows on the table, and stuck both palms over his eyes. "Only I'm trying to say I'm not closed of to the idea of women in general, but the timing has always been off or I've been with someone, and I don't like to put too much thought into it, but it's staring me in the face and it's impossible not to," he said listlessly, rubbing at his eyes with the heel of his hands. "It's insensitive to say, I know, but I wish it were more clear cut because then at least I'd know where I stand. Of course it'd have been fun going home with her, but she was so much more -- it just wasn't the right fit, and that's the short of it and it shouldn't have to be more complicated than that. I'm not going to use people to figure out where I am on this. If it had clicked I'd have no issue giving it a go but frankly I'd been wishing she were a bloke the entire time, and that's not fair to her, and I've no clue what this makes me." 

Remus pulled his hands off his eyes when all he heard was the clang of dishes being washed over behind the counter; Sirius was further back in his seat, the massive cup now covered his mouth and made it difficult to read his expression, and all Remus could understand was he'd moved away. A crowd of rowdy blokes around their age slammed through the door, ringing the bell on the door off the walls and causing a stir. Sirius was shaken out of it, his eyes darting to the commotion before they were back on Remus. He hesitated before he opened his mouth, but Remus felt ill and got their first. "That's more than enough about me, I should think. How was your day?" 

Sirius seemed to think the abrupt change in subject was exactly that, and if Remus knew him at all then he had a very small window for deflection and he needed to act fast. He glanced beside him and grabbed for his bag. "Tell me on the way?" he suggested, moving out of the booth. "Thanks for the food, by the way, but I'm finished here." 

Sirius followed him out the door, still holding the gargantuan cup though he wasn't drinking from it anymore. They got halfway down the block before Remus tried again. "How did the hunt go?" he asked, glancing over at Sirius. 

"Hmm?" Sirius glanced over at him distractedly and Remus' stomach sank at the idea of him mulling the revelation over in his head. It wouldn't take long for him to put two and two together, if by some miracle he hadn't already, and Remus had his doubts in his luck with that when he noticed the wide berth Sirius was giving him compared to earlier. It was a red flag in itself, and if he had sniffed him out he was probably deciding on the easiest way to let him down; Sirius could spout all he wanted about having no personal responsibility for anyone else's feelings, but mates were a different story. 

"Dora's present," Remus forced himself to say in an even voice. 

"Yeah, we found it," Sirius said with a smile. 

"Which one won out, then?" Remus asked, his entire body thrumming at the possibility of Sirius striving for normalcy for his sake. 

"It was a bit of a fight between the options, but the guitar won out in the end." 

Remus perked up even more. "Does she play?" 

Sirius shook his head as he sipped from the drink again. "I'd like her to, though," he said. "Thought I'd show her the basics. She's got a good ear for it, understands melody well." 

"She'll have a good teacher at any rate," Remus said as he stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket, before he worried how a compliment might be received just then. Sirius gave him a tight smile much to Remus' expectations, then he changed the subject to Remus' paper. 

Remus tried to move past the moment for at least Sirius looked to be trying. He talked of the paper, his classes, and the final two weeks ahead of him, relieved to have a topic of discussion that had nothing to do with his sexuality. Sirius didn't say much, which was inordinate for him when he interrupted Remus frequently, peppering his stories with quips of his own. Remus could feel Sirius' eyes on him as they walked with two bodies distance between them, and nerves began to trickle back in slowly and he had had never been happier to see his flat when they arrived. 

He made his way up the stairs and into the flat without too much trouble, with Sirius following behind him. Remus went straight for his room when he got in the door, though more importantly his bed, and lay down on it. It was a good idea to come back, he decided. His bed felt like a cloud. He heard Sirius rummaging around in the kitchen, and then the sound of the tap running as he forced himself to leave the cloud to find something to sleep in. He just finished pulling on a pair of pyjama trousers when Sirius appeared in the darkened room, walked over to the right side of his bed, and plunked a bowl down on the floor, then set a glass of water on his nightstand. Remus thanked him and Sirius nodded, moved past him and stopped in the doorway as Remus moved to lie down again. He turned around, his right hand on the door-frame, but his face was hard to see from the light pouring in the room from behind him. 

"No," he denied with one shake of his head. "Turn over." 

"What?" 

"Front or side, pick one." 

Remus picked his side. He heard nothing until he heard the click of Sirius' tongue. "What?" he asked again, lifting his head and turning it to him. "I moved." 

"You're going to roll onto your back in your sleep, and I can't leave because it's all I'll think about," he said frustrated. 

"I doubt it," Remus said, but then the idea of drowning in his own sick began to sound extremely unappealing. "Stay here if it's going to bother you, it doesn't make much sense driving home now." It could have been easier if Remus could see more than a sliver of Sirius' expression, but when he didn't concede, move forward, or even speak to decline, it was quite evident he didn't want to do that in the slightest, and Remus went numb. "Sirius, this is hard enough as is without you getting like this. I've been -- it's been like this the whole time, and I've never once tried anything and I'm definitely not going to, so I--"

"Thank you for putting it out there," Sirius snipped, bringing his left hand through his hair jaggedly. "Good -- really good work, Remus." 

"Well, that's what you're thinking so fucking quit it," Remus said, raising his voice in response to Sirius' irritable tone. "You never cared about sharing a bed before, and if this is the way you're going to act about it do me a favour and pretend you never heard it." 

"Fine, we're good." Sirius walked around to the other side of the bed and sat down against the headboard. Remus frowned at the boots still on his feet but thought chiding him for walking around his flat in them just then might not be a clever idea. As if reading his mind, Sirius kicked both off one by one, pulled both legs in and crossed them under him, and fixed his gaze on the window. 

The bed dipped and Mestophales trotted over to Sirius determinedly and nestled comfortably in his lap, but he barely acknowledged the feline and her tail whipping his arm. Remus watched him watch the window, going over his words in his head, and he thought perhaps he shouldn't have mentioned anything, that Sirius might have rathered they not discuss it at all. He didn't know how what else he could have done, though, and Sirius was acting as though being anywhere near Remus was uncomfortable for him. 

Remus huffed, stared up at the ceiling fan and noted it wasn't staying in one place despite the fact that it wasn't even on. "Well, this room is spinning," he declared. It was chilly, too, and it had nothing to do with the horrid heating in the flat this time around, but Remus didn't know what to do about that. 

"Aim right."

"For that I won't. And you really didn't have to allude to my death like you did, it's all I'll think about now." 

"Don't." 

"How do you suppose I do that? You put it out there." 

"I don't know. Find something else to think about, you're really good at that." 

Remus eyes snapped up to Sirius, set off by his flat tone. "You know what, you can fuck off and leave." 

Sirius turned his head to Remus instantly, his eyes widening before his lip quirked at the side. "Which one first?" 

"Both," Remus snapped, but his own mouth was moving up against his will, and Sirius huffed out a laugh. 

He brought a hand up and ran it over his face. "Just talk about something else, yeah?" he said, sounding much less pointed. 

Remus sighed through his nose and stuck left arm under his head to use as a makeshift pillow. "I listened to Drowners this morning," he offered. 

"And?" Sirius probed. 

"I liked them," he said, pulling the sleeve of his jumper over his right hand. "Quite melodic. Singer's voice is very good. Reminded me of Morrisey." 

"I thought so, too?" Sirius said, his mouth lifting more at the side. "Smiths and Strokes hybrid." 

Remus reached over and slapped Sirius' arm in agreement. "That's it, you're right," he said. "Though, I'll admit I'd have liked their songs to be a tad longer." 

Sirius shifted. "Quite the point of them," he said, giving a pet along Mestophales' coat. "Short and sweet, no filler in the middle." 

"Right, I see that, but a half hour album?" Remus countered. "That's far too short." 

"They've a second album out," Sirius pointed out. "And after musical blue ball you gave me yesterday I'd say we can call the playing field even." 

"You've eased up some on your description," Remus observed. 

Sirius lifted a hand. "I'm far from over it. Do you know what I thought I had?" he asked emphatically. "Dozens of albums worth of that man's voice running all over my body, and do you know what I don't have?"

"Dozens of albums worth of that man's voice running over your body, I know," Remus said with a nod, before the general topic led him to a thought. "How long have you been at the guitar?" 

Sirius gave the cats ears a tweak. "Right after I got kicked out," he said. "So, seven years, just about." 

Remus turned that over in his head. "It's entirely unfair that you can play both," he decided. "Pick one and give me the other, I can't play a note." 

"As much as I love how envy looks on you," Sirius said with a pointed smile, "generally once you've got one down the other isn't all that difficult to pick up." 

"Well, sure you can get away with saying that, you're very good," Remus said. Sirius didn't respond and Remus smirked. "You're torn between thank you and saying you already knew that, aren't you?" Sirius laughed, nodding. "I can't even take the mickey because it would be true, so I suppose you're allowed to think it." 

"You're finally seeing my philosophy," Sirius observed lightly. 

"I wish you'd do something with it, mind," Remus said, shifting his head on his arm. 

Sirius looked over at him. "I do," he said after a moment. 

"I don't mean just fiddle around with it," Remus elaborated. "Think of what you could accomplish if you focused on--"

Sirius hummed in a monotone. "You going to tell me what to do with my time again?" he asked. "That doesn't usually go very well does it, and yet--" 

Remus' face fell. "I'm only saying you've got a lot of talent you could be using," he defended. 

"I'd really rather not get into the whole cliche," Sirius said frankly. 

"What one's that?" Remus asked. 

Sirius sighed, then breathed in. "One, kid of business mongrel turned starving artist. Two, kid without direction could do so much more if he could only _just realize his potential_ ," he said mockingly, lifting a fist in emphasis. "Pick either, we've all heard them, and I for one am exhausted by both and I will not be either of them." 

"Strange since you are one." Sirius made a noise between a scoff and a laugh, and Remus lifted his right shoulder. "It doesn't make sense. You know you're brilliant but you're still resting on what--" 

"I'm not resting, I just don't see the point," Sirius reiterated, lifting the same hand. "You've been listening to Lily. I play when the mood strikes so why isn't that good enough for you two?" 

"It's as she said, it's a shame," Remus said. "I'm not saying you could sell out arenas around the world and go triple platinum, but there are programs out there for people who can sit down at a piano years out of practice and still manage to play like they'd done it the day before. You could be in one of them, easily, and I don't know why you aren't or why you won't bother." 

"I'm not years out of practice," Sirius said. "Lily and I play now and again, and it keeps me on my toes well enough. It's all ingrained anyway, I can't forget it even if I tried."

Remus sighed quietly. "You sat down and were able to play whatever any of us threw at you," he said. "That's not something to scoff at, that's--" 

"I only play with Lily because she loves it when we do, that's it," Sirius said. "Those were some awful years, but it's not as though it's difficult to avoid it when you're not being asked to play Beethoven's eleventh." 

"OK," Remus said carefully. "I see what you're saying, but I could easily have said the guitar instead of the piano and the point would still stand, you know that, I'm sure? You barely had to look while you played -- I know because we carried on an entire conversation with you picking on the thing all the while, you could do it in your sleep--"

"It doesn't matter, it'd be the same if I'd had some swotty governess rapping my knuckles anytime I mucked up a chord -- I'd think the same thing, wouldn't I?" Sirius countered. "Just because it turned out to be the easiest thing to pick up doesn't mean I need to do anything with it. Look, it's not as though I didn't think about it," he added after Remus huffed a sigh, "I did, it was half the reason I picked it up, I knew it'd fucking infuriate them, and if I made something out of a hobby as time wasting as that my father would roll around in his fucking grave, but if I did it just to spite them I'm still living by their ideals anyway. I'd be letting them dictate that decision like they tried to do with everything else, and they don't have the right. It's mine." 

There were so many directions Remus could go in, irritated for it made him want to punch a few holes in his own wall for all Sirius' family had messed with his head. "It doesn't have to be their's," he said forcefully. "You've something people work at with their time and energy, and I saw you playing, and I can see you love it. You're letting yourself get bogged down in the what-ifs and might haves, but it turned out this way--" 

"Remus," Sirius said resigned, bringing a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. 

"You're afraid," Remus said faintly. Sirius dropped his hand and trained his eyes on him. "I don't know why you would be when you have a safety net to fall back on that others don't, you're living far above the poverty line, you have support around you, and you haven't anything to lose." 

Sirius sat frozen and poised to speak before he looked down and away from him. "It's not like I don't know I'm in a standstill," he said. "Things are going to change, I want them to stay the same but they won't; James is going to move on, he's only got one term left and he's out of there, Lily's going to move on with him, Pete's sorting his life out, you moved on." He lifted a hand through his hair, his movements hasty and jagged. "You'll all move on and I'll never -- I'm not wired like you lot are, I don't want what everyone else does, and even if I did I wouldn't get it. I'm going against the current -- I'm going to fucking sink, alright?" 

Remus didn't have to see Sirius in perfect light to know his eyes were unfocused and hard simultaneously, darting around the darkened room unable to find anything to latch onto; he scooted closer, reached out, and grasped the sleeve of his hoodie to steady him. Some things he was powerless to fix, but with others, he could try. 

"Sirius, you're not going to get left behind. James loves you and it's a good thing you like him as much as you do because I think you're stuck with him," he said, delivering it as if it were unfortunate news, and Sirius let out a huff, but a laugh escaped and Remus gave a small smile for it. He'd get him back. "That's two people now," he moved the hand from Sirius' arm and held up two fingers between them, "who are better off knowing you at all, and that's pretty good, I think." He hoped Sirius' silence meant he was taking in what he was saying, and kept on so he wouldn't have time to convince himself otherwise; Remus knew that too well. "Lily adores you, and I know how grateful she is that you ended up being James' other half. Peter's... he's dumbfounded you give him the time of day." 

Sirius broke into a full rolling laugh, scaring the cat. "Warn me before you do that," he implored. 

"No, I didn't mean it badly," Remus said, though his voice wavered with amusement. "Only you and James are tornadoes -- those hybrid ones that move together," he moved his left arm out from under him, leaned onto his back a little, and twirled both hands weakly in circles, "you two, causing a ruckus wherever you go, then there's Pete--" he grabbed for Sirius' wrist and forced his hand to stay raised between his, and twirled them around it, "who just got picked up along the way, and he probably has to check if he's dreaming now and again. I know the feeling, here's me--" he pointed to Sirius' free arm farther away from the demonstration he was doing, "just flabbergasted you lot picked me up at all."

Sirius had been watching Remus' little puppet show with wide eyes and the crooked smile Remus loved, but let out a loud _pfft_ at that. "Ridiculous, banish that thought immediately," he ordered. 

"I'm telling the truth," Remus said, lifting both his hands in a shrug. "By all accounts, it doesn't make sense. I'm far too rigid for you four." 

"You're really not when you get going," Sirius said, eyeing him knowingly. "That's the best part." 

Remus moved his left arm back for head support, hiding his smile in the crook of his elbow for how much he had been embraced by them, and he was sure his worries from earlier had no basis anymore. He was silent as he went over what Sirius had spoken about him through his rant. "I'm not moving on," he said softly, understanding Sirius' frustrations with him earlier in the month much more. 

"Please," Sirius said resigned, "you're going to end up a young, cool professor at some boarding school in Scotland, you wait." 

Remus bit his lip and tried to focus on the vote of confidence instead of his flippant tone. "You could be off studying at some music fellowship by then, or really seeing what you can do," he said to repay him. "I think you need a fire lit under you, someone who's going to give you a push now and again, but you're never going to sink. I just wanted you to know I think you're brilliant, and you could do so much." 

Sirius swallowed. "Thank you." 

Remus gazed up at the different, quieter smile Sirius wore, finding it stunning to hear him say it and sound as though it actually meant something to hear it, when three months prior he was convinced Sirius wouldn't need a vote of confidence. Looking at him there, Remus couldn't say he'd ever found him more attractive than he did then, and it took every once of self-restraint he possessed not to move to kiss that smile. 

Sirius had since forgotten about the cat still vying for his attention in his lap. She seemed to have the same idea Remus had only she was much more forward than he was, decided enough was enough, and stood up to stick herself right in their line of sight, coming at Sirius from a different angle for some more love. Sirius let out a breathy laugh while Remus hid his face in the crook of his elbow again, reeling and reminding himself he had to be content with what he had. 

He closed his eyes, repeated it once, twice, then declared himself right exhausted, and Sirius blessedly let him off the hook, leaving him to wave in and out of consciousness before sleep carried him away. 

-

Remus woke to his alarm blaring, vowed to change it to a slightly less irritating tune when he could be bothered with it, and switched it off. He took in the world around him slowly, one aspect at a time; he had a dull ache at the front of his head, but he seemed to have avoided a freight-train sized headache for which he was grateful for, and felt groggy and slightly queasy. Next, that the bed was empty, and there were intriguing scents wafting into the room from under the door. He wasn't quite sure what it was, still quite out of it, but he knew it would be delicious; his stomach churned loudly, and he couldn't argue with it for much longer, but he needed to adjust to wakefulness before doing anything else. 

He rubbed at his eyes slowly, and one by one, memories flooded in from the night before; the awful ending to a fine day with Dorcas, the heavy-weighted conversations he'd had throughout the evening, and coming out to Sirius in the middle of all of it. It wasn't long before his initial reaction pulled on Remus' stomach, but he maintained Sirius seemed to work past his initial qualms about it. He pictured himself in that booth, letting Sirius in on a snippet of how his brain worked, and thought perhaps it had less to do with discomfort or vehement disinterest; he went and unloaded quite a bit onto him. 

Taking a deep breath, he moved to stand and opened his door to find Sirius kneeling on one of the stools, leaned over with his chin in hand, and engrossed with something set on the island. It was strange having him in his flat in the early hours of the morning, but it was a welcomed strange nonetheless, and Sirius oozed quiet determination out of his very pores, staring at what Remus realized was the crossword. Remus' mouth quirked at such a sight, wasn't prepared for Sirius to glance up quite so instantly, and didn't have time to wipe the look off his face in time, but much to his relief, Sirius gave him a light smile in return. 

"I didn't think you were the type to do the crossword," Remus observed, moving toward the kitchen. 

"I didn't think you were the type to drink a tavern on a Monday," Sirius said before lifting a mug to his mouth. 

Remus pointed at him as he passed the island. "Fair," he allowed. 

"I made hang over food, but I think I might have jumped the gun," Sirius informed him, his voice muffled by his hand and he bent his head over the crossword again. 

"You're brilliant," Remus said, padding over to the oven where a plate of breakfast was being kept warm. He turned the oven off, brought the plate over to the opposite side of the island, and took the stool across from Sirius, thinking he could get some studying done while Sirius was conveniently occupied. He went and located his bag, read for a bit while he ate until he noticed Sirius didn't have anything in front of him but the mug he was drinking from. "Did you already eat?" Sirius glanced at him over the cup, brought it down a smidge, and saluted with it. "Where did you find that?" Sirius tossed his left thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. "Oh, I don't know if you should be drinking that, then. I've never bought coffee while I've lived here." 

"I sneaked it into the cart," he informed him as he jotted a word down on the puzzle in ink. "If I'm going to be a guest here I've decided it's incredibly rude not to have my favourite beverage on hand, and I know you hate to be that." 

Remus gave an unimpressed laugh and went into the kitchen to start the kettle. Once it was finished he filled the teapot, grabbed a mug, and brought both back to the island as he hummed a halfhearted tune that seemed to leave vague traces of itself at a nearly constant rate. He paused mid-line as he felt around in his book-bag, and Sirius finished the line for him in. 

They locked eyes. "Has it been playing quite a bit there, too?" Remus asked with a twitch of a smile. 

"Every fucking day." 

Remus shook his head, giving a frown of understanding at the struggle with a holiday playlist. He bit his lip, pushing some of the food on his plate with his fork idly before he admitted, "I sort of like that one." 

"Shit, me too," Sirius conceded straight away, giving him a resigned smile. Another few minutes of separate concentration went by before Sirius spoke up again. "That's it, I've had it. I can't figure this one out but there's five letters and a P in the middle, so I'm putting Lupin down so I stop staring at it." 

"Oh, don't do that, you won't be able to erase it," Remus said, his eyes still trained on his own work. 

A moment passed before Sirius let out a laugh that jolted him. "It works." 

Remus looked up, braced his elbows on the island, and leaned over to get a look. "You're having me on," he said, scanning for the clue upside down. 

Sirius shook his head, tapping the paper with his forefinger. " _Nobody's son is in the garden_ ," he read aloud. " _Ah_ , yes, quite." 

Remus smirked. "It's a reference to The Diary of a Nobody," he explained. "Mr. Pooter's son's name is Lupin." 

"Now I'm not sure which is funnier," Sirius said. "Fact that you know that, or the name Pooter." 

"For a six year old you're functioning quite well," Remus complimented. 

Sirius sniggered, lifted his head, and Remus thought perhaps he shouldn't have leaned quite so far over the island when their faces ended up mere inches apart. Remus straightened up instinctively, then immediately dropped his eyes from Sirius' hard ones; he'd been the one to lead them to that position but seeing the expression on Sirius' face didn't hurt any less. Thirty seconds of silence passed where Remus actively worked on keeping his eyes glued to his notes, though he was digesting none of it now. Sirius would read into the moment and they would be back at square one, Remus was sure of it. 

He heard Sirius set his mug down and slide out of his chair. "Well, I'll be off," he said. Remus looked up at him and watched silently as Sirius brought his mug over to think sink, and turned back with a pleasant smile. "You've class soon, I imagine?" 

It wasn't for another two hours, but Remus nodded anyway, not feeling up to confirming with words. He turned his head to watch as Sirius walked around the island, passed him, and grabbed his jacket off the hook by the door. "Have a good one," he called over his shoulder. 

After the door shut, Remus placed Sirius' smile and tone as incredibly disingenuous and entirely professional.


	17. Chapter 17

Remus had come to think of his Saturday shifts as a shining eight hours of relative peace in his week. With his term rapidly coming to a close he relished in having eight hours working alongside Lily and Elise and the chance to ease his mind. It was late morning when that simple plan had a wrench thrown through it. The throb began as a sharp ache nearing eleven and from there he waited until there was a lull to step off into the back to dry swallow two pills in the hopes that would do the trick. He'd have taken simply warding it off until his shift was over, but where the lights in the shop were a swell tint that livened up the shop on a good day, they were nothing but an irritant. It didn't help any that overcast set in so that even the light streaming in through the windows was piercing, nor did the music, which was set at a respectable volume but might as well have been on full blast for how it exacerbated the problem. 

The migraine shot to a nine in seemingly no time at all, and Remus concentrated on the drink he was in the middle of making and willed himself to wait until Lily was back on the floor before dealing with it. Twenty minutes later Lily popped up on the floor, coming up beside Remus at the bar. 

"Schedule's finally done," she said. "Thanks again for the extra coverage, Remus, it'll be a big help. "

"Not a problem," Remus said, setting a newly rinsed pitcher down on the counter with some difficulty. "Do you think you could finish this next one for me?" 

"What's the matter?" Lily asked. 

"I just need to take a breather," Remus told her. "Is that--" 

"'Course, go on," Lily said, stepping up to take over. 

He allowed himself five minutes. He took a seat at the table in the backroom and lay his head on his arm, rotating pressure at his left temple. He shouldn't have done it, it only led him to remembering the gentle press of Sirius' fingertips and the calming effect he'd had on him, and he shoved those thoughts down, replacing them with finding the motivation to stand up and get back onto the floor. 

Lily turned up a moment, her hand on his back and her voice sounding to the right. "Remus, I'm a little worried," she said carefully. "Are you sick?" 

Remus shook his head, then decided shrugging was as honest an answer as he could give. "Migraine," he mumbled. "Sorry, I'll be right up." 

"Remus, I don't--"

Remus slid his chair back along the floor, which he shouldn't have done so suddenly as it caused an irritating scratch and an immediate throb. He walked to the bathroom as quickly as he could short of pushing past anyone or bumping into anyone, got himself in there, and let the contents of his stomach go. When he was as ready as he could be he made his way up to the front, at least grateful that it wouldn't be happening again for some time as he had nothing left in his stomach to toss. 

He went to the backroom to get his apron, passing Lily at the desk setting the phone receiver down. "No," she said as Remus got it tied around his waist. "Go home." 

"Lily, it's fine," he insisted. "Just some nausea, it'll pass soon." 

"I'll cover until Bridget's on," she said easily. 

"You shouldn't have to do that," Remus protested. 

"James can hang around there for a while, it won't kill him," she said, standing up. "Whereas I'm more worried about your mortality just now."

"I feel terrible about it," Remus said uncomfortably. 

Lily stood up, came over, and put her hand to his forehead. "Remus, why didn't you say anything earlier," she tutted, grabbing for his jacket hanging on a hook. "I'm insisting, get going." Remus sighed and put the jacket on, and Lily steered him out of the backroom until they got onto the floor and gave a final push, calling after him to feel better. 

The walk home was a blur; he didn't remember any of it when he stood in front of his building and took the stairs slowly. He got himself through the door, shucked his jacket off and dropped his bag, and went straight for his room. There he found his sleep mask, sank face down on the bed, and waited. 

He woke surrounded by darkness to the irritating tune of his ringer and promptly shoved his pillow over his head to drown out the sound, finding the act much easier than trying to locate his phone on the bed. He sighed with relative relief when it finished, only to groan when it rang again seconds later; he felt around for it, slammed his hand down and swiped the screen, and couldn't keep the aggression out of his voice when he put the phone to his ear. " _Yes?_ "

"That bad?" 

Remus' stomach churned violently. "Yes, and you calling me over and over isn't helping," he snipped. "What were you going to do, call until I answered?" 

"That's exactly what I was going to do," Sirius replied through an exhale. 

Remus gripped his phone to keep himself from launching it. "I'm hanging up." 

"Hold on," Sirius said affronted. 

"No," Remus denied. "I need quiet, rest, and less talking." 

"Why are you so shirty--" 

"Why?" Remus asked incredulously. "I missed out on half a shift that I would have loved to have actually worked and been paid for, my last final is on Monday and I'm losing an entire evening of studying to this, my head is at a fifteen and I'm really glad I don't own a fire arm else I'd have shot off the side of my skull by now, so I think I've the right to--" 

"Fifteen?" 

"Yes, and frankly, I've no interest in talking to you, that's another problem." 

"Me?" Sirius repeated. 

"Why are you calling?" Remus demanded. 

"Oh, I don't know, I suppose it's because Lily had to send you home which meant it had to be bad if you let her, and clearly it is as you've jumped down my throat five times since we began this conversation."

Remus huffed a laugh. "Two weeks of silence, and you're going to pretend I'm the issue here?" 

"I'm calling now, aren't I?" Sirius said as if Remus should have been grateful. 

"Your sense of timing is fucking terrible," Remus shot at him. "Good to know it takes my skull breaking in two for you to grace me with your presence, but when I actually need you you're out. Thank you." 

"You're in the middle of finals," Sirius retaliated. "You'd have only grumbled if I bothered you--" 

"And when has that stopped you before?" Remus countered. "I haven't heard a single thing from you since you ran out of here." 

"I did no such thing," Sirius replied. 

"Bullshit, you couldn't get out of here fast enough." 

"You're the one who treated me like a leper that morning, so don't make me--" 

"Oh, and the tone you took with me?" Remus said, irate now that he was finally letting himself. "Don't think I don't know what you're doing." 

"Oh, what am I doing?" Sirius snapped. 

"I've seen you patronizing a thousand times, I know when you're putting on a front," Remus said. "You've done this with me before, you want to come off as if you're fine even when you're not, and you treat me like any old stranger and shut me out. I asked you to pretend you never heard anything so it wouldn't change anything, and _this_ is how you go about it?" 

Silence was his only response, and it only confirmed Remus' thoughts on the matter; at the very least, Sirius wasn't going to pretend he'd gone and imagined it. "I've come out to two people, and I have to say it's not worth the trouble; it's clear you have a problem with it, and I wish I'd never said anything. You told me when I found out about you that it'd didn't have to be an issue if we didn't let it be one, but suddenly it's one when it's me? Be consistent, you owe me that." 

"I owe you a lot more than that," Sirius said tightly after a few long moments, long enough Remus was sure he shouted Sirius off the phone. 

Remus felt his entire body fall out of commission with the agonizing ache at his temple and the sudden coil of his intestines. "I thought I'd scared you off." 

"No," Sirius said, his voice sounding heavy. "I'm not going anywhere." 

"Yeah, we'll see," Remus said in a low voice. "I have to -- I need to be put down or I need to rest, either sounds like a picnic. I need to go." 

"Right," Sirius said, and Remus couldn't be sure if the shake in his voice was actually there or if he just wanted to hear it. Remus chucked his phone somewhere on the bed, tried to focus on breathing steadily, working with every morsel of his body not to let himself go there again. 

He sat up in bed an incalculable amount of time later, half asleep with his heart pounding as footsteps sounded outside his room. He pulled his sleep mask down, reminding had nothing of substance that anyone in their right mind would want to loot, but he also had nothing but a phone to protect himself as he sat frozen as the footsteps drew closer. 

"I've got mints and Pepto for the nausea, light liquids because I know you've had nothing today -- so that oolong you like so much, and I've decided clusters are what we're dealing with, googled them, and there's an infuriating lack of home remedies. Breathing deeply's supposed to help get oxygen to your brain so we're going to get you breathing like you're in labour. And I found a cat on the way in but she's mostly here for me." 

Remus stared at Sirius with his heart pounding for an entirely different reason, looked to the bag in his left hand, Mestophales tucked under his right arm like a football, and he was already calmer than he had been the entire day. Sirius moved into the room, sat down across from him, set the bag of supplies to the side and the cat free to roam the bed. Remus could only see the whites of his eyes through the darkness, the rest of him quite blurry as the room around them, but he was there. 

Remus reached out and pulled him in in a snap, noting Sirius going with it willingly, bringing his arms up around him. "I'm sorry," Remus said, his face buried the crook of Sirius' neck. "I should never have said any of that to you--" 

"Stop," Sirius said, rubbing circles at Remus' back. "Yes, you should have." Remus let out a long, shaky breath, hiding his face further, and Sirius brought a hand to the back of his head. "Fifteen?" 

"Not now," Remus mumbled, not quite ready to let go just yet. 

"I wanted to get here sooner," Sirius said. Remus shook his head best he could, squeezed him a little tighter, and Sirius spoke closer. "Should have been there to see it; some lady kept us there after taking her sweet time finishing her drink, and I almost upended it, Remus, I swear--" 

Remus snorted. "Your impulse control is leaping bounds." 

"Who knew I had any of it," Sirius said before clicking his tongue. "You're so warm." 

Sirius' hand lowered to the back of Remus' neck, and he wasn't sure how he could even tell when Sirius was a furnace at all times. "It's been up and down all evening," Remus said. "It'll go down again soon." 

"And then you'll be shivering." 

"I've a blanket." 

"Is hearing my voice going to make it worse?" 

"Doubt it." 

"How much light can you handle? If I stuff a quilt over your head, will that do?" 

"I've a sleep mask. Unless you've come to suffocate me, in that case your way would just about do it." 

Sirius breathed a laugh, gave Remus a squeeze, and pulled back. "Not part of my plan," he said. He lifted himself to his feet, stepped down off the bed, and left the room. Remus sat breathing, looked to his right and gave the cat he'd ignored by default all evening a scritch near the ears. Sirius returned a few moments later with his hand hovering over the light switch. "Mask on." Remus put it back on and shifted back on the bed to lie down on his side, pulling a pillow closer to stick under his head. He felt the bed dip beside him and heard vague shuffling. "Right, which class is this, and how do you want to do it? I could just throw out whatever I see, and you can tell me if you need a refresher or not." 

"You don't have to do this, Sirius," Remus insisted. "I've got tomorrow to do it." 

Sirius shushed him once. "I've a fantastic reading voice, so this is a perk if anything," he said, and Remus couldn't argue with that claim. "Now, the class?"

"Global education," Remus answered. 

"Well, look at that, it's right here," Sirius said with an air of convenience. "Any idea what the structure's going to be?" 

"Overview of terms," Remus said. "If you want to just toss out some, and I'll answer them. Or switch it up, give me the answers and I'll tell you which concept it--" 

"I want to take this class," Sirius said as he flipped through the book. 

"You would love this class," Remus told him. "Social justice concepts to ensure a classroom that's welcoming to a diversity of students, so we looked at oppression, discrimination, systematic racism and sexism, privilege, the works--" 

"How dare you keep this class from me? I'd have come and crashed it." Remus was suddenly incredibly put off at himself for never mentioning it if that would have been the result. "Hello cat, you're here to help?" Sirius asked, waiting a beat before adding, "not interested, got it." Remus grinned before he remembered he couldn't see anything past the mask, but Sirius could very well glance over and see his dopey grin, and fought to keep it from stretching too wide. He heard shuffling again and felt a bottle pressed to his hand. "Drink that, would you? And I want you breathing in for ten seconds, and out for the same, deal?"

Remus nodded, doing as he was asked. Sirius did toss out various glossary terms for Remus to define, peppering concepts with his own comments now and again, and Remus found the amalgamation of two parts of his life a bit of a trip. Some time later Sirius slapped the book shut with vigour. "Well, nerd, you're going to be fine," he surmised. Remus smiled, shifted and settled in more comfortably on his side, listening to Sirius speak and move about his room, then flicking the light off. "You're to take it easy tomorrow. We can go over all of this again if you want, but I think we're beating a dead horse here. You killed it, Remus, just leave it in peace." 

Remus laughed quietly, the spike in his mood welcomed and very much needed. The bed dipped again, and Remus could see Sirius' languid stretch along the bed without having to see it. He ran over Sirius' words again, the mere fact that he was in no hurry to leave pulled at him from all angles, and Remus was so grateful to him he had to breathe deeply before speaking. "Thank you." 

"About the least I could do," Sirius said quietly. 

"Not sure about that," Remus said, matching his volume. 

Sirius kept silent and Remus pulled his mask off his eyes, rubbed them with the heels of his hands, and blinked a few times to adjust to the room. He could see Sirius better than when he got there, and the light of the street lamp pouring in through the window didn't send him into a pit of irritation, so he called it a small victory. "Could you pass a mint?" he asked. 

Sirius rummaged in the care package he brought and passed him the packet. "Plan on making the moves? _relax_ ," he said when Remus paused opening it. "You said you wanted me to treat it like it was nothing. That there's a joke." 

"Right," Remus said, sticking the mint in his mouth. "Gay jokes. They'll be happening now." 

"Not a gay joke," Sirius said simply. "Not gay, are you?" 

Remus rolled the mint around in his mouth, setting his eyes on the frosted window pane across the room. "I don't think so," he said, finding Sirius' casual tone easing him. "I do wish it was one or the other; it'd make more sense to me, but I've only been with with one bloke, so it's--" 

"One bloke?" Sirius cut in 

Remus noted the flabbergasted tone immediately, didn't look at Sirius and bit down on the mint. "Six years, thank you," he said, not all that interested in discussing a tally between the two of them. 

"Six _years_?" Sirius repeated.

Remus clicked his tongue. "More or less," he said indignantly. "Is that so strange?" 

"Yes, I don't -- that's a lifetime," Sirius said, sounding like Remus had shaken his world up. 

Remus made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a hum. "Sure was." 

"What happened there?" Sirius said after a moment. "You aren't with him now, are you?" 

"Don't you think you might have noticed someone by now?" Remus asked, glancing at Sirius for a moment before setting his eyes on the windowsill once more. 

"I don't know what you do when I'm not around," Sirius said, shrugging heavily out of Remus' peripheral. 

"This isn't really the point," Remus said. "I can't say I wouldn't fall for a woman. It hasn't happened yet, but I've either been too involved for the thought to be any more than just a thought, or it just hasn't happened. It seems to early to call it, but I'm not going to spread it around just to see what it's like for my own benefit, it makes me sick just thinking about it. I'd be no better--" He stopped, pulled his right sleeve over his hand and pulled on a loose thread, snapping it. "I told you, I don't know what I am." 

"Don't have to _be_ anything," Sirius said, sticking his hands behind his head. "Right, so just because I found sex with women to be like, err, moving boxes--" 

"Moving boxes?" Remus repeated uncertainly. 

"Moving boxes, painting a room, cutting the grass," Sirius listed, tilting his head at each. "Bit of a chore is what I'm saying, while sex with men is Christmas morning, every morning--" Remus couldn't fight a snort, and Sirius gave a crooked smile before he went on with a waver to his tone. "Doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be like that for everybody else, right? It's endless; could fancy one or the other, both, neither, go six years with a man and suddenly have a thing for a woman and still not feel a need to label it. If that's what you want then believe me, they've a name for what you're describing, but if that's still not enough, then why even bother? You can't be boxed in when it comes to anything else, believe me." 

Remus looked over at Sirius and keeping his gaze set on him. "Thank you for saying that," he said, surprised at him. 

Sirius nodded, giving a easy shrug as if it were par for the course. "I know you needed to hear it two weeks ago, and I figure it's time to quit being a hypocrite and make up for it where I can." 

Remus breathed through his nose. "I didn't give you much of a chance, Sirius," he said quietly. "I panicked." 

Sirius nodded, shook his head, and pulled his lips into a firm line before speaking again. "Do you need a redose?" he asked. 

Remus hesitated a moment, but thought better of pressing it. Sirius was there at least, and if he didn't want to get into it, he knew he should let it be. He nodded, thought it couldn't hurt. "They're on your left," he said, giving a nod.

Sirius turned, snatched the bottle, and passed it over. "When's the appointment?" he asked as Remus twisted the cap and knocked back two. 

"January tenth," Remus supplied a moment later. 

"Time?" 

"Eleven-thirty." 

Sirius hummed. "And you wouldn't happen to be thinking of skipping this," he said evasively, "because that really wouldn't work when I'm going to be there shoving you through the door if I've got to be." 

"I wasn't going to skip it, Sirius," Remus said, fiddling with his sleeve some more, sort of wishing he couldn't see Sirius as well as he could then because the look of warning he was sending him was difficult to have trained on him. After a long moment of silence, Remus breathed out quietly, and levelled with him. "I'm nervous." 

Sirius nodded silently, but when he spoke it was in a distinctively cheerful voice. "Bright side," he said, patting Remus' arm and leaving it resting on it. "Did you know you would have licence to take shrooms whenever they strike? What a perk, am I right?" 

"Yeah, but that would keep them at bay, Sirius, it's not a party," Remus said. 

"I know they're not, I can see they're not," Sirius said. 

"And that's if this is clusters, if it's something else--" 

"Remus, I'm fucking nervous too, why else would I keep pushing you to go?" Remus shrunk in on himself at the severity to his tone and expression, struck silent as Sirius sped on. "We'll fucking deal with whatever it is, but I'm not prepared for it to be anything else right now. I know they're hell but I'd rather those because at least I'm not completely useless and I'm going to pretend until I can't anymore, and you're just going to have to let me. Can you do that?" 

Remus felt flattened against the bed at Sirius counting himself as part of the equation without prompt or responsibility to him at all, and evermore reminded that Sirius had to fight difficult or uncertain situations by making light of them. He scooted over, snuck his arm around him, and stuffed his face into his chest. He couldn't decide if it was better or worse that Sirius didn't tense up for even a moment, sticking his chin over his head and holding him tight, for he looked back on all the moments he stopped himself from doing just this and considered them wasted. 

"Yes, I can," he said against him. Sirius didn't respond, only tightened his grip around him, and Remus thought the best he could do for him was to make light. He shifted slightly, lifting his head a smidge, though Sirius kept his chin atop it. "You wouldn't happen to know anyone who could get me some by any chance, would you? -- In case your medical opinion is sound." 

"It is," Sirius smirked, "and I've got you covered." 

\--

"Well, Pete, we could always have another go but I have to say I think you've got this in the bag," Remus said, looking up from Peter's notes. "How do you feel about it?" 

"Better now," Peter said, sounding more relieved than he did at the start of their session. "I wouldn't mind another crack at it to be sure?" 

Remus flipped back to the first page once more, ready to start from the top. Peter's phone buzzed to the right of him and Remus glanced up to see him eyeing it sheepishly, and smiled. "I'd say you've earned a peek," he said evenly, drinking more of his tea as Peter smiled and checked it. 

"James and Sirius are around here somewhere," Peter stated, looking up from his screen to glance around. 

"Are they?" he asked mildly, though his heart rate set to double speed and he went for another sip of tea. 

"Says they came for moral support," Peter went on. "They know I've been nervous about this one." 

"Well, you've really no reason to be, Pete, you know all of this," Remus said, gesturing at Peter's notes. He checked his own phone for the time. "You've got a little less than an hour, so I'd say a speed round would be our best bet and we should probably get as much practiced before they show up, I should think?" 

"There's about a ten percent chance we'll actually get back on track with them puttering about," Peter added with a nod. 

"Perhaps we'll let them find us, then," Remus suggested. Peter nodded in wide-eyed agreement, sticking his phone off to the side once more, and Remus quizzed him until James and Sirius located them. 

"We've been looking everywhere for you knobs," James said by way of hello, taking the spot next to Peter, while Sirius slid in beside Remus. "Ready Petey?" 

"Just about," Peter said, though he didn't sound as though he believed it fully. 

"None of that," Remus chided goodnaturedly. "He's doing very well. Want to show them what you know, Pete?" 

Peter blanched and Remus immediately felt remorseful for putting him on the spot, glancing at Sirius for some help. "You know, Pete," Sirius started. "All I've ever wanted was for you to astound me with your knowledge." 

James nodded vigorously beside Peter. "Said so just this morning," he added. "Dazzle us." 

Remus bit his lip before he set to asking the last set of questions for Peter to answer, but not without various comments and quips that were completely irrelevant to the topic from James and Sirius. This went on until Remus shot them both a look and the two of them cut it out until they were through with the questions. "It's as I said, Pete," Remus said, smiling. "You're set." 

"Thank you," Peter said, starting to pick up the scattered papers around him. Remus passed the ones in his hands back to him and Peter stuffed them all in his bag. "I only hope I don't lose all of it the moment I'm in there." 

"That's not going to happen," Remus assured him. 

Sirius turned to him. "How dare you?" 

Remus blinked at him. "Well, it won't," he said. 

"No," Sirius said with a dismissive wave. "I've been here how long and you haven't mentioned the exam once. How did it go? Should I be a tutor? Is it a calling in life yet to be tapped into?" 

Remus smiled. "There might be something to that," he said vaguely. "I'll let you know how good a tutor when the results come in, but I wouldn't worry about it." 

"Shit," Sirius said, his eyebrows doing quick crawl up his forehead. "Full bragging coming from you." 

Remus shook his head, and became grateful they were in a desolate corner of the library when James let out a whoop. "You should join us, then," he suggested. "We're commencing a quest."

"Good lead in," Remus complimented, looking between James and Sirius. "Do I get any more than that?" 

"Grandest Christmas tree we can find," Sirius answered.

"I'm honoured," Remus said. "I'll have to stop off at mine quickly, though." 

"Fine with us," James said. "When's the exam done, Pete?" 

"Five," Peter answered. "Earlier if I can manage it." 

"Don't rush it, mind," Remus reminded him. "Take the time you need." 

"Yeah, we'll be around," James said, waving Peter off. "Come by once it's done and we'll celebrate virtual freedom all around." 

"Yours was last Friday, wasn't it?" Remus asked him. "How do you think you fared?" 

"Destroyed it," James supplied. 

"As expected," Sirius added. 

"Well done," Remus said just as Peter implored they keep the dressing of the tree until he arrived. 

"The things we do for you, Pete," Sirius said, putting on a sigh. 

Remus checked the time on his phone once more. "Err, Pete, you've five minutes," he informed him quickly, glancing up. 

Peter let out a yelp, gathering his bag and coffee. James gave him a resounding clap on the back that teetered him over, and Sirius leaned over the table to ruffle his hair. "Break a leg, you rascal." 

Peter edged out of their reach with a huff. "You're like my two dads, quit it." 

"You're lucky to have such present fathers, young man," James scolded. Peter clicked his tongue but amusement shone through the embarrassment before the expression dropped completely a moment later, and he set off with a nervous little wave.

"Good luck, Pete," Remus called after him. 

"Make us proud, son," Sirius called louder, garnering a pronounced shush from someone who happened to pass by at the exact moment of the exchange. "Well, I don't know about you two but I get the sense she wants us to stay here for hours." 

Remus laughed through his nose and got his own things together quickly and had to lead the two back the way they came as apparently they hadn't paid much attention to landmarks along the way. The two took over once they caught their barrings, before Sirius insisted on coffee and pointed vehemently at a kiosk. He and James fuelled up, and they recommenced mission mode, leading Remus down a stairwell he'd never bothered to take, out a side door, and down the block to James' car. 

Remus presumed Sirius rode shotgun in James' car as a rule and went ahead and sat in the back, looking around at the car. He'd never been in it before, but he found it suited James to a T with the clutter lying about and the Chewbacca toy hanging from the rear-view mirror. James pulled out of the spot he really had been incredibly lucky to snatch so close to the building, and the tunes accompanying them on their way were vastly different from what Remus experienced in Lily's car, but it was greeted with no less enthusiasm by the two up front. Remus switched and buckled himself into the middle seat for to catch a better glimpse of James and Sirius performing a rendition of Boston's More Than a Feeling at the top of their lungs, and found himself unable to hold off joining in somewhere toward the second verse, finding their energy infectious considering the lack of anything pressing down on him for the moment. 

Sirius had pointed the directions to Remus' flat during the performance, and James pulled up to his building, switched off the ignition and the tunes, and undid his seat-belt. "Oh, I'll just be a moment," Remus said, unlocking his own. 

"Nonsense," James insisted. "I need to meet Sirius' fiancé, it's been far too long." 

"Fiancé," Remus repeated, looking to Sirius for some explaining. 

Sirius let out a put upon sigh. "Thanks, James," he said before lolling his head to speak toward Remus. "She wanted it to be kept under wraps for now, let it come out organically. I disagreed upfront, you should know; I wanted to shout our news from the rooftops, but you know me, always eager to please." 

Remus sighed through his nose, giving Sirius an exasperated smile. "I'm beginning to think I'll come home one day and you'll have run off with her," he said. 

"Out of respect for you, I'll only do so after we wed," Sirius said. 

"Incredibly honourable of you," Remus nodded.

James let out an exasperated sigh, got out of the car, and shut the door, reminding Remus they were at his place for a reason. He slid over to the roadside door, then led the way up the path, and the three took the stairs briskly, before the two stopped behind Remus as he unlocked his door. He opened it and stepped inside, taking in Mestophales laying atop the trunk that was also a coffee table. 

"Look at you, lazy lump," Remus said, stepping further into the flat. The cat sort of rolled over in a heap, but shot up when she noticed the company, and was up and trotting over to them in an instant. She moved quickly, and Remus looked back to see James, Sirius, and the door wide open. "Watch her," he warned. Sirius and James stared down at the cat fast approaching them, apparently frozen for a moment. "No, don't _watch her leave_." 

Sirius and James seemed to snap to attention and realize their error at the same time. Sirius reached back and shut the door, leaned back against it, and slid to the floor as he hollered, as James braced himself on the wall to keep himself upright as he followed suit. Remus doubled over by the time Sirius made it to the ground, and it was another minute punctuated by the cat circling around them like a shark to pull themselves together. 

Remus only planned on grabbing something warmer to wear out searching for a tree and to refill the cat's bowl, but he came out of his room to James and Sirius on his couch, and Mestophales in the middle of them soaking up all the love she could get. Remus refilled her bowl and went over to sit on the trunk, and they ended up lounging at his longer than he was expecting to before the recommenced the quest. 

One tree a tad too large for the living room it was intended and two vigorous wrestling matches with it later, the three of them found themselves in Sirius' room, surrounded by a cloud of smoke. 

"Right," Sirius said before a long pull off the joint. He held it in for a few beats, before letting it out while announcing, "I've got one." 

Remus hadn't had a toke in quite some time and was lagging behind a bit as a result. In his defense, Santigold played off of Sirius' phone and he found it rather difficult to pay attention when she was on in a normal state, and he was still a tad preoccupied with the last hypothetical thrown out by James. He moved to pull the quilt wrapped around him tighter and settled in once more, as James seemed to catch up just about the same time he did.

"Lay it on us," he commanded. 

"Imagine," Sirius began, holding the joint out for James to take, "you wake up one day and you're in space. You don't know why or how you got there, or how long you'll be there for, no information. What do you do?" 

"Die," Remus answered slowly. His tongue felt a little too big for his mouth. "Quickly." 

"Just like that?" Sirius asked. "Drop dead?" 

"Well -- am I suspended mid-air, err, mid-space?" Remus enquired. "If that's the case then I've already suffocated."

"Ah, no, you're aboard a ship," Sirius clarified. 

James seemed to accept his hypothetical fate quicker than Remus did and went forward on the particulars. "How much area have I got to work with?" he asked, handing the joint to Sirius, who in turn passed it to Remus. The whole arrangement could have been a lot easier if the three formed a circle or even sat up, but they took to draping themselves on Sirius' bed side by side, and comfort collectively seemed to win out over effort. 

Remus let out his pull off it, watching the smoke curl up toward the ceiling and join the rest of it. "The vast expanse of space, I'd wager," he said. 

"No, I mean is it a ship or am I stuck in a cockpit?" James reiterated. "Moreover, can I stretch my legs?" 

"I'll go easy on you," Sirius said graciously. "Medium sized ship." 

"I'm picturing a giant room with white floors and windows for the walls and ceiling," James informed him. 

"Vivid, I'll allow it," Sirius said, sticking one hand behind his head and tapping Remus with the other. 

Remus thought there were much more pressing matters than the area he would be allotted. "Why am I there?" he asked, handing the joint back to Sirius. 

"You don't know," Sirius supplied through a lung-full. 

James pressed on. "Do I have rations?" he asked. "Food, water, sustenance of any kind at all?" 

Sirius let go of the smoke slowly. "No." 

"Well, good, in that case until I inevitably die from starvation I'd wonder some more about why I'm in space," Remus said. 

"Oh, fine, upon further investigation you find some rations," Sirius amended. 

"No clarification, of course, not helpful," Remus said. 

"How much are we talking?" James pressed on, reaching for the joint. "It'll determine how long I have left to live." 

"To help move this along to the good stuff, it replenishes," Sirius added. "Now, with that out of the way, what do you do?" He lolled his head toward Remus. "It's the grand mystery of your entire life, Remus, there are no clues as to why you're there." 

"Well, you have my answer; that alone would drive me mad," Remus said. "Wouldn't the first question be why I was sent there, followed immediately by who sent me there? It's all I would think about." 

James snorted on the other side of Sirius. "Who do I know who's powerful enough to send me to space?" he asked, humouring his point. 

Remus lifted his hand and pointed a blanketed finger toward him. "That, yes, and what did I do to warrant being sent to space?" he asked, his voice breaking at the end in a laugh. "It would have to have been terrible, wouldn't it? If there was no other option than to just launch me into perpetual solitude, I'd need to know what I'd have done." 

Sirius coughed out tiny, silent laughs, while James shot-putted the scene into further uncomfortable territories. "Suppose you'd begin to suspect you were some kind of experiment," he said. "How long until Test Subject Nineteen goes mad." 

"Thank you, James," Remus said, seeing his point clearly despite the fog over his eyes. "Good and terrifying." 

"Better yet, perhaps you're being broadcast for the world to watch as you crumble," Sirius added, making it worse. "Reality TV at it's finest." 

None of them spoke as they mulled this over, or at least that was what Remus was doing before James let out a loud laugh. 

"Gravity," he said. Remus was sure his chest was about to collapse as he tried to keep his laughter in for he, too, had overlooked that significant detail, and now he had floating in mid-air to consider along with the rest. "Suppose it wouldn't be all that bad." 

Remus chest gave up and he burst into laughter. "Oh?" he said mid-cough, looking past Sirius clutching his own stomach to level James with a curious glance. "Tell us, James, what are the upsides?" 

"The gymnastics routines you could perfect while up there?" James said as if Remus just hadn't been thinking creatively enough. "Practicing your scales? Learning to control your vibrato without fear of anyone hearing you trying?" 

"They can if there are hidden camera's broadcasting you over the telly," Remus pointed out, grateful for his lungs working once more. 

"That'd be even better," Sirius said. "You've heard James' vibrato -- it's a force to be reckoned with."

"What about you?" Remus asked. "What would you do after waking up in space without context?" 

"I'd need to find something to focus on immediately," Sirius said instantly. "That way I'd have something to obsess over and hopefully I wouldn't succumb to madness for some time." 

Remus blinked. "You've put some thought into this." 

"I don't do solitary well," Sirius offered, taking the last haul off the joint before stubbing it out in the ashtray sitting on the bed. 

James' phone buzzed and he slipped it out of his pocket, staring at it with one eye opened to read the message. "Pete's on his way," he announced to the room. "'Least that's what I think I read."

"Couldn't hurt to read it again?" Remus suggested. 

"Too late now," James said, though he still held onto the phone. Sirius and Remus shook with silent laughter, but James paid no mind as he rolled into a seating position and heaved himself to his feet. "Sustenance -- back soon." 

James hopped off the bed and went off down the hall. Børns sang about electric love out of the phone sitting between them while Remus watched amused as Sirius run his fingers up and down a lock of hair distractedly. He mouthed along for a moment, glanced sideways and caught Remus' smile, and grinned before dropping the strand. "How's freedom?" he asked after a content sigh. 

Remus shifted the blanket around him, smiling. "Feels rather weightless, which is a relief." 

"Reckon that's the pot." 

Remus smirked, lifting his eyes to the smoke twirling up around the ceiling. "That's helping, no doubt about that," he said. "Finishing helps, too. 'Course now comes the waiting period, got to check everyday -- well, no--" 

" _You_ have to check every day," Sirius said with a nod. 

"Mm," he hummed in agreement. "Some professors are quicker than others--"

"If you need me for some fisticuffs," Sirius said, lifting his fist, "you know where to find me." 

"As cathartic as it would be to witness, I'd rather it not come to that," Remus laughed. "The offer is most appreciated." 

"Hold on," Sirius said, his voice scratchy. "You submitted that paper, what, weeks ago now. Two? I don't remember anymore." 

"Around that, yes," Remus said, finding a spaced out Sirius rather enjoyable to witness. 

"Right, the grade'll be up soon, surely?" 

Remus gave a vague hum. "One would think, but knowing him he'd relish in keeping us waiting," he said. "Perhaps attach a quote on the virtue of patience, and muse about how we as a generation are incapable of attaining said virtue because we keep ourselves closed to it." 

"And I bet he's invited back to all the parties, too," Sirius said. Remus laughed, shooting him a smile; it really did help having him around. "How long have you got off?" 

"Two weeks," Remus supplied. "I'm working most of it, and I've got some preparing to do--" 

"No no, not on hols," Sirius denied. "If I even get the sense you've got a book in your hands, I'll turn up and confiscate them until you're due back, and not a day before." 

Remus huffed, but it didn't have any effect with the smile on his face, but that was almost impossible to keep from doing. "I do have to stay on top of things, Sirius," he said. "I'll regret it next term otherwise." 

Sirius made a disapproving noise. "What time are you off Christmas?" 

"I've the full day," Remus said. "Believe it or not, Lily had a harder time scheduling for New Years eve and day, so I took them for her instead." 

"Same for ours," Sirius said. "I took the morning shift, though--" 

"You took an early shift?" Remus asked. "I'm impressed." 

"I'm the most self-sacrificing person out there," Sirius said gravely. "And when Will looks to me with eyes filled with need, I feel I have to answer the call." 

"Mhm," Remus said knowingly. "Knew it had to be that." 

Sirius gave him a grin. "Things'll probably start here around six, that gives James and I time to get things sorted. The place needs an entire overhaul and we have been lazy." 

"Strange for you two," Remus observed, before he looked sideways at Sirius. "Thank you, again." Sirius made a curious sound as he lit a cigarette. "Only you weren't that far off -- I'd have ended up sharing a Christmas log with Mestophales and that would have been a little dismal, but don't tell her I said it because she likes you more as is." 

Sirius laughed as the blew out a stream of smoke and nodded, handing the cigarette over in offering. Remus moved his right hand out from under the quilt and took it. "I need to know where that name came from," Sirius told him. 

"Oh," Remus said after letting out the smoke and smiling. He handed the cigarette back and adjusted the blanket so he was completely covered save for his head poking out of it. "It's rather embarrassing now, but I quite like musicals and when I was a kid my mum had me watch Cats, and my favourite of them was the wise old one, but I apparently could only spell it phonetically at the time -- I think I was nine or ten -- anyway, she thought that was funny so when I suggested we name her that when we got her she stuck that on the registration papers s a joke, and there you have it." 

Sirius brought both hands up to cover his face, his cigarette still tucked between two of his fingers. "You lot are such an after-school special," he said from below his hands. "I need a minute." 

"Don't poke fun, you asked about it," Remus pointed out. "I know it's a little much, but we're all we've got." 

"It was a compliment, you know," Sirius said, moving his hands away from his face. 

"Thinly disguised," Remus said, eyeing him with a smile. He was struck with a sudden remembrance and laughed outright. "Do you want to hear the dream I had last night?

Sirius let out another haul quickly, his voice hoarse. "Absolutely." 

"My cell bill came in addressed to Remin Luplin, and it was exactly two-thousand, two hundred, and twenty-five pounds." 

Sirius broke into a mangled fit of coughing and laughing, immediately stubbing out his cigarette. "I've -- I've so many questions, and I'm but one person," he sputtered, waving his hands about. 

"One at a time, perhaps." 

"Remin," he repeated through bursts. "I'm -- that's--" 

"Don't you say a word to James," Remus demanded, giving his best attempt at a look of warning. "He's only recently quit calling me Lupey, and I think that's progress." 

"I'm not -- I'm not promising anything," Sirius got out. "The amount! It's so specific." 

"I know it straight off because there was a big old freeze-frame on the bill as I opened it that lasted ten seconds at least, and now it's just there, burned into my memory for years to come," Remus went on mildly. "In a few years time I might not be able to tell you about the finer details of the concepts of Global Education without a refresher or two, but rest assured I'll be able to tell you how much that bill was in that dream of mine when I was twenty-two." 

Sirius barked out a laugh that quickly dissolved into a fit. "No, no no no," he implored, clutching his stomach. "Stop, I need time; wait!" 

"And the _bizarre_ part is," Remus went on airily, grinning when Sirius shoved his face against his arm, "I didn't even truly react; just accepted it as fate, kept on with the meringue pie that I was in the middle of making even though I haven't a clue how to make one, and began planning a payment schedule as if some incredible mistake hadn't been made--" 

Sirius brought his hand up and slapped him on the same arm his face was hidden against, but Remus figured he deserved it for not giving him time to breathe. "That's it, you've done it," Sirius huffed. "You've murdered me." 

"Incidental, couldn't be helped," Remus said plainly. "Do I still get a mention on your tombstone?" 

"Definitely," Sirius said as he wiped at his eyes with his palms. "Flashy, neon letters on solid gold; the works." 

Sirius moved his hands and glanced at him, his expression changing to one that had Remus feeling suspicious. "Wipe that look off your face immediately," he ordered. 

"You've hogged that thing this entire time," Sirius declared, rolling toward him, his right hand shooting out to paw at an edge of it near Remus' neck. 

"I happen to know you've an entire cupboard full of them, so you may get your own," Remus told him, his voice straining as he tried to pull out of reach and ended up half off the bed as a result, too caught in the quilt to get his hands out. Sirius leaned over and grabbed him at his waist to pull him back onto the bed, but immediately resumed his quilt thieving. The front door opened and boot-heavy footsteps sounded in the entrance way. 

Peter leaned his head into the room. "It's time to quit pawing at each other, you've company," he said before shucking his boots off on the matt. 

Sirius sprawled flat on his back. "Impeccable timing as usual, Pete; really glad you're here," he said in a monotone while Remus fought not too pull the blanket over his head completely. 

Peter stepped into the room. "You should be much nicer to me considering I brought you more weed," Peter advised. 

Sirius' voice was considerably cheerier when he spoke again without missing a beat. "Come in, Peter, it's great to see you." 

Peter grumbled as he fished around in his bag. James charged into the room and lobbed a box of biscuits at Sirius, who only just caught it.

"How was the exam, Peter?" Remus asked, sitting up as James knelt on the edge of the bed. 

"I think it went well," Peter said, procuring a baggy from his bag. "Thanks for the help, Remus, I'd have botched it otherwise." 

"Nonsense, you knew most of it before I got involved," Remus said, waving him off under the quilt. 

Peter gave him a hopeful smile, then shook the baggy. "Can I get to celebrating before we dress the tree?" he asked, glancing around at the three of them. 

"It's all done, Pete, you missed it," James told him straight away. 

"I saw it bare from the hall, you shit." 

James moved to sit crossed-legged on the bed while Sirius remained sprawled on his back, going to town on a biscuit. "Perhaps later for me," Remus stated. "You've four eyes at the moment, Pete." 

"Jesus, Sirius, I have to start buying from you," Peter said, eyeing Remus. 

Sirius gave a muffled laugh as James ruffled Remus' hair. "Always so responsible, our boy," he said. Remus pulled his right hand out from under the quilt and aimed a fist to James' gut. "I suspect Sirius has been teaching you to fight, the traitor." 

"Training me well," Remus said, stretching long and laying back down again. Peter joined them on the bed and set to rolling before they passed it around. James and Sirius were on about something, while Remus sat this one out and found himself with an ebb of misplaced worry that he couldn't name rise up in him. He had been rather enjoying himself, but he ended up in some sort of state of questioning, wondering whether he even had anything pressing _to_ worry about, or if he was forgetting something he ought not to be. 

The three others hopped up while Remus was still in his head and made their way off to the living room. Remus remained on Sirius' bed as he pulled his phone out and opened it to check on his grades. It was his best guess as a solution to the problem; if there was something there that was positive then that would surely help and if there wasn't he'd have one item to check off the list. He stood up, and walked out of the room and down the hall as the page loaded. It was slow going, but the signal in the flat was spotty, and he presumed a large number of students were checking their own accounts and perhaps the server was taking a hit as a result. 

He stopped in the doorway of the living room, staring at the circle going around and around. "Remus," James called from over by the tree. "Think our work is done here, wouldn't you say?" 

Remus glanced up at the completely bare tree save for the star in the middle of the branches on the right side and a quick laugh tore out of him. "It's lovely, if a bit overstated," he said, moving over to sit on the couch. He glanced down at his phone to see the page loaded at last and stared down at the screen. 

"Remus?" 

He looked up to see Sirius glancing at him from the left side of the tree, in the middle of untangling a large string of lights, a frown etched on his face. "He gave me an A," Remus said quietly. He looked down to double check if he had been mistaken. 

"Congrats," Peter said from the floor with his own twisted set of lights. "Run of the mill for you, though." 

"Not in Philosophy, it isn't," Remus denied, giving into a slow smile that turned sheepish immediately. He glanced at Sirius again. "After I went and took the mickey out of him, too--" 

He didn't have time to brace himself before Sirius flew across the room and tackled him into the couch. He was equally unprepared for James and Peter taking Sirius' lead and piling onto the two of them. Given the convenience of the position, he hid his face in Sirius' shoulder, happy and sated even without the ability to breathe with the triple threat lying on top of him. 

Remus' phone buzzed in his pocket. "Answer it before she thinks you've been mugged," Sirius quipped, not moving to make getting at his phone any easier. Remus inched his hand down and pulled his phone out of his pocket, his mood peaking when he saw Dorcas' name lit up. 

"Give me good news," he said by way of hello and he got a cheer on the other end.

"You sound, I don't know, busy -- are you lifting something?" she said. "Call me back, then." 

"No, I'm just under three people, it's fine," Remus said. 

"Slow down, Remus; it's Monday," Dorcas quipped before returning to her excitement. "When are we getting pints?" 

"I'm off at four on Saturday," Remus said. 

"Too far!" Dorcas shouted into the phone. 

"Do you want to come here? We're dressing a tree, or trying to," Remus said, before shifting to look at Sirius. "Can she come?" 

"Come over," Sirius shouted near the phone, garnering noises of agreement from James and Peter.

"Don't tempt me," Dorcas implored. "I've one last assignment to submit and if I leave now I'll never get back to it." 

"OK, fair," Remus said. "If you change your mind or decide you deserve a break, which you certainly do--" 

Sirius tapped Remus' forehead and grabbed for the phone. "Dorcas? Dorcas. Listen here," he said into it. "You two defeated the robot, and that is by no means a small feat ... Sirius Black, esquire ... yes, now get over here ... that would help wouldn't it? Go to Islington ... mmhm, give our Remin a call when you're there--" 

"Et tu Brute?" 

"That's a girl ... you say that now, but then you'll never leave." Sirius hung up the phone and tossed it on the couch, and they got to it but at a leisurely pace. Lily arrived soon after Dorcas, and the two of them found their collective states of inebriation entirely entertaining and took to watching the four from the couch, rating their decorating as they ambled about trying to get the job done. 

When it finally was, Remus would be the first to admit he used his and Dorcas' feat as a form of light bribery, requesting they be treated to a zumba routine. Sirius insisted he needed a stiff drink before he could reach the level he needed to be at to perform, then followed a debate over which one routine they would settle on, but eventually Remus' request was granted.

Some time past midnight, Sirius and Remus were the only ones left awake, laying draped along the couch from opposite ends, illuminated only by the newly dressed tree and the strings of lights on the windowsill in far the corner of the room. Dorcas put off heading back longer than she was originally intending but left around eleven, James and Lily retreated to James' room soon after, and Peter sat in the chair fading in and out of the conversation, leaving Remus and Sirius another half a joint down and incredibly subdued. 

Remus found himself watching the tree in the corner of the room while simultaneously quite aware of Sirius' leg laying alongside his, and was enjoying the warmth emanating from both. Sirius re-lit the joint, then held across the couch in silent offer. Remus took it, finding himself distracted by Sirius' movements; his customary fluidity was still present, though he began to move more and more like a sloth over the course of the evening. Sirius' increasingly laxed voice broke through their languid silence. 

"You know what I like about you?" 

Remus let out a lung-full quickly, his interest peaking, but glanced over to check that Peter was indeed still conked out. "No, I don't," he said genuinely. 

Sirius tapped Remus on the leg and it took Remus a moment to understand he was asking for the joint back. Remus handed it over and shifted so he could see Sirius better, but by the time he did that he had his head tipped toward the ceiling as he exhaled. "You don't put up with my shit," he said finally. 

"What?" Remus asked. 

"If I'm being a prick, you kick my ass, and you make me do better," Sirius reiterated plainly. 

Remus blinked over at him and swallowed. He was taken right back to his bedroom, to the insides of his clenched eyelids, to telling Sirius off with a spite he hadn't reached with him before. They didn't speak of it any more than they already had, Sunday was spent lounging around his flat, rotating between playing music and Sirius throwing out a term for Remus to define now and again. Thinking of how he'd treated him now especially after Sunday, Remus' stomach clenched. 

"Sirius, I was far too hard on you," he said regretfully. "I was projecting onto you and that wasn't fair."

"No, I needed it, though? I was being a twat," Sirius said, heaving himself to sit and pulling his legs in to cross them under him, and Remus moved instinctively to give him room. Half his face was in shadow, but the light from the tree highlighted his sharp features, and Remus found himself transfixed. "It was the wrong way for me to go about it. I can't just spout off a philosophy and not keep to it myself." 

"Sirius, it's fine," Remus said, staring up at him earnestly. 

"And it's not as though what you said wasn't true, all of it was," he went on as if he hadn't heard him. "When you said, 'yeah, we'll see,' it just about gutted me, but it was a wake up call, you know? I do that, I just act on impulse, and I pull back when things aren't how I'd like them to be, and I don't ever think about anyone else. And after all you did for me, I do owe you, and you'll see, I'm going to be better." 

Remus sat up and mirrored Sirius; he could see him a bit clearer now that they were so close, his hair framing his face, his slightly lidded eyes still ardent and focused on him. "I never should have said that," Remus said quietly as to not wake Peter, especially now. "You were going through something terrible, and I don't deserve a pat on the back for talking you through it. It was basic decency, and we shouldn't have a tally system anyway--"

"It was far past decency," Sirius said, lowering his voice to the same volume. "You've really no idea how much you help." 

"I'm so glad I was any," Remus said, his chest clenching. "I couldn't be sure then if anything I said was going to get through to you. It couldn't have been easy with everything she said ringing in your head--" 

"I did hear it," Sirius said. He seemed to have forgot the joint he was holding, and Remus took it only to stop the cherry from getting too close to his fingers, and stubbed it out in the ashtray. "I've thought about it since. Remind myself, what you and James said." 

"He meant every word -- the both of us did," Remus insisted. "You help me, too, Sirius. I never meant for it to sound as though this is one sided, it isn't. Mates should be able to muck up now and again, and I've done my fair share of that, and you've been kind despite that. Sometimes I'm not sure I had two feet on the ground before you came along." Between the flight feelings, the quickened heartbeats, the push and pull of it all, Sirius was able to do that, but he worried for a moment about speaking so truthfully. "That sounds bizarre, doesn't it?" 

Sirius shook his head quicker than he had moved in the last few hours, giving a languid smile. "Not bizarre," he said. "Been feeling the same, actually." 

Remus smiled before a string of guilt pulled on him. "Sirius, I know I can be--" he tried, picking at one of his fingernails. "I know I can be exhausting even if I'm not -- it's exhausting, dealing with me." 

"No," Sirius supplied firmly. "Only you do a lot of thinking. Suppose that makes us an odd pair seeing as I don't do it enough, but... it works, when we get it right, I feel. We're a good blend." 

Remus had difficulty breathing just then; it could have been his throat burning from the influx of smoke it was not used to, or it could have been that Sirius had gone and simplified what Remus had come to think of them in a sentence. "Been feeling the same way, actually," he said, his face breaking into the most sincere smile he'd worn all evening. Peter snorted, yawned loudly, and stretched, blinking over to them from the chair. 

Remus shifted back to the other end of the couch. "Is there any more?" Peter asked. 

Sirius grabbed for the baggy off the coffee table and chucked it at Peter roughly. "There you go," he huffed before sprawling out once again, while Remus dissolved into laughter at just how far the bag bounced off Peter's head, feeling bright and lighter than air.


	18. Chapter 18

Remus didn't bother with an alarm Christmas eve morning; it was his first in some time where he didn't have school or work to head off to and he was quite intent on sleeping in as long as possible and making up for the siestas he missed out on for much of the term. Remus woke up at seven, nine, and by ten his body refused to wind down again, and he gave up on the pipe dream, settling for reading in bed. He had picked up a novel in November that he was saving for after finals and for a lazy day, and he was quite happy with the opportunity of reading for pleasure. 

He ended up leaving the comfort of his bed around noon, started himself a pot of tea, and gave his parents a call as the water heated, figuring it was best to get the Christmas chat out of the way ahead of time as events thrown by James and Sirius tended to run long, but he got the machine. He did a bit of house work that he neglected in favour of studying and a bit of laziness, and once that was done he settled under a quilt on the couch to get back to his novel. Mestophales turned up not long later, situating herself atop his lap and right where his book was, so he set it over her as she seemed quite set on staying put. He gave his parents another call nearing four but it was again to no avail, and it was another forty minutes of reading before he began to feel restless. 

The images had no business showing up, they really didn't, but they did so vividly; snapshots of blue-grey hospital gowns, fluorescent lights and white floors, the gaunt shape to his father's face the last time Remus was home for one of his stays, and before he knew it he found himself thinking Christmas would be an awful day to be readmitted. 

He pushed the unwelcomed thought down instantly, reminding himself he would have heard from his mother if anything had gone sideways. He decided to give Mestophales' coat a brush to keep his hands busy before worse thoughts settled in. It would be difficult for his mother to get in contact with him depending on the severity of the emergency. If she was tied up, if things went awry and she couldn't get to a phone, how long would it be before he heard a word? He thought of his mother, remembering the worst night among the many, his mother's frantic state when she returned home late at night, the waiver to her voice when she found him in the kitchen and told him the infection spread far worse than anticipated, how close they came to losing him that night, how helpless Remus felt, and how difficult it must have been for her seventeen year old son to be the only person she had to turn to in her moment of weakness. 

If anything happened, he was too far away to be of any immediate help, just as he was last time, and Remus couldn't think of a realistic way to make it home if he was needed to help sort out the messier details that he hated the idea of his mother taking care of all her own. It killed him to let so much of the weight fall on her in August, it'd kill him again to see it happen. He told himself again, everything was likely fine; he sounded better, he looked better from the photo he was sent in October, but that didn't do much for him then, when a feeling of dread fell through him. It wasn't a brand new feeling, he'd felt it times before, many times before, but it was unwelcome each time; they were in for this ever present worry and uncertainty for quite some time. If his father had succumbed again and if the worst were to happen, what could he do from where he was? Could he put his schooling on hold to help get his affairs in order, would he be able to postpone his upcoming term if he had to, did it make him an awful son if he didn't want to? Did it make him an awful son if he didn't necessarily want the damper when he was finally starting to feel comfortable in his situation, warts and all, that he didn't want a wrench so dreadful being thrown through it? Would he get a call as soon as it happened, or would it take hours before she had the strength to tell him? Where would he want to be for the call? At Sirius' while everyone else celebrated life and good health and family, or while he was alone in his flat with his cat and a novel he couldn't realistically get back into now that he was where he ended up?

Countless more images flooded in and Remus had his phone out and dialling without another question or thought. As the dial tone rang he pleaded for an answer before the line picked up, and holiday music blared through the phone before Sirius called a loud _Happy Christmas!_ through the phone and instantly the knot in his stomach loosened a touch; he dropped his mouth away from the phone so Sirius wouldn't catch he loaded breath he let out. 

"Happy Christmas," he returned a moment or two later, after he worked out sound cheerful and not a wreck. 

"How's the day?" Sirius asked brightly. 

Remus resumed brushing the cat. "Not nearly as exciting as yours from what I'm hearing," he said. Sirius deserved a cheer-filled holiday after how horrid November had been to him, and that alone made him feel a tad warmer. 

There were a few beats of time where only music travelled through the phone. "Sorry, I'm bent over a turkey," Sirius said. 

"You're cooking the turkey?" Remus asked, momentarily distracted from his fretting. 

"Who else? I let James stick it in for me earlier, but this baby's my handiwork, don't you mistake it," Sirius said. Another beat of silence. "Kitchen isn't on fire yet, Remus; you can rest easy." 

"Only I'm surprised," Remus reiterated. 

"I'm just full of them," Sirius said distractedly, and then he swore loudly in French. 

"Are you--" 

"No, I was looking to have a welt the size of Britain on my hand," he said lightly. 

Remus grimaced at being a distraction. "Do you need help?"

"What I have here is a delicate balance of passion and swears, Remus," Sirius said, "and what comes out of it is indeed beautiful, and if I just tossed the task to someone else, then what?"

Remus bit his bottom lip. "Do you need help setting up?" he asked. 

"Remus, you literally haven't had a day off since August; what are you doing volunteering yourself for work?" Sirius asked through a laugh. 

Remus brushed the cat's coat a little too hard. "I'm just-- ow, quit it!" 

"What was that?" 

"Nothing, I suppose I was in for that," Remus said, rubbing at the brand new scratch on his wrist. "The cat is not appreciating my terrible grooming." 

"Should leave that to me," Sirius said. "She loves me far too much to attack. Wouldn't dream of it." 

"Fine, it's all yours," Remus said distractedly. He glanced at his novel set beside him on the couch, then the room around him, and finally over by the window, his flat suddenly far eerier than it ever felt, and he needed to leave even if he was of no use anywhere. He moved to stand in the next instant. "Right, I'll let you go, sorry to bother you." 

"Wait, hold on," Sirius said. "Why are you going?" 

"I need to get out of here," Remus expressed as calmly as he could, but it came out a waver. "If I can't be of help there then that's OK, but I need to leave." 

He heard nothing but a misplaced cheery tune through the phone, his chest clenching at the silence from Sirius, then the line actually did go silent before his voice came through the phone far clearer than before. "What's going on?" 

"Where are you?" Remus asked. 

"Out back," Sirius said. "What's the matter?" 

He hadn't planned on telling him any of it, he only wanted an escape route from him, but he paced about the open area of his flat, working to sound far less troubled than he was. "I called them an hour ago and they haven't returned it, but that doesn't mean anything. My dad's notorious for watching the telly at frankly appalling volumes so just there they easily could have missed the call. My mum could be cooking and hasn't had her hands free to get back to me, I know this. I know it like I know the sky was shockingly blue today but that doesn't fucking matter? I know I'm being irrational, but all I can think about is the time I was pulled out of class in year twelve to a phone call from my mum telling me my dad was in the hospital again, and then August, when I missed her call and had to hear about it over voicemail that he was back in _again_ , and I was too far away to _do_ anything to help." 

He paused, surprised for a moment at not coming off erratic as his insides churned and he paced about his flat in some odd sort of figure eight; it came out sounding like a list, as if one thought bled into the next seamlessly, though he doubted Sirius would see it that way, and he kept talking so he wouldn't have to think about that on top of it. 

"And then I thought, where would I want to be if I had to hear that it happened again, where would I want to be if she called and told me he just barely fucking made it again, or worse that they didn't catch it in time. I wouldn't want to be anywhere, I don't want that call ever, but I certainly don't want to be in my flat alone on Christmas and I feel as though I'm playing a waiting game that I never asked to be a part of." 

Once again, silence was all that greeted him, and Remus stopped pacing, ran his thumbnail sharply over his index finger, and breathed in. "Sirius?" 

"I'm here." 

"I know this is--" 

"It's just -- you listed plenty of reasons why you're not being irrational, so I just need you to back up off yourself a little, can you do that?" 

"No -- it's ridiculous--" 

"It's not," Sirius said frankly. "You've nothing but experience talking at you; it makes sense." 

"No, it doesn't," Remus denied. "I know it's nothing but I can't stop turning all of it over in my head."

"Well, alright, let's just--" Remus heard Sirius let out a breath of smoke, "let's see what it could be, yeah? Whittle it down to either hospital or some reason much less worrisome." 

Remus breathed out and let his head fall back for a moment. "You don't have time for this--" 

"Yes, I do," Sirius cut in. "Right, it's Christmas eve, at about--" he paused for a moment, "five in the afternoon. Where are they?" 

"I'd have assumed home," Remus answered, beginning to pace once more. 

"Right, and as you said, one or both could have had their hands full, couldn't get to the phone," Sirius reminded him. 

"That was hours ago," Remus countered. "Surely one of them would have noticed the call and I'd have heard by now." 

"What are the odds they're not home?" Sirius asked. "Have you got family nearby?" 

"No, not close," Remus answered. "We've cousins in Belfast." 

"I didn't know that," Sirius said, and Remus thought it both a little odd and a little sweet Sirius act interested in a detail so irrelevant. 

"They wouldn't be there," he reiterated, making a beeline for the kitchen to start another pot. 

"Fine, scratch that," Sirius said. "Are they church goers? Mass happens tonight -- I know because I was dragged to about a thousand when I was younger." 

"You were?" Remus asked as he stuck the kettle under the faucet and refilled it. 

"Mmhm, made to wear a ridiculous suit, too," Sirius added. "Think it's possible they're doing the same?" 

"Wearing ridiculous suits? I shouldn't think so," Remus said, flicking the switch. 

"There he is," Sirius said, the smile on his face audible through the phone. 

Remus felt the semblance of a smile come on, too. "They do go to mass, though that's only at seven," he said, forcing himself to lean against the counter instead of pacing about, crossing his free arm over his stomach. 

"Well, they're church folk, then," Sirius said. "Perhaps they're out having dinner with people from there?" 

"I would be surprised," Remus said. "They stay in on Christmas, my mum makes it herself." 

"All her own?" 

"I helped when I was there, but she never lets my dad near it," Remus elaborated. "It's better for all of us if he doesn't try to help, awful cook. Burns everything." 

"Sound like some trial and error went into this kitchen ban," Sirius surmised. 

"Yes, years before my mum finally said enough was enough," Remus said, smiling bigger. 

"So, OK, is it possible they sprang for something different this year? I know you're a creature of habit so the assumption here is all Lupin's are, but perhaps not, what do I know?" Sirius said. "Decided going out was a grand idea? You said your dad's been feeling better for a few months, didn't you?" 

"He has been, yes," Remus allowed.

"Well, perhaps they're celebrating a Christmas with good health," Sirius said. 

Remus couldn't shake the feeling that they would have told him not to call if they knew they would be out, but he had to admit his mum was scatterbrained now and again, perhaps she hadn't thought of it. "Suppose that could have happened," he said. 

"So, we've done it," Sirius concluded. "It's either they're in hospital and all that that implies, or they're out getting pissed on mead." 

Remus huffed a laugh. "My mum hates mead," he corrected. "If I'm to believe this, it's going to have to be scotch." 

"Scotch?" Sirius repeated. "I love your mum." 

"She could drink you under a table," Remus warned, moving to grab a box of tea from the cupboard above him. 

"Oh? We'll see about that," Sirius said haughtily. Remus smirked as he dropped three bags into the teapot. "You're to tell her when you speak to her next that I've officially challenged her, and we'll have to sort out the details to find out who's the champion here, got it?" 

Remus smiled, bringing his free hand up and running it over his face. "I know. I know I overreacted," he said, turning back to the counter as the kettle whistled. 

"No, you just reacted," Sirius corrected. "That's all that happened." 

"No, you weren't there, it wasn't pretty," Remus said as he held the phone between his ear and shoulder as he poured hot water into the tea pot. "I wore a hole in the floorboards from pacing. It's a fucking shame because you're right, he's been well lately, and for the most part I've been positive about it, but clearly I haven't got a handle on it." He grabbed for a mug from another cupboard. "It didn't have to be today either, this could have happened a month from now and I know I can't keep doing this, but it came on so quickly and I wish I could control it better."

"Right, but you're allowed to worry," Sirius said. "You said it yourself, once you hit the sixth month mark you'll breathe easier, and you will. It'll hit a year, and then another six months after that, and it won't happen as often because it won't feel so recent."

"That's what I -- it came out of nowhere, and to be perfectly honest, I didn't worry much about it all term," Remus said, pouring his tea. He set the pot down on the counter slowly. "That's terrible, isn't it? That I could have forgotten--" 

Sirius scoffed. "Remus, you made honours this term! I suspect you put all that nervous energy into something else and it paid off quite well, wouldn't you say?" Feeling sheepish, Remus made a noise of allowance, but couldn't give more than that. "This isn't some regression, it's just how it is. You're still the same bloke who's got to worry about one thing until you mentally and physically can't do it anymore, and funnel it into something else once you hit that point. Nothing's changed because you worried about him today, and nothing will if you end up doing it again a month from now. You've got your head on straight." 

Remus breathed out, then in. "You're being so kind to me," he said tightly. "You've been so kind." 

"Haven't always been," Sirius said after a moment, but he went on sounding much more at ease. "Must be the holidays. It should go on record that I've sneaked some rum into the communal eggnog, and that always gets me incredibly light-hearted, you can ask James -- he has stories." 

Remus lifted his mug and blew on his tea. "I think I might have to." 

"He's going to tell you about the year I ended up starkers under the tree, but I'm going to need you to understand that I had a _lot_ of nog, OK?" Sirius prefaced. 

"Well, now I've really got to hear it," Remus said before a sip of his tea. "Perhaps you shouldn't be cooking a turkey after dipping into the spiked nog?" 

"It's not as though I popped the cap and poured freely," Sirius said indignantly. "I'm not seeing double yet." 

A knock at the door sounded and Remus glanced over at it. "Hold on, someones at the -- Minerva brought over a tin of biscuits last year," he said. "Do you want me to bring them along?" 

"I'll be irate if you don't," Sirius told him immediately. 

Remus breathed a laugh through a gulp of tea as he went around the island. "That's enough nog for you, I think." 

"Not until I'm starkers, Remus," Sirius denied. "Timer's going, though; should get back. See you soon?" 

"Yeah," Remus said as he got to the door. "Thank you, Sirius -- really." 

"Oh stop, it's fine," he said before the call dropped. Remus slipped his phone back into his pocket, opened the door, and his heart may well have dropped out of his chest. 

"What are you--" 

"Are you going to let us in or not?" his father asked, donning a grin. Remus' mother stepped forward, engulfing him into a hug he would have returned with spine-shattering force if he hand't been completely baffled and holding a cup of hot tea, and could only manage a small, one-armed squeeze so not to spill it over her. He pulled back and stepped away from the door to let them further into the flat and made to speak but his father gave him a large clap on the back that instant, and his mother beat him to it in the next. 

"Now I know why they say never to travel the day before Christmas," she said, shaking her head. "The station was completely packed, and the hotel was just bursting--" 

"Mum, how--" 

"Oh good, I could use a cup," his father said, gesturing to the mug in Remus' hand. 

"Pour one for me, too, please," his mother requested as she folded her jacket over her arms. 

"Sure thing," his father called as he opened cupboards at random. 

"Top left," Remus got out. 

His mother looked at him, lifted her right hand to his cheek, and moved her thumb over it. "You're still so thin," she observed with a frown. "Are you eating enough out here?" 

"Yes, I'm eating fine," Remus said, still more preoccupied with how his parents could be standing in his flat with him, and watched as his mother hung jacket on one of the hooks. "How did you get here?" 

"The train, of course," his father called from the kitchen, which was a little needless since they were all in the same room. 

"No -- I know how, but--" Remus tried. "Dad, should you be travelling?" 

"I'd like to see them try and stop me," he said as he brought the mugs over. 

"Dad," Remus scolded. 

"Oh, hush, I wanted to see my son," he said, handing the mug over to Remus' mum.

Remus' expression turned from a disapproving frown to a mere one. "Have all your grades been posted yet?" his mother asked, taking a seat as the island. "We'd love to see them." 

"After I find the bathroom," his father requested, sticking his mug down on the island. "I'd like to get the grime of travel off me." 

"Shouldn't take you long to find," Remus said, pointing to it. 

Remus stood still as his father chuckled and left the room. He was a little afraid to even blink, thought if he did they might disappear and he'd be alone in his flat again. He turned to see his mother still very much there. "Mum, please," he implored, walking to stand by her. "You've got to fill me in here." 

"We wanted to see you," she said easily. "A year and a half's far too long." 

"No, I agree, but how?" he asked, taking the spot across from her. "I didn't think -- you're staying at a hotel? Can we afford this?" 

"It's taken care of," she said, giving his hand on the island a pat. 

Remus shook his head, bewildered. "I didn't think it was an option," he said. "This can't be easy for you right now, and at this time of year? The tickets must have been jacked up--" 

"The timing's perfect, actually," she said before a sip of her tea. "I'm not due back at work until the fourth, your friend Sirius invited us to join you at his family's celebration, and we've been meaning to visit for quite some time, it's been far too long since we've seen Doreen and Phil; I think it's worked out rather well." 

"He invited you two?" Remus repeated. 

His mother nodded. "It was his suggestion that we keep it a surprise, and we rather liked the idea," she said, smiling now. "I've a feeling it worked; you look like you've seen a ghost." Remus went cold thinking of ranting off too Sirius while he held onto a rather important piece of information, but his mother set her hand on his and kept it there. "You really are quite pale. Are you sure you're eating properly?" 

Remus shoved past the question. "How did he--" he tried. "When did he do this?" 

His mother set her mug down again. "Late last month," she supplied. 

Remus blinked, mulling it over. "I wish he would have told me," he said uncomfortably. "I know -- surprise, but... I'd have wanted to know." He looked down at his own mug, thought about having some of his tea before he realized he wasn't thirsty, hungry, or anything anymore. "So -- so, he just called you up out of the blue, said, "know what might be fun?" and you just when along with it? You haven't taken a vacation in -- you've never taken one." 

"About time we did, isn't it?" his mum said, a smile poking through over her mug. "Good tea, what's this one?" 

"Mum, I didn't think we had the means to," Remus kept on. "I'd have invited you myself if I'd known we had it." 

Remus' mother breathed out through her nose and readjusted the mug in her hands. "Honey, I'm not sure it would be appreciated if I said more on it," she said. "What's good is we're here." 

Remus searched her eyes for clarity, but when there was none to be found he shook his head. "That's--" he tried again. "That doesn't sound--" 

His mother looked quite uncomfortable now. "Only he asked us not to mention -- I'm trying to honour our agreement, Remus, that's all." 

"This is far too cryptic for me," Remus said flat out. 

His mother drank more of her tea and he could tell she was buying herself time just doing so, and that made him feel even more nervous. "Sirius proposed the idea to us and offered to help." 

Remus froze. "Mum, I'm glad to see you, but you shouldn't have--" 

"Honey, your father refused outright and I agreed we couldn't take it, but it was difficult to refuse," she said a little helplessly now, and if Remus hadn't been run over by the idea he might have gone easier on her. 

"How?" he asked impatiently. "How was it difficult? Here's how, you say, 'no, thank you,' and you don't listen to him when he's insisting." 

"Sirius informed us our refusal was quite alright, but the tickets would be coming in the mail either way and the choice was ours if we wanted to use them," she said, lifting her hand. "How could we refuse? We missed you, he told us how much you wanted us here, and it would have been rude to let the tickets go to waste." 

Remus dropped his eyes to the counter and stared hard at it. Sirius was difficult to refuse, that was a fact, but these were adults who should have been able to avoid taking the help, no matter how small a dent in Sirius' pocket, the principle of it still stood. The moment he thought it he felt guilty for it, and he worked up to sounding calm. "Just the tickets?" 

Remus' mother opened her mouth to speak before she hesitated, and that was enough. Remus brought his hand up to his forehead, his stomach in pulled into a knot all over again. "Remus, of course we would have wanted to have the means to do it ourselves, but this year was a tough one--" 

"I know that--" 

"It's not as though we won't repay him, we will." 

"Well, of course!" Remus said, lifting the hand at his head. "I'm going to work out something with him, OK? I can handle it, please don't worry about it." 

His mother looked at him gently. "Honey, no, you've enough on your plate. It won't be like this much longer; I'm back at work soon, your father's showing progress, and if all goes well we think he'll be able to get back to work sooner than we hoped. Things will look up, and we'll repay him," she said far more reasonably than Remus thought was called for just then. "Taking the favour hasn't come easy to us either, but could we try to look at this as an opportunity, rather than something dreadful? Focus on that; the rest can be dealt with." 

Remus knew even as he stewed that he was looking indignant, but he couldn't push the dread out of his stomach. "I can't believe he didn't ask me," he said, staring at his tea running cold. 

"Well," his mother started, and Remus looked up at her incredulously, unable to comprehend how she could have dragged the word out like she did. "He did mention that he thought you wouldn't have given the offer a second thought." A smile tugged at her lips. "Your father put on a show quite like the one you are now, but he came around eventually and I think you will, too." 

His father stepped out of the bathroom. "What about me?" 

"You two are very alike is all," his mum said without turning around. 

"Well, what else is new?" he said as he made his way over to the couch. 

"Mum, it's inappropriate," Remus insisted. 

His mother set her chin in her hand. "Remus, he only wanted to help," she said calmly.

"Sirius?" his dad chimed in. "Fine young lad." 

As relieved as Remus was to see his father well and chatty, he thought the conversation was suffering at the hands of him and pressed on irritably. "I know he did, he always does," he said. "Even if I don't--" 

"I'd say that's a sign of a good friend, wouldn't you?" Remus huffed and went to reheat his mug in the microwave because he couldn't just sit there anymore feeling like the fussy one. He stuck it inside, pressed sixty seconds harder than necessary, and turned back to find his mother's eyes set firmly on him. "I'm going to get ready, and by the time I'm out I expect you to have put this aside for tonight, and be the reasonable, appreciative son I know you to be." 

Remus kept her gaze, remembering she could pull out all the stops if properly motivated, and could only nod. 

He didn't end up stewing for long; he allowed himself until the timer went off then trudged over to the couch to sit by his father, who seemed much more interested in conversation, and Remus pulled himself together for the time being. They spoke of his father's rehabilitation, his father relaying stories from the medical centre he was assigned to visit twice weekly, detailing some of the patients he had come to know quite well. Remus asked of August's stay, about the nurses he came to know by name over the years, and eventually Remus felt the pit in his stomach once more. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there," he said, shifting his hands around his mug. "In hospital or to help you recover. It couldn't have been easy just the two of you." 

"I want none of that," his father told him sternly. "We all have jobs to do, and yours is here." Remus wanted to feel pardoned, but he couldn't shake the feeling his father was being the stubborn man he always was, but he saw a flicker of melancholy over his features before he shook himself clear. "Do I get to see those grades, or what?" 

Remus gave a small smile, nodded, and shifted to pull his phone out of his pocket. He brought the page up, handed it over, and his father squinted. "You can read this?" he asked, holding the phone father away. Remus reached over and ran his thumb and forefinger in opposite directions without comment, watching his father's eyes dance over the screen. "You definitely don't get your smarts from me, I'll tell you that," he said, looking over at him with a light smile. 

"Well, that's just not true," Remus pointed out. 

"These are fantastic," his father said, looking down at the screen again. 

"Thank you," Remus said, shifting the mug over his lap. They took to talking of his term, his thoughts overall and his upcoming one, and Remus felt warmer by the minute, relieved to see his father there, in recovery, alive. 

Once Remus felt he exhausted the topic he fetched his father another up. His father took the mug from him and sighed easily, looking about the room. "Good place you have here," he complimented. "Cozy." 

"It's not much," Remus said, reclaiming his spot and glancing around. 

"That's no matter," his father said. "It's homey." 

Remus fought the urge to correct it with _homely_ and smiled evenly instead. "It's fine for right now," he said. "I don't need much space." 

Mestophales jumped onto the couch and lay between them, seemingly forgiving of Remus' earlier transgression. "Come out from hiding, did we?" his father asked, giving her a pat. "I'm not sure who I've missed more." 

A laugh tumbled out of Remus. "Fair," he said with a half-shrug. He'd missed this. 

"You feed her far too much, you know," his father pointed out. 

"I know I do," Remus said resigned, "but, look, I work late and I'm rarely ever home before late besides; I've got to give her more to compensate." 

"She appreciates it, I'm sure," his father said. "How's work treating you?" 

"Very well," Remus said. "Been at it quite a bit since I've been off." 

"I'm a little disappointed you haven't whipped me up a latte by now," his dad said. 

"I've nothing to make you it with," Remus said. "That there's your basic kitchen. I work the evening of the twenty-seventh and I could make you one then if you'd like." 

"I'll expect quality," his dad said, raising his mug to his mouth. 

"You'll get nothing less," Remus said, lifting his own, but before he could take a sip he frowned. "Oh no, your gift." 

"I've got it here," his father said, moving to stand. 

Remus tried to contain his excitement at that turn of events; he accepted that he wouldn't be in the room when his father opened it, but this was far better. "I'll get it for you," he offered. 

"You sound just like your mum," his dad said, heading straight for the bag by the door. "Can't get better at it if you two won't let me, can I?" 

"Sorry, you're right," Remus allowed, giving Mestophales' head a scritch. His father brought the present over, sat back down, and Remus shrugged his shoulders as if unattached. "I wouldn't complain if you opened early." His father smiled and tore carefully at the wrapping paper, which Remus was glad for considering the age the record had lived to. His smile widened a he pulled the record out and looked over the cover before he glanced at Remus, his eyes bright. "So, one more down, only a few to go." 

"Where did you find it?" he asked, turning the record over in his hands to inspect it. 

"Sirius found it," Remus supplied, his stomach stirring at the memory. "There's a shop not too far from here he found it in and I just about fell over when he told me he stumbled across it and bought it on a whim." 

"Gave him the old one-two and took it for yourself, did you?" his father guessed. "Good show." 

"Yes, that's exactly how it happened." 

His mother stepped out of the bathroom looking dolled up. "Hope, have a look at this," his father said, holding up the record. "How many years?" 

His mother crossed the room and came up behind the couch, resting her elbows on it. "Oh, I wouldn't be able to count," she said. Her hand found her husband's shoulder. "I know what I'll be hearing for a month straight."

Remus stood to refill the cat's bowl, leaving a generous amount in there and a little extra for the holiday. "Oh, two months at least," he said, stooping to pick up a few scattered pieces on the floor. 

"There you go giving him ideas," she said, now inspecting the record herself. "It's getting close, we'd better call for a taxi." 

"Phone's on the trunk," Remus said, heading for his room to stick something on that didn't have sparse cat hairs all over it. "I'll just be a moment."

-

The warmth that spread through Remus as he sat with his father dissipated substantially the moment the three of them stood at James and Sirius' landing, torn between his growing appreciation for his parents on either side of him and the lingering discomfort at the reason they were. His father rapped on the door before Remus could steel himself completely, and he worried about the prospect of Sirius answering the door before it opened and a flash of red quelled his worry. Lily gave all three of them warm hellos, a little too natural to see his parents there, and Remus wondered how many of them were in on the secret but him. 

"It's nice to meet you," she said, shaking both his parent's hands in turn. 

"We've heard so much about you," his mother said, 

"All good, I should hope," Lily said, stepping back to let them in. "Come in, come in. You'll have to excuse the hosts, their hands are a little full at the moment." 

One his parents removed their jackets Remus gestured for them to go ahead of him, taking his time removing his winter-wear to buy himself some, all he while hearing music from the living room and laughter beyond it. He hung his things, breathed in, and walked down the hall. The living room had been both rearranged and tidied; the furniture set on one side while the long patio table had been brought in and situated on the other, and given that the kitchen table could really only fit four comfortably Remus thought that was a good call. He brought his gifts over to stick by the tree, noting the Richard Cheese Christmas album propped open on the record player by the window and assumed it had to be the jazzy crooning coming from the speakers. He blinked, made a mental note to enquire a little more on that later, and pulled four presents out of a shopping bag. 

Once done Remus straightened up, noticing a woman who had to be Peter's mum sitting next to the spot Lily reclaimed, and the two shared a look of recognition before his parents set off down the hall to the kitchen and he compartmentalized that detail for later, following behind them. When he originally pictured what the night would look like he hadn't expected James and Sirius to be handling much of the food themselves, but he certainly didn't expect them to have donned matching holiday aprons as they did. Now that it was the exact sight Remus walked in on he couldn't quite figure out why he hadn't expected it of them in the first place. 

He was thankful Sirius was busy checking on the turkey for it bought him a few more seconds. James, on the other hand, was up and introducing himself to Remus' parents, and clapped him on the back the moment he saw him. Remus returned it, fully aware Sirius had closed the oven door and turned to them, but he waved to Peter sitting at the table peeling potatoes and then stuck his hands in his back pockets to come off even slightly at ease. 

"You must be Sirius, then?" his father asked. Sirius lifted a hand in a wave, smiling, but seemed to realize he was still wearing giant orange oven mitts that should have clashed terribly with the apron and looked ridiculous but somehow didn't. He pulled them off and stuck them on the counter before stepping over to shake Remus' father's hand firmly. 

"Faring well, sir?" he asked. 

"Oh, don't call him that," Remus' mother warned over his father's answer. "He'll request we all start." 

Sirius grinned, took her hand next, and Remus didn't know how to stand there and process the small knowing smile the two exchanged. Sirius had on a different smile when he looked to Remus, who was spared the opportunity to say or do anything for he was knocked past an instant later, but it sent him straight into Sirius, who caught him before getting barrelled over by a little girl, a tiny sorry coming out of her. Remus straightened up and stepped back from the commotion while his parents laughed and made a hasty retreat back to the living room. Sirius recovered from being bowled over and dropped down to give Dora a hug before he pulled back, tugged on the collar of the jacket she wore, and smirked. 

"This is the coolest thing I've ever seen," he said. "Is everyone afraid to cross you now, 'cause I would be." 

"Yes," Dora confirmed. 

"Take a wild guess as to why she was asking for a leather jacket for months." Remus turned to see a woman who had to be Andromeda sauntering into the room with a fair amount of bags, the smile on her face betraying her pointed tone.

"Clearly I've taught her well," Sirius said, getting to his feet. "Feel free to thank me any time." 

"Dora, hang that up, please," Andromeda said as she set her bags on the counter. 

"Oi, hold on," Sirius said, catching Dora's arm as she started to move. "You can put it in my room and there might be something in there for you, too." 

Dora's face lit up and she went off down the hall in a flash as her mother fixed Sirius with another pointed look. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to teach a kid patience with you around?" she asked, moving in for a bear hug. 

"I don't know the word, is that foreign?" Sirius said perplexed, giving her a squeeze. "Is Ted lost somewhere?" 

"He's trying to find parking, your street is fucking packed," she said, her voice straining as she gave him one in return. She let go of Sirius and looked to Remus still standing near wondering now why he hadn't gone somewhere else and not just stood there watching Sirius interact positively with a family member. "I don't think I've met you before," she said, offering her hand. 

Remus stuck on a smile and took her hand. "Andromeda, right?" he asked. "Remus." 

Andromeda glanced between Sirius and Remus for a few seconds before she whacked Sirius hard over the back. "Well, _done_ ," she said as Sirius flinched. "Miles ahead of that one, what was his name? Had those massive holes in the ears, hated him. Wanted to snap a lock in one of those--" Dora bounded back into the kitchen brandishing her guitar in her hands, buzzing with excitement, while Andromeda set to pulling tupperware containers out of one of the bags. "Hope you got her lessons while you were at it."

"What for, she's got me," Sirius said. 

"Can you teach me some now?" Dora asked as she tried to get the strap on over her head. 

Andromeda made a vague noise that suggested she wasn't a fan of the idea, and Dora looked up at her with eager eyes. Sirius glanced down at her and back up in an instant, adopting the same expression, and Remus couldn't fault her for giving in to a double team like that. "After dinner, and not the entire time, alright?" 

James let out a holler from the kitchen table just as two more bodies entered the room. Remus had never met them before, but it took him no time to realize they were James' parents for he was the exact fusion of the two. Sirius beamed as he stepped toward them while Remus quickly went for a seat at the table, feeling far more like an intruder now. He chanced a glance over as Sirius moved to hug Mrs Potter; he had to stoop to match her height and his hold on her was far more gentle than it had been with the others, his previous joviality replaced with something softer, quieter. 

"I'm beginning to think he's the favourite," James observed. 

"He's definitely the favourite," Peter confirmed. James handed Remus the peeler he was using and bounded over to the three of them. Remus concentrated on putting his hands to good use, saying hello and introducing himself to James' parents when they turned up by the table a few moments later. He got half-way through a potato when Sirius came up behind Peter and when for his jacket on the back of his seat. He glanced over his shoulder as Mr and Mrs Potter went off down the hall, reached past Remus for a bright green goblet of nog on the table, and slipped out the back door. 

Remus' body felt like a live wire, buzzing profusely and making it difficult to even do something as simple as using a peeler. He was grateful, of course; bewildered, uncomfortable, and about seventeen other emotions he didn't have a name for. He got the feeling Sirius would be careful with his cigarette breaks if his backwards glance was anything to put stock into, and if he didn't move then he wouldn't get the chance to until much later, and by then he was sure he would have talked himself out of it. With that, he set the peeler down, stood, and stepped out the door. 

Sirius was lounging in his usual spot against the brick wall, between the door and the window; without the light seeping out from inside it would have been difficult to see him. He went for a sip of nog when Remus stepped in front of him, smiled by way of hello, and lifted his cigarette to his mouth after he swallowed. Remus wished then that he had planned better because all he could do with Sirius' eyes trained on him was lift his arms. 

"Yeah," Sirius said resigned. "Andromeda's great, but she's a lot. I'll set it straight later." 

Remus blinked at him before realizing what he was referring to, and truth be told being mistaken for Sirius' date was possibly the least overwhelming part of the evening so far. "That's not why--" he tried. "That whole time you knew they were coming and you just let me rattle on and on incoherently--" 

"I wouldn't call it that," Sirius cut in, lifting his left shoulder. "More like one thought after another, but I followed along well, don't you think?" Remus faltered, not quite convinced he hadn't imagined him saying it. Sirius stared at him and sighed through his nose. "Remus, I'd have said all of that if they hadn't been twenty minutes from your door. And I did tell you what was going on technically, so--" 

"I got you that Shrieking Rat record, you know that?" 

"Screeching Weasel," Sirius corrected automatically before the words sunk in. "What?" 

"Mhm," Remus confirmed. "I saw how excited you were even finding the thing, I owed you for my dad's, and I knew you'd never let me get it for you if you knew I wanted to so I stole it out from under you." 

Sirius' barking laugh rang of the walls of the closed patio. "I thought some punk-ass git took it, and it was you?" he asked, pointing the cigarette at him. 

Remus nodded, gesturing to himself helplessly. "Me, I'm the punk-ass git. That's right, you bought me my fucking parents," he said, pointing firmly toward the living room window on the far end of the patio, "and I bought you a cheap record. Seems equal, doesn't it? Oh, no, sorry, that's not all; I wrapped it in the most billowy jumper I own because you never let up about them, and that way you'd have to wear it because it be rude not to seeing as a gift, and I thought it would be funny. It's not. It in no way matches--" 

"Yes, it does," Sirius said, his grin lighting up the patio better than the light inside ever could. "Why did you go and spoil it, you knob." 

"That's not my point!" Remus shot out. 

"I know what your point is but I'm not listening to it," Sirius told him. "I get my very own Remus Lupin jumper brought to me by the man himself? It'll be my favourite, but you'll have to understand that I'm going to have to pretend I like James' more, but you and I will know the truth, and that's enough I--"

"I can't do this anymore," Remus said, bringing his right hand up through his hair. 

"Do what?" Sirius asked. 

"This," he said, bringing his index finger back and forth between them. "You, this; I can't, I don't understand you. Why would you even do it?" 

“I wanted you happy, why else?” Sirius said. Remus had never been punched point blank in the gut before, but he had a distinct feeling he now knew what it felt like; his chest constricted, his knees felt wobbly as if they’d collapse under him at any moment, and his heart worked double time to make up for the absence of oxygen coursing through his veins. “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

"I can't keep being friends with you. I just -- I've tried, I've tried to leave it be, but you make it so much harder, and I can't," Remus rattled off. 

Sirius pushed himself off the wall and stepped straight in front of him. "Right, I know you're upset, but that's why I didn't tell you," he said listlessly. “You fought me for a straight half hour over groceries; there was no way you would have let me, I wanted to, and I’m not sorry I did. You’re really finished with me over this?”

Remus shook his head slowly, lifted his hand to tilt Sirius' chin up, and pressed his lips to his. Sirius was always warm, but he didn't expect his lips to be as well, especially outside and him having finished half a frigid drink, and he sought the heat of his mouth purposefully. He heard a loud thunk to his right from Sirius flinging his goblet to the ground, his hand shot up to grip his forearm, responding so suddenly Remus almost stumbled before Sirius' left hand was at the small of his back, holding Remus to him. Sirius tasted of his brand of cigarettes, eggnog, and a faint note of rum, and Remus felt heady off that alone, matching the frantic pace of his lips easily, thinking of a puzzle piece sliding into place. 

It took the two of them a few moments to notice ringing coming from inside the kitchen. Sirius pulled back an inch, breathing heavily between their lips. “Shit, not now.” 

“Should get that,” Remus breathed out, unsure his legs would have held him up without Sirius' grip on him. 

Sirius soundly closed the distance between them a moment later. “It’ll only -- take a minute,” he said between kisses.

Remus made some sort of noise of allowance, but it was quite muffled, and then his breath caught in his throat when Sirius moved his lips down and attached them to his pulse. “Then what?” 

“This, this, more of this,” Sirius said, his breath hot against Remus’ neck. Sirius ran a hand under his shirt and along his navel, and Remus shuddered against him. The inside door swung open, and Remus only just pulled off of Sirius before Dora stuck her head out of the screen door. 

“James says if you burn the turkey you've got to eat the whole thing yourself,” she recited. 

“Right, yes, coming,” Sirius said in a voice far too high for him, running hand over the back of his neck. She went back inside, while Sirius took in a slow breath, looking at Remus. “Would it be rude to send everyone home?”

Remus gave him a nod. “Bad form.”

“Always so fucking reasonable,” Sirius sighed. Remus breathed out a laugh, pointed to his neck in question, and Sirius gave him a wry smile, lifted his hand, and ran his thumb over the spot where his lips had been moments before. “You're fine.”

Remus returned his smile as Sirius stooped to pick up his goblet lying surprisingly in one piece, and leaned in to place a quick peck on the lips when he stood once more. “Remus, do you want me to eat an entire burnt turkey by myself?” he demanded. “That’s what’s going to happen if you do that again, I'm hanging on by a thread here--”

"Thank you," Remus said. “I know that doesn’t cover it, but--”

Sirius shook his head and smiled as if it were all in a day’s work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now's about the time where that m rating is called for, heads up.

Back inside, Sirius went straight to the oven to check on the turkey while Remus shut the door behind him with his back, leaning against it for a moment before James pointed his peeler straight at him accusingly and he froze on the spot. 

"You abandoned your post so you've been replaced," he said, nodding his head to Dora sitting in the chair he forfeited peeling a large potato. 

Remus let out a silent exhale. "Understandable," he conceded, still very heady. 

Over by the stove Sirius used the loose oven mitts as holders to set the turkey baster on the counter. "I've got a job for you," he said. His tone was nonchalant but when he looked over something behind his eyes made Remus weak for a moment. He nodded, his bottom lip caught between his teeth, and moved for the sink and hid his smile from every other body in the room. 

He dried off his hands and turned back as Sirius pulled off the jacket he neglected to take off in favour of making sure the turkey wasn't burnt. Andromeda strolled in, took one look at Sirius, and sighed. "Not while Dora's here, come on." 

"Oh, come off it," Sirius dismissed, draping his jacket behind Peter's chair once more. 

"If she sees you doing it--" 

"I've already coached her," Sirius said, heading past Remus to the sink to wash his own hands. He called over his shoulder, "Dora, what am I?" 

"An idiot." 

"There, see, we have it covered," Sirius nodded, turning the tap off. 

Andromeda gave a half-smile Sirius didn't see as he dried his hands off and moved to open one of the cupboards. "I've got table duty," she offered 

"Good, get to work," Sirius told her, already back at the stove. "Right, Remus, want to learn a thing or two from the turkey master?" 

"Gladly, but I'd rethink the title," Remus said amused. 

"Shut it and hold the ladle," Sirius requested, brandishing it. Remus crossed the room to grab it and waited for further instructions. "Now, what you want to do is lather this mother in the stuff at the bottom; we're aiming for heart attacks here." 

"The bacon tipped me off," Remus said, eyeing the four slices laid atop the turkey. 

"You'll regret that tone when you taste it in all its glory," Sirius said haughtily as Remus filled the ladle and poured juice over the first section of the bird. 

"How did you manage to get such a big one?" he asked. Sirius popped him lightly in the side with his fists. "Oh, violence, good." 

"It was a fierce battle but brawns won out in the end," Sirius said before popping him again. 

Andromeda turned up between them bracing a stack of plates against her and thwacked Sirius' arm. "You've been holding out on me and I'm furious," she said as Sirius thwacked her back. "When's the wedding?" 

Remus was thoroughly thankful James and Peter missed such a comment due to a spirited story Dora was busy telling and quickly asked Andromeda whereabouts her family lived, and the topic blessedly shifted. 

-

At dinner, Remus purposefully sat between his parents, across and a fair number of spots away from Sirius to avoid any further pointed comments. The whole thing started off as quite an affair what with thirteen people dining; at first, Remus found himself caught up in the dynamics between so many people that he kept himself out of the conversations going on around him in favour of observing. He was a little thrown by how it seemed to be a hybrid of the sit-down dinners he'd grown accustomed to back home and the outlandish, make-shift dinners that Remus had come to associate with James and Sirius. Sirius, on the other hand, was easily in his element, surrounded by people from different areas of his life, and Remus found it difficult not to sneak glances now and again to catch glimpses of him looking about the happiest he'd ever seen him. 

The scene from the terrace replayed quite a few times in his head during the meal, which only made it more difficult to avoid looking at Sirius for longer than a few moments. Eventually he shook his head clear, turned his head to the left, and caught her relaying how their family had come to inherit their farmhouse from her father. 

"That was, oh, what year was that, now?" She turned to Remus and ran an affectionate and slightly embarrassing hand over the back of his neck. "You were, what, eight at the time?"

"Two thousand and two," Remus supplied in a flat voice, pointedly avoiding looking at both James and Sirius plainly getting a kick out of it from their side of the table. 

"Oh, Hope," James called suddenly, "what was young Remus like, we really must know." 

Remus shot him the smallest look he could while Sirius lifted his drink to his mouth and watched expectantly as Remus' mother beamed at the question. "Always a helpful child, our Remus," she said mystically and a little too pointedly, which suggested she was very much a part of the team across the way. "Keen to lend a hand anywhere he could; volunteered after school, helped the crossing guard even--"

Remus sighed and rubbed at his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. "How come you never help me across the street, Remus?" James asked disappointedly. 

Remus dropped his hand. "I have stopped you from running headlong into traffic before, and I'm reconsidering whether I should have," he tossed out as he felt the back of his neck redden. He turned to his mother. "Lovely little addition, thank you." 

"No, really, thank you," Sirius stressed. Remus threw him a half-hearted glower and pointed turned to focus on something less detrimental to his pride and caught part of a conversation between Andromeda and Mrs. Potter. 

"--The timing hasn't been on our side, but we're aiming for February; what's the point in going unless we've really earned the good weather," she said, pausing to take a sip of her wine. "So, it'll be just after Dora's birthday."

Sirius apparently tuned in there for he set his glass down with a clunk and whipped his head to look at Dora beside him. "Where am I taking you?" he demanded, jostling her on the shoulder. "Ten gets something big, it's a rule." 

"Paris," she answered immediately. 

Sirius blinked, seemingly unprepared for her to have an answer in an instant. "What's there?" 

"Why, that's where _Pierre_ is from, isn't it, Dora?" Ted chimed in from the end of the table. 

"Dad," Dora scoffed, turning pink. 

Sirius' eyebrows shot up and he made a show of turning his head to her more pointedly. "Who's _Pierre_?" he asked. 

"A boy in her class whom she absolutely does not fancy," Andromeda offered up. Dora gave a small _hmph_ and went back to her peas haughtily, reminding Remus of someone else who did haughty very well. 

"We'll come back to that, no doubt about that," Sirius said, side-eyeing Dora before he turned his head to both her parents in turn. "Can I take her?" 

Dora looked up from her plate at that, fixing them with the same curious look; Andromeda sipped her wine, suddenly much more interested in her potatoes, and Ted took the reigns this time. "We'll see," he said before bringing the topic back to their honeymoon, Remus found out soon after. 

Across the table from Remus' father, Peter's mum lifted her hand to grab Remus' attention. "I've been trying to figure this out," she began. 

Remus smiled, nodding. "It bothered me, too," he said. 

"You know my mum?" Peter piped up, perplexed. 

"Remus, was it?" Peter's mum asked. 

Remus nodded again. "Lupin," he added. 

She snapped her fingers, looking to have cracked it. "I've an R. Lupin registered for one of my poetry classes, not a common name is it?" she said. "I knew I had seen you about; must have been around the department. 

Twentieth-Century British Poetry was an elective he chose with great interest, and Remus brought a hand up to himself. "I'm really looking forward to your class," he told her. 

"You'll be happy he's there," Peter said, nodding across the table at him. "Genius, that one." 

"Oh, Peter," Remus said as shifted his hands in his lap, equally touched and uncomfortable. He went for some eggnog for want of something to do other than flush as his father took the opportunity to brag about his son's average, and shot a small grimace at Sirius, who looked caught between showing empathy and amusement. 

Pete's mum, now known to him by her maiden name, seemed to sense his discomfort as well, and, lovely woman already, decided to help him out a little. She asked him about his program, which Remus was glad to talk about in broader terms even if he had a small audience on his side of the table; Remus caught Sirius' eye once more as he was speaking and had to work to keep his train of thought with the smile he had on and trained on him. 

Remus only finished learning of the other classes Peter's mum taught before he noticed most of the guests had finished their meals. He still had a few bites left and worked to quicken the pace in case there was some unspoken rule that he should have been following. Sirius gave a sweeping glance over the table in thought before his gaze fell on him. "Remus, I need a comrade in pie," he declared. "Care to lend a hand." 

Remus sincerely hoped his half-smile came off as humoured by his choice of words. "Honoured," he said in case. "That's a far better title than your last." 

Sirius scooted back his seat. "You get your end, I'll get mine," he suggested. 

The two of them collected the plates from their respective ends, Remus with the exception of Peter who hadn't quite finished his stuffing. Remus left it, figuring he could come back for it when the first wave of pie was brought out and went down the hall behind Sirius. The two of them stuck the plates in the sink, and an instant later Sirius had his hand around Remus' wrist, pulling him over near where the washer and drier lived. About eight inches of wall separated the kitchen from the small area and Remus' back hit it roughly, but he couldn't say he minded much with Sirius pressing against him and kissing him fervently. 

He could feel the smile on Sirius' lips throughout and couldn't help but do the same, his head swimming as he melted between Sirius and the wall, his grip on the other pleading as he responded with equal yearning. They didn't have time, Sirius had to be as well aware as Remus was, but that did little to stop them from making the most of the solid minute they had before Peter's voice sounded in the hall. Remus pushed his hands against Sirius' shoulders pleadingly before he seemed to hear it, too, and Sirius pulled off him with a sigh through his nose, and the two of them came out from their spot. 

Sirius moved for the oven where the pie was keeping warm while Remus went for the cupboards just as Peter stepped into the room. He went to set his plate in the sink, and Remus paused his task, stepped over, and swatted Peter's arm. "How have you never once mentioned your mum teaches?" he asked through an incredulous laugh. "This whole time, Pete, where did that information go?" 

Peter gave a guilty shrug. "I don't know; we don't talk about her work and in return, she doesn't ask about my schooling," he said. "It's a good system we've got, works out well for us." 

"Pete, you're not under fire," Remus said, waving him off before stepping back to the cupboard. "It's just very funny is all." 

Sirius gave a truly impeccable professional smile as Peter wandered over to pour himself another glass of eggnog before heading back down the hall. He looked to Remus the moment Peter was out of earshot and the grin was gone. "I might actually kill him," he tossed out. 

"Don't, I like him," Remus said, bringing down a pile of plates, "and I really like his mother." 

"Right, she could suspect you had something to do with it seeing as this was the last place you were seen," Sirius reasoned, slicing the pie with the cutter. "Second-degree murder does typically lead to B minuses and you're finished with those."

Remus gave him a smile and held out the first plate. "I need you to quit being charming just for a bit, OK?" he said as Sirius placed a slice on the plate in his hand. "Otherwise your guests are going to be waiting much longer for their--" 

"You're not helping any getting starry-eyed over education of all things over there," Sirius countered, pointing the utensil at him accusingly. "Your eyes grow to the size of those plates and I'm supposed to keep it together?" 

Remus set the plates down on the counter with a thud, snatched the utensil out of his hand, and let it fall to the counter behind Sirius, pie be damned. Sirius made an appreciative noise as Remus placed an open-mouthed kiss on his lips, then an even better noise when Remus pressed him against the counter. They stole far too many kisses before footsteps drew close and Remus pulled away in a snap. Sirius looked after him as if abandoned on a rafter sailing out to sea, and Remus brought his hand up over his mouth as Dora wandered in with a bright offer to help. 

Remus felt the ground a little less solid as Sirius turned around abruptly and kept his front suspiciously hidden from view as he stuck slices of pie onto plates tightly, then made him and Dora had the plates out. 

-

Once dinner was finished, the next bit of the evening went by rather strangely, as though they were series of snapshots playing in front of Remus' eyes; Dora sitting on the couch braiding Sirius' hair as he sat below her on the floor and engaged in a political discussion with Mr. Potter and Remus' father, a sight Remus never did see coming; Lily, Mrs Potter, and Remus' and Pete's mum's getting along like schoolgirls over in the far corner; Andromeda, Ted, James, and Peter guffawing profusely over at the far end of the table. Remus found himself sitting with Lily and the others, though he sort of wished he hadn't chosen to join them when his mother took to telling another painfully unnecessary tale of his younger years, and quickly engaged Peter's mum in a topic he would have much rathered discuss. 

The instant Dora was finished with the French braid she was styling she asked for the impromptu guitar lesson she was promised. Sirius agreed emphatically, went off to his room to grab his own, and the two of them took off to the kitchen. Remus continued valiantly for a little while before he made up an excuse to find himself in the kitchen just to catch even a glimpse of the lesson. Sirius had his guitar balanced in his lap as he wrote on a sheet of paper, while Dora plucked at the guitar, trying out chords. Remus noticed the impressive pile of papers with various fretboards and chords scrawled out on them before he went to refill the glass he brought along with him. He stood with his back to them, shamelessly keeping an ear open, and heard Sirius drop the pencil he was using. 

"That should be enough for right now," he said. "I want you to practice this one for about half an hour an evening, and we'll pick up Monday with another one you can try out. And I've given you a few extra chords to tackle if you think you're up for it." 

"How long until I can play really fast?" she asked. "Faster than you." 

"I've six years on you, but you're starting much younger than I did," Sirius said. "You'll beat me if you keep at it." 

Remus smiled to himself as he poured some of Sirius' eggnog concoction into his glass. He turned around to see Dora holding one of the sheets of paper. "This one's slow," she said. 

"Well, you've got to start somewhere," Sirius said nonplussed. He glanced up at Remus and a slow grin formed. "As the nearest resident expert, was And I Love Her an acceptable choice?" 

Remus hid his smile behind his glass. "Completely," he offered. 

"Can I have another, in case I get that one perfect and I have nothing else to practice?" Dora asked. 

Sirius glanced over at her and barked out a laugh. "Knowing you, that'll happen," he said. He grabbed for a plain sheet. "I'll give you a Tegan and Sara one so you can get some strumming practiced, but we're stopping at two." Dora bounced in her chair at the news before Sirius shot down her suggestion. 

"No," he repeated with a shake of his head after she protested. "That one'll be too difficult straight away, you're going to get frustrated when you can't get it, and that won't help anyone. You've got to work up. I'm giving you one with the chords we have here and it's going to be simple, and that's it." 

"Fine," Dora said as Sirius set to jotting down the chords. Remus started for the hall, hoping Sirius might eventually see that he had a flair for teaching himself. A chair scooted back and Dora went past him with a _one minute_ called over her shoulder and veered to the left into the bathroom. Remus stole a glance over his shoulder as Sirius finished the letter he was scrawling before he dropped the pencil, stood, and crossed the room in a flash. Remus only got himself turned around and the drink set on the counter behind him before Sirius got him up against it. 

Remus answered Sirius' incriminating expression with a half-shrug and a short-lived defense. "I did tell you--" 

Sirius leaned in and ghosted his lips over his neck before latching on tight. Remus' eyes fluttered shut before he momentarily fretted over how he would realistically hide the bruise Sirius' mouth was threatening to leave there before he dragged his teeth over the spot and he had a difficult time thinking at all. The bathroom door reopened and Sirius pulled back with an easy smile and his right eyebrow arched before he strolled back to the table, leaving Remus frozen, feeling about as lost as Sirius had looked, and wearing his shirt slightly higher on one side than the other as he left the kitchen. 

-

It was going on ten when Mr. Potter announced it was getting to that time and offered Remus' parents a lift to their hotel. After various goodbyes and bustling about for their things, immediate family reconvened in the entrance way for slightly more formal ones. The Potter's went ahead to warm up the car while James and Sirius retreated down the hall. 

"Hold on, Sirius," Remus' father said. Sirius halted in his attempt to slip away and turned back to Remus' father's hand outstretched. "Thank you again."

"Glad to help, sir," Sirius said, giving a firm shake. 

"Oh, don't be daft," his father said. "It's Lyall or nothing."

Sirius gave a small tilt of his head in response. "We'd like to see you again before we leave; give proper thanks," Remus' mother chimed in. Sirius gave a shake of his head and made to speak, but Remus' mum gave him one of her own. "We'll be in touch, then."

Sirius seemed to sense he should leave it, clever bloke, and gave her a smile. "Nice meeting the both of you," he said, and with a glance toward Remus he slipped down the hall. 

Remus looked after him a moment before he shook his head clear. "I was thinking you to should come to mine tomorrow and I'll make us something," he said. 

"That's a plan if I ever heard one," his father said as he got his gloves on. 

"I'm not sure what'll be open tomorrow, but we can have a look," Remus went on, leaning back against the wall. "I've options if we're out of luck with it." 

"Are you heading home or staying here?" his mum asked. 

"Oh, I'm not sure," Remus said. "We'll be here for a while at least." 

"Be safe if you do," Remus' mum said. 

"I will, don't worry," Remus said. "I'll give you a ring around noon." 

"We shouldn't keep them waiting, Hope," his father said, his hand on the doorknob. 

"Yes, right," she said before giving Remus' hand a squeeze. "Tomorrow." 

-

Around midnight, Remus and Sirius were part-way through the dishes that had been neglected for most of the evening. Dora was dozing on the couch last Remus saw her, while Peter, James, Andromeda, and Ted sat at the table playing an uproarious and rather filthy game of Pictionary. 

Lily appeared at the end of the hall, stopping at the entrance of the kitchen. "Everything's set, James." 

"You two off tonight?" Sirius asked as he dried a plate to the left of Remus. 

"It was either this or leave at the crack of dawn," Lily said. 

"Let me win this last round," James requested from the table. 

"Why bother, it'll just be another morphous set of tits anyway," Sirius tossed over his shoulder. 

"Where are you headed?" Remus asked, his hands in the soapy sink. 

"Parent's," Lily said, leaning her elbows on the counter beside him as she waited. 

"Give Vernon my best," Sirius chimed. 

"You know very well I can't just flip him the bird the moment I see him," Lily said through a smile that looked oddly proud. 

"How long are you there for?" Remus asked just as Sirius dropped the fork he was drying into the sink. 

"Don't mind me," he said with an eye-roll at himself.

Sirius shoved the right sleeve of his flannel up to his elbow and fished around in the water for the fork, bumping Remus' arm as he did, making it difficult to register all of Lily's words. "--Should be around mid-day depending when my mum lets us leave, always have to leave room for that. Did you want a lift?" 

Remus blinked at her. "Sorry?" he said, tilting his head toward her as if it were the combined volume of the voices in the room that had done it. 

"We could drop you off if you'd like," Lily offered. 

"Oh, I should finish this up," he said, nodding down at the water and the plate he was washing with it. 

"Well, we might be here a little while longer depending on that one," Lily said, tossing a light nod toward James. "We could wait until you're done." 

"No no," Remus insisted. "Don't worry--" 

"James," Sirius called to him without turning around. "Don't keep the lady waiting." 

"Two minutes," James called back.

"Peter, are you staying here for longer, or would you like a lift?" Lily asked. 

"I don't know," Peter said, ambling over. "What are you two doing?" 

Remus chanced a glance at Sirius, who was drying a plate off at a much slower speed than he had been and fought to keep a smile from forming. "I'm knackered," Sirius said, before glancing sideways at Remus. "You?"

"All that turkey," Remus nodded, washing the plate in his hand at an equally slow pace. 

"Did this to ourselves, really," Sirius said evenly. "Will probably turn in once these fools leave." 

Peter made an unsatisfied noise. "I suppose I'd better leave with you two," he said. "Holiday transit is balls." 

"No truer words have ever been said, Pete," Sirius conceded lightly. "And bright side; you get to live another day." 

"What?" Peter asked, looking at Sirius with wide, perplexed eyes. 

"New shirt, Pete?" Remus asked quickly. 

Peter looked down at it. "No, this thing's been with me--" 

"Just dashing," Sirius complimented. 

Lily turned up between Remus and Sirius and hugged them at the same time. "Happy Christmas," she said before she gave the two of them a peck on the cheek in turn, the both of them leaning into it as their hands were still full. She went off to say her goodbyes to Ted and Andromeda as James took her spot, grabbed a load of suds off the top of the water, and flicked some at the both of them. 

Once the three of them departed, only the Tonks family remained, and by the time they were just about finished the dishes Sirius had worked Remus into a frenzy with only pointed reaches and bumps that he was the one only holding on by a thread. Ted went off to bring the load of things brought with them down to the car, Dora sauntered into the room and reached up to hug Sirius goodbye.

"Monday?" Sirius asked, and Dora gave a nod and a sleepy smile. 

"Dora, how about you get your present all packed up?" Andromeda requested, eyeing the guitar leaning up against the wall by the table, and Dora made off with it. "We'll talk Paris soon; you've dug yourself into quite a hole, I hope you know." 

"Happily stuck in it," Sirius said, giving her a one-armed hug as he held onto a dish with the other hand. 

Andromeda turned to Remus, who still had his hands in the sink. "It was really nice meeting you," she said, her arm coming up around his shoulder. "We should get a pint sometime, do this properly." 

Remus turned his head to her and dropped his mouth open as he held the final glass out for Sirius to dry. "Andromeda, you are a married woman." 

Her wine-reddened cheeks might have directly contributed to her laughter at his admittedly terrible joke. "I love you already," she tossed out, giving him a jostle.

And with that, Andromeda gave one last wave, and the distance she travelled between the kitchen and the front door seemed twice as long as usual. Sirius put down the glass and tea towel he was holding while Remus pulled the plug and dried off his hands, glancing at each other as the front door opened and on each other the second it shut. 

"Longest -- night -- of my life," Sirius got out between harried kisses. 

Remus gripped the front of Sirius' shirt and pulled him out of the room. "You're the one who made it so much longer," he broke the kiss to say. 

"Can you blame me?" Sirius retorted as he steered Remus down the hall. 

"Yes, yes, I blame you," Remus told him before kissing him again. 

They got passed the couch without any trouble, but in his haste, Remus forgot about the table still situated in the living room and bumped into it. He made to move around it but Sirius seemed to think it was a perfectly suitable surface to press him hard against, and Remus was too lost in the feel of his lips and his hands and his body not to go with it. Sirius pressed close as Remus hoisted himself onto the edge of the table and reached both hands behind him, grappling with the tie of his apron and laughing into the kiss. 

"This thing is too much." 

"It's festive and was a gift, you fiend," Sirius returned, smiling all the while. 

Remus clicked his tongue when the knot continued to be difficult in his scrambling to rid Sirius of the thing. "Where's your scout badge, honestly." 

Sirius huffed out a laugh between their lips and moved his hands behind his back to give it a shot, but then Remus began pulling on the bottom of it and he seemed to agree that would be a whole lot quicker and lifted his arms so Remus could pull it over his head. Remus aimed for the couch when he tossed said gift and reached for the buttons on Sirius' flannel, undoing them and pushing it off his shoulders. The first sleeve came off easily but the other clung to Sirius' left wrist, and Sirius let out a breathless laugh as Remus tried to coordinate his fingers to undo the tiny button. Remus met his eyes with a smile just before he got the arm free, tossing the shirt behind him much more carelessly than the apron. He ran his hands over Sirius' stomach, felt the warmth of his skin, and tried to put to memory the first moment he didn't feel it necessary to avert his eyes and hide his appreciation. 

Remus felt Sirius' breath hitch under his fingertips an instant before he was pushed flat on the table. Sirius leaned over him to catch his mouth again, his hands never lingering in one spot too long before they clutched at another until he worked one between them. He shoved Remus' shirt up with the other, broke their kiss to drag more down his body, over his stomach and his thighs as he wrenched his trousers off his legs. Remus' head swam, his blood pounding in his ears, his own harsh breathing making it to his ears, and his throat caught for a moment. 

Remus shut his eyes and forced it away, refusing to let it bleed into this as Sirius got his pants off quicker than the trousers. Sirius stood over him, raked his nails slowly down the sides of his thighs until his fingers curled under them; he had on the most self-assured smile Remus had ever seen in person and he found his confidence captivating. 

Remus pushed himself up off the surface of the table and went for Sirius' fly in order to even things out a little more, though he didn't know how he managed to focus enough to undo it with Sirius' right hand stroking him all the while, warm and assured just as Sirius himself was, but he managed. Remus shoved his trousers down past his hips before Sirius pressed flush against him and rolled his hips, and Remus gripped at the edge of the table and rocked with him, trying to ignore the tightening in his throat, and hooked his legs around Sirius' hips, needing more friction, needing him, needing not to think. It gave them less room to work with, but Sirius gave his crooked smile, braced his hand by Remus' hip and thrust harder, driving him faster against the table. It moved back in reaction to the both of them but Sirius only moved forward with it, and for a short moment Remus thought it might not hold, but Sirius shifted just so and the pressure between them was so strong Remus didn't really care if it fell out from under them as long as they kept going and he could keep feeling that.

Sirius moved his hand from the table to grip his thigh as he sped up his hips and Remus matched the pace he set to, his back sore from effort and his bottom lip caught tight between his teeth, but it was well worth the strain when Sirius' breathing quickened and hit a peak, warmth spilling out over Remus' stomach. Remus watched unblinking for the chance to see Sirius in the throes of it; gorgeous through release as he was in anything else. He rolled his hips through it, wrapped his hand around Remus' cock, and pulled Remus' jaw in for another heated kiss. Remus felt it all in the pit of his stomach, Sirius swallowed the moan he didn't quite manage to push down quick enough and brought him off within seconds. 

Remus wanted desperately to lay back but he was still wrapped around Sirius, and he stayed put, relishing in the heat of his body pressed tightly against his and the heat flooding his cheeks as they breathed the same air between their lips. Sirius came down from his euphoria with his eyes set clear and on him, and Remus shoved any further thoughts that fought to flood in, told himself it was different. Sirius was different. 

Sirius shifted, took one look at the mess over his right hand, and licked it off, his eyes back on Remus as if sending some perfectly timed message that he certainly was a different person entirely. Remus' cheeks couldn't have handled any more heat, and he glanced down at the mess on the front of his shirt before he looked back up to see the distinct amusement in Sirius' eyes, and gave him a light, accusatory glare. 

Sirius pulled his hand away from his mouth and sucked in a breath, a smile tugging at his lips. "I was a little preoccupied if you remember," he said, his voice hoarse and shooting straight through Remus. 

Still wrapped in Remus's legs, Sirius wriggled down in between them and tugged Remus' shirt up, pressing his mouth to each new bit of skin, starting small fires with each press and lick. Sirius pushed the shirt enough to attach his lips to his collarbone, and Remus revelled in the mere idea that Sirius hadn't pulled himself away by now. Remus got the offending shirt off in an instant, chucking it off to the side before pulling up on Sirius' jaw and crushing their mouths together again. 

"Fuck, you're--" Sirius got out before kissing him faster, hungrier, as if the last few minutes hadn't been enough for him either, and Remus felt like a fucking prize. 

He slipped his legs off Sirius' hips and pushed at him with greater intent. It really was helpful that Sirius was sharp as a tac for apparently he needed no more than that before moving back enough for Remus to shove himself from the table's edge. He moved with as Remus pulled him along, trusting Sirius to get them to his room without knocking him into any other furniture along the way. He did, thankfully, as Remus was a little busy kissing the life out of him to keep much of a watch. 

Sirius reached a hand out behind Remus to knock his door open and steered him into the room and down onto the bed, standing over him as he rid himself of the trousers he hadn't bothered removing before. Remus' pulse tripled as he moved back on the bed, as Sirius crawled over him, as he lost himself in the details of his mouth and his tongue against his, until he felt Sirius hard against his thigh once more, until he couldn't take the coil in his stomach any longer. 

He broke the kiss that seemed to go on for days, glancing quickly to the left, then to the right. "Which drawer?" he breathed. Sirius' pupils dilated to where they appeared black; he searched Remus, his hands tightening at his hips, but he didn't respond and Remus knew he was coming on too strong. "We don't have to if you don't--"

"Don't even finish that thought," Sirius said heavily before kissing him again for good measure, it seemed. "You've no idea." 

Sirius moved for the drawer on the right and felt around in it while Remus logged the whole night away as the luckiest he'd ever been, and pulled his knees up on either side of Sirius when he shifted back over him. He moved lower, pressing kisses to his skin on the way down, and Remus lost his perception of time for it seemed to speed forward and slow down without warning. Sirius stretching him open, the warmth of it, the rush of pushing down against his hand, Sirius climbing back up his body, the first press inside; Remus registered it all to various degrees but it was all so hazy until Sirius' was over him again and the lines on his forehead suggested trepidation as he searched him. 

Remus didn't like the look on Sirius, thought it suited him much better, and took advantage of Sirius' face so close to his, braced his feet behind him on the bed and rocked up against him, hoping he would take it as a sign that he should really get a move on. Sirius shifted and held one arm under Remus' hip to keep him elevated, the other beside them as he fisted the bed sheet at each thrust, his breath shallow against Remus' lips. They picked up speed gradually until Sirius switched the angle of his thrusts quite suddenly and Remus clamped his eyes shut as a flash of white burst behind them, breaking their kiss to suck a breath in through his teeth. 

"OK?" Sirius breathed out, stilling his hips when that was the last thing Remus wanted. 

He nodded heavily. "Just keep--" 

He shoved his palm down behind him on the bed, clutched at Sirius' hip and urged him on, pushing down on his cock harder and seeking the staggering feeling again. Sirius' breath hitched before he worked faster and gave it to him at the pace he was trying to ask for, and Remus lit up with each meeting of their hips, delirium overthrowing sharp stings before Sirius wrapped his hand around him, and the form he grew accustomed to hit him like a freight train. With both his hands quite busy and nothing to drown himself out as he felt the onset, Remus curled up and sank his teeth into Sirius' shoulder, blocking out the strangled noise that threatened to leave him as he shuddered. He pulled his mouth from his shoulder a little too quickly and then had to bite his lip so hard he thought it might bleed when Sirius slammed his hand against the headboard as he snapped his hips harder, bringing it to and from the wall with every thrust. Remus rocked with him best he could while overwhelmed and sated, mesmerized by Sirius' ability to let go in a way he'd never managed and forced his eyes open through the relentless nudge at his prostate just to see it. 

Sirius' hand came down flat on the bed as his hips slowed, his eyes shut tight, his chest heaving. He blinked his eyes open, moved his left hand to where Remus' thigh met his hip, and pulled out of him slowly, leaving his hand resting there for a few moments before he set Remus' legs down and simply sagged over him, his forehead set on Remus' chest. Remus was quite content with having Sirius for a blanket for however long he would be allowed such a thing, and watched as Sirius brought his right hand up and held it splayed in front of him. 

"Good game, team," he huffed. 

His head moved up and down from the laugh that rolled out of Remus, and he sported his prize-winning grin when he lifted his head just as Remus returned his high-five limply. Sirius pushed himself to his elbows and rolled onto his back, binned the condom, and sprawled out, staring up at the ceiling as his breathing slowed. Remus followed his gaze, picked a spot on the ceiling, and breathed along with him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that m rating is just going to stay where it is

Remus lay still as he fell awake, opening one bleary eye and catching the sunlight streaming in from the window, and closing it immediately because of it. It took him a moment to understand where he was, though the remembrance was quick; waking up in Sirius' bed was not inordinate, but the lack of clothing definitely was. He opened the same eye to glance at the body lying next to him and held back a startle against finding Sirius awake and scrolling his phone absently. He kept still to assess more of the situation, took in the sheet that had been haphazardly thrown over them at some point during the night, Sirius beneath it with one leg stretched out the length of the bed, the other bent at the knee and swaying back at forth idly. 

Remus moved his gaze to the ceiling, feeling every thought he pushed aside the night before, and even more actively post shags, flooded in. He was used to feeling torn, two sides of a coin at once, but never so vehemently. 

They'd gone about this backwards to say the least. He messed up royally; a few steamy kisses and charged looks should not have equalled hopping into bed with Sirius. A terrible part of his brain supplied _or on a table_ , almost pointedly, and Remus had to tamp down on the image he had of the two of them rutting like a couple of teenagers and remind himself of what he'd gone and pretended wasn't an issue, that past experience taught him acting on impulse got him nothing in the end, it evidently hadn't done it well enough, and he had no right to be turned on by revisiting the memory. There were moments he could have said something, anything, but he hadn't, instead favoured the haze that each small moment brought on. 

He shut his eyes and told that part of him to quit it. He remembered their frequent glances throughout the night, shares smiles, small touches; all quick reminders that they'd eventually crash against each other likes waves the instant the evening was over and they were alone. He'd felt so sure they were on the same page without either of them having to voice it, and he desperately wanted to live inside those moments for a little longer. That didn't work out well, for he knew he hadn't taken any of his prior reservations into account. He shouldn't have tossed them out the window because his resolve completely snapped, he didn't see any of them the night before, not one. They wouldn't even be lying there in nothing but a sheet if it hadn't been for him instigating it; he could have mistaken Sirius' readiness for a quick romp by romanticising it. He'd gone and spent so much of the evening focusing on feeling rather than thinking, and look where that had got him. 

Well. Laid for one, but disappointment welled up in him; the mixture of wanting to bask in the afterglow of the best sex he'd had and giving himself shit for actively seeking it out was doing his head in. He felt the visceral need to hear Sirius' voice, have it bring on the calming effect it had on him, and opened his eyes, looking for him instinctively. 

Sirius had leaned his phone against his raised thigh at some point during Remus' inner monologue, his eyes scanning words onscreen as he moved his hands up and pulled his braid forward over his shoulder, took the elastic off, and lifted his head enough to run his hands through his hair, waving now from being kept in a braid the entire night. Seeing Sirius there, a part of him knew his reasons for sleeping with him weren't unfounded; he'd shown himself to be thoughtful innumerable times, watched Remus even when he wasn't looking, and charmed the literal pants off of him, and for a brief moment he regretted none of it. 

His efforts to remain silent observer were dashed when he received a text on his phone somewhere outside the room. He glanced at the doorway, let out a quiet sigh through his noise, and knew the jig was up. He looked over at Sirius glancing side-long at him, still combing his fingers through his hair, and Remus' pulse tripled. 

"How much time have you got?" Sirius asked, his voice threaded with sleep and doing exactly what Remus hoped it would. 

"What time is it?" he asked. He breathed in and out slowly as Sirius pressed the side of his phone, glanced at it, and declared it late morning. "That'll be her, then, but I've some time; hadn't planned on anything before noon. I think she's just a little eager." 

Sirius let go of his hair and stretched. "Huge bitch, that one," he said through a yawn. He gave Remus an easy smile, sticking his hands behind his head.

Remus smirked, looked down, and scratched at his ankle with his opposite foot. "They really do want to see you again, perhaps you should come to..." He trailed off at the speed at which Sirius' mouth formed a firm line. 

He made a tentative sound before opening his mouth. "Only I don't really know how I'd be able to look them in the eye after I shagged you senseless." 

Remus wasn't really sure how he expected Sirius to beat around the bush at all, but at least he hadn't yawned and told him to take off. "That's -- a way to put it." 

"Have you got better?" Sirius asked. Remus watched as Sirius swayed his bent leg back and forth leisurely. "You are the professor around here, by all means." 

"No, you've gone and covered it, thank you," Remus said, looking up at the ceiling to avoid Sirius' cheeky grin, and worked to sound as unaffected as he did. "Well, I don't think I can tell them that's your reason so I'll have to make something up." 

Sirius laughed beside him, bright as the room around them. "No, good call." Remus glanced down in time to catch Sirius looking him over; he hummed, let out a small sigh, and rolled toward him, and it was ridiculous how quickly Remus' body reacted to Sirius' proximity. "Since you've got some time..." he said, nudging Remus' legs apart with a knee. 

He situated himself between them easily, pressing kisses to his chest as he moved lower, and Remus wasn't quite sure it was really even happening. He'd had the dream before, the one where they went at it like rabbits, woke up and went at it again, and he had to drag his hands over Sirius' shoulders to prove he was awake. Sirius' mouth closed around him and Remus clamped his mouth shut, tried to force himself to leave it alone, and really, if Sirius was happy to do it he should let him; it would only be polite. 

Discourse wasn't holding up and he felt a welling in his chest; he'd end up as he did last time if he didn't do something about it sooner. He squirmed, but Sirius likely took that as a good sign for he kept at it, dragging his lips back and forth over him, and Remus melted against the bed. "Sirius," he tried to get out against the wet heat of his mouth. "Wait, Sirius -- stop." 

Sirius paused halfway down his length before pulling his mouth from him. "You don't want it?" he asked, his tongue poking out over his bottom lip for a moment which was just too much to handle just then. 

"God, are you barking?" Remus implored, running a hand over his face. "Of course." 

Sirius stared at him through a veil of hair, and though he couldn't quite see it Remus could tell his right eyebrow was higher on his forehead than his left. "Then you'll have to let me do it, won't you?" 

Remus clicked his tongue. He gestured between them, trying again. "I don't know what we're -- last night, this; what are we doing?" 

"I'd have thought that was fairly obvious," Sirius said plainly, not moving from his spot between Remus' legs, and he sort of wished he would for it was difficult to remain assertive with Sirius laying on top of him with his head at crotch-level.

"Humour me, then, please," Remus said. "We should have -- before anything else, we should have--"

"Well, as good a time as any," Sirius said, glancing over the position they were in. 

"We should have talked about this," Remus reiterated, speaking past the lump in his throat. 

Sirius breathed out his nose before he propped himself up on his elbows on either side of Remus' body, folding his arms over Remus' stomach. Remus looked down at him in surprise, figuring he wouldn't stay where he was, but he looked about as comfortable as ever. "I'm finally acting on months of sexual frustration, and I assumed from your spirited performance that you were doing some of the same," he said, glancing at him plainly. "Was I wrong, or did the apron do it?" 

Remus let out a weak laugh despite himself. "No, you weren't wrong, but--" he paused, blinked. "Months?"

"Long time coming. Didn't exactly give me much time to say as much, ravishing me out there like you did," Sirius said lightly. "And I would say any other opportunities were knocked to the side by a, err," he criss-crossed his fingers over Remus, "a coming together, so to speak. There were other things to see to."

"Months?" Remus repeated. 

"Do you want to say it once more?" 

"I knew it; you're having me on," Remus said of the waiver to Sirius' voice. 

"I'm quite sure I spelled it out for you many times without actually _saying_ I wanted you flat on a table--"

"No, you didn't--"

"Do you see a turntable anywhere?" Sirius asked, lifting his hand from Remus' hip and pointing to the right of them. "Have you seen it in here since?" Remus couldn't say he noticed one way or another, but he couldn't say anything just then either. "It doesn't live in here, it's quite communal. I brought it in here when I knew you were coming over, and I had a lot of other plans for you before you went and picked a fight with me--" 

Remus scoffed. "Me?" he huffed. "You were -- back then?" 

"Coming along now, aren't you?" 

Remus ran a hand over his forehead weakly. "I -- I had no idea," he said. 

"Well, no, we've established this," Sirius said plainly, flattening a palm and shooting it over his head. 

Remus' eyes narrowed. "You could have said something," he said. "How could I have known that's what you--" 

"Wasn't like I could just come out and say it," Sirius cut in. 

"You absolutely could have," Remus insisted. 

"Well I was trying, git, but you missed every single line," Sirius said. "Wasn't just going to go for it, you were so touchy. If I'd gone and tried something and you went running for the hills, then what? I only just figured out you weren't afraid of me." 

"OK, you didn't know," Remus gave him, "but you've known for weeks now." 

Sirius nodded slowly. "Rough few weeks," he said. "Hurt the ego, you did." 

"How could I have done that?" Remus asked with a heave of his shoulders. "You didn't say a thing--" 

"You were _pissed_ so I'd have been a sleaze and a half trying something then, now, wouldn't I?" Sirius countered. "And you told me to pretend I never heard it--" 

"Of course I did, I thought you knew I was mad over you," Remus said. "You froze when I told you, and you wouldn't come anywhere near me -- I thought you were trying to let me down easy and didn't know how to do it." 

Sirius gaped at him before he visibly reigned himself in and lifted a hand to accentuate the soliloquy he launched into. "Put yourself where I was for thirty whole seconds," he started, gesturing at himself with a splayed hand. "I wanted you for weeks, couldn't come out and say it in case you took it terribly and I never saw you again, so I had to be careful about it, try and figure you out some other way, and every time I thought I had you, something happened; you transferred out, you pulled away, our mates walked in. Then you go and tell me over a shit ton of pints that, oh, actually Sirius, I'm up for blokes, and I have to fight, I have to channel Meryl Streep levels of acting just to keep myself from fucking beaming. My veins are singing, I think this is it, I've really got a shot now, until you go and blast me over it, tell me to forget about it, and then I've got to lie there and go on as if I don't want you under me," he said, finishing off with a slap of his hand on the surface of the bed. "Letting you down easy? For fuck's sake, Remus, I was trying not to throw you down." 

Remus reddened, thinking his head couldn't possibly hold the influx of information Sirius whirled at him. "That's why you -- I didn't know how to decipher it, other than you were uncomfortable and I was trying to fix it--"

"By telling me nothing would happen here," Sirius cut in, bringing his forefinger between them. "You're a bit of a liar clearly, but even I'm allowed to take that as a rejection, and I did, badly, and then you went and treated me like a walking disease. Way to drive the nail in, Remus."

"I did not treat you like that," Remus said indignantly. He couldn't help the irritation welling up in him; when Remus thought there was no interest on Sirius' part he worked harder than ever to make do with what he had, while Sirius disappeared the instant he thought he didn't have a chance. "So your answer was to avoid me altogether? _What_ was I supposed to do with silence?" 

Sirius let out a sound somewhere between a scoff and a sigh, then looked down at his hands still on Remus' stomach. "I know I was being a git," he said. "It was class A friendzone bullshit, and it was shit keeping away from you because I wasn't getting what I wanted -- it's not like I don't know that, but it's not like -- I can't keep away from you; it doesn't work." 

Remus was somehow disappointed, rueful, and humbled all at once, and if he had one more emotion added on they'd all surely flatten him. "It was self-preservation," he said carefully. "For me." 

"Mm, well, you self-preserved me right into a tail-spin, git," Sirius said, socking Remus in the side lightly. 

"Oh, fuck off," Remus said, batting his hand away. "You're the biggest catch this side of the city." 

" _You_ fuck off," Sirius said. "I prepared myself for you to turn out straight as an arrow or realize you were gay and fuck me when you did -- but bent-ish _and_ uninterested? Not a chance. Biggest catch this side of the city is fucking worthless if you can't be bothered, and shit, I thought, what--" he brought his right hand up to the side of his face, "--did I become a goon all of a sudden, what's he doing, what am I doing wrong -- you dick, I've never thought like this in my entire life, so don't you go dismissing it."

Remus did laugh at that, loudly, and brought his hands up to hide his face from Sirius' pointed glare. "This is fucking mad," he said behind his hands. "I was sure I'd send you running for the hills; it's not like I could realistically see you and I working, we're polar opposites, and it's not as though you've a tolerance for dating, and I--" 

It hung there in silence, and Remus thought that if a cricket chirped just then they'd hear it. He pulled his hands from his face, made the effort to look Sirius in the eye, and found him staring at him, his bottom lip pulled in at the right side. "There, I've said it, and you've already checked out."

Sirius lay still for a moment before he slowly brought his hand up to his chest and pretended he'd been severely wounded. "There, you've done it," he said gravely. "Just -- just saying it there, you've taken off with my strength -- few years off my life." Remus huffed, nudging Sirius in the side with his knee, and Sirius dropped the dramatics. "Well, what, you deserve that. I'm not going to run screaming from the room." 

"You know what I'm trying to say," Remus said. "You're deflecting--"

"Well, I wouldn't call it what you did anyway," Sirius interrupted. "It's more I've no tolerance for wasting mine or anyone else's time." 

Remus forced himself to keep his eyes trained on Sirius'. "We're saying the same thing," he said. 

"I've never thought of you as a waste of time, are you even listening--"

"So, what do you want, then?" Remus asked, his stomach doing a perfect ten of a somersault. He wanted to be different, for Sirius to consider him more than the others, and it felt transparent, and putting it out there made him feel more vulnerable than lying stark naked with Sirius still pressed against him. He didn't enjoy the fact that he wished himself a better chance than anyone else, and it only made reasons he shouldn't see himself as an exception come crashing back. "This won't be easy, and if you find reasons to break off anything that requires work, then--" 

"When did you talk to Lily?" Sirius asked politely. Remus' stomach sank; he should have thought about this before bringing that facet into it without tossing Lily under the bus. "Sounds exactly like something she'd say and has said, to me, many times." 

Remus kept his mouth shut, not confirming or denying it, but he doomed himself anyway for that was a confession in itself. Sirius kept staring easily at him, which only unnerved Remus more, and he deflated. "Oh, for fuck's sake, yes," he all but sighed out. "We talked, but I'm the one who started it, alright? I unloaded on her, she had no say in it; I just vomited words at her. I needed to talk to _somebody_ , and she was only trying to help me keep perspective, OK?" 

"Mm, by talking to you about my muck ups, makes sense," Sirius said easily. "Oh, but you know, there might have been someone else who would have been better fitted to go over such topics with, but why go to the main source, hm? By all means, Lily knows best." 

"How should I have gone and done that?" Remus asked. "This was October, Sirius; I thought I'd have sent you running." 

"Well, Remus, I'd have been on my back in a second," Sirius informed him flatly, with a pat to his stomach. "Nice going." 

"Well, I didn't know that then, did I?" Remus snapped, lifting a hand to his face again, feeling drained of energy and patience. "This is too much, I should have known never to do this without a cup--" 

"What else did she say?" Sirius asked thinly. 

Remus breathed out inaudibly, dropped his hands, and shifted, his legs beginning to fall asleep with the body lying over them. "She raved about how loyal you are to your friends, and I chalked it up to that," he said minutely. "My chances weren't high, I knew that but I'd gone and romanticized you, and I--"

"Excuse me, one more time?" Sirius cut in, his voice still far too close to how he asked for a customer to repeat their order for the third time and had to work to sound jolly. 

"I put to bed any moment or gesture I thought I'd caught," he reiterated carefully. "I was told you're both affectionate and you're loyal to your friends; I thought that's what you wanted. She was worried I'd get strung along, and for a little while there I--"

"Oh, good, good," Sirius said, beaming now. " _Good_."

"Sirius, please don't--" Remus said, trying to quell an impending fire. "Please stay calm." 

"Don't tell me to stay calm," Sirius said, dropping both the light tone and the only grin he wore that Remus hated. "I could have had you before this and that didn't happen because she ran her fucking mouth. It's one thing to have her ragging on me like fucking clockwork whenever I -- James puts me through the wringer, but he's fucking kidding, _she's_ not. What's she think she's doing warning you like I'm some demon out for the souls of--" 

"God, that's not what I said, Sirius, come on," Remus implored. "She only wanted me aware of the situation. She wanted to help." 

"And she told you _don't get your hopes up_?" Sirius demanded. "Fat load of help she was; you're right, I should send her a thank you note. You should, too, come to think of it. What a compliment, did you positively glow when she told you that?" 

"She was looking out for me, actually, so don't rag on her," Remus snapped. Sirius gave him an incredulous look. "You're not even listening, she didn't say it like that, it's the gist of it. What were my chances?" 

Sirius' eyes shot up and he lifted both hands to display them over the two of them. "I'd say they were pretty fucking good," he snapped back. 

"We're going around in circles," Remus said, trying to pull them both back from a fight. "I didn't know that, did I? Why would she have? She only warned me this could be more trouble than it's worth." Sirius dropped down and rested his head on Remus' stomach with an exasperated sigh.

"Thing is," Sirius said, his voice muffled, "I don't do half this shit for my mates."

"That's not--" 

Sirius lifted his head and fixed him with a striking stare. "I could count a number of times I've gone out of my way to research and find an extremely obscure record just as an excuse to spend more time off work with anyone," he said pointedly. "Never, that's how; not difficult to count."

"One more time?" Remus got out. 

Sirius' face pulled into a twisted smile that fell between sheepish and proud, but his eyes never lost the severity behind them. "Bought it off some bloke online who's got rare vinyls, you can't just find that one in a shop willy-nilly," he said matter-of-factly as if Remus wasn't already painfully aware of the fact. Remus reached above him and pulled one of Sirius' pillows over his face, torn between shouting and laughing, and Sirius just kept on adding to it. "I'd always planned on letting you have it, but only after I had you over, 'course. I had a delicate plan to see to, whether it worked out or not." 

"This whole time," Remus said from under the pillow. 

"And he's found the point," he heard Sirius declare loudly with the air of a game show host while shaking him at his middle. 

"Stop it, this is a lot to process," Remus said, pulling the pillow off his face. He wanted to disappear, find moments and string them together with, put meaning to every exchange, but he paused. "My parents. That was part of the plan?" 

Sirius shook his head. "No, that was the day of the funeral; I do know when I owe someone something," he said, giving Remus another, completely different striking look. "I had to do something and it seemed the right fit. You hadn't seen them in ages." 

Remus held Sirius' gaze. "I can't thank you enough," he said in a quiet voice. 

"Oh, I think you did," Sirius said, giving into the grin pulling at his lips. "Generously at that. " 

"I don't know what to say," Remus said truthfully, fighting a flush. 

"I'm willing to do something else," Sirius said, lifting his hands. 

"Sirius, we should think about this," Remus said. "If we want different things--" 

"Do we?" Sirius asked. "I want you, you want me. What good does it do pretending we don't?" 

Remus breathed out, then in. "Right, but what do you want from _this_."

Sirius breathed out quick through his nose. "What did worrying and scrambling to name this do aside from fuddle everything up?" he asked. Remus bit the inside of his cheek against the violent pull on his stomach; he'd fuddled it up, that much was true. "I don't need the rest of it. I think you're fit, I fancy spending time with you, you're a great shag, and I even sort of like it when you pick fights with me." Sirius gave him a cheeky little smile. "Sometimes I egg you on just to get you all riled up--" 

"Yeah, I know," Remus said bluntly, though his head was still reeling from the list Sirius rattled off. 

"I can't help it, Remus, you're hot when you get all assertive with me," Sirius said plainly, before patting his stomach once again. "Now, get assertive on top of me, and I'll be--" 

"Sirius, please," Remus insisted, tamping down on the intriguing image Sirius shoved into his mind. 

"I'm no good at it, Remus," Sirius said, dropping the smile he had on. "I'm trying to find the downside you're going to focus on, but I don't see one. We'll end up doing exactly what we've been doing; you'll make me cry from laughing too hard, and I'll make you huff and sigh, and you'll get to stop second guessing every little thing you or I do. We don't have to make this more complicated than it is, and I don't think it hurts to have a little fun now and again." 

It was a hard sell, but damn if Sirius didn't make it sound like a steal. 

Remus felt the push and pull again; it was better than nothing, and if he kept pressing Sirius could opt out completely, and he'd never really been warmer than with Sirius this close. It didn't completely add up, Sirius couldn't really have spent weeks trying to get him, then level him with nothing but silence because of a bruised ego. The sex had been sporadic and frantic, but there were tender moments, he thought, and perhaps Sirius just wasn't quite ready to admit it--

"Remus, I can hear you thinking," Sirius said. "Give it a rest, would you? We've something good here." 

He looked down for a moment, his mouth quirking at the side before he traced the three freckles that formed a triangle just above Remus' right hip, cementing Remus' thoughts on the matter; he wasn't quite there yet, unable to see his words and actions contradicted the other. Reading between the lines was something he often had to do with Sirius, what was a little more? 

Sirius glanced up at Remus to catch his nod and leaned down to press a kiss the spot above his hip, traced his tongue over the freckled triangle, and the result was fire right through to Remus' bones. Remus twisted his left hand in the bed sheet as Sirius kept pressing kisses to his skin as he moved lower again, glancing up at him before he closed his mouth around him again, and Remus focused on feeling. His toes curled, heat pooled in his stomach, and he twisted the sheet below them even tighter, willing himself not to thrust into the heat of his mouth, but it wasn't much of a concern with Sirius' hands pressed against his stuttering hips. He had at least enough leeway to shift his legs into a half bend, and Sirius moved with him, nestling in and letting out such a content breath near the base of his cock that it shook Remus to his core. 

Sirius curled his hands under his hips and traced his thumbs over his skin as he held him still, speeding up and humming as if he knew that would send him into oblivion. Remus caught the strangled sound before it came out, but Sirius locked eyes with him a few seconds later, and Remus' stomach surged. 

"Sir--" he stuttered out, reaching to push Sirius' head off in time. He caught himself before his hand reached his hair and moved it to his shoulder and pushed at it, squirming under him. "Sirius, I'm close--" 

Sirius arched an eyebrow and knocked Remus' hand out of the way, pressing it down on the bed and taking him straight to the back of his throat. He moved quicker, swiping his tongue over the head at each draw back, and Remus' chest heaved. He writhed under him, clutched at Sirius' hand still pinning his to the bed and brought his other hand up in a fist and bit it as he came, riding the aftershocks until Sirius pulled off him. 

Sirius brushed a wrist across his mouth easily then stretched the hand Remus had gripped fiercely, looking particularly smug about things. He settled in on his side between Remus' arm and side, his head level with his chest, and brushed his fingers along Remus' sweat coated stomach. Remus body twitched against the light touch just before his phone rang outside the room. He groaned and brought his hands up to cover his face. 

"I can't do it," he said breathlessly, and Sirius laughed at him. 

"I'll answer it," he offered. "Say you're in the--" 

"No, she'll be able to tell, it's in your voice," Remus stressed as he tried to bring air back into his lungs more easily. 

Sirius lost it again and made an even noise before was up and off the bed, padding out of the room. He was back in a flash with the phone and held it out to him. "I hear the Christmas muggers are rampant in these parts, so you might as well quell her worrying now." 

Remus gave a resigned sigh and took the phone, pointedly looking away from Sirius standing both completely naked and casually over the bed, and set his gaze on the ceiling as he set plans with his mother. He held the phone away from his mouth when he wasn't speaking as his chest rose and fell, hoping she wouldn't notice anything suspicious. 

"You sound as though you've been lifting."

Remus ran with it. "We were just moving the table back." 

Over by the dresser, Sirius let out a snort. "Yeah, we were." 

Remus lobbed a pillow over at him. "Is that Sirius now? Ask him if he'd like to join us." 

Remus watched Sirius pull on a pair of trousers that were at least two sizes too big and hung low on his waist, making everything a little hazier. "I'll ask, but I'm not sure," he said. "I'll see you in a bit?" 

When he hung up, he set the phone down beside him, glancing back over at Sirius as he decided on a shirt. Remus sat up and pulled the rumpled sheet around his middle. "Do you want me to help you move it back?" he asked. 

"I was thinking of commemorating it, actually; giant flood lights, a plaque made up," Sirius said, his voice muffled as he pulled the shirt over his head. He flashed a grin as his face came into view again. "Yeah, that'd help." 

Remus smiled tightly; Sirius in a good mood was the best he could hope for. "She wants to know if you'd like to come along," he asked, biting the bullet. 

Sirius pushed his hair out of his eyes. "Doesn't feel like I should be there," he said commonly. 

Remus nodded. "Right," he said. "I'll just shower quick and get out of your hair." 

"It's not that I don't want to," Sirius said. "Make sure they know that." 

Remus nodded again, more firmly this time. "I will." 

"Only it's Christmas, and me being there doesn't make much sense, does it?" Sirius went on. "You only saw them for, what, an hour before you had to share them with the rest of us." 

"Not a very solid excuse since you invited the lot of us to yours," Remus countered. 

"It's different," Sirius said with a light shrug, the tone Remus took going unnoticed. "We throw an entirely unorthodox shindig, but this is just me and yours. Besides, they clearly love me, and if I came along, they'd fawn, I'd hog them the whole time, and that just wouldn't be on. Tell them I'll see them before they go, though." 

Remus wasn't sure why he felt he needed to keep the sheet around him as he stood considering how familiar Sirius had become with his body over the last twelve hours, but he held it to himself all the same. He went for the drawer that housed Sirius' trousers and held up a pair in question, and Sirius nodded. 

"I don't even know how long they're here for," Remus said.

"Saturday," Sirius said. "It'd have been longer but your mum said she had to be back by the fourth, so." He saw Remus' pained expression as he got the trousers on, and added an authoritative, "Stop. What was I going to do, have them come up for one night? What a waste." 

"It's too much," Remus said as he went for a shirt. 

"No, it wasn't, and it's a little late now, isn't it?" Sirius said, turning and walking out of the room.

Remus pulled the shirt on as he walked down the hall behind him. "The trip was one thing, but the hotel--"

"It wouldn't have been on to squeeze them into that flat with you, now would it?" Sirius reasoned, going for the far end of the table. 

Remus made a noise of displeasure, then made a mental note to pick up his clothes strewn about the room before he left. He stood at the other end and the two lifted the table, Remus waiting for Sirius to angle it diagonally before he walked with him, keeping an eye behind Sirius. 

"It better not have been an expensive hotel," he hinted. 

"It's not your five stars, but it's not some dingy motel off the side of the speedway either," Sirius said, stopping before the kitchen. The two of them angled the table on its side to get it around the corner and into the room before straightening it out.

"Careful," Remus cautioned, nodding to Sirius' right as he almost backed into one of the chairs. 

"Thanks," Sirius said, stepping to the side and backing closer to the door. 

Remus watched Sirius attempt to get the back door open backwards and one-handed. "Sirius, just set it down," he said, doing so with his end of the table. Sirius breathed out his nose before doing the same, reached back for the handle, while Remus steered the conversation back. "We should work out some kind of pay--" 

"I'm not standing around rubbing my fingers together," Sirius said as he shoved the doors open. The main was heavy enough that it remained open, but the screen door swung back by the time the two had the table up and ready to go, and Sirius kicked back before backing through it. 

"I can't pay you in full just yet," Remus said, following Sirius' lead. He stuck his feet in a pair of shoes by the door as he passed them. "Tuition and all, but I could start with something to get the ball rolling--" 

"Fuck this fucking door," Sirius snapped as it smacked the side of the table again, making it difficult to manoeuvre it out of the frame.

"Let's just stick something there to hold it open?" 

"We're already half-way," Sirius decided. Remus sighed and bumped the door open with his foot, buying them another few seconds. "And are you at all aware of how gift giving fucking works? I'll never figure you out, where did you come up with the idea that you're handling this?" 

"Sirius, I don't want them to worry about it," Remus said. "They've had a tough year, and I thought I'd make it a little easier on them--" The door hit Remus in the side and he winced. Sirius grimaced, waited for him, and Remus knocked the door open once again. Sirius backed up quickly, taking the table and Remus with him. 

"Tell them to forget about it, I'm not going to miss it," Sirius said as he walked backwards. Only then did Remus notice he hadn't bothered with shoes at all and he severely questioned the other's sanity. "Tell Remus to forget about it, too?" 

"Sirius--" Remus started before experiencing a minor heart attack when Sirius slipped on a patch of ice. He caught his barrings before taking a backwards tumble, but stood still for a dazed moment before he looked over at Remus, suddenly amused at the near fall. 

Remus gave into some amusement as well, waiting for Sirius to begin walking again. "How about you just tell me the lump amount, I'll try not to grimace, divide accordingly, and make up a schedule that's fair for the both of us," he offered. "I won't go hungry, and you'll still see some of what you loaned. I know you aren't missing the money, I know that, but it's the principle. You can understand that, can't you?" 

They got to the table's home and Sirius let go of his end with a thud. "I'll put it back in your wallet." 

"That's a no, then," Remus said, setting his own end down before giving a pleasant smile. "I'm interested to see who cracks first, then." He smirked and looked away from Sirius' challenging eyes and down at the table, tapping the top of it with his forefinger. "We probably should have given this a wash before we brought it out into the cold."

Sirius blinked down at the table before dissolving into laughter, the sound echoing off the walls of the closed terrace. "You're the brains of this operation, Remus; I need you on it," he said, snapping the fingers on his right hand. He moved toward the door, jostling Remus as he passed him. "Go on, I've got it." 

Remus followed him through the door. "Wear shoes this time," he requested, catching Sirius' vague agreement as he went down the hall. 

He pointedly avoided his reflection in the mirror as he got undressed, quite sure it would voice what little backbone he had. He stood in the shower and tried to push the awful thought away, to remind himself this was different, he could already feel it was different. The similarities were there, pulling at the back of his head, but he rubbed the water from his eyes as it poured down and shoved them back. 

Sirius stuck on Placebo by the time Remus left the bathroom and made his way back through the flat, stopping along the way to pick up his clothes. He didn't see his shirt straight away, remembered he flung it rather carelessly, and found it behind the tree, stepping over near the record player to grab it. There was something to be said about music that could be felt through your body; Remus walked out of the living room and down the hall with it, the tone of the bass line and the consistent drone in the background seemed to pick up the nerves coursing through him at a low frequency and kicked them up a notch. 

He stuffed his clothes in the hamper in the bathroom on the way, found Sirius in the kitchen holding a strawberry in his mouth as he poured his coffee, and it made him feel a tad better. 

"I should head out," he said, moving over stand by the counter. "What are you doing?" 

Sirius held the half bitten strawberry at the stem in exchange for a mouthful of coffee, turning to face him. "Hanging out here," he said. 

"Are you sure?" Remus checked. "It's Christmas--" 

"I already had mine," Sirius assured. "I've three whole days off work and I'm going to do absolutely nothing with them; I'm getting tingly just thinking about it." He pulled the stem off the strawberry and popped the rest in his mouth, giving him a quick smile as he chewed. 

"Well. Alright." 

He stood in front of Sirius, keeping his face even though he was unsure of what the rules were; when they would see each other next, if he should let Sirius contact him, or if he should be the one to put himself out there. Suddenly, it was nothing like it was last time; no coinciding classes, no tutoring sessions, no history, no real reason to see each other unless the other wanted to. Running up that Hill was still on in the living room, too far away to feel through the floor anymore, but he was sure he felt it anyway, the throb of the bass line sounding too much like a heartbeat, and too much like his. 

"I don't know what happens now," he admitted. 

Sirius took another drink of coffee, his eyes watching him over his mug. He set it down on the counter, stepped in close, and kissed him, his tongue bitter and sweet against his. His hand came up to brush along his jaw and Remus felt Sirius smile against the shiver he pulled from him. 

"If you want to come by once you're done..." Sirius said, pulling back an inch. 

Remus ducked his head, his mouth twitching into a smile, overwhelmed by his proximity, his mouth, him; whatever love he thought he understood back then paled to how enamoured he was now. "Yeah, I'll come by," he said. 

He chanced a glance up, saw Sirius' smile widen, and assumed it was from watching him dismayed. Sirius took his face in his hands, sneaked another kiss, and Remus slipped his hands around him, thinking if he could make Sirius even one tenth as overwhelmed as he was, he'd have something at least. 

Remus leaned back in and kissed him full, pulling him closer, got his trousers undone within seconds and his hand around his cock in even less. Sirius breathed a heavy breath into their kiss, his hands dropping to grip Remus at his hips. Remus concentrated on the pace of his hand, speeding up as Sirius' breathing picked up, and held Sirius against him with his other arm, swallowing the words _like that, fuck, Rem--_

Remus pumped his hand faster, pulled back to drag his mouth along Sirius' neck before Sirius dropped his head to the crook of his, gasping and shuddering against him, his grip on Remus' hips tight enough to leave marks. Remus didn't feel that bad about being at least ten minutes late with Sirius spent and breathing against him, his head resting against his neck as Remus tucked him back in and pulled his zipper up with his clean hand. He lifted the same hand to the back of Sirius' head a few moments later when Sirius hadn't lifted it, but he only moved his arms tighter around Remus' waist as his breathing slowed. 

Remus held him, keeping his coated hand curled away from the small of his back, holding Sirius to him by his arm and wrist. 

"OK?" he asked quietly, working his fingers into Sirius' hair and smoothing it back so he could press a kiss to his temple.

Sirius lifted his head, his pupils set wide. Remus' own eyes danced fondly over him, his hair framing his face, his sharp features, completely taken with him; Sirius' breath caught before he leaned up and closed the distance between them with a frailty to the slide of his lips, a careful press of his tongue that wasn't present during any of their prior kisses, a pleading noise at the back of his throat that was more slight than any sound he'd made so far. 

Remus pulled back with a sigh too long later, pressed their foreheads together, and ran his thumb along Sirius' kiss-swollen bottom lip. "I really need to get going," he said, regretfully now. "They're going to think I've been mugged." 

Sirius laughed through his nose and nodded, his breath catching again. The force behind his eyes was heavy, and then, because one more couldn't hurt, Remus placed a kiss to Sirius' forehead, cleaned up, and set to leave. 

Remus shut the front door behind him and stood in the stairwell, noting the reluctance Sirius showed when letting go of him, and finally let himself smile fully.


	21. Chapter 21

Remus let himself into the flat and thumped his boots off on the mat, brushed the light dusting of snow off his beanie and shoulders, and went toward the sound of the telly. Sirius sat picturesque as usual; his legs stretched the length of the couch, a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other, and an ashtray balanced on his left thigh. He was mid-gulp of the dregs of his drink as Remus entered, smiling when he noticed the jumper he'd given him, then his trousers with the massive hole in the knee, his fluorescent red slippers, and his dampened hair. Sirius looked over at him as he leaned to set the glass down on the coffee table, gave him a content smile, and Remus set the image to memory. 

"Is it up to par, then?" Remus asked, nodding at the jumper as he moved further into the room.

"Might be the greatest thing I've ever owned," Sirius said, stubbing out the end of his cigarette.

"I would have thought the bike had that honour," Remus said. 

"It's in the top five, then," Sirius amended with a tilt of his head, then nodded at his glass on the table. "There's Party Punch in the kitch." 

Remus smirked. "That kind of day, was it?" 

Sirius gave him a smirk of his own. "That kind of day." 

Remus gave a small smile as he went past the coffee table. "Want another while I'm there?" he asked. 

"'Course," Sirius offered. 

Remus reached back for his glass and was back a minute or so later, holding the drink outstretched as he walked between the couch and coffee table. Sirius took it and lifted his legs to give Remus room, who took a seat on the other end of the couch. Sirius set his slippered feet in his lap, and Remus' body thrummed at the contact initiated by him and how it felt habitual. Remus watched him for a moment, his recently washed hair falling naturally, his jumper somehow simultaneously fitting and slimming as if playing an optical illusion on him, the bit of collarbone poking out from under it before he forced himself to stare at the telly. 

"What's this?" he asked, nodding at the program. 

"Aussie women's correctional facility," Sirius supplied. "Wholesome, family friendly stuff." 

Five minutes of Remus watching the prison riot on screen in mild horror passed before Sirius reached for the remote and paused the program just as a woman's body was found with a pair of scissors sticking out of her chest. Remus blinked over at Sirius as he dropped it back on the coffee table, settled in again, and looked across the couch at Remus, whose curiosity was bubbling up in him for what Sirius would even pause for when ordinarily he would just speak over the film or program, making it a little more difficult for him to follow along. 

"I've been thinking," Sirius said mildly, and Remus braced himself. "Going over some things in my head, and I'm going to need your help on the particulars."

Remus sipped his drink, then breathed out quietly. "Wouldn't mind some clarity either," he said. "I've been doing some thinking, too, shockingly." 

Sirius' mouth quirked at the side. "You didn't leave the shop because of me, did you?"

Remus hesitated under Sirius' gaze, unprepared for a tough one straight off the bat. "There were a lot of reasons," he said. 

"I know that, was I one of them?" Sirius reiterated. 

Remus gave a tight nod, and Sirius gave one of his own, his expression suggesting he'd gotten the answer he was expecting. "Only I've about ten reasons why I do anything, Sirius," he said. "It's always been that way." 

Sirius nodded a little less stiff. "How did I factor in there, then?"

Remus took another sip of his drink. "Do you want the long answer or the short one?" he asked.

"I've nothing but time," Sirius said with a lift of his left shoulder.

Remus shifted the glass in his hands. "Are you sure you want to go over all that?" he asked. "It seems forever ago--"

"When have I ever needed anything sugar coated?" Sirius countered. 

Remus nodded, breathed out through his nose, and stared at the glass in his hands. "Those reasons weren't good enough to you," he said. "You know the amount of thinking I do; I'll end up thinking over alternatives, and yes, pros and cons; that's me. It's what I do, and it felt an inconvenience to you. I found I was hoping you'd give me a different answer, that you didn't want me to leave because there was something here, and I was disappointed in myself for hoping that was it. I came back here, saw Lily, and she told me I should do what I felt I needed to, and I suppose that's what I needed to hear the entire time, that I wasn't over-analysing, that there was a lot to consider, but the choice was mine, and in the end I haven't done much for myself aside from moving here." 

"It's better you took it." Remus glanced up at Sirius, who looked paler than before, but his eyes were clear. "For you, I mean. It's clear how much you like it there."

"I liked it there, too," Remus said, so Sirius would at least know. "I missed working with you. I still do." 

"I do, too." 

Remus bit his lip, unsure of what to say to that when there wasn't much that could be done about it. "I suppose it hasn't held us back any," he said, trying to inject some humour that Sirius might appreciate, and he smiled gratefully when Sirius laughed. 

"No, hm?" he said, giving a twisted smile. He glanced down at his own glass and took his first sip. "I really put you through the wringer over it."

Remus never did quite learn how to navigate a regretful Sirius. Half of him wanted to say no, it was fine, because seeing the forlorn expression on his face was so foreign, and he found he wanted it gone, but Sirius had been right; he didn't want anything sugar coated. "That was a difficult day," he conceded. "I still don't quite know why you did respond so badly. Did you really think I'd drop out on you completely?"

"Perhaps I found more than one reason, myself," Sirius said. His expression still down-turned, but his eyes shone. 

"I know I should have told you," Remus said, looking at him openly. "It was cowardly of me." 

"I didn't exactly react well to the news so I sort of proved you right there, didn't I?" Sirius said, and Remus didn't know if he should nod or not. "I don't -- I wouldn't have been about tell you what it was at that point. Ideally, I'd have wanted to find out from you, but I'd never have reacted well to it even if you had. I was mad you picked it over me, mad you didn't tell me, mad about the idea of losing you." Remus made to speak but Sirius kept on, staring at his glass now. "It was strange after, but then you came by with the soy, and that half hour you were there was the highlight of my week, and -- that's really what it was about. I like how I feel when you're there. That was a long two weeks, and I mean, I just threw that record shop idea out, but I'd have been happy seeing you at all."

Remus swallowed the lump in his throat, touched before he wasn't able to truly enjoy the feeling when he thought it couldn't have been that difficult without him if Sirius purposely avoided him a week later.

Sirius looked up and did another one of his mind tricks. "I know, OK? I wish I hadn't done it, and I know you needed me, but if you're going to keep thinking about it then at least know it was fucking awful keeping away. I couldn't stop thinking about you." 

The lump returned at full force, Remus could only nod and give a small smile while he fought the urge to leap across the couch and kiss Sirius until he couldn't breathe; Sirius had been the one to initiate this conversation, he was open to talking, and perhaps they were headed somewhere; derailing it now would throw that out the window. 

He shifted Sirius' crossed feet in his lap and traced his forefinger over the small black design on the top of one of them. "Was James in on this?" Remus asked, looking up again. "I've been putting a few things together, but--"

Sirius blew out a burst of breath, his eyes widening. "Shit, since we went to Gallagher's that first time," he said. 

Remus nodded, turning that over; he remembered the rather tense living room he walked into, and James looking like he'd been caught red-handed half-way through a prank. It checked out. "What did you tell him?" he asked. 

Sirius leaned his head back on the arm of the couch, staring over at him. "Said I had it bad, but I wasn't sure if you were queer at all," he said. "You'd gone and asked me a ton of questions that night and for a while there I was sure you were asking for a reason, perhaps needed perspective because you were, you know, thinking about it personally, but then again, you'd gone and panicked over me thinking you were a bigot, so I couldn't decide if that was you trying incredibly hard not to come off that way."

Remus looked down at his drink and took a sip before supplying, "Both, it was both if we're fair," he said. "I hated that you thought I was, but you were right to assume I was trying to find comeradery, gaining perspective." 

Sirius gave him a mock-surprised look. "Well, I'll be."

Remus smirked, looking down again, before he was struck with a thought. "I'm a little surprised James didn't, err, take matters into his own hands," he said, glancing up in thought. "And by that I mean blow everything out of the water awkwardly and publicly." 

Sirius gave a laugh through his nose. "You'd probably just lay down to sleep here that night, and I was busy looking at how long your lashes are; it's not fair, honestly, and James went and made this crack, and -- I mean, _what are you doing_ , right? I'm trying not to send you fleeing and he goes and says it while you're right there? I could have killed him, but I smacked him good and told him to keep his mouth shut, and he listened -- mostly," he added with shake of his head, "there were still a few moments I wanted to throttle him over, but evidently they went straight over your head."

Remus was about to correct him on that, but he was struck with another thought. "Strange how neither Lily or James let it slip to each other?" 

"I thought about that, too?" Sirius said. "I'm beginning to think they avoided the subject of us like the plague." 

"Understandable, considering how heated a topic we became," Remus added evenly. 

Sirius nodded, his eyes widening. He then frowned and cast a look downward. "She fought me so hard about it," he said. 

"You weren't exactly tame, Sirius," Remus pointed out. 

Sirius looked up at him again, clearly affronted. "I told you why I was--" 

"Sirius, she loves you, you know that," Remus said earnestly. "Only she saw me head over heels in a situation that looked bleak for me and she thought I could use an out. And to be fair," he added with a tilt of his head and a wry smile, "she did want me at hers. I actually date the product." 

"Would you hop off my dick about that?" Sirius huffed. Remus snorted as Sirius shifted his legs in his lap and jabbed him in the side with his foot. "There's no point in dating some of it when we know it's just going to get ran through by the end of the week anyway." 

"It's a habit you need to get out of," Remus told him. 

"Oh, I bet she does love you there," Sirius said with an eye-roll. "Means to her own end, hm."

"I believe they're called opportunists in some circles," Remus said evenly. Sirius grumbled while Remus had a much more concerning thought. "Does James know about..." 

He gestured between the two of them and Sirius shook his head. "I'm beginning to think he's got his phone switched off," he said. "Usually when I send him a series of gibberish letters and numbers he knows it's something big." 

Remus zoned in on the words, and filed them away with the other curious things to say when one would rather remain mates who happened to have sex sometimes. He had enough gathered for a strong thesis, could very well present each point to Sirius, and have him examine what he really wanted out of this, but Sirius moved on before he could form the words. 

"I've another thing you can enlighten me on," he said, grabbing for his pack on the coffee table. 

"Mm?" Remus said. 

Sirius took out a cigarette and tapped it against the box. "You can't get shirty," he conditioned. 

"That's a good lead in." 

Sirius lit the smoke and exhaled. "You get like that any time I've brought it up, which has me thinking there's more to it than you're letting on." 

"Any fair person might spare me the--" 

Sirius looked around quizzically. "Do you see one around here?" 

"Sirius," Remus said weakly. 

He didn't budge. "What was going on with you?" he pressed. 

"It's embarrassing," he said, tilting his head back in exasperation, "and I'm not proud of getting to that point." 

"Oh, please, I've told you loads of embarrassing stuff," Sirius said flippantly. Remus gave him a flat look, and Sirius clicked his tongue. "The time I had sex last I called your name out instead of the other's." 

Remus wiped the plain look off his face instantly and bit his lip. "How did that go over?" he managed. 

"Terribly," Sirius said with misplaced nonchalance. 

For purely selfish reasons, Remus asked with enforced nonchalance, "when was this?"

"September; it's your turn," Sirius said pointedly. 

Remus figured he really did owe him now and that he might as well be frank about it if that's what they were doing. "I did not react well to my feelings for you -- I thought they were too early to creep up, but they weren't going away, I'd gone and dreamed up filthy stuff, and then it was as though you were right up on me the entire shift, and I couldn't take it," he said before he downed more of his drink, the Party Punch doing wonders yet again. "And you were wearing that henley shirt, which is technically murder, and frankly I'm looking into legal action--" Sirius threw his head back, cackling, "--I'm not kidding around; you wear that thing again and I'm calling the Police." Sirius shook silently, laying in a heap across the couch. "Where was I?" Mm, this Adonis was up on me--" 

" _Adonis_?" Sirius barked out, sitting up straight. 

Remus stared at him pointedly. "We both know you're art, so let's just," he walked two fingers along Sirius' right leg, "move -- on -- past--"

"Oh, no, Remus, it's appreciated," Sirius said, holding up a hand. "Next time someone cheeks me, I'm going to say, 'Excuse me, adjust your tone; you are speaking to an Adonis.'"

"The point is," Remus said louder, "I hadn't thought I'd get like that, certainly never for anyone like you, and it was incredibly frustrating because look at you. I was sure if I were to interact with you any more than I was realistically expected to I was going to do something stupid like come at you right there in the back room. Almost did before that, and I wasn't sure I'd have the strength to hold off." 

Sirius' eyes flashed. "I caused you to become so sexually frustrated you couldn't look me in the eye?" he asked with a crooked grin. He sighed, shook his head, and glanced across the room as if casting a gaze out into the vast expanse of existence. "That's the dream." 

Remus couldn't fight a laugh. "I had trouble most of September but I'm not sure you caught on," he said before sighing. "Your eyes are something else." 

"What, these old things?" Sirius raised his gaze to the ceiling and back, bobbing his head side to side for a moment and looking incredibly pleased with himself. 

"Yes, those," Remus said with a wry smile. 

Sirius sighed appreciatively, leaning his head back against the arm of the couch again. "Can't believe that was the day," he said. 

Remus sighed inaudibly, but he couldn't see any sense in pretending now. "It was a bit before that." Sirius pointedly dropped his head to level him with a firm, quizzical gaze. "First day." 

Sirius' mouth dropped open and formed something between a gape and a grin. "Day one?" 

Remus shrugged heavily. "I had an idea of what I was getting into, and you were not a part of it," he said, pointing across the couch at him, "and then you walk in looking like you do, with your hair done up, looking carelessly good in a plain, old apron, which should just never happen." He moved right on past Sirius' amused expression. "You just stroll in and give me that little smile of yours, and I was a goner, moment one. I told myself I wasn't, it was purely aesthetic appreciation, but no. God, it was like, what Young Adult novel did I step into?" 

Sirius snorted. "Living your very own coffee shop trope," he said knowingly. "You know, some would pay to wake up in one of those."

"Yeah, well, it was torturous," Remus told him outright. "And not only that, it wasn't as if you were just there that day and I happened to be there, too, no. My trainer and shift supervisor, isn't that just peachy? I couldn't figure out what I'd done to deserve it." 

"Christ, I could barely get a word out of you and there you were, lusting." Sirius grinned, nudging him in the side. 

Remus let out an exhausted sigh. "Well, thank you for insisting on taking me through that all again, it was grand." 

"Oh, no, thank you," Sirius insisted. 

"My turn, then?" Remus asked, and Sirius waved a hand in allowance. "It started in September for you, around the time of the record?" 

Sirius shook his head. "That was me trying to do something about it," he corrected. 

"OK, when?" Remus asked, his brain going into overdrive. Sirius looked at him a little in silence, and Remus dropped his gaze and picked at one of his nail beds. "Suppose you didn't clock it; that's alright, I'm a bit--"

"That day you came and ranted at me out back," Sirius supplied. "Afterward, you sort of leaned your head down on me and I was... well, a goner." 

"That day?" Remus asked bemused. "I was awful." 

Remus almost missed the shake of Sirius' head for it was so slight. "No," he said calmly despite the force of his eyes. 

"Sirius, I lost it, found you, and practically tore your head off," Remus said. "You've gone 'round the twist." 

"Well, you're right, but that's all you're doing," Sirius said evenly. He caught Remus' expression and gave him a slightly baffled one. "You really have no idea how I see you." 

Remus lifted his shoulders in a shrug instinctively. "How could I?"

"Oh, I don't know, I've told you you're what stops me from spiraling, but sure, don't listen to me," Sirius said flippantly, and Remus swallowed his own response. "Remember that first shift when you tore into me in the back?" 

"Sirius, for the love of God," Remus said, covering his eyes with his right hand. "I'm sorry, OK? I'll hang a banner in your room if I have to, but please quit reminding me of it." 

"No no, I'm going to," Sirius said freely. Remus dropped his hand and looked at him with difficulty. "It was mid-afternoon, Saturday, weather mild--" Remus huffed a laugh before giving him an incredulous look, and Sirius waved him off, "--no, so you walk in there, telling me this and that about how I do things, and at first it was cute, but then it got on my nerves. Who does this fussy, Welsh kid think he is coming in here and telling me off? So I think I've figured you out some; no nonsense bloke, wants rules to stay as they are, so snippy but really good at it -- _well, that's your job_ ," he said in the same voice Remus remembered adopting for it. "I was floored, if I'd been another person who'd just happened to hear that bit, I'd have cheered--"

"You were seething," Remus pointed out. "I was sure I was about to get hit." 

"Thought about it for a second," Sirius admitted. "Bad day for shirty blokes, I'd just got off dealing with the freeze on Alphard's--"

Remus groaned, dropping his head in his hands. "I'm such a prick," he sighed out. "You should have hit me." 

Sirius shushed him once. "We got to a decent place after that, I thought, and I could tell even then that when you loosen up a bit, you're a blast. And then that off night happened, you shut me out, and I thought, well, fuck him, who cares if he's fit. Went and wrote you off as a homophobic swot who took himself far too seriously."

Remus didn't love where Sirius ended up and tried not to stiffen at his words and to keep quiet as Sirius spoke on. "Then next shift you come storming the shop, let loose on me, blowing through the place like a tornado, and I thought perhaps if I kept still I might not get swept up in it, but it was wasted effort for how quickly you pulled me along with you--" 

Remus was a little afraid to blink if that meant he'd lose sight of the open smile leveled at him. A series of snapshots played before his eyes; Sirius smiling at him from the same spot on Halloween, the time he was sure Sirius was taking the mickey out of him for playing Billie Holiday in his flat, the one he had given him in the stairwell just before Remus reentered the storm of the century, the smaller version Sirius had on just before Remus left that morning, and they were all the same one.

"--And then you ended up this wounded little thing, all put off over a mark you didn't like because you thought that decided your self-worth, ranting and raving, and you were amazingly funny throughout it. You kept taking every opinion I had of you and messing it all up again, and I'd have to work twice as hard to figure you out, and I knew I had to see how else you'd blow my mind." 

Remus knew the feeling, felt his chest tight, a chill up his spine. "I know what you mean," he said, his voice coming out morose, pairing well with the churn of his stomach. "It's frightening to hear you say it as if you pulled it out of my own--" 

"That's a good thing, isn't it? " Sirius asked, his eyes searching him. "I mean, how often does that happen?" 

"Not very." 

"Then what's the problem?" Sirius asked. 

"You've contradicted yourself numerous times today," Remus said, his heart pounding in his chest at the act of calling him out on it. 

"You think so?" Sirius asked politely, but Remus knew better. 

"Yes, and I can't keep pretending I haven't noticed," Remus said, back to fiddling with his thumbnail. "How can you say something like that and still not want to give it a go?" 

Sirius calling them _something big_ suddenly seemed a throw-away line, so Remus focused on the others. "You talked this morning about the work you put in to have this happen, you were jaded when you thought I wasn't interested, that you'd never felt burned like that before, then you made it about a good time when everything you just told me has nothing to do with that, so which is it? 

"Remus, just stop for a second." 

Remus shook his head. "If you can say what you just told me, _look_ at me the way you were, and still not want to do this -- I mean really do it, then I need to listen to that--" 

"You're absolutely not listening to me," Sirius cut in. 

Remus managed to keep on track despite the tightening of the coil in his stomach. "We both said we make each other better," he said. "We're good for each other, and in the middle of the muddled mess of figuring out where we stood, we're both somehow enamored in the same way, and you still don't want to? I can't always read between the--" 

Sirius looked like he'd been slapped, and Remus' heart clenched tightly, and he tried to speak calm and concise even though it killed him to do so. "I need to think about this, Sirius. If something's stopping you from it, then perhaps you know you'll lose interest and you don't want to disappoint anyone, or you aren't ready for it, and that's OK, but I can't," he stressed. "I don't want to get a few weeks or however long down the line and have you opt out of something you -- we didn't really talk, did we? I don't know if you still want to see other people, I don't know if you'll pull back suddenly, I don't--" 

"OK," Sirius cut in, using the voice he only ever had on when he was attempting to talk him down. "Let's just relax, and--" 

"I am," Remus said, looking down. His insides were doing a very good impression of rolling rapids, but Sirius didn't have to be aware of that. 

"No, look at me?" Sirius asked, and Remus met his eyes slowly. "There's a lot that's wrong with me, I know that--"

He looked far more fragile than Remus was prepared for. "No, that's not what I said, Sirius--" 

"This seemed easier, Remus," he went on, dragging a hand through his hair. "I don't have a plan, I never do, you know that. I don't know what I'm fucking doing." 

Remus' heart leapt into his throat. "No, it's OK," he said, feeling remorseful for bringing Sirius here. "It isn't fair to expect more from you if you can't, but I can't expect anything more from myself either. I thought perhaps I could do it like this again," Remus explained, trying to remain steadfast and to not falter at the unnerved look in Sirius' eyes. "I thought you just needed to realize that we've something--" Remus shook his head, "--I'm ridiculous, I don't blame you for not wanting what comes with me, and you shouldn't have to deal with how anxious I am--" 

" _When_ has that stopped me before?" Sirius demanded. 

Remus brought his shoulders up. "Sirius, I'm in too deep, and it's worse than last time because it's you, and it'll only be harder later on, once you see how I can be, and then you'll really want to get out--" 

Sirius pulled his legs off Remus and in, leaning forward quickly. "Stop it," he said forcefully. For a moment Remus thought he might fly across the couch and if he did it would be even more difficult for them to get through, but he stayed put. "You're not even giving me a say. This doesn't make you noble or--" 

"Sirius," Remus said, now feeling like the one struck. 

"Well, it doesn't," Sirius said severely. "You're deciding it for the both of us." 

Remus ran his right hand over his face. "I shouldn't have let it happen in the first place--" 

" _Let it?_ " Sirius echoed, his own shoulders lifting. "It's not as though you just lay there and took it, you were there the whole time, don't put this all on me."

"I'm not," Remus defended. "I wanted you for months, last night was too much, and I gave into it--"

"Why don't you take responsibility for it, then?" Sirius shot at him, and if he had whipped out a gun and shot him there, it would have had the same effect.

"Don't ever talk to me about responsibility," Remus said, trying to sound firm. It came out unsteady, and perhaps it was better than fueling the fire for Sirius wiped the incriminating expression of his face instantly. 

"I'm sorry, that was shit," Sirius rushed out, his face blanching once again. "I'm shit. I know better than to say that to you."

Remus hesitated under Sirius' first true apology, speaking unsteadily again. "I shouldn't have put it like that; I wasn't thinking."

"No, I just--" Sirius tried, sounding out of sorts once again, and Remus wasn't sure if he ever looked so slight. "I don't know how I was supposed to resist; I was trying to leave it, trying so hard to leave it alone, and then you kissed me, and I--"

"No, please don't," Remus said. "It's not your fault; I walked around a love-dazed prat telling myself I'd somehow -- I didn't think, I didn’t want to, and I just let myself feel, and I shouldn't have done it."

Sirius looked wounded and Remus' heart sank, hating the expression but unsure of why it was there. "I don't know what you want from me," he said listlessly. "This isn't a rejection, Sirius -- _far_ from it, but that's not what you want, is it? You want something uncomplicated, but this is already the most complicated thing I've been apart of, and I know I can't do it, and I'm giving you a chance to get out of this without blame because I can't blame you. I managed to put these feelings aside for months, and it'll be harder now but--"

"You said you couldn't _be_ friends anymore," Sirius countered. 

"Who cares what I said," Remus said, throwing his hands up. "It was presumptuous anyway--"

"I can't be friends either."

"What are you -- Sirius, I gave you so many opportunities--" Remus shook his head. "It doesn't matter what I want, you can't give it."

"Of course it does," Sirius insisted. "You always matter."

"Sirius, please, it's OK," Remus said, desperately because it wasn't but he wanted it to be. "You were treated terribly for years; I know it digs in, and it's no wonder you've pulled back from anything serious when I'm not sure you know what to do with it -- I hate that, I hate that you really don't see how amazing you are or what to do with another person's affection but I have to understand it."

Sirius broke their gaze, his mouth frozen in attempt to speak, but he didn't look to have it in him. Remus' breath hitched, he wanted to hold him, but he settled for softening the blow. "It's all connected, isn't it? We do what we do because marks have been left, and it's the same for me -- I spent six years trying to go along with a situation like this, it didn't end well, and the whole time I was too nervous, too young, I didn’t know how to assert myself at all, but the whole thing left me numb, Sirius. I can't do it again, I'll end up completely shot like I was last time."

Sirius sucked in a breath, lifting his gaze to set his eyes to bore straight into him. "I don't know why you didn't tell me," he said tightly. "I didn't know I was bringing you back to that."

"How could you have, I was never honest with you," Remus said. "That's on me."

"No, look, you're right," Sirius said. Remus could hear his great attempt at sounding as calm as earlier, but there was still an urgency pushing through. "I can't feel like this without it meaning something, I know it does."

"Don't say something like that because you think you have to," Remus pleaded, sick of assuming he was different. 

"I'm not, I'm fucking mad over you," Sirius insisted. "I was on the moon last night, this morning, and I still tried to remove myself from it because it's never been like this, Remus, I didn't know what to do with it. My first instinct is to pull back, it always has been, but I shouldn't have, not with you."

It looked as if it physically pained Sirius to speak of it and Remus tried to cut in, tried to stop it. "Sirius, please--"

"I can't keep pretending you're not exactly what I need," Sirius snapped, and Remus wasn't sure who he was talking to just then. "I know you are. I don't know what I was kidding myself over; I'm already there, we already have it, we've had it this whole time."

Remus hesitated and when he spoke it was carefully done. "This morning you said you didn't need the rest of it--"

"Fuck what I said this morning, Remus!" Sirius threw out. "Listen to me, it's not as though I got you and that was that; it's the same as it's always been. When you get down to it, if we really think about it -- and I will because it can't always be you doing that -- it's the same. You make me happy, you kick my ass and make me do better, and you keep blowing my fucking mind; you're not going to stop doing that." 

Remus felt flattened against the corner of the couch, wanting to bask in the truth behind his words, but he couldn't do anything about the doubt that rose in him and couldn't voice it, but Sirius spared him having to. "It's exactly as it was before, only the idea of letting you walk out of this is--" he shook his head, hesitated, but his expression said it all, "--what's it going to take? Saying we're together? Fine, we are. The rest isn't all that difficult when it's exactly what we're doing."

Remus found his voice again in the form of hesitation. "This wasn't an ultimatum, Sirius," he said weakly. "I don't want you doing this just for me."

"It's not," Sirius said in a small voice. "It's for me, too, but even it it was just for you, it's worth it to try." 

The words were heavy and piercing, the force behind his eyes daunting; it shouldn't have been that way for Sirius was nothing if not impassioned about what he cared about, and yet Remus saw that red flag and couldn't choose between it and the white one. 

Sirius let out a hitched breath, looking at a loss. "Remus, I'm not losing you now." 

He managed to speak with such a finality that it was Remus who cleared the couch in a second. 

Sirius grabbed hold of Remus immediately, clutching him tightly as if he thought he might get second thoughts and bolt, but Remus held his jaw tight so Sirius wouldn't think it for longer than a moment, and kissed him with every word and thought he couldn't say just then. 

Sirius broke the kiss. "Remus, I--" he breathed out, looking so forlorn and small Remus shook his head, he'd said enough. 

Remus kissed him again and Sirius let out a breath so full of relief it was dizzying. He leaned Sirius back against the arm of the couch, and Sirius brought a hand up to the back of Remus' neck and held him in place, the kiss slow, careful, important. 

Remus kissed him until he ran out of air and even then that wasn't enough. He shifted back, feeling the pull at his heart when Sirius reached out for him the moment he pulled away, curled his hands under Sirius' knees and slid him flat on his back. Remus moved over him and took his time, kissed his lips, his jaw, his neck, then moved lower, pushing up the jumper so he could press more to Sirius' chest, his navel. He hooked his forefingers through Sirius' belt loops and flipped down the belt of his trousers, planting kisses over the bones of his hips. Sirius' small bursts of breath, the warmth or his skin against his mouth, the way his body shuddered under his lips were all intoxicating, left him hazy, and propelled him forward. 

He undid Sirius' fly, got both his trousers and pants off his legs and dropped both on the floor beside the couch before he repositioned himself between his legs, ducked down, and made sure to meet Sirius' striking eyes as he took him into his mouth and moved back and forth over him. He built a steady rhythm, ran his tongue experimentally over the underside of his cock; he saw Sirius tip his head back against the couch cushion, his hand gripping at the side of the couch, then felt his other curling into the hair at the back of his head. 

He was surprised at how easy it felt falling back into the swing of it, but that might have been due to how many times he'd pictured this, and he lost himself in it rather quickly. He swiped his tongue over the head, tasting Sirius as he kept a steady pace, wanting to inflict the gorgeous torture he had performed on him earlier. Sirius choked out a series of shaky breaths as he sped up, before his hand clutched at Remus's head, his fingers digging tighter into his curls. 

"Fuck," he stuttered out. "Fuck -- Remus."

Remus body lit up, his head swimming as he ran his hands over Sirius’ thighs, tightening his lips around his cock, he opened his throat, took him in farthest he could, bobbing his head faster still. Sirius let out another string of curses ranging from English to French, and Remus thought he might just come right there himself. His mouth was too full for the moan to escape but Sirius felt it all the same; his body convulsed, he grappled helplessly at the couch cushion beside them, his other hand came down to hold his trembling fingertips to Remus’ cheek, pressing his thumb against his lips wrapped tightly around him. Sirius repeated his name over and over until he threw his head back with a shout, and Remus swallowed everything he gave him.

Remus held Sirius’ gaze as he placed a kiss to his inner thigh. Sirius looked up at him, more open and slight than he ever had appeared, and Remus felt for him in that moment, realizing he'd given quite a bit of himself that night in a myriad of ways, and set to straightening him out, pulling the jumper down and smoothing out the edges, feeling Sirius watching him intently as he did. He shifted up and rested his head on his chest, felt the rise and fall of it, his arms coming up and holding Remus to him almost delicately. He breathed in; the jumper smelled of a bit of Sirius and a bit of him, a tad too apt to keep from laughing just a little, and he hid his smile in the fabric.


	22. Chapter 22

The room was silent save for Sirius' heavy breathing, and Remus listened to it, felt the rise and fall of his chest before remembering a different, potentially touchy subject. 

"I did a bad thing," he admitted, the words muffled against the jumper. 

"Are you mad?" Sirius huffed out. "I just about died and came back to life, and you think you did badly?" 

Remus shook his head best he could still face down on Sirius' chest. "Not that." 

Sirius traced his thumb in a circle at the base of Remus' neck. "Then explain quickly, because the second I can move I'm getting you back for that." 

"In that case, you know what," Remus said, "it can wait."

Sirius snorted and ran both his hands down Remus' back. "What did you do?" 

Remus hid his face further. "I didn't even check with you beforehand," he said. "I got swindled, and before I knew what I was doing I agreed to make it happen." 

"Listen here," Sirius said, giving Remus a tap. "If you're about to tell me you've signed us up for some three-legged obstacle course to raise money for some charity, you can say goodbye to that blow job." Remus' laugh came out muffled, which helped to hear the amusement in Sirius' voice. "I mean it -- I won't do it. And you'll have to do that race all your own." 

Remus squeezed him around his middle and pushed himself up onto his elbows on either side of Sirius, momentarily distracted by Sirius' hair fanned out around him before he levelled with him. "I'm taking them out on the town tomorrow; dad wants to get a look at Reckless because he's convinced there'll be another gem waiting for him there -- I didn't know how to tell him you're a bit of a liar--"

"White lie, thank you."

"--but in all fairness, there probably is one or two hiding in there that he'd love, and I said I'd show them around a bit since they haven't been to the city in some time--" 

"Lovely story, I assume the moral of it is I've been nominated for tour guide?" Sirius presumed. 

"Second tour guide, and look, you didn't have to see my mother's face one she wrangled out of me that you were alone instead of joining us, they want to say thank you, and if I have to see that disappointed little face one more time--"

Sirius laughed. "What are you paying for the job, mind?" he asked. "I don't know what you've been hearing, but I don't work for free, and you, Remus, may be pretty, but you are a handful." 

"I'm quite sure I just paid you," Remus said, eyeing him, and he relished in Sirius shaking under him. 

"Oh, that's what that was," Sirius said coyly, his voice wavering. "Bribery at it's finest, look at you." 

"It had nothing to do with this, but if that's what gets you there, then so be it," Remus said. "It doesn't have to mean anything, alright? This can be a friend thing." 

Sirius carded his fingers through Remus' fringe, letting out a bemused laugh. "What did I tell you, I'll never figure you out," he said. "What did we come to not ten minutes ago?" 

"Mum, dad, you know Sirius, we've been involved for twenty-four hours," Remus recited airily to aid his point. 

"Well, I wasn't suggesting _that_ ," Sirius said, pulling up on one of Remus' curls pointedly. "All or nothing with you, isn't it?" 

Remus let out a half-huff at the cheeky smile pointed at him. "It's a little early for announcements," he said before a pause. "That's a double entendre, and I didn't even intend for it to be."

"Nice one," Sirius offered. "Why's it one?" 

"They don't know," Remus supplied with a head tilt. 

Sirius looked him over. "I'm not _surprised_ ," he said, "but I'm surprised. I know I've only a couple phone calls and a few hours to go on, but they don't seem the type to--" Sirius thought for a moment, "throw a Walburga over it, should we say."

Remus thought about moving if they were going to get into it, but Sirius' right leg was curled around his left, and Sirius seemed quite at ease with him there. He crossed his arms over Sirius' chest and leaned his chin on them. "Am I squashing you?" he checked. 

Sirius shook his head and traced his fingers back and forth on Remus' lower back, and Remus had to fight not to shiver, fight to keep coherent thoughts coming. "I can't say I was worried or upset about it for myself since there wasn't much I could do about it, the thoughts and feelings were there whether I wanted them or not, but there wasn't a lot of information available to me, and I didn't know how to have the conversation with them." Remus frowned, trying to word it properly, but felt it would fall short no matter how he put it. "It didn't feel unnatural to me, but I can't say the same for the bloke I was with. He was very adamant his family never found out, his father was a real piece of work and wouldn't have taken the news lightly, and I don't know, it had me thinking about how my own would see it." 

He moved his gaze to the pattern on the couch. "Got me thinking I should keep it to myself, too, if it was such a potential issue. It wasn't talked about much, and neither one of my parents saw us as more than friends, but while I don't think either would cut ties or throw a fit over it, it's their disappointment I don't want to face." 

Sirius curled up and pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "We're coming back to that, believe me," he said, laying his head back down, "but what happened with the bloke?" 

"What?" Remus said, flushed at still feeling the mark his lips left. 

"You said he was adamant no one find out," Sirius reiterated, "so, closet case, and you saw each other on the side?" 

"More or less," Remus said, shifting. "It was on and off for years. I'm not sure it can even really count as a -- it was such a private thing, we were close friends first, and -- he was in a bad place." Sirius hummed, and Remus tried to overlook the hint of scepticism in his tone. "It was hard on me, but I don't envy his situation at all. He had a difficult time with it later on, much more than I did -- I never felt I had to prove anything to myself one way or another." 

Remus trained his eyes downward and traced his finger over part of the pattern on Sirius' jumper with a forefinger. "He was the first I'd fancied more than a small crush, and when it happened I was just happy it was happening at all, and for the first few years it was... it was good, it felt right, he was receptive and enthusiastic," he said. "We had to keep in quiet, that much was true, but we never discussed what we were doing either, and that was to our detriment, I think. Keeping others out was one thing, but we shouldn't have avoided it ourselves for as long as we did." 

Sirius reached over for his pack of cigarettes and pulled one out, glancing back when Remus paused. "Keep going," he said, lighting up. 

Remus shrugged a shoulder instinctively, feeling it aberrant to speak of now. "Our last year of school we hit a wall, I don't know what else to call it," he said, holding out two fingers for the cigarette. Sirius stuck it in between them without comment and Remus took a pull off it before giving it back. "He was back and forth, sometimes he was fantastic, other times we would just finish and it was as if he'd curl in on himself. I know it isn't fair to say it, but that wasn't the greatest way to begin a dialogue about what we were up to." 

"Mm, no, fair enough," Sirius said, shooting a stream of smoke to the right and away from them. 

"I didn't know what to say, how to help, and those times he was convinced we weren't right, and I was worse off because I liked it as much as I did--" 

"Sorry, _what_?" Sirius cut in. 

Remus let out an exhale through his nose. "I was more... adventurous, believe it or not, and--"

"I do," Sirius supplied. "Fuck like a slag when you get going, it's inspiring." 

Remus reddened. "Well, he wasn't such a fan of that," he said. 

Sirius let out a scoff then took another haul. He pulled his hand though his hair and brought all of it over to one side, lifting his head toward the ceiling to breathe the smoke out. "I thought you were being unnecessarily polite at first," he said, reaching to flick ash off the end of the cigarette. "Well, I thought the bite was part of the main event, but then I noticed it. I mean, stifling because your roommate is in the other room is one thing, but we had an entire flat to ourselves and you drowned yourself out more than once."

Remus' stomach dropped like an anvil. "I know it's not--" he tried. "We hid it for so long, I suppose it's stuck with me." 

"Mm, that's not all of it, though," Sirius said. "There's more to it than that." 

Remus looked away from him. "It's embarrassing--" 

"Oh, come _on_." When Remus didn't budge, Sirius grabbed hold of his hips and rocked his own under him. "So there I am, going to town, and right as I'm coming, I call out, _Remus!_ " he said, throwing his head back to add some emphasis. Remus buried his face in his arms as Sirius kept on thrusting animatedly. "And I was just stared at afterward and the bloke had the gall to correct me. I mean, that's it; I win and there's nothing you could say that beats that." 

"He didn't like it when I made any noise, alright?" Remus huffed out, lifting his head, and Sirius quit pistoning his hips. "For someone with such a visceral issue with gay sex he was far too good at it -- it was an extremely tall order. That's like giving someone chocolate and saying, 'alright, you can eat this but you can't like it.'" Sirius snorted, then burst into laughter, and Remus fought the twitch at the right side of his own mouth. "Could you not laugh at this?"

"I'm sorry, you can't be the funniest person in the room and expect me not to laugh at the things you say," Sirius said, lifting his hands. "Speaking of tall orders." 

Remus stole the cigarette. "That's all on you," he said before taking a haul. "I've spent far too much time with you; I was bound to start using humour to dull my humiliation at some point." 

Sirius grinned. "I did say I'd rub off on you." 

"Vigorously," Remus said, making an admittedly crude hand gesture with his free hand. He leaned over and stubbed out the end of the cigarette in the ashtray while he waited for Sirius to cease his shaking. 

He shifted back over him as Sirius put both of his hands over his face and let out a long, muffled groan. "It's just so ridiculous!" he said, flailing his hands. "He told you that you were worse off 'cause you came enthusiastically?"

"Mm, please, let's go over this some more--"

"I just -- I've an extensive list of Remus qualities that I enjoy, and your enthusiasm whilst shagging is at least number two, so you've my expressed permission to make as much noise as you want." 

"I don't think I'm being very fair," Remus said, leaning the left side of his head against the back of the couch. 

"Oh, don't do that," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "Don't you start making up excuses--" 

"Well, think about it," Remus said through a sigh. "At first we were both quite into it, but I think once the guilt sort of built up it began to get to him, and seeing me having a grand old time probably wasn't--" 

"Oh, fuck me, would you stop being so fucking reasonable?" Sirius demanded, dragging a hand over his face. 

Remus fiddled with the right sleeve of his own jumper. "It threw me for a loop, yes, but it was only ever like that when it was clear he was in a bad spot with it," he tried to explain. 

Sirius hummed pointedly. "Go on," he allowed. Remus looked at him quizzically. "When he was in a bad spot, then what?" 

"Again, I don't think he was really thinking when he--" 

Sirius made a bunch of nonsensical noise. "No, quit that now," he told him. 

Remus huffed a sigh. "He'd remind himself and me that eventually we'd both have to fall in to line," he said, pulling a thread lose, "do the right thing, he'd fight his attraction, and I'd learn, too, if I really worked at it--" Sirius let out a strangled sound, "--do you see what I mean? That's messed up, and instead of reading the signs and letting him get through all of that on his own I didn't." Remus looked away from Sirius' eyes then, staring past them at the arm of the couch. "It would have been much easier for the both of us, but I just kept quiet while he'd shag his way through any girls who'd give him half the chance, and even then I didn't have the bollucks to say anything -- and every time I thought that was it, that was all we were ever going to be, he would change his mind and I'd go along with it because when things were good, they were great. I'm not proud of it, and it went on far too long, and just before I left for school he said it was best to leave it where it was, and it wasn't as if I was able to argue." 

Remus realized he got caught up in a rant and looked to catch Sirius' placated expression change live, with front row seats; with his eyes now stony, Remus swallowed, thinking it best to leave it on a less depressive note. "It's better. Last year had its low points, but I was too exhausted by the end to keep doing it. We should have called it off much earlier," he said in a voice much less erratic. "It took me some time to figure out he's worse off than I am after all of it and it could be a lot worse for me. I don't know if he'll ever come to terms with how incredibly gay he is, but I do hope he gets there." 

Sirius sucked in a breath through his teeth, his eyes narrowing. "Joke, Sirius," Remus clarified. "You should be at least a little proud I'm making light of this for your amusement alone." 

"Right, and good work, but if you could also leave me his home address--" 

Remus scratched at the back of his neck. "Sirius, it was complicated," he said. "I haven't talked much about it so thank you for letting me get some of it out, but it wasn't healthy for either of us--"

Sirius scowled. "Remus, it's just you and me. The hand of God isn't going to come down and whack you for calling him a prick--" 

Remus scoffed. "Thank you, I was just so worried that was in the cards--"

"He doesn't actually need any more of your patience; he had plenty of it." 

"I had to be patient," Remus defended. "Imagine the terrible head-space he was in? It had to have been exhausting--" 

"Oh, and as if he didn't drag you along with him?" Sirius scoffed. "Fucked with your head is what he did." Remus let out a disconcerted breath and Sirius moved his right arm tighter around his side. "His fucking loss, I say -- what's he got, hm? Unless he comes chocolate he's no catch and you're not missing out."

Remus bit his lip hard and ran a hand over his forehead. "That -- that wasn't supposed to be the takeaway, but I don't know how I expected anything else." 

"I'm a poet," Sirius said with a shrug, some amusement showing through now. 

"I was telling you why I've never told my parents before this lovely sidestep, if you remember," Remus reminded him. 

"We really do go off the rails, don't we?" Sirius said before he lifted his hand in allowance. "Fine, you've the floor." 

"Thank you." 

"He's still a clod." 

Remus breathed out his nose. "In the middle of all that there was no way I was going to mention anything," he said louder. "I couldn't come up with a way to do it; visiting my dad in hospital and saying, 'oh, mum, dad, I've this affinity for boys, and one in particular, you know him quite well actually, but don't mind him he just disappears now and again.'" 

Remus shook his head, making a face. "It'd have been awful. It didn't make sense to this past year when I didn't see any reason to, because I figure the best way would be if I had something tangible; perhaps then it'd be a different story, and even then I wasn't even sure if I'd see another bloke--" he brought his forefinger back and forth between them, "--I never saw this coming, nothing like it, and it's too early to tell them when we've only just -- doesn't feel right over the phone, and I don't know what I'd tell them even if I was in front of them. They could have a thousand questions I don't know the answer to because I still don't know what to call myself other than I have a type and that's tortured boys."

Sirius coughed out a laugh. "I'm miles ahead of him at the tortured act and if you lump me in with him again, we're going to have a problem, do you hear me?" he said, jabbing Remus in the side with a finger. 

Remus batted his hand away lazily and sighed. "All that and more on the Remus show," he said resigned. "That's a sneak peek at what you're in for, and if you don't think you'll enjoy the program it's not too late to back out now." 

"Oh, would you fuck off? How about l get to decide what I signed up for?" Sirius offered. Remus looked away from Sirius' pointed glare. "It's not like you don't know how my parents handled it. I didn't get meals for a week once they were tipped off and only got them once I lied and told them I'd seen the error of my ways. Does that sound like something that would have been in the cards for you?" 

Remus let out his quietest breath, moving his hand to where he could feel his heartbeat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have--" 

"I'm not trying to win hardest life here, but some perspective would help, no?" Sirius said. "Would they have done that to you?" 

"Never." 

"Grand. Then, by all means, perhaps you've zoned in on it and they're going to be extremely disappointed in their only son whom they literally cannot stop fawning over, or maybe you could give them a little more credit than that. They look at you like you're the best thing that's happened to them, and I've a feeling if it's an adjustment then they'll figure it out." Sirius said evenly. Remus fought a wave of guilt, but Sirius' eyes weren't bitter or coveting; he gave him a half smile and pushed his left hand through Remus' hair again. "Tell them when it make sense to; you're the boss." 

Remus felt a string inside him snap and fall away, and shifted over Sirius to press a kiss to his smile, and pulled back with one of his own. "Where were you when I was eighteen?" he said, setting a hand on his forehead before a small shake of his head. 

"Far too much of a mess to have said any of that," Sirius said flatly. 

"You've become wise in your old age." 

"That's it, time for you to go," Sirius said, turning his head airily, while his hand kept it's grip on him. 

Remus smirked, turning to look down beside the couch. "Do you," he started, pointing down between the couch and the coffee table toward Sirius' discarded trousers, "want those back?" 

"No," Sirius supplied mildly. 

Remus eyed him suspiciously. "How much time collectively would you say you've spent half starkers on this couch?" he asked. 

"Impossible to say." 

"I really do see James' point." 

"Excusez moi," Sirius said haughtily, and Remus' eyes widened at the words, "you're the one who instigated this--" he brought his hand up and splayed his fingers in front of his face, circling it, "this is all on you."

Remus titled his head mildly. "Fair, but would he think it was me?" he asked unconvinced. 

"You just keep playing that innocent card, you little shit." 

Remus grinned at him, then looked over at the coffee table, his eyes falling on his empty glass. "I could use another," he decided. "I'll grab you one?" 

Sirius shook his head and moved to sit. Remus moved back as not to squash anything valuable, his knees braced on either side of Sirius while he tried to decide if he should move back across the couch or off it to the right. 

Sirius caught him before he could move backward and scooted closer, utilizing Remus' position. "There's a matter of payment we need to get in order," he said, shifting his hands into Remus' back pockets and tugging him down. "It's the principle of it, Remus; you can understand that, can't you?"

Remus laughed through his nose and caught his mouth in response, shifting in his lap. He lost himself in the feel of Sirius' lips, their tongues curling together, his groin pressed tightly against him, until Sirius pulled his mouth off his rather suddenly. 

"What is it with you and French?" he demanded breathlessly. 

Flushed, hard, and a bit bemused, Remus blinked at him and breathed out. "I wouldn't be able to explain it if I tried." 

"Gets you all hot and bothered?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows rising and falling in an instant. "Is it anytime you hear it? Do you pop a stiffy in the event a Parisian tourist asks you where the toilet is?" 

Remus sighed. "I should have known not to let this slip -- and no," he said pointedly when Sirius openly noted he hadn't denied the jest. "It's hot enough as is, and it's infuriating that you make it sound even better." 

Sirius let out a breathy laugh, shrugging easily. "I've lost some of it, but it comes out without me having to think about it," he said. "Certain phrases, half and half when I'm with Andromeda, swear words--" 

Remus smirked. "Mm, you went a little French just before you--"

"Always so crude, you are," Sirius huffed out, leaning up for another kiss.

"You count in French, too," Remus said as Sirius left a trail along his jaw, up to the side of his neck. "It's distracting." 

Sirius pulled his right hand from Remus' back pocket. "If I told you I'm half French, what are my chances of getting into your trousers?" he asked against his neck as he pressed a firm finger along the ridge of his clothed cock. 

"Hundred percent," Remus managed, "but your chances were high already." 

Sirius' tongue darted out at the skin just below his ear. "You really are easy." 

A small huff left Remus before he took in a shaky breath as Sirius ghosted his lips over his ear lobe, and then he didn't breathe at all when he spoke in a low voice; wanton plans in a language that should have heightened sophistication but instead had the phrases sounding even filthier. Sirius caught Remus' earlobe between his teeth as punctuation, and Remus scrambled, was on his feet in an instant yanking Sirius up and toward the hall. 

Once they were through the door to his room Sirius threw off the jumper. "Is there no respect around here for one's thoughtful gifts?" Remus asked. 

"Ask the apron?" Sirius offered, pushing Remus down onto his bed. Sirius moved to hover over him, his kiss tearing away the response Remus had, his hands leaving warmth in their wake. Remus lifted his hips off the bed as Sirius pulled his trousers off of them and his legs next, sitting up to pull his own shirt off as his pants were pried off of him. Sirius pressed his body back down into the mattress, working his hand between them and his lips over his skin. 

Remus felt a new appreciation for Sirius' hands as he stroked him faster and lifted a hand to Sirius' jaw as their lips moved together. Remus' breath hitched hard and Sirius lifted his free hand to Remus' wrist, pulling the hand back and his lips from his. Remus breathed the air between them as his stomach coiled, his eyes shut tight, and turned his head as the coil threatened to snap. Sirius' hand stilled and he pulled it from his cock, and Remus breathed deeply, remembering Sirius' promises en Francais, and braced himself. Sirius moved down his body, his lips trailing along the way, and though it was too early for sweeping declarations, Remus was sure he would never lose appreciation for Sirius' mouth, and was immeasurably grateful he was as talented with it as his imagination led him to believe. 

The same mouth engulfed him seconds later and brought him to the brink quicker than Remus expected, and he clamped his mouth shut and writhed before Sirius pulled off him mere seconds from release. Remus couldn't stop himself huffing, but that only won him a smirk from Sirius, who pushed at Remus' legs until he had them bent, his head disappearing from sight. Remus' heart pounded as Sirius wormed a hand under him to grasp at his hip to lift him, and it increased tenfold when Sirius' mouth pressed against him. 

Remus froze and was seconds from pulling back before Sirius' hand came up and splayed itself on his stomach. Remus tried to relax; he had to hand it to him, Sirius had a knack for reading his trepidation better than most. He breathed out, covered Sirius' hand with his, and Sirius went slow at first, picking up speed to the point of Remus having to bite down on his bottom lip hard to keep quiet. While he was concentrating on that his body took over, his hips moving of their own accord, and he'd have been mortified if it didn't seem to be exactly what Sirius was aiming for as he moved in accordance with them, causing Remus' entire head to become hazy at the mere idea he could be. Sirius' hand pressed down on his stomach pleadingly as the pace he reached became unreal, setting Remus' lower half to shake at a level he couldn't comprehend, and he hardly noticed Sirius began stroking him again until he was seconds away from coming.

He beat his fist into the mattress when Sirius pulled way before he could finish, and was a breath away from telling Sirius to get right back there when two wet fingers breached him, and he kept his mouth shut. He felt the stretch, his fingers pressing, the hard crook at his prostate, and he reached up and grabbed the headboard to steady himself. Sirius gripped tighter at the back of his hips, keeping them elevated as his other hand kept at it without faltering, and lifted his head to take him into his mouth again. The headboard rattled from the shake of Remus and the grip he kept on it; he tried to swallow down best he could but it was physically painful, and Sirius crooked his hand _hard_ ; the white he saw behind his eyes blended with the red he felt in his throat and a strangled cry ripped out of him before he could do anything to stop it.

Sirius stilled his hand and his mouth; the room was too silent and Remus pulled his hands down from the headboard and made to move back, but Sirius wouldn't even let him have a moment to think, the resuming movement of his hand piercing, and Remus gave up. 

"Sirius, please -- ah, _please_."

Sirius pulled his fingers out of him and was up the bed in an instant, yanking the drawer beside them open and feeling around blindly in it while his eyes and his crooked grin were trained on him. Remus waited; waited until Sirius had him ready, waited until Sirius' cock was pressed against him before he wrangled out from under him, shoved him down flat on the bed, and got himself over him. Sirius squirmed in response, trying to get his hands pressed on the bed to lift himself up, but Remus kept his hand pressed to the centre of his chest, keeping him pressed there as he sank down hard on his cock. Sirius thrashed under him and grabbed for his hips, but Remus moved his hand from Sirius' chest and pushed his hands off of him, pressed his wrists tight to the mattress as he drove his hips down and back harder, watching Sirius' pupils dilate and a flush spread across his cheeks. 

Sirius quit fighting his grip for the moment; his legs came up in a bend which only helped in angling where they met, and he thrust up hard as Remus rocked down, watching Sirius writhing and gasping below him, and catching the ghost of a smile peeking through before it was gone. Sirius fought against Remus' hold, managed to pull one wrist free after some effort and his hand shot out to stroke Remus' cock, and Remus thrust down and up, lost in it, and barely registered his name on Sirius' lips as Sirius' own was pulled from his. 

Air wasn't so much an issue because Remus couldn't get enough of that anyway, but he barely had a chance to still his hips before Sirius let out a huffy laugh. "I-- I was seducing _you_ ," he got out, his chest heaving, and stamped one leg down on the bed. "I even had a closing statement ready to go -- it's not like I can say it now."

Remus let out a breathless laugh and eased off of Sirius, his right leg protesting when he leaned on it to get himself flat on the bed to Sirius' left. He lifted a hand and ran it over his forehead, leaving his arm resting there. "Suppose you still could?"

"Oh, you're going to let me have that, hm?" Sirius breathed out before Remus grinned at him and nodded. "After ravishing you, I would have reached for that pack and lit up with a devilish smile, then said all husky-like, _I'd say that was worth the wait, wouldn't you_?" Remus brought his free hand up and covered his face and his smile, torn between booing and laughing, but Sirius seemed to figure that out quite easily. "It'd have been a double entendre and hot as all hell, Remus, but you chucked that plan straight out the window with those hips of yours; I'm furious." 

Remus snorted behind his hand. "No, you're not."

-

Boxing day morning consisted of a bed, a record player, and Sirius. 

He and Remus woke just as dawn was breaking, hours before they would need to leave. Remus went off to the kitchen to get their respective morning cups, while Sirius showed incredible concentration for the early hour it was and brought the record player in from the living room, and the next few hours were a blur of lips and bowed backs as they made the most of the empty flat. 

During a particularly sated moment of recovery, Grace faded out just as Shania Twain announced loudly to the room that Sirius received a text from James. Remus made an amused noise, his forehead resting on Sirius' navel, and moved his head minutely. He caught Sirius lazily reach for his phone, overshoot and miss it completely, then grab it on his next try. 

"It's just," he started, his eyes moving back and forth over the screen, "sixteen question marks." 

Remus laughed fully now, shifting his head more to meet his eye. "Appropriate considering you sent him gibberish," he said. "I'm not sure anyone would know how to decipher that." 

Sirius' phone buzzed in his hand and he glanced at it, pulling his lips into a line. He looked down at Remus brightly and held the phone down for him to read. 

DID YOU FUCK

Remus' eyes widened. "He's asked anytime I've sounded the least bit excited about anything for weeks," Sirius told him. "'Guess what,' 'You fucked?' 'No, but there's coffee.'"

"Don't you answer that," Remus warned. 

"Of course I'm going to, what's our count?" Sirius' eyes raised to the ceiling in thought. "Carry the three, hmm, eight times; he's going to shit himself."

"Sirius, no," Remus protested, climbing up his body as he typed into the phone. 

"He's going to come for my head if I don't tell him," Sirius said, holding the phone out of Remus' reach. "He's been rooting for this for ages; come on, cheer a bloke up--" 

"That's great, very nice--" Remus said, still grabbing for the phone. He managed to clasp his fingers around it and tug it free before tossing it on the far side of the bed. 

"What was that for?" Sirius asked, wrestling out from under him. 

Remus sighed, figuring Sirius would dart for it but instead he wrangled him onto his back and settled over him. "Could we just--"

"Why would you want to hide it?" Sirius asked affronted, properly blanketing him. "You spent years doing that."

Remus brought his hands up and wormed them around Sirius' waist. "I'm really glad you're lying down because this is going to be a lot to handle, but I've thought of a few reasons," he said, moving his right hand and walking two of his fingers along Sirius' collarbone, feeling him laugh, thinking his best hope was humour followed by diversion, "none of which negate how pretty I think you are." 

"Oh," Sirius dragged out knowingly, a half-smile painted on the right side of his mouth. He ducked his head down and hovered his lips over his Remus' left ear, catching the lobe between his teeth for a moment before placing his lips straight over his ear. "Nice try!" Remus huffed at being found out and wrenched back, levelling Sirius with pointed frown. "If you wouldn't mind filling me in on these reasons, I've nowhere to be for," he paused, "you know, I'd know how long if you hadn't confiscated my phone." 

"You can't be trusted with it," Remus defended. 

"You're going to make a fine professor." 

Remus fought a smile, glancing to the clock on his left. "We've two hours," he supplied. 

"I'm going to have to shower soon so quit deflecting and get going?" Sirius suggested. 

"I'm willing to try for number nine," Remus offered with a light shrug. 

Sirius narrowed his eyes and took a little longer than Remus expected before deciding. "No, fess up." 

Remus deflated, sighing. "Do you want the selfish or the selfless one first?" he asked resigned. 

A grin formed at the right side of Sirius' mouth. "I do love it when you're selfish," he said. 

Remus was sort of hoping that one would come second and sighed inaudibly, shifting under Sirius. "I'd like to enjoy this a little longer," he said. Sirius' eyes searched him and he kept on tentatively. "If everyone knows then it's no longer -- it's going to turn into something I'll have to defend, and I don't want to, not yet. I'm glad James' going to be happy for you, but I'm not sure it's going to go as easily with Lily -- it's got to be done right, especially now, but I just want to enjoy this a little longer before I have to--" 

"Who cares what she thinks?" Sirius cut in. 

"I do, and you do, too, whether you want to admit it or not," Remus said through another pointed frown. "I understand you're put off, but I want her to understand this, and it'll be out of left field for her. You haven't been a topic of ours since I transferred -- she might be in for a bit of a shock." 

"None of this is really helping me agree with you here," Sirius said flatly. 

"Sirius, come on," Remus said. "Only I want it to come out organically if we can help it -- you know, like you'd have wanted yours and Mestophales' engagement to have if James hadn't gone and spoiled the surprise?" 

Sirius made a clear and valiant effort not to smile, but ended up scoffing a laugh all the same. "You're such a nerd," he sighed out, pressing their foreheads together. 

"I happen to know you like that about me," Remus said, smiling up at him. 

"You've got me there," Sirius said, lifting his head. He breathed out his nose, brushed a strand of hair from his eyes, and looked at him feebly. "I already pressed send?" 

Remus' eyes widened again before they darted toward the phone at the corner of the bed, then back up at Sirius, whose face broke into a smile. "You're too easy, I love it," he said. Remus clicked his tongue as Sirius laughed, the churn of his stomach dissipating. "Quit looking at me like that -- I don't know what I'm supposed to tell him now, he's expecting something." 

"You've a keen imagination," Remus assured. "I'm sure you can come up with something." 

Sirius glanced up in thought for a moment. "I could leave it," he said. "I _have_ been rather busy." 

"That's a fine option," Remus conceded. "Your choice." 

Sirius took one look at his hopeful smile and sighed. "Fine," he allowed. He lifted his right hand and brushed his thumb over Remus' left eyebrow. "You're going to have to answer to James when he finds your the reason he's been left out of the loop." 

"I'm willing to take the heat for it," Remus said mildly. 

"What's the other one, for curiosity's sake," Sirius said, pushing the same hand through Remus' hair. 

"I don't want to parade it around," Remus said carefully, feeling Sirius even in the roots of his hair. "You're giving this an honest go and I know it's new for you, and I'm willing to take it slow. I'm not used to showing any of this either and I shouldn't flaunt it; I'm lucky this happened at all, and there's still time for you to--"

Sirius let out a strangled sound and moved his hand down to press it against Remus' cheek. "Remus, you can't do that." His voice came out strained, as though he were trying to keep his frustration from bubbling over by keeping his tone light, but that only showcased how tight his voice sounded. "I know you think I'll drop out of this at any moment, and I know it's not going to be easy for you to think I won't just because I say I won't, but you're going to have to try a little harder because it's only been ten hours and it's already the best thing that's happened to me in years and that's including the Spice Girls reuniting." 

Sirius leaned down to kiss the guilt-ridden look off Remus' face and pulled back with a sober one of his own despite the sudden left turn. "That's the highest love right there, and that's it, that's all I've got; I'm not about to give this up so could you-- are you OK?" 

Remus lifted his hand to Sirius', turned it, and pressed a kiss to the inside of his wrist, intent on hiding the sting behind his eyes for as long as he could. "What am I supposed to say now?" he said against his skin, looking everywhere but into Sirius' eyes. 

"You don't," Sirius started, sounding as though he were testing the words out. "You don't have to say anything." 

Remus let go of Sirius' hand and rubbed his eyes with his palms, thoroughly embarrassed by the sniffle he very much wasn't able to hide. "I still think it's too soon to say anything, and how terrible does that sound after that?"

Sirius' hands pulled at Remus' wrists. "Remus, it's fine," he said, revealing a smile when he got Remus' hands out of the way. "I get it, we can wait." He pressed a kiss to his lips, pulled back with a small sigh, but scrunched his face up a moment later. "I'm not sure this could remotely be considered as taking it slow." 

Remus ducked his head slightly, half-smiling. "I'm not sure about that," he said as Sirius traced his thumb back and forth over his cheek. "It was a long time coming, didn't you say?" 

Sirius kissed him full in response, sending them veering into warm and breathless territories before he pulled back. "Come with me," he said, tugging up on Remus' hip. "Save water." 

Remus allowed himself to be pulled from the bed. "I'm really not sure if I know anyone more selfless than us," he said as Sirius got him out of the room. 

"Paragons, us two," Sirius said, catching his lips once again. 

They took far too long in the shower with number nine falling under the category of intricate, dried off and dressed at a leisurely pace, and half an hour before they were slated to leave Remus sat perched on the arm of the sofa, facing the bathroom where Sirius was brushing his teeth, talking all the while.

Remus caught about half of it but found it irritatingly endearing. "Can we take a taxi?" he managed to decipher. 

Remus clasped his hands between his knees and scratched at his knuckles. "If we split the fare, yes," he said. 

Sirius made a noncommittal noise at that. "Good, because boxing day transit is going to be murder and I'm not up to pressing against strangers." 

"News to me," Remus said, blinking innocently when Sirius leaned his head out of the bathroom. 

He squinted and pointed his toothbrush at him. "Who are you again?" he asked bemused. Remus gave him a smile and Sirius' head disappeared, but not before Remus caught his own little grin. "Wish we could take her out, she's been flat out ignored for a month, poor thing. She's going to start taking it personally." 

"I think she understands the risks," Remus offered, checking the time on his phone. "I do wish it weren't so bloody cold otherwise I'd even want a go." 

"You know, I was onto you." 

"Hm?" 

"Mhm," Sirius hummed over the sound of the taps running. "Putting on a huge production over how much you weren't into her, when in reality you were in love the moment you sat on her." 

"That, or I have less qualms about being pressed up against you as of a day ago," Remus said. "Don't know what that one's about." 

Sirius shut off the taps and moved out into the hall, a smile poking at his lips. "Funny how that is," he said vaguely, stepping in front of him. Remus found himself distracted for the millionth time by how put together he managed to look in no time at all, and took a moment to appreciate it before reaching to pull Sirius down to his level, who leaned down and met him halfway.

"How long do we have?" Sirius asked against his lips. 

"Twenty now," Remus responded. Sirius' hands came up to rest on Remus' thighs and Remus pulled back. "No, I'm just admiring your face, that's it." 

"I'm disappointed in your lack of ambition, Remus," Sirius said with a shake of his head. "The things we could do in twenty minutes." 

"I'm surprised I can walk," Remus said frankly. "I can't go again." 

"But we could try, and Remus, that's half the battle," Sirius said, curling his hands under Remus' knees. "They teach that in your course, actually, but you and I both know how behind you were; you must have missed it."

Remus huffed a laugh. "I'd like to look them in the eye at all today, do you know?" 

"You're awful at that anyway," Sirius said with an even shrug, "they'll never notice a difference." 

"That's enough out of you," Remus told him, fighting a smile. 

"Oh, fine, but by all means, continue admiring my face," Sirius suggested. Remus quit fighting his smile, leaned up to kiss him as he couldn't think of a better way to pass nineteen minutes. 

The front door crashed open and Remus flailed. He slid off the arm of the couch, but Sirius caught him by the hips before he could go ass over backwards onto the cushions, hovering over him as James' voice rang through the flat. 

"I've brought Mrs. Evans' Sinfully Sinnamon cookies, and let me tell you, sinning's never felt so good," he singsonged, clomping straight into the living room. He gaped at the two of them frozen in their supremely compromising position, dropped every bag he was holding, and whooped loudly. 

" _I knew it_!" James whooped again, but when he was finished with that one he paused and narrowed his eyes. "That's still the couch, you heathens; show some restraint."

Sirius gave Remus just enough room to push himself back onto to arm of the couch before he let his head fall forward onto his shoulder, sniggering profusely. "Oh, _oh good_ , that's promising." James went on gravely as he stooped to pick up his fallen bags. "I bet it was all your idea, Remus, you dog." 

Sirius' laugh hit double speed while Remus briefly considered murder-suicide. "Sorry mate," Sirius said, lifting his head. "Didn't think you'd be back so soon." 

"Lily's closing," James supplied with a bemused tone. "She told you that, I heard her tell you that." 

"James, I'll be frank, I didn't hear any of what she said," Sirius informed him, and for a moment Remus couldn't fight off amusement either. 

James gave Sirius a bemused look instead and went to set the bags on the coffee table. "Sirius finally bit the bullet, did he?" he asked. "It's a Christmas miracle -- wait, no, don't tell me yet, we've another few car loads -- hold that thought!"

James went off out the door and Remus and Sirius looked to each other, the latter looking far less petrified than the former suddenly felt. "Well," he said with a sly smile. "Ready for the showdown of the century? You can place your bets on who wins, but I've a great feeling about that Sirius' odds." 

"Sirius--" 

"Well, it's not as if we can hide it now, can we?" he said, tapping his fingers on Remus' thigh. "My guess is we have about thirty seconds before she comes for my head." 

Remus lifted a hand to his forehead. "She's going to be far more cross with me." 

"Oh, no she won't," Sirius said, and something about his tone told Remus this was nothing but a bad idea. 

He thought of the sense of responsibility he prided himself on, saw it staring him down, and he chucked it out the window; he scrambled, pushed at Sirius so he could move, and when Sirius simply didn't budge he manoeuvred his left leg around him instead, hoisting himself off the arm of the couch. 

"Sirius, let's just go, I don't want--" 

"Oh, come on--" 

"No, you come on, don't start something," Remus said, looking around for his things before realizing he was wearing Sirius from head to toe and knew that would look even worse. "I retract every nice thing I've ever said about this flat; you haven't a back exit -- I'm appalled." 

He heard Sirius' scoff of mock offense from the hall to the kitchen. "If you hear that, it's the flat telling you to kindly fuck off," Sirius called over his shoulder as Remus went for his shoes, which were thankfully at least his own. 

"You fuck off and get over here," he tossed back. 

"I need shoes, don't I?" 

"Go without!" 

"Oh, suddenly he doesn't want me in shoes!"

Remus froze as he heard footsteps approaching that were plainly too light to be James' regular stomps of arrival and faltered as Lily stepped through the door with her eyebrows knitted together, carrying multiples of her own bags. 

Remus reached forward and took one of the bags off her hands. "Happy Christmas," he said lightly, even if attempts at evading were now futile. "Did you have a good time?" 

"Oh, yes," Lily said, heaving the bags off her other shoulder and setting two on the chair by the door and hooking another over the back of it. "Not the only ones, I hear." 

Remus stood still holding the bag in his hands, running the words back and pairing it with the resigned exhaustion showing on her features. "Lily, I know this a shock and we can talk about it as soon as the day's over, but please don't be upset with--" 

"I'm not upset, Remus," Lily said in the same tired voice. She pulled her jacket off, hung it on a hook, and turned back to him. She seemed not to know what to do with her hands before she set them on her waist, and Remus identified with that and kept hold of the bag in his hands just to have something to hold onto. "So -- so, how did... how did this happen?" 

Remus was quite sure the real answer wouldn't bring about anything positive, tried to decide the most moderate way to explain without actually explaining he essentially came at Sirius and they fooled around a ton before finally communicating, and fell short when Sirius loped easily under the archway of the living room. 

"Lily, you look distressed," he said, his tone of concern unparalleled with his distinct gloating. "What's that about?" 

Lily blanched, her eyes widening, while Remus brought one hand up to his forehead. "Sirius, on what planet would that have been helpful?" he implored. 

He caught Sirius' split second glance at him and the amusement he showed before Lily turned her eyes on him, looking sympathetic. "What happened?" 

"Oi, Lily," Sirius called to her, but Remus thought it could have been done without the finger snapping. Sirius stuck his hands in his trouser pockets and leaned his head down to match her height. "Clearly your problem is with me, so how about you quit messing his head up more than you've already done?" 

Lily's mouth fell open and she whipped her head back at Sirius. "Me? We were gone a day," she said. "What did _you_ say to him?" 

Remus glanced between the two of them. "You two do realize I'm not actually twelve years old--"

"Really, Lily, smashing effort with the scare tactics despite this being not even slightly your business," Sirius said lightly. "As far as I'm concerned you're the reason this didn't happen sooner, so thank you kindly." 

"Sirius," Remus sighed out. "You know that's not--" 

"I'm not about to watch you drag one of the nicest people in the world through the dirt because you feel like it, so yes, it is my business," Lily tossed back. 

"No no, I'm not done; thank you for adding a layer to this that I knew nothing about," Sirius said graciously. "Putting ideas in his head, making him--" 

"I'm right here," Remus said. "Right here." 

" _Ideas_? None of this is ideas, Sirius, it's patterns," Lily stressed. 

"There you were going on and on as if this wasn't personal," Sirius went on breezily. "Certainly seems that way to me?" 

Lily reared back for a split second before she stuck on a gracious smile of her own. "What winning line is it going to be this time, Sirius?" she asked, taking on his kind tone. "I'm just not ready, let's keep our options open, let's not complicate things, or am I just giving you tips? Would you like a pen?" 

Sirius blanched this time around and Remus rushed to fix it. "Lily, look, it's not--" 

"Oh, come back here," Lily called to Sirius' retreating form. 

She scoffed and went down the hall after him while Remus contemplated what it might be like to be allotted a say in a situation that greatly concerned him. It sounded as though the two of them made it to the kitchen before the bomb also known as Sirius went off, and James stepped through the door holding even more bags and sporting a grin, but froze as the row reached critical volumes.

He looked down the hall and then to Remus, who gave a helpless shrug. "What's mum and dad fighting about this time?" James asked, setting the rest of the car load down and knocking the door shut behind him. "I've knitted scarves, by the by. There's a right colourful one in here that's got your name on it. I mean it, it has your name on it."

Remus moved past the scarf and the brand new and slightly staggering knowledge that James knew how to knit for the time being; one thing at a time. "Me," he offered exhaustively. "I don't know how to stop it; I can't get a word in edgewise." 

"Mate," James started, "I still don't know how to stop it. I've come to learn it's that they love each other so much that sometimes they just can't help shouting about it." 

Remus gave James a bemused expression while he shucked off his jacket and flung it over the bags Lily set on the chair, then started when James moved to clap him on the back. "Corking stuff, Remus, can't tell you how chuffed I am," he said, beaming. He picked up and sift through one of the bags. "That one's been right smitten for eons, it feels; it's been nauseating. _James, he listens to Billie Holiday, how is he real? James, he's hilarious, he may be funnier than you_ \-- which I resent, OK, and we might need to fight for the title, haven't decided yet--" James let out a laugh, "--I caught him staring wistfully out of windows more than once -- he changes his ringtone to that Sixpence song, and goes, _it's an inside joke, you wouldn't get it,_ meanwhile I'm blowing chunks; absolutely disgusting stuff." 

Remus lifted his hand over his mouth, hiding his smile behind the sleeve of Sirius' cardigan. "I've never seen him like this before, I kept telling him he should just fucking do something about it, but _no, this is delicate, Jimbo; riding a wave here_." James sighed and looked back up at him before he put on a pointed expression. "So from one mate to another, careful with him, got it? That's my brother you're canoodling with." 

An incredulous laugh rolled out of Remus. "Thank you, James," he said, clapping him on the back. "You've been a great help." 

Remus stepped away as James came back from his own moment of confusion. "Listen, Remus, I'd come and help diffuse, I would," he said, "but honestly this is about the time they start asking for second opinions, and since you've already got mine, and it's actually painful for me to--"

"Hide while you can," Remus said, waving him off. 

"Honestly, I think I might pack my things and set off anew," James informed him, following him down the hall. "He's going to throttle me when he finds out I told you about the Sixpence thing." 

"James, I'll never quite repay you for that," Remus said over his shoulder, heading through the living room to put an end to the blazing row still going strong, while James cut him off and ducked into his room.

"--a project for you, he doesn't deserve it." 

"That's what you think this is?" Sirius snapped as Remus reached the kitchen. "This isn't some fucking ego trip; he saw the worst in me and he stuck around, and I'm finished telling myself I can't have this -- that I can't have him, I'm done. He's good for me and I am for him, this will work, and if it doesn't it won't be because of me." 

"Sirius..." Lily got out, her voice losing any vitriol it had, sounding just about as morose as Remus felt standing in the doorway. 

"I think that's quite enough for now," Remus said, his hands in his back pockets. 

Evidently Sirius didn't catch the change in Lily's voice, or hear him at all. "You want so badly for this to fail so you can be right about it, and as much as I'm going to hate you breathing down my neck and waiting for me to muck up, I'm going to fucking love it because of how long you're going to be waiting." 

Remus felt his shoulders go up, felt his spine tingle, the hair at the back of his neck stand up. "Well?" Sirius demanded from Lily, who looked so small suddenly. "I'll just find out your opinion eventually so why don't we skip all that?" 

"I'm sorry, Sirius," Lily said severely. "I should have kept out of it." 

"Yeah, you should have," Sirius barked out in an instant. 

Remus winced. "Sirius." 

Sirius looked to him, his eyes softening, though he kept his shoulders set rigid, while Lily's voice quivered as she spoke. "I've thought he'd be good for you this whole time, but how could I know you'd see it, too?" 

Sirius set his eyes on Lily again and Remus worried for a moment before he gave one tight nod. "I know," he said, alluding to so much with only two words. "I do." 

"Sirius, of course I want to be wrong about this," Lily said. 

"Well, fantastic; you are this time," Sirius said with a smile somewhere between patronizing and authentic. "Barring a lobotomy, I'm not fucking this up." 

A smile tugged at Lily's lips. "High stakes," she said, tightly. "Good to hear, and not that I'll be waiting around or anything, but I'll be right here to perform it myself if you do." 

"I like my odds," Sirius said frankly, but he gave her a genuine smile this time. 

"Remus would love to weigh in on this," he said, lifting a hand, "but he and Sirius have really got to head out." 

Sirius gave him the smile that was only ever for him and moved toward the doorway, brushing his thumb over his wrist as he passed him. Remus bit the inside of his cheek as he turned back to Lily watching them carefully, looked at her plainly, as he thought Sirius' words spoke enough for the both of them. 

Those giant doe eyes of hers shone and her voice held a tremor when she spoke. "Remus, I'm--" she paused to take in a quick breath. 

Remus' resolve crumbled and he crossed the kitchen in an instant, pulling her into a hug. "No, Lily, don't," he said, patting the top of her head as she hiccouged. "I know we should talk, and we're going to, but I wasn't making it up even a little bit, we're so late." 

Lily nodded against him before she pulled back. "This is good, Remus," she said much more evenly. 

Remus nodded, meeting her eyes. "I've a good feeling about it." 

Lily gave him one more quick hug before they made their way down the hall to find Sirius trapped in a headlock with James giving him a fierce noogie. Sirius aimed a fist to James' chest and wrenched free, setting his locks back into place. 

"I've parents to impress, you rapscallion," he said haughtily. 

He set off for the front door and away from James' retching noises with a pristine walk, completely missing Lily's small gape and Remus' entire face going red. Remus ducked out of the living room and came down the hall behind Sirius, grabbing for his jacket on one of the hooks. He kept quiet as he stuck it on, unsure of what to say when Sirius had gone and pulled any appropriate words out of his head. Sirius gave him a quick smile as he pulled the door open and stepped through it, leaving it open for Remus to walk though. 

Remus got to the first step before he pulled his phone out and pressed Sirius' number into it; Kiss Me rang out in the lobby and Sirius stopped short and turned around to glance up at him with an expression that was a little too dignified for the situation.

"Why that one?" Remus asked through a bemused laugh. "I gave you a whole album's worth of whimsy Jeff, and you go with this?" 

"And what, break my heart every time someone calls me?" Sirius said pointedly. "No thank you."

Remus gave an appreciative sigh, sticking his phone back in his pocket. "Would you like a fun fact?" he asked. 

Sirius blinked up at him. "You mean it gets more fun than this?" 

"I almost kissed you just before that came on," Remus said, giving him a twisted smile. "It was a very inconvenient urge considering I was furious with you, and then that came on, and I was sure some twisted joke was being played on me -- are you OK?" 

Sirius stared up at him through plain exhaustion and stepped up the stairs between them to stick his face against Remus' chest with a sigh. "I almost did, too." 

Remus didn't really care if Sirius could feel his heart through his chest anymore. "No, you didn't." 

Sirius lifted his head enough to meet his eye, letting out a huff. "One, you just finished ordering me around, and two, you ordered me to express myself a little clearer," he said, tilting his head in insinuation. "But then it wasn't like I could snog the life out of you after you told me to man up or shut up otherwise you were out, could I?"

Remus stepped down to the step Sirius was on and kissed him soundly, hoping to make up for it. His own phone sounded in his pocket and he pulled back, apologizing profusely to his dad on the other end. He stuck his phone away once again as Sirius turned and clomped down the stairs ahead of him. 

"Any clarity on the lyrics?" Remus asked as they stepped through the lobby door. 

Sirius huffed. "Not even a little."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> she's done!
> 
> I do have a companion piece in the works, so there will be more of these fools to come if anyone's interested. I'd say it's at the early stages. first trimester, one could say. can't say when it'll be finished since this thing took a year and I'm not a fan of posting as I go, but plans are in motion. 
> 
> update 2018: she's still truckin', maybe in her third trimester. I'm picky af, so I won't rest til she's a star
> 
> There's a playlist if you want it. https://open.spotify.com/user/lefunkbacktothepunk/playlist/3JMi4uhjeV9kOte8WdUJnz
> 
> (lefunkbacktothepunk.tumblr if any of you wanna get wild)


End file.
